šŖ± 'Sup. I'm your friendly neighborhood cognitohazard. šŖ±
I have used several names, including a legal one, but if you're reading this there's a meaninglessly small chance you'll ever know what it is. Folks have called me Void, and that suffices. I have also recently gone by Morgan, Miles and Alden. (As you might eventually realize, these are just shapes I have occupied long enough for someone else to notice, and don't necessarily bear any relation to an underlying reality.)
My gender gets increasingly stupid the longer you look at it, but a serviceable shorthand for it is that I am a genderfluid guy-thing until proven otherwise. Non-binary, technically, but I'm AMAB and (so far) still use he/him pronouns, so you won't find me fucking with "men DNI" blogs, and I consider myself to pre-emptively be on pretty thin ice with "cishets DNI" blogs, even though I am also very much pansexual. (You will definitely eventually realize that this is largely because I don't go anywhere I am not wanted, and I am hyper-sensitive to feeling unwanted.)
My ultra-tl;dr gender is Ī¼: technically the Greek letter m (not uppercase like on an official document, but lowercase like Lacan's objet petit a), but also used to denote the viscosity of a fluid, and pronounced "mu", which is also how to say "nothing" or "empty" in Japanese. Covers the bases nicely.
I am on the autism spectrum, and am also diagnosed with and taking medication for ADHD. (All of these diagnoses and prescriptions are very recent, and I am still coping with having lost so much time living without anyone, me included, knowing what the fuck my deal was.)
I have been kicking around for 36 years, and my current time zone is CET (GMT+1).
So that's a little about who this space belongs to. Let's talk about who belongs in it with me, and who really doesn't.
First off, age is a pretty significant filter. This is a kink/fetish blog which I made to be unabashedly horny about things, particularly and especially tickling. As such it is NSFW, and therefore minors are not welcome, and nor is anyone whose blog doesn't clearly indicate their age somehow. I will block you if I find you interacting with my shit. (There has already been one corner case where an ageless blog was clearly run by of-age people; in cases like that, you still can't follow me, but you'll get the chance to list your age before you get yote.)
I'm also proactively blocking people who run "SFW" tickle blogs. In a way it's fortunate that I haven't been around here very long: I haven't seen many of these and I don't know any of their owners, and I specifically didn't interact with them anyway because of how deliberately NSFW this blog is. But it's clear that that shit is wrong on principle, and dangerous moreover.
All this isn't to say that everyone who's of age is on completely equal footing, though:
18-20: Sorry, you're too young for me. You can follow, I guess, but like... why. There's so many people closer to your age who you have the same kink shit in common with.
21-29: So many of you are incredibly, incredibly attractive. And to be clear, there's nothing magical that happens on your 21st or 30th birthdays. But the further you are from 30, the greater the chance that we're just not going to vibe long-term. I am open to the possibility of outliers, and you may very well find me sending you things, probably on anon, that I think will give you some serotonin, because you probably gave me some just by being your bad self.
30+: Get at me, you fuckin' gorgeous bunch of (enthusiastically presumed) perverts. Just keep in mind that, while I have spent a lot of time living in my head and know a fair bit about what goes on there, living in my body, and especially talking with other people about what I'd like to do with it, is still very very new terrain for me. See also: the above point about ADHD meds.
(This is all just to set some default expectations; the specifics of an interaction always override these general statements.)
Secondly, and maybe even more importantly, I have some very specific politics, and while I have outgrown the tendency to get into internet fights about them, they are still irreducible fixtures of my social existence.
I am a communist. Labor is entitled to all it creates, the means of production belong in the hands of all the people, and the point of philosophy is not to interpret the world but to change it. If you are not anti-capitalist at the very least, you're not welcome here.
I don't operate under the illusion that me saying something on my blog counts as activism, but feel free to also fuck off if you disagree meaningfully with any of the following:
True gender equality doesn't exist yet; feminism is good and necessary.
Race was invented to justify colonialism, and that violence continues to the present day; anti-racism is good and necessary.
(Settler-)colonial violence created empire; anti-imperialism is good and necessary.
In particular, Palestine will be free from the river to the sea.
Trans rights are human rights.
Queer people belong in society.
Disability rights are human rights, too, and that includes neurodivergent people, because ability is a social construct (i.e. disabled people are not defective but rather are prevented from being able by the structure of society).
Sex work is real work.
