things i need to write down

Posts are original. Likes are muses.

[vvallflower-things]

The wooden chopsticks

So, my owner is that sweet lady out there preparing Char Kuey Teow for those people queuing up. (Char Kuey Teow is a stir-fried flat rice noodle). Everyone calls her ‘Aunty’.  Thanks to the transparent plastic I’m wrapped with, I can see Aunty in action as she skilfully fries takeaways for hungry people every Monday night.  Aunty’s little store isn’t quite a store. It’s just the back of a van…

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[vvallflower-things]

The Chupa Chups lollipop

The Chupa Chups lollipop

No, I’m not sweet. And definitely, not only for kids. I can’t tell you the number of times adults look at me with the same glittering eyes as the kids.  I’m wrapped up tight in this green-apple wrapper and was on this rotating holder thing, by the checkout counter for weeks. Around me are those with wrappers of pink, blue and white-brown. Goodness, there’s chocolate flavour too? Ergh… what a…

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[vvallflower-things]

A little about me.

A little about me.

I’m soft for nostalgic things that trigger my childhood memory. Or at least things that make me feel like a child again. That would be why I’m absolute Disney obsessed and an oldie song enthusiast. I would re-re-rewatch movies and TV series till my husband would be so sick of it! You see, there is a peace I get out from feeling and thinking like a child again. Being a copywriter in advertising,…

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[vvallflower-things]

The black scrunchy

A story told by a black scrunchy.

I was shipped from China among the rest of my kind. The same, but quite different. In colours, to say the least; I was the only black among the other 49 stuffed in plastic with a self-adhesive sticker opening. So, it was natural to conclude I’m pretty rare.  As often as Babe uses me, she misplaces me too. Especially in her large collection of handbags. But I knew that I’m her favourite. Because…

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[vvallflower-things]

To be vulnerable is the boldest thing anyone can do.

[vvallflower-things]

I could be smoking weed and getting tipsy,

yet, I'll always be the girl with flowers in her hair.

I could be taking regular trips to parlours and have my skin coated with tattoos,

yet, I'll always be the girl who listens to folk music, with her nose buried in books.

I could be funny, quirky, and quick in dirty jokes,

yet, I'll always be the girl who walks down the aisle virgin.

I could be rocking a crop top well, tight jeans, and high-waisted shorts,

yet, I'll always be the girl who never went clubbing or ever used Tinder.

I could be cursing, yelling, and slamming doors,

yet, I'll always be the girl who wears her heart on her sleeve a little too carelessly.

[vvallflower-things]

At times, I wish to be left alone, and sometimes I feel lonely, and there's no in-between. At times, I dream of dreams, where reality seems the best, and sometimes I dream of dreams, where dreams seems to be wishful realities, and there's no in-between. At times, I would do anything to be around you, and sometimes I would be anywhere but near you, and there's no in-between.

[vvallflower-things]

I miss being a kid. The world seems big. And it was okay to feel small.

[vvallflower-things]

Funny how words are the ones that heals, when they hurt the same.

[vvallflower-things]

It's hard to whisper, in the world that only shouts

[vvallflower-things]

Feeling safe, felt like a lifetime ago.

But whenever I reminisce over it,

it feels like it was just yesterday.

[vvallflower-things]

some days i move like water, some days i feel like fire

some days i wanna push further, some days i wanna do nothing

[vvallflower-things]

You are here not to be answerable to anyone. Your healing is not to prove them wrong. It is not even to show those who have helped you, that you were strong enough to go through the darkest times. You are strong, already worthy, and beautifully made, in the midst of your pain, healing, and growth.

[vvallflower-things]

enjoy every chapter;

the good ones, and definitely the bad ones

[vvallflower-things]

where did all the innocence go?

[vvallflower-things]

I long for freedom, long before I knew what freedom was, what it meant, what it meant to quench for something you’ve never tasted I long for freedom, longer than I ever knew, never knew I was held down, by the weight of these wings, I never knew was mine I long for freedom, for something real, to hold, to touch the emotions of mine, with my bare hands, to know what is real, what is not I long for freedom, my arms open wide, to invite life, not wishing to die, to leap, to fall, to feel the depth, to feel the wind on my skin, to feel my skin, to feel something I long for freedom, to close that wound, to close that door, to stop the bleeding, to stop the hurting, to stop, just stop.

vvallflowerthings, bymkae

[vvallflower-things]

“I don’t usually say much but when I do, I will tell you, the details, the edges of my life that gives me hope, like a tingly light, like a warm blanket in the quiet night, I will too tell you, the feelings I kept in a mug, that goes right up the brim, till it spills, till I feel no more I would tell you about the pigeon and the red balloon, and how much I imagined i were they, where up is the only way I go, till the roof of my house would look like a chocolate bar, till the park I used to go when I was a kid would look like a welcome mat, where my feelings would not weigh me down, where my lungs be filled with oxygen again I would tell you about the cigarette rustling between my fingers, oh the things that burn in my heart, sealed within the rolling papers, nowhere to go, but to burn to ashes and disappear into the starless sky, abandoned, forgotten, lost, full of nothingness with a little light at the other end of the bud, lit with a hint of reliance, with a hint of sureness I would tell you I hold on to things that crumble, disintegrate, until they are left of nothing, right at the palm of my hands You see, I don’t usually say much, but when I do, I tell it.”

— vvallflowerthings, by mkae