the first wish

Marly the writer \ Masterlist \ beta squad sideblog

[w1shes43]

𝐍𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

Marly's the name and writing's the game ♡

╰➤masterlist

╰➤fandoms

˗ˏˋ ꒰ NOTE ꒱ ˎˊ˗

Currently, I don't take requests, mostly because I have soo many ideas rn i wanna write them all first (T＿T) (and I'm not as active on this blog as my other blog soo)

other blogs owned by me!

beta squad: @shuuuuush

[w1shes43]

do you write for the sidemen?

Hii anon, I currently don't rn, mostly bc I don't actually watch them 😅

[heliads]

like a heartbeat, drives you mad

From the moment you first dream of Neverland, you know that it's a home unlike any other. Waking up is terrible every time, but what if you were able to find a way to stay there forever?

masterlist

You are always alone when the thoughts catch up to you. When you’re with other people, it’s different, easier to convince your mind to race to better, safer topics. You don’t have to think about the fears or the worries, you just have to keep up with the conversation or do your best to not seem like the person you’re terrified you truly are. Everything hinges on the one other person there, distracting you from the relentless parade of thoughts, keeping you firmly in reality.

When you’re alone, though, you can’t hide anymore. You wave goodbye to your friends to head inside, and with your hand on the knob, you think, did they really want to see me? And, was that laughter genuine, or were they faking it the whole time? Worse, was it at me?

Things get worse once it gets dark. You lie awake at night thinking that you’ll fail at everything, that no one will want to associate with you after that, that everyone on this earth is going to live and die and no one will ever remember you again. You don’t like thinking along such dark lines, but the self-hatred is strong and won’t let you go. You’ve tried before, shaking it off, but it always comes creeping back when you want it the least.

Life is not the best, but at least the fall of dusk upon the streets and surroundings of your hometown brings you the blessing of finally being able to go to bed. You can push off schoolwork until the next day, chores until forever, just so long as you can shut off your mind and crawl under your covers and everything will go away.

Tonight is one of those nights when you want it most of all. It’s been a long day, followed by a long week, chased by an even longer month. You can only tell yourself that it’ll get better soon for so long before even that familiar lie loses its charm. It’ll be good to rest tonight, though. Maybe tomorrow will make you happier. You close your eyes and try to sleep, all but begging unconsciousness to fall over you and carry you away. Your waking life is horrid enough. In sleep, at least, you will be alone, but–

In your dream, there is a boy. He was not there before. He is, in fact, nobody you have ever seen before. This should not be a problem. Dreams are rarely perfectly photographic, but this boy is, indeed, perfect. He’s absolutely in focus, blurred by none of that dreamlike haze that most figures cling to in your subconscious. It’s like a memory, but it’s never happened. It’s like reality, but you are still definitely asleep.

You stare at him for longer than is perhaps polite, but he does not go away. You can feel this dream in a way that should not be possible– the carpet under your feet, the cool of the air conditioning. You’re in your room, standing by the door. He’s perched on a chair, eyeing you with interest, and as bizarre as this dream is, you cannot shake the absolute certainty that this is his fault.

The only thing to be left, then, is to get some answers. You work up the confidence to speak, and your voice sounds exactly as it should, not distorted by dreams or anything. “Who are you?”

The boy chuckles. “A friend of yours. Hopefully, that is. I’d like to get to know you.”

Having gone a record number of years of your life without any hyperrealistic boys disrupting your dreaming schedule, especially ones who specifically wanted to meet you of all people, this only adds to your confusion. “Why?”

The boy shrugs liberally. “I’ve been encountering fewer and fewer dreamers around. Yours are the most vibrant. I was curious.”

You fight the odd urge to laugh. “A lot of people dream. Maybe you’re just bad at looking.”

This is, of course, the most rational thing you can do, immediately pick a fight with some guy currently terrorizing your brainwaves. Luckily, he doesn’t seem offended by your need to argue, and he just grins. “See, you’re right, but most dreams are nothing more than surface level. Yours are deeper, richer, stronger. In all honesty, that’s the sort of thing that makes me more powerful, so I wanted to see what it was about.”

