this is a universe factory @vzyee - Tumblr Blog

bepeu-deactivated20171202

a million clementines

a million clementines thrown at my body at the same time

u would not believe this bedroom situation powder blue absolutely smooth plaster walls white trim a very pale jadeite/olive-toned tile in the ensuite with yellow cream walls and beige marble flooring w yellow-gold faucet diffusing light. Wyath austerity/sincerity. W an antique pink satin & lacework upholstered chair in the corner a floor-level mirror across the room throwing upon it a david lynch's white horse blue illumination, just that lowest part of the wall where the shadow of the chair pierces thru the soft fog glow

#or sfg for short.#hh

tiktoksthataregood-ish

Gotta build myself some self-respect and give myself the grace of my own life + conviction that my own desires are worthy of pusuit before i can offer one measly thing to any other person!

#h #much less this city much less this life!

i read the text msgs from k which i have retained and it is funny how much less crazy and erratic they are compared to A's. Um. because he was a wielder of language and sometimes he pressed that language so hard a dizzying wine was released from it. And in those moments the content of the messages and their rhetoric was irrelevant to me but mesmeric in construction and vitality. So i would like to take this moment for myself to say in sober broad daylight that we really understood each other, we gave each other brute honesty as often as we could, the highs and drunkenness warped us into people who couldnt interact, bred terrible harms amongst ourselves, but he was always the one i loved, there was never any illusion, i was never misled, there was only ever our horrible shame and fear-cauls making us spit small fires into the air. i really want to meet him once more on level ground. i dont know if it is possible or if it even exists for him anymore after how things ended. i spent some bad nights with him nervous and unsure of whether i'd get hurt, if he was in control, cause i knew i damn sure wasnt. hearing things that hurt me deeply. but somehow i hurt him worse and i changed him from the kind of person who could have been with me. Wtf

#h #like i made him feel damaged too damaged to be around. Ultimately.#which was the 1 unforgivable thing. the too-unforgivable thing.#because he boozed crazy style like every other motherfucker in the world ive ever loved and he was human coping badly.#and i pushed him to show that side to me fr. and i accused him of shutting me out if he wouldnt. Ugh #none of this i meant none of this i would have carried out if id known thats what it meant.#the hard part is seeing lifes white machine now the way he tried to show me knowing we could be together in these untouchable silences.#if i could have accepted it. if i could have by accepting him moved differently.#Like at this moment i believe precisely that.. i imagined him at this fearful threshold and breaking point #which if i had not thrown into such sharp relief would not have cut him so badly letting him bleed all over me making me scream #And its like i wanted him to be less angry to be less aware of the ugliness of the world so he could stop throwing it at me #so the softness between us could have its time.#he screamed at me he threw me out he got mad at me these evanescent grudges that i knew were only pebbles. and i snapped every time #cause i wanted none of it. Well good i still dont want that shit. But it is hideous. that the love i had for him was not enough for love

topherchris

powerburial

Where I come from, we don’t worry about these fruity-tuity California style buds. Okay? I’m from Scranton. What i’m smoking is dirt. So lets get that straight jack. Pure brick. Ass. Okay? America- Americans are wanting to smoke that dirt, okay? You go up to someone and say, hey, I’m gonna give you a big bag of this heady bud, but I’m taking your stash of mids, they’re gonna say C’mon man! get out of here! *audience cheers* that’s right. that’s right. Get the hell out of here! We like stems! We like seeds! Where I come from.

thottielamottie

this post is scripture to me like this is a seminal text. to me

oneterabyteofkilobyteage

original url http://www.geocities.com/ResearchTriangle/System/7056/

archived on 2009-04-28 05:05:59

classicalcanvas

Among the Waves by Ivan Aivazovsky

icecreamwithjackdaniels

Andreas Achenbach (German, 1815–1910), "Storm at Sea off the Norwegian Coast" (details I), 1837. Städel Museum, Frankfurt am Main.

bobbydylandaily

#pete seeger sunday. And friend

lamignonette

niurd

instagram.com/p/DZpXecbn-2R/

artistofthefloatingworld

miscellaneous sculptures by Ruben Raven imitating filet crochet

reversewerewolf

my dad's favorite coffee shop, which he's been drinking coffee from since he was abt my age & where he always took me for a slice of zucchini bread and a vanilla steamer when i was a child, is also the place A and i had our first date and where we met t minus 10 minutes before their really big hallucinatory episode which broke my heart etc. when i was staying over in that part of town he kinda mentioned to me he'd like to meet me there for breakfast sometime but eventually let it drop :(

#hh #hopefully he will come meet this dog tho he asked me to more directly and i said yes and then i mentioned that it would be my first day off #in a long time and he was kinda like ok well ill just text u if it works for me tomorrow and ? but nbd will prob be fine

rabbithearteddd

“September” by Jennifer Michael Hecht

thejewellerybox

Gannet Diving necklace by Rie Taniguchi

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