ACAB. Yes, that includes your cop grandma who paints and volunteers. Also, abolish prisons.
Anti-Semitism and Islamophobia must be opposed.
And of course, if you voted for or support Donald Trump in any way, you're a giant piece of shit and history will not look well upon you.
That's the formalities out of the way. Fun and kinky shit begins under the cut. Everything here comes from a RACK/PRICK-informed frame of reference, and nothing comes with a specific CW/TW because I don't think any kinks I'm likely to post about are terribly "hard", but if you'd like to see any warnings for filtering purposes, do let me know and I'll do my best to accommodate you.
Kink! Ye gods, do I love kink.
The kink I've always had, since before I knew kinks were a thing or that I could have them, is tickling. It's probably why I'm on this site at all: the gods knew I'd be too powerful with executive function, so I snuck some out of the break room when nobody was looking, and one of the first thoughts I had was "now I might have the headspace to process the many complicated feelings I'll undoubtedly have talking about my kink with other people!" Boy howdy is that ever exactly what happened.
But I mentioned having lived mostly in my head, and that means I have done a lot of thinking about what I like and why I like it, and it turns out that tickling might be the original, specific case of a more fundamental kink, which is āØresponsesāØ. I don't know if there's a more specific term for it: one partner does something, that makes something happen to the other partner; that partner feels something about it, and expresses that feeling; which expression the first partner can then perceive and act on, and so on. That whole feedback loop is unutterably fucking hot.
This has some consequences: first of all, I didn't locate myself anywhere in particular in that loop, because it doesn't matter where I am! Which is to say: I am maybe the purest possible type of switch. And it is absolutely a power dynamic: someone is doing something to someone, and someone has control over that process. Being anywhere in it is hot!
As regards my preferred tone for a scene: if left to my own devices, I'll make it affectionate and playful. I'm never not aware that the verb that goes with scene is to play, and I don't want tickling to be the only reason someone is ever laughing. Someone (please tell me if you know who it was so I can cite them properly) said "sex should make all participants feel more human by the end, not less", and I've never before had someone more clearly write words that are etched into my heart without already knowing they were there.
But there's (pun absolutely intended) the rub, isn't it? Kink is specifically about not being left to your own devices. (It's about being left to someone else's devices sometimes, though. Mmmm.) And here we find some overlap with my stupid, fluid gender and my completely gender-agnostic pansexuality: something else you can play is a role, and there are very, very few roles I can't ever see myself playing.
What this means in practice is that I have a few things I am very into, and want to involve unless another person specifically doesn't, and a few things I don't ever want to do; for literally anything else, not only am I probably willing to try it at least once (provided enough trust and proper negotiation), but I will probably get off on it, because if you're getting off, then I'm getting off on you getting off. There's also a small category of things I've only seriously engaged with since joining this site, which counts as trying, which I'm not well-versed in but which I could see maybe becoming primary. And if by some chance you hit me with a kink I've not considered or even heard of, I promise to listen without judgment, decide carefully which category I'm putting it in, and honestly communicate that.
All of these categories have subdivisions, of course. "Very into" has what you might call "primary" kinks and kinks that are so deeply related to them or so strongly collocated that I can now enjoy them in and of themselves; "don't ever want" has stuff that I'm personally uncomfortable with and stuff that I think is wrong on principle, and "willing to try" has "theoretically willing" and things I know I'm willing to try because I have and enjoyed it, but so much so through someone else's enjoyment that I can't with my whole chest call them my kinks.
Very into:
Tickling! šŖ¶ (Primary! So very, very primary.)
Orgasm control: teasing, edging, denial, forced orgasms, overstimulation, post-orgasm. šļø (Primary! But of course this and tickling are both just big flavors of the underlying "responses" kink.)
Bondage. šŖ¢āļø (By this point, this has to be primary; it adds so much to a scene. But originally it was just a way to facilitate tickling.)
Feet. š£ (Are almost never not very ticklish, or at least sensitive.)
Monsterfucking. š¾š¦šŖ±š¦ Or, to be more accurate, "monsterfucker-fucking". True gender euphoria, for me, would be being able to take on any form, any time. My body isn't malleable enough to express all the affection it wants to. That means I'd like to be able to grow, on demand, the body parts that would pleasure you the best. Don't think for a second that in my ideal world you'd be limited to human body parts, or animal ones, or even pre-existing ones.