You scoff. “Sure thing, magic boy, you, like, eat dreams or something. Weird of you, but okay.”

He smiles again. He shouldn’t, but he does. “You don’t believe me? I can show you.”

He stands, holds out a hand to you. You’re certain this guy’s nothing more than a figment of your imagination, but still. You hesitate. “I don’t even know your name.”

“Peter,” he says, “but magic boy works too.”

It makes you laugh. Shouldn’t, but it does. Just enough to shake loose your hesitations– what could happen here, after all, in the confines of your own dreams? You take his hand and something sparks behind his eyes. Pride, maybe. Or justification of some sort. Either way, you get the feeling that he’s just proven himself right.

Peter walks over to your window, throwing it open abruptly and climbing out onto the ledge. “You have to trust me,” he tells you, “or this isn’t going to work very well.”

You want to argue with him that you have absolutely no reason to trust him at all, but for some reason you’re already crawling out the window before you can get the words out. Your body trusts him, even as your mind doubts it. Strange, but nothing about this makes sense, anyway.

Peter straightens up slowly, bringing you with him. “Are you ready?”

“For what?” You ask, concerned.

His eyes dance with mischief. “For this,” he calls out, and he pulls you from the ledge.

There is a terrible moment of falling, when the only sure thing is his hand still wrapped around yours. You are plummeting towards the ground with dreadful speed, but then you’re not, and you’re leveling out again, the two of you pulled through the air as if by some invisible string.

The wind whips through Peter’s hair as the two of you soar through the air. “How is it?” He shouts over to you.

You laugh delightedly. “Fantastic.” It’s almost a pity it isn’t real. The fact that it feels so true but isn’t is almost more heartbreaking as if nothing had felt like reality in the slightest.

Before you know it, you and Peter are well beyond the reaches of your town, or even your country. Dark waters skim by underneath you, the waves of some foreign sea. Thousands of stars twinkle above you, Peter points out a few, shouts, second star to the right and straight on ‘til morning, that’ll get us there. You frown at him, call back, where? And he laughs, delighted in the thought of all that you have soon to experience, and screams, Neverland! at the top of his lungs.

It sounds like a joyous place. It is, from the moment you step foot on its pearlescent beaches, and later still, when you’re striding through the lush forests towards a campsite. It’s all a blur from that moment onwards, a swirl of new faces running towards you and laughing at your jokes, the clash of swords without a trace of fear, promises that you’ll love this even better, or that, or everything.

It is paradise. You do a hundred things and never tire. The Lost Boys who meet you, take you by storm, and obviously enjoy the company of a newcomer. Throughout all of it, Peter watches, tucked into the shadow of a tree trunk, arms folded across his chest with that satisfied smile on his face again. He does not approach until earlier into the morning, once dawn starts bleeding out beneath the blushing fingers of the rising sun.

“We have to go back,” he tells you at last, slipping out from his hideaway to step carefully to your side, “Or, you do, at least.”

The memory that none of this is real comes crashing down upon you, and you can feel the ecstasy of this whole night leaving you in a flash. “Right,” you say, “This is just a dream. Forgot about that.”

The thought that you’ll have to wake up and go to school and exist again as a normal person without any of this wonder that you’d just experienced makes you feel sick and saddened. Peter shakes his head, eyes soft. “You don’t necessarily have to wake up, but you should. You can come back soon, though.”

You laugh bitterly. “Of course I can, dream boy. I’m going to forget all of this by morning.”

He frowns. “Do you want to?”

“No,” you insist, “but I don’t think I have a choice.”

“You do,” Peter tells you, “You always have a choice. Always.”

With that, he takes your hand, and pulls just so. You stumble forward, caught off balance, and when you look up again, you’re in your room. Same four walls, same ceiling, same everything. You know somehow that this is the dream no longer, even without mysterious boys or wonderful islands in front of you.

