for legal reasons my life is a joke

i've been gone for years and now i'm old be nice dirty proshipper probably problematic lee, he/him

[idk-butimhere]

tim thinks hes being smooth bruce and kon does too lex does not

sketch vers (much better than this 💔)

[raccoonmilf]

Chat, is it considered “abusive roommate behavior” to release a raccoon into the living space after you have asked your roommate for months to please clean up their messes (they do not pay any of the mortgage)

[raccoonmilf]

For context, when I used to live alone I would do something called “Princess Time” where I would do an initial sweep (to remove any significant hazards) and then I would release a raccoon into the living area and clean. This helped because I would 1) feel like a princess and 2) the raccoon would bring attention to things my ADHD brain had decided to ignore and I’d quickly clean that stuff up.

So like, if I’m expected to clean the house now, I will be doing it in the way that is most effective for me. And anything that has not been cleaned up after months of having sit-down talks and sending reminders and being promised things will change, might be deemed “trash” by the trash panda and thrown away.

[raccoonmilf]

We haven’t done since we moved into the house, because I didn’t want to cause my roommate or their cats destress or have their things destroyed by a raccoon

[raccoonmilf]

I am a raccoon biologist and one of the few people in the state allowed to take in captive bred raccoons that had been possessed illegally. The raccoon in the photos is Moonshine, but she is currently at the animal sanctuary where I work as I had been quarantining multiple new intakes from an abuse case. I still have two males (Rum Tum Tugger and Electra) left in my home enclosure as we are getting them neutered and then hopefully sending them to an AZA accredited zoo.

I wanna make things very clear that underneath all the whimsy, I am a trained professional.

[raccoonmilf]

Those vibes are likely because I’m the original creator of Dashcon and my personality has not changed since 2012 lmao

[fipindustries]

[sleeplessvinka]

Day 1 - Hair Pulling

Both of them ended mortified by the situation, the did not talk about it... Until a few weeks later

Bonus: What happended a few weeks later (n sfw):

[timaltman]

do you think the dc universe has a news site like the onion that’s just like…

“meddling parents still alive, preventing bruce wayne from adopting yet anther orphan”

[yesokayiknow]

“new study shows that 87% of all americans class superman as american citizen despite being born on a different planet, but only 49% avoided eye contact when asked about why martian manhunter doesn’t count”

“area woman thanking her lucky stars that batman and superman fell out on the same day she was due to go to boss’ niece’s bat mitzvah”

“arkham guard astonished by trip to iron heights, only now learning what locks are for”

“area man pretty sure he should be making more than $60k a year if his boss has 10 billion dollars to waste on robotic exosuit”

“breaking news: lex luthor sues superman for loss of earnings, claims that continually losing fights to him is negatively affecting his work ethic”

[littlemissonewhoisall]

“Hub City mayor declares state of unemergency after two hours without a violent crime”

“grown man who dresses in halloween costume every night thinks clown his biggest problem”

“disappointed child realizes Booster Gold at birthday party the real one, not just a guy in a costume”

“drunk Aquaman rampages through ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ ride”

[wombatking]

“new Teen Titan not attached to any Justice League member wonders why they’ve been issued a uniform with a red shirt”

“Earth totally not a tax haven, say Green Lantern Corps as they assign eighth lantern to same planet”

“’no one knows how to stop him’ says armed police officer as non-powered clown-themed supervillain begins 82nd massacre this year”

[greenreticule]

Halfway through these I forgot that these were supposed to be Onion headlines and not actual headlines for the DC universe.

[void-protocols]

starting to develop hand dysphoria so bad im tempted to get hgh just to make them a lil bigger

bc right now its like...relatively beefy & hairy forearms....leading to long, delicate slender hands.

[smalllfieldmouse]

i dont care if Monday's lit. Tuesday Wednesday touch my clit. Thursday i don't give a shit. it's Friday I'm in love

[contemptible-scoundrel]

[doesn't understand jacking off] and I'm supposed to... touch my penis? [shaking my head and smiling, murmuring to myself] touching my own penis... [chuckles] what will they come up with next

[hylianane]

functionally suicidal character saying “I would die for you” to their significant other and its like. I get the sentiment, honey, but if a hot dog vendor told me he’d sell hot dogs for me, I wouldn’t feel very moved now would I

[soapydoll]

Did I ever talk abt the time i was at a bdsm club and one of the pups was on all fours and barking and being cute and the dom on scene was like “hi puppy! Do you do any tricks?” And he said “I can beatbox!”

[soapydoll]

I was like. Doubled over incapacitated laughing the entire time. He was really good and a big sweetheart and I felt kinda bad but I couldn’t stop thinking “why the am I getting the beatboxing puppy unskippable cutscene at the bdsm club”

[azaablue]

the best fanfiction you've ever read was written by a woman in her 40s before she made dinner for her kids. it was written by a teenager after school when they should've been studying for a history test. and a barista came up with the idea while they cleaned the espresso machine and busser fact-checked it on their break and the post-doc edited between writing grant proposals and the nurse apologized for typos in the notes after a long shift and behind every drabble and one-shot and multi-chapter fic there is a person with a wonderful and interesting and chaotic life and it is such a privilege that we get to be apart of it because they decided to do this thing we all share, for fun.

[childsacrifice]

(no beers in) So how do you perceive me in the privacy of your thoughts

[cheddar-baby]

Domming a guy i hate and convincing him good puppies like to be named Hubert then getting his name legally changed to Hubert then ghosting him

[storm-of-feathers]

tumblr is great bc its like a diary where I can take other peoples diary entries and glue them into my own diary

[queen-mabs-revenge]

[ginkodraws]

jason comes back to one of his safehouses one day and he just finds prime like this

bonus:

[three-semicolons]

I’ve harped on for forever about how the Tom Taylor run would be significantly better if read through the lens of active severe TBI recovery. Granted, this wasn’t intentional. While Taylor makes one or two references to Ric, any lingering issues are presented as superficial.

Still, I went back to it with this framework in mind, and Jesus Christ does it improve things. Everything from Dick’s processing deficits and forgetfulness, his uncharacteristic inability to focus on Heartless as a threat, the endless cameos of characters and their equally uncharacteristic lightheartedness, it all works. Of course Dick is still foggy, struggling with balance and cognition and fatigue. Of course people are constantly checking on him; they have every right to be worried. And of course they’re keeping it lighthearted and uncritical. While the narrative (from Dick’s perspective) doesn’t call out the TBI-related personality changes and issues, because he may not be aware of it, the others would be acutely aware, would perceive these changes as much as we the reader do, and would try to be their most encouraging, cheerful selves in that light.

Even the gag with the chain wallet comes off as less patronizing and more genuinely sweet. Of course they’d play it off as a joke so as to not make Dick feel bad, but yeah, it is very common for patients with TBIs to struggle with tasks like keeping track of personal items.

Again, Taylor didn’t intend it this way, but I cannot recommend this perspective enough. It turns previously grating aspects of the run legitimately enjoyable.

[bluejues]

tfw you crawl out of your grave and get dunked in a vat of nickelodeon slime by your dad’s situationship

[maniakminis]

quit your job

join my band of mercenaries

[notactuallyherefor]

How's the dental?

[maniakminis]

you can have all the teeth you can carry