I'm Not Complete

[vrhai-blog]

A secret

Honestly just let me know we can make this work, I'm tired of the game

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Gone

Well it was great, fantastic, emotional, and wonderful while it lasted. You were a piece of art, but I couldn't keep you to myself, I was not going to do that to you. I'm sorry I let you go, I truly am. I am just damaged goods and I don't deserve your love. Maybe in time I will be ready once more, but for now I will need the space I was telling you about. I need to face my judgement on my own, and I couldn't ask anyone to be dragged down with me. I know what it's like to lose the one you love the most, and I hate saying it but you weren't that girl to me. Someone has always been on the back of my mind, and I can't shake it. Maybe I'll get over her eventually but I don't want you to be the rebound because you deserve way more, and I need to focus on me for now. One day someone will marry you and make you the queen I promised you would be. I'm sorry.

[vrhai-blog]

Broken

Thus begins my journey, the path of discovering weather or not I am strong enough to endure my own prison. I will have a lot of of obstacles, a lot of anguish and a lot of heartaches, but if I pull through this I will become a better man not only for myself but for the women that I love. She has supported me through my situation and has helped me become a better person. I will never forget what you have done and what you continue to do for me, soon I'll give you everything, be patient my love.

[vrhai-blog]

The path

I thank god every single day for every mistake I made because that path led me right to you. My sins were chosen in order to be right there at the right time.

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Her

She starts everyday with a smile She tells me that she would be happy her entire life with everything she has She smells like rain She sings like a bird She speaks so elegantly Her touch is soft and caring She tells me all her secrets and isn't ashamed She understands my past Better yet she makes me feel like a whole new man She is a warrior, graceful and willing She is so beautiful Because of her I have hope, I have faith, I have trust Talking to her everyday is amazing, I can't stop thinking about her, She doesn't know this yet but I'm falling for this girl quickly. I am happy.

[vrhai-blog]

Again

Once again I sit asking myself why I still, why can't I move on, why am I so scared of being out in public. For some reason I still am aiming to please you. I don't know why and I don't know how to stop. I hate myself because I carry your ring on my keychain everyday and when someone asks why, I tell them "because I still care." Why do I do that? Why! You pushed me out, I made a mistake but I was willing to give it my all, my everything!!!!! All I wanted was a second chance to show you I can do better, and when you told me you slept with another man, I have never felt so empty. So here I sit on our old bed, in a empty apartment, and no life. Your laugh was my addiction, your smile was my drug, and your touch was my universe. Deep down I want to move on and never have any sort of feelings for you because you deserve way better than some asshole who betrayed your trust. Deep down I want you to get everything in life you have ever wanted. I just want you to have it all. I'll be real right now, if you ever and I do mean ever. If you need anything or just want to talk I'll welcome you with a hug and a smile. I don't care what time, what day and how far away, I would do it. I don't care if I am taken, you were my one true love, and I'll never let anyone forget it, I will never speak Ill of you, you were my rock, and as much as I want to move on, I just can't ever shake these feelings.

[vrhai-blog]

Long

These nights have been long, and the days have been rough. But finally, finally I break through all my madness and find myself at peace. No more anguish and no more tears. I can push myself beyond the point of self loathing and doubt. I am still scared, as any right minded human would be. Scared at life and its mysterious aroma. I lost my best friend but in turn I found myself. I lost my job, but in turn I found help. I lost my will to live, but in turn I found my spirit. I miss the happy days, and the warmth, and the laughter. God how I miss that laughter. But I am not ready to look back, I want to keep pushing forward. I want to make my life my own, I want my career I want my life to begin, because all this time I have feared to move on and to not wake up from my constant procrastination. But now I have felt it all, the weight the crushing pandemic that this world calls "life" I have felt a mere glimpse of it and I never want to look back. If anything were to happen with my past I would accept it with open arms, but only if it was going to improve my current state. I love you, I love life. It has showed me so much in such a short time. I am no longer taking the stars for granted, or the oxygen I breathe or every sunrise, I want to be for it all. I want to commit myself to myself and this world, before I commit to anyone else. I will do this. I am stronger. Thank you.

[vrhai-blog]

So here is goes another night not being held by her, just realizing that I will never have her back. Another night in my own bed thinking I will never give her the family that she wants. I lost her for good and I am never having her back, and I hate myself. I hate myself that I am never going to have her back, yet I am still waiting for her to message me once more.

[vrhai-blog]

The worst feeling

You know what the worst feeling is, losing someone who doesn't want to lose. You know what hurts almost as bad, having someone you loved so much, hate you. I know it's all my fault, I know I did everything wrong, but I'm tired of being that person. I'm tired of this life, is there a reset button out there? I just want to start over to make life something I actually want to cherish. Right now this life is hard, harder than anything I've ever had to face, I've gone through so much and I'm tired of living my life as a lie. I am always wrong and the bad guy or the liar. I am not any of those things, but no one will give me a second glance. I hate this feeling so much.