I write Vox falling somewhere in the transmasculine nonbinary spectrum, with potential of being a bit fluid at times. I do feel like he has days where he feels more masculine or more feminine and acts the part. (I can see his trip to the hotel with Velvette being a more feminine day, just with how he carries himself.)
But he'll never accept any pronouns other than he/him. (And MAYBE it/its)
His dysphoria is very social in nature, so he genuinely wouldn't care about how his body naturally looks if it was seen as masculine. Having a tits and a vagina doesn't bother him -- hell, he doesn't even mind carrying a child. He's only self conscious of it because he was treated a lot worse when he still identified as a woman than a man.
"Then explain it to me, Vox. Tell me what you feel, who you are." Charlie pleaded gently, shifting slightly in her seat as she leaned forward slightly, trying to meet his gaze. "I don't know who you are or what your history is but I swear to you now that whatever is said during these sessions is only between us."
"And knowing what kind of person you are doesn't mean planting a target in yourself unless you choose to put it out into the world. People will always find reasons to hate one another but people also find ways to love one another, Vox. That's what this entire Hotel is about as well."
"Even if the rest of Heaven and Hell decided they hated you for Eternity, I'll still be here to help you." Charlie slid from the arm of the couch onto the seat proper, bouncing slightly on the cushion. "That I can promise you."
Vox wants to believe that -- he really does -- but lowering the walls he's been building up for over a century now isn't something that can be done overnight. Charlie might preach about kindness and confidentiality today, but what if that changed? Relationships are transactional, no matter what they are.
Their conversation the other night was a one-off exception. He should've been smarter and throw his compression wear on before leaving his room.
『 Even if I wanted to, I'm not sure how I would explain it. 』 His claws catch on a loose scale, picking at the denticle until it breaks off. 『 It's not like I talk about it much in the first place. 』
『 But I know I don't like being treated like a woman. Fuckers kept saying I was hysterical for wanting to be even slightly independent and pursue a career, instead of follow their cookie cutter "get married to a wealthy man and have two kids" bullshit. 』
" do you really not want to? " she's not going to force him if he's actually against it, but come on, doesn't he trust her to make him look nice? she'll let him pick the dress and everything. [ @voxfisch ]
I still find it hilarious how everyone took one look at Vox and assigned him gender issues. Nobody knows what he is, but we know something is going on there.
"Vox, people will sell anything and everything if they can make a demand for it. Sexual identity is no different, unfortunately." Charlie focused her attention entirely on him, seating herself on the opposite arm of the couch. "Its not about flaunting or whatever else anyone else has told you. Nothing and nobody, not the other Vees, not me, can tell you or force you to be anything you aren't."
"Biology also will have people tell them to kill themselves when walking past a ledge, for their body to attempt to kill itself if they eat the wrong thing. It's fallible, like everything else." Charlie rubbed her pants leg as she tried to find the root cause of Vox's sarcastic rebellion as opposed to the other night.
"Vox, be honest with me: what's bothing you about this? I want to help, really but I can't if you're going to keep deflecting."
His tail shifts to make room for Charlie -- despite there being plenty of space between them already -- and curls onto his lap. The rough texture of his scales gives him something to focus on beyond the conversation, claws tracing around scars that never fully healed.
It's hard to pinpoint what, exactly, is his problem with all of this. Labels have always been a struggle for him -- vulnerability, commitment, having to admit he doesn't fit into the mold he was given. Realizing that he didn't have to be treated the way he was.
『 I don't.. really know. 』 Logically, he knows it doesn't matter, but it's futile to try and shove his emotions into a locked box, because that's what it is:: He's scared.
『 I know how I feel and what I am, but none of these labels feel.. right, and I can't see why assigning it a name in the first place would help me. It's sticking another target to my back, if anything. 』
Charlie's brow furrowed as she quickly ran through her mental history, checking anything she may have said to Vox about broadcasting anything. Nothing came to mind however and she pressed her hands together, taking a deep breath before moving to address him.
"Vox, nobody is asking you or making you broadcast anything. Hell, you don't even have to tell anybody. Its for you to decide what to do with it." Charlie spoke patiently, giving a gesture to the board. "Nobody is owed to know what is between your legs or what your personal history is."
"The entire purpose of this is to help you figure out who you are and know you're not alone. Despite what people may say, there's nothing wrong with being a little selfish and keeping these kinds of things between yourself and people you trust."
She geatured to herself as an example. "You're part of maybe a dozen people that now about who I used. I know pieces of who you were in the past but I don't intend to betray that trust because that's your story to tell. Its always your choice with these things, Vox."
『 Excuse me for thinking the point of all of this was to flaunt it around and make it everyone's business. 』 Why else would there be an entire month dedicated to it? Why else would overpriced, colorful products fly off shelves because it matched a label someone used?