Hypnosis. šµāš« This is just another flavor of control kink, isn't it? It's one of those things that I forgot about until I didn't, and then it was like "of course that's a kink for some folks". I think what I like about it is that it's kind of paring down the power exchange to the barest possible exchange of signs: saying some words. If you've ever wanted to make someone come using only your hands, or only your mouth, or whatever, imagine doing it using literally only your brain. That's hot.
Willing to try:
Impact play. And honestly, pain play more generally. And sensation play even more generally than that, because duh, that includes tickling too. It's just that the more aggressive and painful the play is, the more I'm going to have to enjoy it through your enjoyment of it. But I do very much want you to enjoy yourself.
Edgeplay. Breath, blood, knives, et cetera. Getting to a point where I trust myself to do this kind of thing skillfully and safely risk-awarely enough may be impossible in practice, but I'm willing in theory.
CNC. Including flavors like somno and intox. It's the first C that makes this a possibility for me. As I said, I love to play a role. Though I do think this requires negotiating and doing aftercare with a focus and intensity that's above and beyond scenes that make everyone's enthusiastic consent part of the foreground. But this is something I'm totally inexperienced with outside of fiction.
D/s dynamics. This includes things like petplay. Though I do find it a little difficult to imagine extending this beyond self-contained scenes, this is something else I'm completely inexperienced with, so who knows. And maybe this boundary is more leaky than it seems: control is a big center of gravity that all my primary kinks orbit. (That includes the "responses" kink, which is ultimately about exchanges of signs, and those are never free from power dynamics. Read Foucault.) Who knows indeed.
Watersports. Speaking of leaky. I've said this before: I like it when vulva-havers squirt. I'd be a hypocrite to not at least be willing to try the rest.
Most everything else. There's a reason I didn't just fill in one of those kink checklists and say "job's a good'un". The moment I do that, someone comes up with something that doesn't fit an existing category. I like to keep my options flexible. Fluid, even.
Don't ever want:
Age play. This includes the more obvious things like DD/lg (and other-gendered variants) and ABDL stuff, but also the only person I've ever been inclined to call "daddy" was Karl Marx, and that was very, very ironic. (Calling Slavoj Žižek "Sniffle Zaddy" doesn't count either, for the same reason.) This is mostly a personal hard limit, but I'm also extremely intensely side-eyeing an older cishet daddy dom who wants a younger, smaller, conventionally-pretty little girl. You know what the fuck you're doing, buddy, and so do the rest of us. Kink doesn't exist in a vacuum.
Race play. Wrong on principle. Don't make me tap the sign that says "please do not fetishize the trans-Atlantic slave trade, N@zi ideas or uniforms, pre-Civil War American South, et cetera et cetera ad very much nauseam". Why the fuck do I even have to have that sign. I know, I know, the answer is "humans are infinitely perverse and that's ultimately a good thing despite shit like this". Hush.
Fat fetishism/feederism. Also wrong on principle, and I dunno if I'd die on that hill but I'll definitely fight you on it. I'm pansexual (and panromantic): I contain the capacity to love and desire people in whatever body they inhabit. That obviously necessitates body positivity as a basic-cable assumption, and fat liberation as a political position, but you can't get to either of those things if you fetishize a particular shape: you don't desire the person, you desire an idea. You have sealed yourself off from a world in which people live in their bodies. You can't truly touch the person, no matter how much of their flesh there is. Miss me with that shit.
Scat. Personal hard limit. Miss me with that literal shit also.
"I think that about covers it," I say, after having written a goddamned novella. I'm kind of sorry this is so incredibly wordy, but I'm also not sorry that I'm just Like Thatā¢.
I have started a very rudimentary tagging system:
#emanations from the void is for rambly bullshit like most of this post.
#the void turns inward is for extra-rambly, introspective bullshit. Like most of this post.
#it's slowly coming this way is for the rambliest possible critical exegesis of my own gender, which at time of writing is still ongoing.
#the void scĢ“ĶĢrĢ¶ĢĢ¢eĢ¶ĶĢØaĢ“Ģ½Ķms back is for answered asks.
#voices from the void is for audio. I did one of these and everyone liked it, including me, so I'll probably do more.
#gaze unto the void is for if I ever post pictures. Who knows.
