I think I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I might spend the rest of my life alone. Seems like romantic love avoids me, or maybe (more likely) I am avoiding it myself. And I don’t know how people have friends nowadays. I feel so disconnected from everyone, and whenever I stop reaching out, it seems like everyone forgets about my existence.
I want to be seen, to be loved and handled with care, to put a “fragile” label on myself. I want to be held and kissed and fucked and cared for. I have confusing feelings about sharing this, but I am in my 30s and I never had sex in my life. Not because I didn’t want it, I just never felt safe enough with anyone to let them see me in such a vulnerable state. I don’t trust men. No sexism or “they are all the same” from my side, I just really, honestly can’t recall a time when I felt safe and comfortable with a man last time. Have I ever?…
I don’t know what I am doing wrong. I’m trying to be a good friend, to reach out, to widen my social circle, but.. I don’t feel reciprocity so often, that at some point I start feeling very angry and I want to disconnect. They don’t see me. They don’t understand me and most importantly, don’t really care. I am not silent, if that’s what one might think. I am talking about my needs, discussing issues, sharing something about myself to try to keep it a healthy relationship. But still.
The last time I was in love he was hot and cold, and good and bad and maybe he was gay, but he was not sure, and then he flirted and shared some of the very private secrets of his with me, and spent hours with me, and even Friday nights, and followed me everywhere, looking me in the eyes with longing for like 20 times per short conversation. And then.. he tells everyone that he has a girlfriend and had one long before this whole shit started.
The guy before that was sweet and it felt like he cared, until he suddenly disappeared without any comments and when I asked (3 times) what happened, it was the usual “it’s not you, it’s me…”.
And then the other one, with whom we’ve been friends for 4 years, and he said he wanted me to date him. And even though I asked him several times before we started a relationship if he really was over his ex.. would you guess, left me, as soon is his ex reappeared.
And of course the guy that offered me to date right after his breakup to “help him heal his wounds and fill the emptiness she left”. And the one that called me lesbian, because he wasn’t nice to me and I didn’t want to meet him again. Or the one bringing a friend to our date..
I hate this. I hate them. I don’t want any of this. I don’t get it, how there’s always someone more important to everyone than me. I’m never anyones first choice. Just an option. And oh how I am sick of this feeling, of working as a mirror for all their bullshit, for caring but not being taken care of. Of loving and being tricked. Of trying to be open and honest and getting lies in response.
I really should talk to my therapist again. There’s definitely something’s that I am missing.
ALRIGHT, SINNERS! I have returned with a short messy nsfw thorki drabble. English is my second language so please forgive me for my mistakes. If you could point them out, I will appreciate it!
I’ve had this in my notes for a long time and maybe it will make someone a bit hornier. Or happier. Or both?
It is definitely some kind of dream that Loki is having after being sexually frustrated for a long time.
WHAT’S INSIDE: two Thors/ one Loki, spitroast, anal, oral, messy.
Thor takes out his length and examines Loki’s back curiously, watching his cum drip from Loki, mesmerised. He takes two fingers and wets them in the mess they have made together and then moves them to Loki’s mouth. Exhausted, Loki absentmindedly opens his mouth to welcome Thor’s rough fingers and languidly sucks the sticky fluid. It should be gross, but with Thor pressing his still fully hard cock to Loki’s naked back, pressing their bodies together, everything seems more than good. So when another Thor appears in front of him, Loki is dazed. He is shocked and is intending to ask what exactly is happening here, when..
“You do not need to understand, brother” the new Thor in front of him says, holding Loki’s chin gently. He then bends and takes Loki’s lips in a deep kiss, leaving him almost breathless. Thor behind him uses this exact moment to slowly re-enter him, making Loki gasp in the kiss. But with his arms in Thor’s strong grip behind his back he has little choice but to oblige and get seated on a hard length once again. Thor in front of him kisses him some more, more tenderly this time, and the juxtaposition of this tenderness and the cum leaking down his thigh makes his head swim.
Thor releases his lips and cradles Loki’s neck. He looks him in the eyes, his gaze full of love and his hand is gently guiding Loki down.
“Now be a good prince and open your mouth for me” he says, voice low and hoarse. He drags his hot length over Loki’s face, his cheeks, and pushes just a very tip to Loki’s lips, almost teasing him. Loki feels like he is going to overheat right here and now as he licks the tip and sees Thor’s full body shudder. “Good boy” he says and forces the remaining length of his glorious organ between Loki’s wet lips just as Thor behind him jostles him forward as well with his cock.
“Oh brother, I never would have imagined even in the most lustful fantasies of mine that I’ll ever see myself fucking you” Thor in front of him says, incredulous, filling Loki’s mouth with more and more cock. It’s almost hard to breath. Loki doesn’t think he liked anything in his life better than this.