A dreadful sigh leaves your lungs, carrying only heartbreak and misery. What a pity, to have such a magnificent dream and then have to leave it. Knowing that none of it was real is perhaps one of the worst agonies you have ever encountered in your life.

Or– was it not real after all? There’s something clenched in your hand, and you raise it slowly, uncurling the fingers one by one. What falls neatly onto your lap is a stone, polished to perfection by centuries of tides. It’s like no stone you’ve ever seen around here, shiny in a way that nothing natural is. It’s dark and lovely and– and it’s exactly like the ones on the shores of Neverland when you first touched down. There was no way you could have gotten it anywhere but there. That means that you were there after all, and that it’s real, it’s all real.

You go throughout the day in a haze, barely able to focus long enough to remember where you’re supposed to be going. None of it matters, though, not even the snide comments of your teachers or the questioning looks from your peers. Nothing matters, because the second the day ends and night creeps back around you, you know it’s time.

You have a brief moment of terror just before you fall asleep when you wonder if you can get back after all, that perhaps that was just a one time thing. No, you decide firmly, I want it. I’m going.

And, when you open your eyes to that same slightly uncanny feeling of the dream before, you know it, you can get back. Peter isn’t here this time, but that doesn’t stop you from racing to your window and throwing open the sash. You leap out into the air again blindly, reaching for the stars even before your feet leave the threshold. You won’t get hurt, none of this is real. All of this is real, that’s why you can fly into the air again, caught by an unseen hand. Second star to the right. Straight on until morning. You know the way. You couldn’t forget it if you tried.

The beaches of Neverland are empty, but you charge forward anyway, nearly tripping over tree roots and loose plants as you hurry through the forest. You can just see the lights of the camp, and then, yes, you’re into the clearing, and you’re greeted by shouts of glee and joy. Peter’s waiting for you at last, slowly clapping with the rest of the boys.

“You made it,” he says, evidently proud, “We wanted to see if you could.”

“Of course I can,” you tell him, laughing, “I made that choice.”

“That you did,” Peter says, and the celebrations begin.

It is quite possibly the best time of your entire life. You repeat this process day after day, slogging through your daylight hours with the end goal of being able to fall asleep and go back to Neverland, back to your Lost Boys, back to Peter. Nothing matters but the island. They all get along with you better than any friend you’ve ever made on the mainland.

The journey takes a shorter and shorter time, gone in the blink of an eye, and half the time you just wake up on the shores anyway, so familiar is the destination to you. You learn archery, throw knives, spar with the boys, shriek and shout and spin around the campfire. It’s fantastic, all of it, but that only makes the morning even worse in your opinion.

For, no matter how excellent of a night you had on Neverland, you always have to go back. Always. Peter takes your hand and he gives you that same look, that expression of regret and acceptance, and promises to see you later, to see you soon. Then you’re back in your house, and every time, the storm of homesickness and grief at no longer being on your island pulls you under.

It makes you think, though. On your first night on Neverland, Peter had said something strange about how you didn’t necessarily have to wake up. Perhaps it fits in with what he’s been telling you about how everything is just a choice. Maybe he’s been waiting for you to want that choice, the one to live here forever. It’s one you’d make in a heartbeat if you could only do it.

Curious, though, you start looking around at the other Lost Boys. They had to have gotten here somehow, right? One night you see one of them arrive, ferried over by a strange shadowy thing that looks far more terrifying than the whirlwind flight you’d had with Peter.

You ask one of the Lost Boys about it that night, interested to know why you were brought by Peter and this newcomer wasn’t. Apparently, though, you were the anomaly, not this boy.

“Usually Pan makes his shadow bring newcomers over,” the boy tells you matter-of-factly, “but I guess he wanted to impress you or something.”

You frown. “Why?”

The boy lifts a shoulder, evidently unbothered by the whole affair. “You’re the last of the dreamers, I guess he wants to keep you around or something.”