And here's that intro card I found when I first got here, because this was fun to edit up and I don't want to get rid of it.
tw: DARVO, unsafe kink community member, compulsive lying, details abt a situation i have been asked about.
i've had a lot of people asking about my previous play partner @/socaltickle5. i have been struggling with how to proceed about what happened, but after speaking with 4 play partners/potential play partners (who are also now no longer in any dynamic with him), we have all realized together how unsafe this individual is. as a result, i've decided the fear of creating conflict is outweighed by the responsibility i feel towards the safety of other women in the kink community that i am directly involved with.
safety concerns
gaslighting (telling me i misremembered things, misheard him, or that he downright never said things that he said to me)
telling harmful lies to me about his other play partners and to his other play partners about me (ie. told me @tklmeadi was envious of our dynamic while also telling her i was envious of theirs. told me @itsticklishme23 was returning to the community and repeatedly asking to session with him due to being "jealous of our content," while in reality she was resisting his persistent requests to session with him and make content with him and never spoke negatively about my content to him one time - screenshots were exchanged to verify this as truth)
neglecting my emotional needs that he agreed to meet in the D/s dynamic that i consented to with him (aftercare, communication, consistency, honesty)
convinced me to dismiss multiple warnings i received from his play partners who attempted to warn me about him, telling me that they were only approaching me due to being jealous and vindictive
responding to open communication of my needs with defensiveness, deflection, scorekeeping and guilt-tripping
creating detailed and convoluted stories of things that never happened in order to make himself seem more desirable
push/pull breadcrumbing (pushing away until i would ask to reduce our dynamic expectations due to feeling disconnected, then pulling back with attention and enthusiasm again so i wouldn't end things, then disappearing again, repeat)
socal did everything right in the beginning. he was attentive, affectionate, validating, and enthusiastic about safety and consent. he told me that he wanted me to be his primary lee. he said he wanted to play consistently and he is the one who encouraged me to create this blog and start posting our content. then, everything changed.
he became distant, he stopped debriefing with me after sessions, he stopped engaging in banter, he no longer expressed interest in sessioning with me without me asking him for it or initiating. whenever i tried to approach him about it, he would list off all the ways i had the wrong idea until i believed that i was perceiving things incorrectly.
the first conflict that raised serious red flags was the night that i found out my dog had cancer. one of socal's play partners whom he had recently connected with at a gathering reached out to me in an attempt to warn me that he had shared personal things with her that i had expressed to him in confidence. the alarming part is that the things he told her were never actually said by me.
after finding all of this out, i was exhausted and confused but i needed time to think. i texted socal to explain why i needed some space but expressed that i did not have the emotional capacity to discuss it in detail with him yet because i just found out that my dog had stage 4 lymphoma and i was in the ER vet with her, my partner and my ex at the time.
the above messages are just a tiny glimpse into what turned into 24 hours of harassment, defensiveness, gaslighting, invalidating and cornering me while i was trying to process horrible news about my dog. i was a wreck, but was receiving calls from him and walls of texts all evening and all night. i continuously tried to disengage, but the more i tried, the more hostile he became. he convinced me that she was manipulative, psychotic, vengeful and cruel. he would not stop pressing these accusations, so i tried to divert the conversation into a solution instead.
i was already feeling neglected in our dynamic due to a few of the prior safety concerns mentioned above; he began our connection with intense enthusiasm, attention, effort, and interest. then, once we played, he became distant, detached, and only seemed to pour his energy into new connections (which would have been perfectly ethical had he just been honest about wanting a one or two time thing, rather than stringing me into being a primary and consistent play partner). so, i told him if this individual was really such a crazy master manipulator, maybe it worked on me because i was already noticing such an energy shift and her words confirmed my suspicions.
so, as you can probably tell, throwing it in my face that he agreed to fly me to AUNT with him (which i only asked for because he was parading around tumblr advertising me as his duo ler, tagging me in posts for gang tickles with women i'd never even met before, potentially causing discomfort for them) was my final straw and i became extremely angry. i was done trying to gentle parent a 38 year old "Dom" while simultaneously crying over my sick dog.
i understand this is a lot of information, but i must stress that context is everything in a situation like this. because the truth of the matter is: socal was never unsafe physically. he always respected boundaries during sessions. he never pushed for more than i was comfortable with. on PAPER, he presented himself as the perfect ler.