“Or see how you suck me from such a perspective” Thor behind him continues the thought, never ceasing slow motions of his hips, which in turn bounce Loki’s whole body back and forth, forcing him to swallow a hard dick of another Thor almost to the very root with every bounce. Loki feels speared from both ends and the inevitability of him being filled with cock and Thor and more cock makes him tremble and moan. They move in an eerie sync, jostling Loki between them, just as they seem to be synchronised in what they say.
“But now that I’ve been granted such a sight, I know that I do wish to see you like this again”, a harder, stronger thrust from behind, “and again”, Loki is almost gagging on the length in front of him, “and again”. Thor that is fucking his ass grips his hips harder and continues “my true desire is to take you over and over again”. “To have your every beautiful hole filled with my cum” says the Thor in front him “and have you dripping only for you to be slick enough to be ready to take my cock again”, he thrusts inside Loki’s throat. “And again”, says Thor behind him and tags on Loki’s hair, hard, spearing him further, spreading his legs even more. “And again” one of them or both of them say, but Loki can’t tell who or where. For their voices are blurring and mixing up with the sounds of skin on skin, of Loki’s lips being stretched and relentlessly pumped with a cock, in and out, his saliva mixing with Thor’s precum and dripping from corners of his mouth. Of his ass which is already leaking with Thor’s cum, being penetrated and filled again, like Thor is not even close to being finished. Of Thor’s balls slapping his trembling thighs and his own moans of satisfaction disorienting him. Loki looses himself to all the feelings and sounds and sensations and just gives in, shutting off his thinking process completely and letting Thors have him the way they want. And, what’s even more important, the way he, apparently, wants it.
Both of them speed up and their movements become less gentle. Now it’s more like real fucking with Loki’s spine bending to an incredible degree to be able to accommodate his brother. With Thors breathing hard and loud and tugging at Loki’s hair and hips, squeezing his buttocks and gripping his waist. With Loki stretched to what feels like his limits and then some. Both Thors come inside him almost at the same time and it’s hot, so very hot inside him. He blinks and swallows hard, drinking Thor’s cum, because the hand in his hair doesn’t allow him to do anything else. He also feels dick pulsing deep inside him with Thor plastered to his back, his hand covering Loki’s midsection possessively. Loki thinks he is going to faint when the dick inside his mouth leaves him, and he is gulping air like a fish on the sand.
(Alternatively: We’re Dating And Doing This “The Right Way”, But You Can Still Screw Me Into the Mattress)
Welp, “today” turned into “yesterday”, and “tomorrow” into “today”, but it’s still here on time with ten minutes to spare (in my country, at least).
Ah, song ref for the title.
The Meal: On their way to the Dreemurr castle with the Royal Guards, Papyrus and Sans find time for some talking and TLC.
The Flavor: NSFW, Undertail Fontcest (Papyrus x Sans), Sinquest (not an au), pocket pussy magic (…or, like, just general ecto body magic), kinda plot heavy unfortunately…or not if that’s what you’re into, half-plot half-smut, feels trip, consentual!!!, shifting positions, use of the word “cunt” for erotic purposes, very slight eating out, fingering, hand job, some dirty talk, etc.
The Recipe: Continuation of Can’t Sleep Lust and Sexual Feeling
The Calories: 5266w
As always, please send your compliments and critique to the chef. Thank you for your patronage and patience. :)
What do I do with my love, where do I even put it?
It starts bleeding into my movements, the way I look at you and talk to you and call you silly names, because I think that’s cute and you’re cute. How it makes me gravitate towards you, wherever we are, forces me to search for your eyes in a room full of insignificant others. How I want to put my hands on you, gently, place my head on your shoulder and just breathe, deeply, contentedly. To hold you and be held and brush our fingers, trembling akin butterflies wings.
I am scared that they will see that, they will notice how I’m standing way too close to you way too often for it to be a coincidence. I am praying that they are stupid enough to not pick that up.
I do not wish to be in love, I never did. But now I am and it’s terrifying and it makes me feel weak. Oh, spare me of this pain and let me, let me love you. Love me
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
Well-written, complex, delicious royal fellcest with King Papyrus and Queen Sans. I’m on chapter 6 and loving it so far!
Classic fontcest is my favourite I think because of its tenderness, intimacy and deep feelings. But fellcest has a special place in my heart, for it shows Sans and Papyrus in their extremes, and it’s raw and rough and passionate and.. still tender. This is exactly what you’ll see in this fic, how they love each other.
Ps: I think I might have some kind of royalty kink with all my love for kings and throne sex :’)
dededos
prguitarman
2087
vaporwave
titsay