It’s an unhelpful answer, all things considered, and basically just what Peter had told you in your dream bedroom that first night. Still, the story is consistent, at least, and it makes you even more certain that Peter wants you to stay. You’re one of the dreamers, right? Why wouldn’t he want you to stay here forever, at least to keep his magic strong if not for the obvious friendship the two of you have had since the very first time you met?

You resolve to bring it up to Peter the next night. You’ve barely been on Neverland for an hour or two before you pull Peter aside and tell him what’s been on your mind for the longest time.

The breath out of your lungs is shaky, but you’re determined to get this right. “I want to stay in Neverland,” you tell him. “Forever, I mean. Not waking up. I want you to bring me here in real life. You always say that we have to make choices, and this is mine. I choose Neverland.”

Peter nods slowly, and you’re almost getting up your hopes that he’ll be accepting when he starts to speak. “That certainly would be an important choice. I would have to choose to bring you, though.”

You incline your head once. “Yeah, that’s why I’m asking you now. I mean, we’re friends, right? You and me, and the rest of the Lost Boys get along with me, too. I belong here, you know that. You brought me here in the first place, at least let me stay.”

He’s not saying anything. Why isn’t he saying anything? After too many minutes, Peter sighs, raking a hand through his hair. “Dreaming is one thing. Actually living here is something else entirely.”

“I know,” you say, starting to get impatient, “I’ve thought about this a lot, trust me, but I feel more alive on your island than I have in the real world. This is my home, Peter. You made it my home.”

Peter stares at you, the ground, his hands, and back to you. “No,” he says at last.

It feels as if you have fallen off of a tall cliff, condemned to tumble down forever in endless emptiness. “What? Why wouldn’t you– you’ve let me come here every night for months, but actually being on this island for good is too much for you? Peter, was any of this actually real to you? Was I just here as a temporary thing while you tried to harness the power of a dreamer or something?”

Peter shakes his head quickly. “No, no. It wasn’t about that. You’re as good as one of my Lost Boys–”

You cut him off, feeling the horror build in your chest with every passing second. “But never actually one of them, right? I can hang around during my nights but I will never be one of them, because you don’t really want me here. If you did, you would have brought me like all the others.”

You want to scream and cry, perhaps both. You’ve trusted him and, hell, even loved him, more than anyone else. Peter was the one thing in between you and complete melancholy. He’s turned your whole life around, given you reason after reason to keep going, but he does not want you around for good. Maybe he doesn’t even want you around at all.

He’s trying to say something, come up with some excuse that’ll somehow exempt him from your heartbreak, but anger is quickly outweighing sadness in your mind and you won’t let him. “No,” you say shakily, “If you never intended to keep me, I won’t waste our time. Why have me here at all?”

Peter’s eyes widen. “Wait, please–”

You never hear the end of his sentence. You’ve woken yourself up from this glorious dream enough to be able to do it all by yourself, and you do it now. When you open your eyes, it’s still dark outside, several hours from morning, but it’s over now, it’s all over.

You know that with certainty. You’ll never be going back. If Peter does not want you, and it is suddenly crystal clear that he does not, or he would have already taken you to Neverland and never fought it, then you will not trouble him with your presence any longer. This is what he wants, even if it destroys you. 

It’s funny, realizing how much being on Neverland transformed your life. Your waking hours suddenly seem longer, the days filled with more dread and dullness than they ever had before. You had been miserable before you dreamed of Peter and the Lost Boys, and now that misery is back in full force. You compel yourself to forget him, to forget everything that had happened on that island, but picking up the pieces is a far harder task than you had ever anticipated.

Days pass. Weeks. Months. At first, you have to force yourself to wake up from that dream again and again, catching yourself with the image of second stars to the right even as you promised yourself that you would never think of it again, but it gets easier as time goes by. That hurts more than it should, but you have no other choice. Peter does not put himself in your dreams again. You do not show up to Neverland. Everything is exactly as it was before, but worse, because now you have those memories of a time that was far better than this one.