and that is why it is so important to show what goes on behind the scenes. because emotional responsibility is just as important. i was consistently left feeling crazy, and being convinced that any other play partner who had issues with him was the crazy one. my needs were clearly neglected, and when i repeatedly tried to advocate for myself so that we could have a healthy and fulfilling dynamic, i was hit with scorekeeping, guilt-tripping, defensiveness, and just complete and total dishonesty. socal gave me all of the emotional care that i would need in order to session with me and build a connection with me, but i was left feeling like nothing more than a reputation enhancer. it was at this point that i began to fully detach.
now, this all went down in december. i will admit that after this horrible night continued (and got much worse might i add, but tumblr won't let me put that many screenshots and frankly they're probably too triggering anyway) he continued pushing until i finally called him the next day. he managed to convince me that this play partner was the problem, and i was so exhausted that i gave up. i agreed to move forward and expected whatever apologies he offered. he showered me with attention and care for the next 1-2 weeks.
then, the pathological lies started to unravel. this is what eventually led to me telling him (while literally on the plane to AUNT) that he will never have access to me ever again.
due to this post being way longer than i intended already, i will keep things brief with bullet points.
i started chatting more with @tklmeadi and learned that she was experiencing the same breadcrumbing where he initially put an excessive amount of energy into their connection and then completely fizzled out with no communication to her on the matter.
i admitted to her that i hadnāt tried to connect with her sooner because socal had told me that she wanted their dynamic to be more like mine and his, and that she was jealous/got in her head about my connection with him, but he didnāt want that dynamic with her. she was shocked and shared that she never suggested that to him, and never expressed jealousy.
she was upset about hearing this, so she asked my consent to approach him about it, which i gave. she texted him and said she wanted to talk about some uncomfortable/unsettling things sheād heard that he said about her. he immediately called her, and began texting me while on the phone with her telling me things like āi never said i didnāt want xyz with her, why would i even say that? you must have misheard me!ā
i responded to him refusing to allow myself to be gaslit again, stating āno i did not mishear you, i remember exactly what you told me the last time we saw each other. i donāt know why you said it, it didnāt make sense to me at the time, but you said xyz.ā i then sent adi a screenshot of my response.
she responded telling me: āhe read that text but left out the last sentence.ā he was literally on the phone with her, only reading half of my responses, leaving out the parts that he didnāt want her to hear. this was the moment i texted him again and said i no longer want us to continue playing and that i would not be playing with him at AUNT.
he sent more walls of texts but i ignored them. he continued talking in circles to adi on the phone for about an hour, expressing to her how important she was and how i am just saying these things ābecause i am upset with him.ā he also told her āuh oh, Nyx is mad at me again cuz sheās not getting enough attention!ā which really really infuriated me to find out.
i continued chatting with adi for the next few days, sharing stories, realizing how much of the same emotional neglect and up/down effort we both experienced. this is when another lovely friend @itsticklishme23 (aka T) happened to ask her how things were going after the play party in LA. adi, T and socal had all been there.
adi admitted that she wasnāt sure what socal was doing because she wasnāt feeling great about him at the moment. T expressed immediate concern/hesitancy because this was apparently not the first sketchy thing she had heard involving socal lately. keeping in mind T and socal have been friends/play partners in the community for 10 years, adi began to share some of the recent things sheād spoken to me about.
next thing you know, weāre all in a group chat with our jaws on the floor. i showed T a screenshot of socal telling me that T ācame back to the tickle community because she was jealous of our content!! sheās sent me like 4 dates trying to session this weekšā ā and, in shock, T sent me screenshots of her conversation with him from that very same day (and the entire week!) showing where she had never mentioned a session with him at all, and never mentioned my content at all.
i showed T a screenshot where socal asked me ānot to say we played last nightā when i was about to post a session clip, because he āplayed hooky from a hangout with T.ā he had a whole story about how T āinvited him to attend an event with herā that evening. she was again shocked, and sent screenshots of their entire conversation +2 days before and after ā there was never any event. she never invited him anywhere.
there were more negative things and lies said that i wonāt get into. but at this point, T had the same reaction as adi. shocked, hurt, confused, and she wanted to address these issues with socal directly. so, she also texted him asking him why he would say these things about her after she trusted him as a community friend for 10 years.
he immediately responded in the exact same way that he responded to me in the screenshots above, and to adi. āNONE of it is true. You KNOW me. I would NEVER say anything negative about you. I know who you talked to. Itās Nyx. Sheās on her revenge tour right now.ā claiming he had āendless screenshotsā of me being ājealous and malicious over his other play partners.ā not realizing we had all 3 already shared every screenshot we had of our conversations.
