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just-another-galaxy

-All Time Low

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How can it be?

I still believe

something is out there

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advicefromsurvivors

On Common Boundaries

“Don’t go on my phone/computer!”: You’re probably worried your child is sexting people. They probably are. You don’t have to access their devices and violate their privacy to help make sure they’re not being abused, though. The best way is usually to be forthcoming and direct. Explain that there are adults out there who would try to emotionally manipulate your child, and that no amount of being “grown up” or “mature” makes them immune, because even adults get manipulated sometimes. Explain to them that photos that they send to people don’t always stay with that person, and that even if that person is 100% trustworthy, the technology isn’t. Explain that pictures posted on the Internet can’t be easily controlled, and that there are bad people who would try to hurt and exploit them. I know this will be a hard conversation to have, but the alternative is to risk having your child label you as the one who’s not trustworthy because you spy on their phone/computer.

“Let me lock my door!”: Your first thought is “What if my teenager is doing something sexual?” They very well could be; you probably need to get over it. “What if it’s drugs?” If your child is smoking pot, again, you can probably just get over it. Unless you have a very good reason to suspect that what they’re doing puts their or someone else’s physical or mental well-being at risk, there’s no reason to demand they leave the door open or unlocked.

“Don’t snoop around in my room!”: But what if your teenager is hiding something? Again, unless the thing(s) they’re hiding put their or someone else’s physical or mental well-being at risk, you need to let it go.

“Don’t read my diary/journal”: I just can’t do it. I can’t fathom any excuse for you to need to invade your child’s privacy like that. Like 0. Sorry. Muster your courage and ask them directly and sincerely if they’re okay, if anyone or anything is bothering them, and how they feel. If they’re unhappy, offer support instead of bitterness, because telling your child to “just get over” what’s wrong or that they’ll “have bigger things to worry about one day” is the opposite of helpful.