You’re walking home from school one day when you’re reminded of Neverland again. It’s a strong memory, forcing itself to the front of your mind. Green trees, the leaves waving overhead. The breeze whipping at your face. You can’t imagine why you’d be thinking of it again, and then you turn a corner and he’s there in front of you. 

Peter.

It’s impossible. You’re not dreaming, so he shouldn’t be here unless– unless he actually came here. You stand stock-still, hardly daring to breathe, and Peter looks back at you, just as shaken even though he’s the one who came all this way.

“I miss you,” he says slowly, unsteadily. You’ve never seen Peter hesitant, or ever show any sign of a lapse in his typical cocky confidence. Not until now, that is. Truly, he has no idea how you will treat him now that you’ve already left once before and gotten away with it.

“I know,” you tell him, “I know.”

Peter tilts his head to the side, trying to get a read on you. “Did you miss me?”

You take a step to the side, looking at the nearby scenery, anything but him. “Yes. Parts of it. I missed running with the Lost Boys under the trees. I missed the bonfires and the dancing. And yes, I think I missed you. But I hated feeling like you didn’t want me there, and for a while, that was enough to make me think I didn’t miss you.”

Peter’s eyes are wide, twin emeralds twinkling in the quiet air. “And what about now that I’m here? Can you miss me now?”

“I can,” you decide at last. You do. You have, and seeing him again has ripped open a fresh wound you swore had already healed. Blood is oozing around your fingers, but for some reason being with him still takes away the pain of such a grievous blow.

Peter holds out a hand to you. He’s trembling slightly, far less sure of himself than he’d been in a dream of your bedroom many months ago. Still. He wants you even now.

“Come back with me,” he says, “Back to Neverland. We all need you. I need you. You don’t have to leave if you don’t want to. It was always your home, I didn’t realize it before. It could be your home again.”

You look at him. It’s been a long time. You’ve grown up in the time since you last stepped foot on the island, but strangely enough, you think he has too. That’s why you’re able to take his hand at last, and trust that he will not let you down again. He needs you, just like he said. As it turns out, you need him too.

Peter’s smile is radiant. “Shall we go back, then?”

You allow yourself to smile back at last. “I think we will.”

ouat tag list: @lovesanimals0000, @eclliipsed, @w1shes43, @lost-ender

[w1shes43]

LISA THIS WAS AMAZING!!🩷 No but actually I feel like you're trying to bring me back to my ouat Peter pan phase 😟😟😟

[w1shes43]

AAA I CANT BELIEVE FORBIDDEN PROXIMITY REACHED 100 NOTES !!!!

Internally screaming rn thank u, guys ❤️❤️❤️

[heliads]

A Happy Death

Loving Jesper Fahey is not something that should feel complacent or forgettable, but for some reason, that's exactly what it is right now.

masterlist

It is half past nine bells, and Jesper has yet to visit you. This by itself is not enough to damn him, not completely, but today is the anniversary of the first time he ever took you out on a date and he has yet to say a thing about it. You have been waiting for him to do something, anything, to indicate that he has not forgotten you completely, but. Your door still goes unknocked, and the hours only tick by.

He’s out in the city somewhere, you think, finding his reflection on the other side of a glass of spirits or hanging on for one more round of Makker’s Wheel. Wherever he is, it is enough to entertain him for quite a long time, and enough to make him forget about you.

You didn’t want to be like this on your anniversary– sad, empty, riddled with heartache– or on any other day. You’re not a native of the Barrel, weren’t born among its smoky chimneys or bloody alleyways, so you’re not prone to the heartlessness that most residents of Ketterdam can wear like the pinnacle of fashion. You still weave your emotions into everything you do, a shameful habit that today, at least, is teaching you that you must end sooner rather than later.

The problem is that you don't have to disguise your true emotions, not always. Jesper liked that best about you, actually. Said he’d never met someone so real in all his life. Now he’s the one off living life to the fullest, able to do whatever he wants on a whim, and you’re the one lying on your bed, trying to convince yourself that you’re fine, just fine. 