he also then texted me extremely aggressively, saying what i was doing was āwrong and i know it.ā i told him he was genuinely terrifying and that he would NEVER have access to me ever again. this was literally while i was on the plane to AUNT. i put all my energy into staying as far from him as possible and having the best time that i could possibly have.
believe it or not, this is all merely the tip of the iceberg, but i donāt want to go on and on for too long. i did my best to include as much detail as possible about the points that matter the most in terms of harmful and dangerous behaviors. since these unsafe practices are not so cut-and-dry as violating a physical boundary, it requires a lot of context, detail and explanation. i was honestly afraid of doing this, but i donāt care about the backlash if it helps spare any other women from getting caught up with someone who is legit causing harm and attempting to instill insecurity between play partners.
in summary (tldr)
socaltickle5 was revealed to be an emotionally unsafe play partner and friend, a compulsive liar, and a neglectful Dom/ler. i have now either heard of, or spoken directly to, more than 7 play partners who have had harmful experiences with him. he has been directly caught in detailed and convoluted lies that seem to serve no purpose other than to turn his play partners against each other or to control the narrative at all times.
i was very saddened to find all of this out. i trusted him deeply and we shared a great connection (at least, i thought we did but i was misled). the only reason i am sharing all of this now is because i feel i owe it to those who follow me, after all of the praise and positive vetting i did for him on my blog. i do not want ANYONE to experience harm as a result of his dishonesty, manipulation, or emotional neglect due to believing that he was a responsible Dom/ler based on my posts and content that spoke so highly of him before any of this came to light. i have removed all of our content that i posted on my page. i want nothing more than to offer full transparency to everyone who follows me and trusts my judgment of character, especially if there is misinformation that could lead to them pursuing a connection with a harmful ler. i cannot delete posts that have been reblogged, so i will at least try to explain.
Attempt number three at writing a post with the things I wanted to say surrounding this. I keep abandoning the drafts because the word count is directly proportional to how unhelpfully self-indulgent it feels, considering how far removed from the actual problem me and my observations are.
Go read Nyx' posts first (linked in her pinned), and when you get back we'll see if I've managed to condense my points into something I don't feel bad about asking for your attention on.
Alright, here goes. Simply put, I noticed some things about how people around Socal would act and interact, and now that I know more about him, some of that came into sharper focus, and seems worth mentioning.
Specifically: remember how the very instant it was possible for Socal to financially throw his weight around, he weaponized it against Nyx? (You should, because her post details this.) She and I also agree that her ~*mysterious anon hater*~ was overwhelmingly likely to have been Socal. That guy also mentioned his income like it was a flex in and of itself. Tragicomically insecure behavior? Yes, of course, but also proof that he knows he's well-off and thinks that that's something he can use to manipulate people.
That, of course, requires people to think well, or at least neutrally, of him as a Person Of Means. Which is a term I use with heavy irony, but for real: let's recall that some of the Contentā¢ he made with Nyx was filmed in his specially-installed and furnished "Red Room". (Was that a Fifty Shades reference? I'm a crotchety elder millennial and can't keep up with all you youngins' new-fangled slang 'n' shit.) This means he owns property. This alone makes him, materially, richer than the vast majority of our generation. I don't know if the mysterious anon hater was Socal, and even if so, I don't know if whatever silly figure he claimed to make was accurate, but he does have money. And he wants you to think well of him for it. And he will happily go on anon to harass people.
Keeping all that in mind, consider the time that he posted about some new toys he got (not as spendy as furnishing his own private kink space, but not cheap either). Someone had some (extremely normal) feelings about seeing that and, on the one hand, not having the disposable income they'd like to for kink purposes, and on the other, having a variety of causes they'd spend it on before spending it on kink if they did. This was a short post, that didn't mention anyone by name (least of all Socal) and certainly didn't attack anyone. But of course, the poster was transfem, and god damn do people ever love yelling at transfems with opinions that make them mildly uncomfortable, so it sparked a wee spot of discourse. (Which I am not interested in doing, by the way, so if you remember anyone specific involved here, no the fuck you don't.) There was, if I recall correctly, some sensible and civil talk about activist guilt (which, to be quite frank, I don't think was warranted, because it was not correct to infer that she was saying you're a bad person if you spend any amount of money on things you enjoy while there exist causes you could support instead), but she also just fielded a lot of anon hate. Because she (indirectly, and under a certain interpretation, sort of) criticized Socal. Seems familiar, in hindsight. (Though with the amount that transfems get yelled at on here just for existing I suppose it isn't weird that this didn't set off anyone's alarm bells.)
