The common misconception of ‘’yes or no’’
I should start by saying that I won’t be talking about fics where Neil and Andrew have just met. I’m going to elaborate on fics where Neil and Andrew are actually in a relationship (so established relationship and post-canon fics mostly).
There is this thing going on in the fandom, mostly among fanfiction writers, that includes overusing the ‘yes or no’ in their works. Don’t get me wrong, I think that the phrase truly reflects the dynamics of Neil and Andrew’s relationship – the ability to comprehend what true and false consent means, what it feels like to be given not only the opportunity to say no, but also to say yes (which is as important).
That leads us to that memorable shower scene.
When Neil said, “It’s always yes with you,” it was his way of showing trust – he gave himself to another person, and trusted that person to trust him. Neil believes that Andrew will stop if he says 'no’. That’s why it’s always 'yes’ – because Neil was given the possibility of saying no, and he can always say 'no’.
When Andrew said, “Except when it’s no,” he didn’t mean, “I don’t trust your judgement. I know better.” He meant, “I trust you to tell me 'no’ if needed. I won’t ask again, because I know if you want to tell me 'no’, you will.”
When writers use that phrase, they want to show how considerate Andrew and Neil are, but what they forget is that Neil and Andrew love each other because they can trust each other, and they trust each other, because they love each other.
I find it so much more beautiful that they can touch and feel, and they just – don’t have to ask anymore. One day, it becomes an eternal 'yes’ for both of them, and it is 'yes’ – because it can always be 'no’.
(I think it’s important to add that everyone can write what they want, and it is absolutely fine. Take it as a very biased writing advice.)