Jesper was one of the first people you met in Ketterdam, certainly one of the first friends you made. Your hometown was small and inconsequential, only able to constrain you and make you feel like you’d never be enough. You ran the second you could, and the well-trodden dirt paths you were used to changed to the rainy pavement of the Barrel in the blink of an eye.

Some would say that was the worst mistake you could ever have made. Half the souls stuck in Ketterdam would have traded everything they had for the life you willingly left. Everyone left over after that would kill to stay on top. No one wants to be the thing in between, the wide-eyed creature with tattered suitcases and quickly fading ideals of what it would mean to be a new girl in a new city.

You ended up running with Brekker’s gang before long. It wasn’t the best, nothing was, but it kept you off the street and that seemed well enough for you. Kaz must have been feeling charitable when he took you in, because you’re mainly there for administrative work, fetching things or tallying sums or tasks that don’t involve blood and bone.

Jesper was there too, of course. He said he loved you from the start, but you don’t think that’s quite true. It took him about a week or so, once he’d seen you under the dim glow of dance hall lighting. You two were there on one of Kaz’s jobs, but the way Jesper smiled when he twirled you was nothing fabricated in the slightest.

And it had been good for a while there, after that. Jesper walked you home and picked you up the next night too, just because he could. He bought you drinks and brought you flowers. It was perfect, for a while, or as close to perfect as anything really gets around here.

The problem was when the relationship lost its novelty. Jesper is a wonderful gambler, excellent at always upping the ante, always risking the odds. He loved you at the start because you were someone new, someone exciting. It should have come as no surprise that he could move on just as quickly as he first found you.

He doesn’t do it out of any malevolent intention, you think. The blame does not lie with either of you, it just. Is. It’s something you can’t change any more than him. We all wear out eventually, our pictures gather dust, and at some point you look around and realize that things have lost the spark they had at the beginning, that you’ve been going through life in the comfort of repetition. Love is not a task to be completed, but that’s what it feels like now.

It hurts, obviously. Everything does. You moved to Ketterdam because you wanted a shock to your system, a thunderous rush of blood to your head. You wanted something different, and you got it, but now everything is slipping back to the same sort of nothingness you’d had before. It is terrible that this feeling could follow you all the way from home and still have your name written all over it. It is awful, that this could only ever be your path to follow, no matter how badly you try to stray.

Imagine for a moment, if you will, that there is a young girl growing up with no one around to truly need her, and that she is you. Imagine that she makes up her mind to move somewhere far away as soon as she’s able, so that her family can spend their time looking for her, not just away, never away. Imagine that she moves to Ketterdam and finally meets a boy that truly pays attention to her, how much of a marvel that must be. 

Imagine that boy is Jesper, and one day, he stops looking. You cannot imagine what to do next. You cannot imagine that it would happen again. You must, though. You must decide how to live without him here beside you.

It’s been exactly six months since you first started dating. No one thought it would last that long; things around here rarely do. If you’re lucky, you can hold onto something for a few weeks, maybe even a month or two. This was something else, something better. You used to think that it’s because you and Jesper were destined for each other, something like eternity, but now it just feels like monotony, and one that neither of you want.

Jesper used to celebrate every anniversary. He gave you flowers after a day, took you out dancing after a week, kissed you at a festival after one month. He once promised you that he’d bring you the very Saints to bless you once six months had passed, but that was at the start, and now you’re staring at the ceiling of your empty room and wondering how you could have possibly strayed so far from what you’d had.

This is not the end. Not yet. We only ever realize we’re in the final steps of some dance when the music has started slowing down. Your little turn about the music box is not over yet. There are still beats left, even as your rotations grow less and less frequent. You still have time until the lid snaps shut and plunges you into darkness once more, although it feels as if the minutes are running out faster than you can count.

Eventually, you give up and go to sleep. It is not a deep sleep, this; you’re awoken by every single pair of boots that thuds down the stairs of the Slat, just in case it’s Jesper come to apologize for being out so late.