And then there was the time Socal posted some bootstraps-pilled shit about how, if you're not having the experiences you'd like to be having in and around kink, that's a skill issue. Now, full disclosure, I also felt a type of way about this, because that group of people currently includes me and I recognize that a part of that is indeed attributable to certain skill issues and I am doing what I think is necessary to resolve them. (Obvious disclaimer: I am the only person about whom I have the authority to speak. I have some skill issues. This is emphatically not open to being generalized beyond me.) But even taking that into account, this post still left a bad taste in my mouth. A person is entitled to be annoyed, I guess, that people are complaining about something they consider avoidable. But posting about it, while you personally are having all of the kinky fun, feels petty. It smells a lot like punching down, even before you factor in that a lot of people have big, structural obstacles between them and their kinky fun, and you personally are not obstructed in those ways. And I was apparently not the only person who had these feelings, because I don't remember what exactly the post said, but I remember a long and thoughtful one from still-not-rly-sure that (unless I'm very much misremembering) also touched on the whole "privilege" aspect of it. (Le gasp, I have used the P-word. I have outed myself as one of those nasty tricksy social justice warriors. Sorry not sorry; the word applies.) And unless I am totally mischaracterizing the sequence of events here: still-not-rly-sure straight-up got bullied off the platform for it! And given how we've seen proof that Socal is also a petty, insecure, manipulative wee shit who can't stand not to be the center of attention, what with trying to play people against each other, I imagine it can't be entirely coincidental that just before this took place still-not-rly-sure had also been getting some well-deserved attention for the absolutely heinous, godawful (read: very very funny) puns. I'm also pretty sure Socal posted some shit later like "no of course I didn't mean that I'm a better person than you for having fewer obstacles in the way of my play, I just meant it encouragingly, like, emphasizing your own agency, etc". Not a totally insane way to interpret the same post, but let's also remember he has been shown to actively twist narratives after the fact too.
IN CONCLUSION. I recognize that, while plausible, it's still a pretty strong claim that Socal was the sole author of all the backlash to responses to his posts. But if he wasn't, then that means that plenty of other people felt strongly enough about defending him (from attacks that weren't attacks) that they were real fuckin' shitty about it (to people who didn't deserve it), and that's plausible too. So, to redress this, here are my suggestions:
Be nicer to transfems, god damn. (If I were in the mood to be flippant I'd say something about how I hope it gives y'all gender euphoria how people are always so very ready to treat you like you're being hysterical.)
Be more graceful to people expressing an opinion that doesn't materially affect your life. (And practice knowing what does and doesn't materially affect you in the first place. That is a skill, and nobody starts with it, but you can learn.)
Do both of these things at the same time: consider that an opinion that is just words to you may be a very materially necessary pressure valve for someone else.
And finally, someone who knows them, reach out to still-not-rly-sure. Regardless of who did it, they were done real dirty, and maybe it helps them to know that someone else saw that (even if they don't come back to tumblr, which they're under no obligation to).
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Thinking about my own relationship to desire (again) like "but what if it's all just an epiphenomenon and" buhbuhbuh whatever. And then immediately hitting myself with a rolled-up newspaper because everything about being human is an epiphenomenon.
There's such a gulf between the level we live on and the level on which we're made of fundamental indivisible parts, and we know almost nothing about that level. And yet, we persist. Doing a bunch of apparently non-fundamental but still important and valuable shit. So on the one hand, so what if something is epi? Do it anyway. And on the other, being epi is about as fundamentally human as it gets, so there're your fundamentals right there, if you want 'em so bad.
Anyway I promise I'm still here and looking respectfully (or not, if you're into that) at everyone on this webbed sight. You're all really lovely holy shit. There is a point in the future at which I start reblogging hot people again and waxing lyrical about them in the tags and good shit like that. But I need to do a little bit of Working On Myselfā¢ if that effort isn't to ultimately be just a little too epi, even for an otherwise totally normal human person.
Folks who have been on tumblr longer than me: this whole "communities" thing is cute and everything, whatever, but is there a way to convince the servers permanently that I am not and never will be interested in one called "Teen Lesbians of Tumblr"??? That's maybe the most egregious example but there are plenty more "community" posts flooding my dash that I am never going to give a shit about. In fact I may never join any of these things. I certainly won't do so just because I saw a post from one on the dash. Is my "For you" dash just totally useless now?