『 The only reason why I even know any of this is because it'd boost ratings and sales. Make me appear more "human" and relatable to the public. 』
It didn't feel like he had much of a choice in the matter, at least at the time. Though Velvette and Valentino are known for being rather pushy with their ideas, especially if they gang up on him. But the results didn't lie -- they did gain an increase in sales anytime he sat through their various seasonal photo shoots.
『 I just chose the.. bisexual flag to hold because I'm supposed to like both. I'm supposed to like men biologically, but as a man I'm also supposed to like women. 』
"Ah, that old argument..." Charlie chose to not begin discussing the old argument of bisexual vs pansexual and all the inherent issues behind the seperarion. "That's a discussion for another day. For now, we'll just go over the basics."
Powering on through her small presentation, Charlie continued speaking, indicating various parts of her display as she spoke. "So there is 'normal' which is hetero between men and women, there's bisexuality which is liking either or nonbinary, gay or lesbian which is attraction to the same gender."
"There are also asexual and aromantic folk who don't experience sexual or romantic desire for others." Charlie added, indicating another flag on her messy board. "A fair amount of people fall under this category as well but that's the very broad strokes."
"If you feel comfortable with it, we can figure out who you are, Vox and how you'd like to be viewed. I won't force you but our talk the other day made me think it may be helpful to find out where you stand and that your feelings aren't invalid."
The flags and labels are all assigned the same as Velvette had, though Vox won't admit he'd forgotten which one goes to which immediately after and relied on the teleprompter for his ad reads. What he does remember at least confirms Charlie isn't spouting bullshit at him.
『 I still don't get why this is something I need to broadcast to all of Hell. I got a ratings boost after waving that stupid flag around on camera, but that's the only way this shit has ever helped me. 』
『 I know my "feelings aren't invalid" or whatever, but that doesn't mean I should open another door I can be attacked through. 』 His tail flicks side-to-side, akin to an agitated cat. 『 Disclosing who I fuck is one thing, but revealing that a passing woman climbed up the ranks like I have is an entirely different game. I got in enough trouble when I was alive just for wearing pants. Saying anything now would be walking into a death sentence. 』
I'm still baffled that I was as productive as I was today, considering how bleh and foggy I felt yesterday. Usually I'd need a nap after doing the grocery run on my own in a store I've never been in, but I got that done?? And I got a few chores in, ate two proper meals, and reached out to my doctor about a script error.
Oh, and also all the writing.
I'm hoping this is my dose increase that I forgot about until last week? 'Cause it'd be cool if I could be this level of productive all the time.
☰ HEADCANON GENERATOR::
⤿ A ✔ means it fits and a ✘ means it doesn't.
TAGGED BY:: @littledollv
TAGGING:: Just steal it
▴ Vox is very good at walking in platform heels:: ✘
⤿ He's good at wearing heels. (Seriously, look at the difference in how his and Alastor's shoes are drawn. Those are very pointy heels and look painful to jump around in like Vox does.)
▴ Vox has an incredible spice tolerance:: ✘
⤿ He's like a story my coworker told me: Him and a friend went to an Indian restaurant, the server asked how spicy his friend wanted it, and they said "very" -- only for my coworker to interject with "he means white person spicy."
▴ Vox has not showered in two and a half weeks:: ✘
⤿ Even during his worst depressive episodes, he's able to at least get a quick rinse in. His skin requires a lot of moisture in order to feel habitable and not smell like the fish aisle in a grocery store.
▴ Vox is a top:: ◐
⤿ Yes and no. He's a switch. What he COULD be labeled as is preferring a submissive role, since he desperately needs moments where he can shut his brain off and not worry about anything besides what he's told.
▴ Vox has one, very simple word that he cannot figure out how to pronounce:: ✔
⤿ Squirrel.
▴ Vox sleeps in until noon:: ◐
⤿ He either wakes up at 6am or 12pm. There's no in-between.
▴ Vox nearly drowned in a river as a child:: ✔
⤿ This one was hilarious to see come up, because he actually DID almost drown in a river as a kid. He got too adventurous when trying to study the critters there and fell in. He was able to get himself out, but he was alone and could've easily died there.
▴ Vox is very good at using chopsticks:: ✘
⤿ He could learn, but he doesn't see why he should if a fork and spoon works just as well. (Or simply grabbing things with his fucking talons.)
▴ Vox can't sit in a chair properly:: ✔
⤿ Chronic manspreader + a fat tail that doesn't agree with most seats. His office chair has a tail hole for this very reason.
▴ Vox watched the Sonic movie:: ✔
⤿ Stupid as it is, I think he DID watch it. He would've heard about it after everyone lost their minds over the original trailer and wanted to see how bad it was once a disc made it down to Hell.
And it's probably the most Vox knows about the Sonic franchise, beyond whatever he learned when arcades and home consoles first became popular.