He doesn’t come. It is crushing. You wake up the next morning, feeling significantly worse for wear, and he is– fine, actually, he’s fine, laughing with a bunch of his friends in the corner of the room about the crazy night they’d had. He looks up briefly to raise a hand when you emerge from the stairs, but goes back to the conversation just as quickly. Saints.

A hand on your elbow; you whip around to see Inej Ghafa, Ketterdam’s resident mirage. She’s managed to get the slip on you again, appearing out of nowhere to regard you with her cautious dark eyes.

“Is everything alright?” She asks quietly.

Were it anyone else, you’d brush it off, come up with some lie about how you’re just great. Inej knows everything, though. She probably heard you pacing late last night, waiting for someone who would never come.

“No,” you admit, and Inej’s lips purse.

“Jesper?”

You nod to acknowledge her question. “He forgot our anniversary. It was only six months, but still. It hurts.”

Inej casts a glare at the corner of the room where Jesper is still crowing over how he’d managed to win a particularly dangerous round of cards against men who all wanted him dead. “He doesn’t deserve you.”

You sigh. “At this rate, I don’t think I deserve him. If I was worth it, he’d stay around, right?”

Inej’s gaze is sad, and you can’t quite meet it. “Y/N, you know that’s not true. Talk to him, please. Jesper is probably just distracted, I swear he’ll come around if you just tell him how you feel.”

You want to tell her that the problem is that you were a distraction from his real life, not that anything happening in Jesper’s life is a distraction from you, but Inej has her own problems and you can’t ask her to play relationship counselor any more than she already is. You muster up a weak smile and thank her for the chat, then go to work like it’ll make you feel any better.

You do get your revenge in some small way. Usually, you and Jesper meet up for lunch, or if not that then at least once before the day is up. This time, though, you mind your own business, and go out of your way not to run into him. You’re not sure that you could stomach the sight of him so happy, so utterly unaware that he’s giving up on you.

Without you making a conscious choice to seek him out, you actually end up passing a few days before Jesper finds you. You were almost starting to think that he’d give up entirely, but no; four days pass since the morning after your forgotten anniversary and Jesper corners you at the Crow Club. You should have known better than to show up, really, but you were just stopping by for a quick drink and it slipped your mind.

Scarcely had you settled at one of the stools lining the bar when Jesper appeared by your side, one eyebrow raised expectantly. “Would you like to tell me what’s going on, or do I have to guess at it myself?”

“Hello to you too,” you say with a sigh.

Jesper groans. “Don’t give me that. I’m trying to be nice but you’ve been avoiding me, don’t try to deny it. Can you just tell me what I did wrong so I can apologize and we can move on?”

His wording irks you. He’s acting like you’re some kind of puzzle to be solved, a temporary issue that he can handle and then subsequently ignored. You don’t want to be ignored, though. Not again.

“Our six month anniversary was earlier this week,” you say simply.

It’s all that Jesper needs to be reminded of what he’s forgotten. He winces in pain, then turns back to you, the perfect picture of apology. “Saints, Y/N, I’m so sorry. I’ll make it up to you, I swear–”

You cut him off, voice blank. “How?”

Jesper blinks at you. “What do you mean?”

You gesture loosely at him. “How are you going to make it up? Are you going to remember the next anniversary? Are you going to pay me a single shred of attention unless I have to fight to get it?”

“Y/N,” Jesper says desperately, “I messed up, I know that, but it won’t happen again. You’re my whole world, I would never do this on purpose. You have to realize that.”

You tilt your head to the side, considering what he’s said. “I was your whole world. I don’t know if I am anymore. I love you, Jesper, more than anything, but I don’t want to keep being on the sidelines of every great thing you do. I’m counting down the days until you forget about me for good. How long do I have left, Jes? How long until I blend into the background and I’m no longer unusual or interesting enough to catch your eye? What will you do when I’m no longer a bet that calls your focus or a gamble worth the odds?”