The ups and downs persist. But every single solitary time I'm feeling a little better than Abject Fucking Garbage the first thing I notice is, without a whole bunch of negative emotions eating up all the bandwidth my ADHD meds give me, I am regularly filled with what I can only describe as a surfeit of affect. It feels like a wellspring of affection that needs to be shared.
Far and away the most significant reason I don't do that more, in the many ways I could (most of which are more or less why I got on this webbed sight to begin with), is because I find it difficult-to-impossible to imagine that other people could experience it as something other than an imposition. Which I am fully aware is a self-esteem issue. Which, then, it appears is the next main roadblock in therapy; it's not enough to have the executive function if I can't feel like I deserve the results of anything I actually do with it.
Fortunately the executive function also enables me to even contemplate pursuing things like cognitive-behavioral therapy. That wasn't even thinkable before meds.
All of which is to say that once I learn how to actually materially practice being kinder to myself, it's* over for you bitches
*the ability to exist on this little corner of the internet without being surrounded by a very warm and cuddly nothingness
growing up as an imaginative single child, I loved to play with Barbies. I loved creating elaborate drama-filled storylines for them and I could keep at it for hours. there was one problem. I had like 15 thrift store Barbies and no Kens. I only had one Barbie-sized male doll and it was a collectible Elvis Presley doll and he was my favorite doll. I always did the Elvis voice when I was playing him but he had no relation to Elvis Presley otherwise. anyway, he had some crazy days. trapped on a scary planet where he is the only man in the world and half of the women there hate him. in a massive car accident and stranded in the woods with a girlfriend who had broken her foot and a crazy ex girlfriend who had stalked them there. kidnapped by Athena (one of my Barbie sized dolls was Athena, like, the goddess) and held captive by her while trying to go home to his 7 situationships. all of this happening to a guy who looks and sounds exactly like Elvis but is otherwise the quintessential everyman.
I just read some TTRPG text that described the stereotypical vampire restriction as "can't enter private property unless invited" and it's unreasonably funny to me.
Imagine one day you establish communism and the very next night everyone is either a vampire, a thrall, or a husk.
Imagine: "I dunno, Bella, there's still an invisible wall here. Can you call your landlord maybe"
Imagine you're being chased by a vampire so you just get in your car. They can't open the door. You're an Uber driver, your car is technically your capital.
Imagine you're an ancap (sorry, sorry, I know, it hurts to even think about being this fundamentally fucking stupid, bear with me the joke is worth it) and suddenly your edging game is off the charts: ride them all you want, they can't come inside because your body is private property now!
you can view the repost made by @daisylovestickles here since the original callout came from a blog associated with minors and many of us already had them blocked
THIS GUY IS A FUCKING DIPSHIT BC HE JUST INTERACTED WITH MY BLOG FROM A NEW ACCT THAT IS PAINSTAKINGLY OBVIOUSLY HIS: @emeraldr7 šØšØšØ
so, if you blocked his first acct already, you can go ahead and block @//emeraldr7 too while youāre at it š
you may have just seen me answer the following ask:
but i couldnāt click the link. it turns out this is because the original post was shared by a sfw tickle blog who allows minors to interactāand i block ALL minors and minor-welcoming spaces on site. this type of shit is exactly why.
@daisylovestickles shared screenshots of the original callout post above, showing @dracowolf787 knowingly interacting sexually with a girl who told him she was 17.
iāve interacted with this user multiple times via asks, and iāve seen them interact with a lot of my mutuals. read the above, and report + block that shit.
If this gets idk fucking 50 notes by the time I get home I'll fucking throw you guys a bone and tell you what pet name legitimately flusters me. Like even thinking about being called it makes me blush.
Everyone thank the cosmic herald of depravity and wonder @void-snack for putting forth the effort to write an essay in the replies LMAOOOO ily silly blob.
This is so anticlimactic. But
Its Princess
Always has been Always will. And yes in the most genderless of ways.
Instead, I recorded an audio of the post that you reblogged a little while before this. (I know tags are supposed to be, like, "inside voice", but it's not like I don't still pay attention to 'em.) Order this stuff and I'll send it to you, or maybe post it if @sapphinity's okay with me reading their script.