"Excellent. Now we have something to work with." Ignoring the sarcastic(?) portion of the response, Charlie gestured towards the board and its eclectic assortment of various colors in potentially upsetting combinations (to the wrong folk). Already there's a bit of zeal to her movements, an excitement that was more subdued than usual but was still very much present.
"So the LGBT community is very broad and filled with many many labels and identities and I'll be honest: I don't know them all. But starting at the very basic level: LGBT stands for Lesbians, Gay, Bisexual, and Trans." Charlie placed a hand on herself before continuing. "As I like both men and women, I am bisexual and as a former Son of Lucifer, I am a trans woman."
She tapped the two flags posted up to indicate before turning her attention back to Vox, a patient smile on her face. "Now what would you say you're attracted to?"
This feels oddly reminiscent of when Velvette was explaining everything to him, albeit with a much softer tone. It was right before their first ever pride release, and Vox needed to know the right words to say and what colors meant what. Very little of that conversation lasted in his mind, but he remembers bits and pieces.
『 ..I've slept with men and women. Velvette's told me I'm the purple and pink flag, which is apparently different from Val's, even though he also fucks men and women. 』
Something about him preferring men a bit more than women, because that's information he needs to broadcast to everyone nowadays.
『 This shit was a lot easier to understand when it was just "gay" and "normal." 』
"YOU'RE FUCKING SWEDISH?" Vincent asked. Oooh, so close! No dice though. Regardless, he seemed absolutely enthralled by perceived fact, pupils taking on the shape of stars where triangles once sat. "That's sooo cool! You are *going* to HAVE to teach me how to speak it a little bit. I'm a big old mutt of things but I think I'm Swedish on my second aunt’s grandmother's side? Something like that. How are the alps?"
Said with the utmost confidence in every way fathomable. However as his alternate went on, less and less things seemed to make sense to him. Neural-link?
"You mean you can read her mind? Wait, wait, is this like. A power you got in hell or did you figure out how to translate shark with some sort of tech? Either way that's… that's fucking bananas! What's an emoji? Is Voxtek still in the same place over at uh,” he rattled off an address. "I can drive us! I parked just down the street. Hopefully no one's jacked it yet, but if they did I'll just jack someone else's. Gotten preeett-ty good at hot-wiring by this point."
He missed his Cadillac more every day.
"You might have to give me directions though, I... get a little lost sometimes. The streets don't always look the same depending on... when we are. Is this 2020? It looks like 2020."
『 ...I'm from Germany... 』 A beat. He's going to answer the next question before it's asked. 『 But I moved to the States when I was a teen. 』
And.. fuck, has he always bombed people with questions like this? No wonder people have always told him to shut up. Not that he's going to -- he wouldn't do that to another version of himself, especially not one that hasn't had his life ruined yet.
『 It's more akin to how you and.. Alastor.. can speak through your shared signal, except a lot more complicated. I commissioned her from one of my employees, so she's filled with about as much tech as we are. 』
『 ..And it's not too far from where VoxTek was originally located. I can pull up a map-- 』 He flicks a hologram over to Vincent as a demonstration. 『 --but it's pretty hard to miss. It's the largest building in the entertainment district. 』
『 ....You got your license when you were alive, right? 』
Vox enters the room with about as much enthusiasm as he has for all of their private sessions:: Absolutely none, and silently screaming that he wants to get this over with.
That demeanor changes the moment he looks up from the floor, eyes narrowing in confusion at the scene.
『 ..Why.. 』 Or he needs to update his screen's prescription. 『 ..is there more color than usual? 』
"Oh, good you're here." Charlie finished attaching the last sheet to her rather enormous corkboard before turning to face Vox with a calmer smile than she usually wore, her suit jacket hanging off a nearby hook. Working with Vox one on one meant that she could be a bit more relaxed herself despite everything, the princess quietly adjusting the stack of cards she had on the table near her, helpful reminders if Vox had any questions she needed to clarify.
"Sit wherever you want, its just us and nobody is gonna bother us." Charlie gestured to the various chairs: a beanbag, a couch, a stolen (and confiscated) park bench, and a cushion on tbe floor. "I figured after our last talk, I could teach you a bit about gender identity and such. But first I have a very important question."
She whirled on her heel to face him, a gentle yet serious smile on her face.
『 Uh-- 』 At least she confirmed that he was seeing those various colors that's put on everything during June, and he probably hasn't lost his mind yet.
He's going to -- with far more caution than necessary -- take his usual spot on the cough, right against one of the arms and as close to the door as possible, fold his hands in his lap, and craft a response to Charlie's newest breed of invasive questions.
『 I mean.. I've had a casual thing with Val for a few decades now? Which I thought was public knowledge.. I don't think I'd be fucking a porn director for that long if I didn't know what I was doing. 』
andulkaphoto
gracieabrams
yousharknotpass
origamiaround
ellievsbear
vaporwave
snowghoul
turnnoffyourmind
romaincrisis