Your breath is heaving in your chest, but it feels good to say every single word. “I loved being your favorite,” you continue in a whisper, “but I don’t think I am anymore.”

Jesper’s eyes are wide and terrified. He thinks he’s going to lose you, you realize. You don’t know if he already has or not. “I was wrong,” he says slowly, “wrong to make you feel like you were anything but my priority. I know I don’t deserve a second chance, not if I’ve been making you feel like this, but– Y/N, I love you. Really, I do. Let me try to show it again.”

He’s taken your hand, his own fingers trembling as he links them with yours. You look at him and you realize that he’s being genuine. A pause, then:  “Alright, Jesper. One more chance.”

Jesper’s smile is back on his face in a flash. “You mean it?”

“Yes,” you say with a laugh, “I do. I don’t want to leave you. That’s the whole reason I was so upset.”

“It’ll never happen again,” he promises.

You watch your face as he smiles back at you. His gaze is centered on you, pleased and happy, but there’s something else there, hidden in the back of his eyes. Relief, yes, but more than that– complacency. An expectation that the normal roles have been followed. He did not really think that anything else would happen, even though it terrified him that he had come so close to losing you. 

So you sit there, let him buy you another drink, and you think to yourself:  what is the line, and how do you know when he crosses it? How will you let him come crawling back to you when he does? That is the worst part of love, you suppose, how you would fight for it even after it died.

Looking over at Jesper, though, how he stares at you like the rising sun, you think you’d let him kill you anyway. It’s a worthy death. Perhaps that is why you let him stay each and every time.

grishaverse tag list: @rogueanschel, @deadreaderssociety, @cameronsails, @mxltifxnd0m, @story-scribbler, @retvenkos, @mayfieldss, @eclliipsed, @gods-fools-heroes, @bl606dy, @auggie2000, @baju69, @crazyhearttragedy

[w1shes43]

LISA, I KNOW IM LATE TO THIS BUT WHYYYY😭 I love the Jesper fic, but you got my crying halfway thinking it wasn't going to end well. Love it tho 🫶🫶🫶

[w1shes43]

Jesper Fahey Masterlist

Bling to the Ring: Summary: Fake marriage, you're already dating, but the place you're going to go on a heist allows only allows a specific married couple.

[w1shes43]

Grisaverse Masterlist

Jesper Fahey Masterlist

[w1shes43]

Bling to the Ring [J.F]

Jesper Fahey x fem!reader

Summary: Fake marriage, you're already dating, but the place you're going to go on a heist allows only allows a specific married couple.

Taglist: @heliads

A/N: This took forever, but I hope you enjoy!

Masterlist

----☆----

The sound of loud gunshots being fired off in the distance never seemed to faze you. You have lived in Ketterdam for a long time, and that sound is like hearing your everyday schoolbell.

And it definitely helps that a certain sharpshooter is always doing that. Practising his aim, twirling his pearl handled revolvers any time he has the chance. You've become immune to the sound at this point.

Walking down the dimly litted streets, you find yourself strangely calm. You don't know why. Perhaps this is one of your good days, but usually, this means something bad is about to go down. You shrug of all thought of that and walk into the Barrel.

You find yourself scanning the area to look for a certain sharpshooter. You find him at a table in the corner with a drink in his hand. To everyone but the keen eye, it looked as if he was just enjoying his drink, but at close inspection, he was holding his revolvers, ready to shoot at any given moment.

You were debating whether or not to suprise him and see how that would go, but you concluded that wouldn't go so well. You walked towards him, with a small smirk on your face, and sat across of him.

He looked up and locked eyes with you. You could see that he instantly calmed down and loosened up

"Thought you'd be playing cards over on the other table, but seems you've chose a more calm evening, eh?" You joked as you pointed to the drink in his hand. He chuckled and passed it to you, and you took a sip.

He pretended to ponder for a bit and then answered, "Decided to wait for my girlfriend, you know? Didn't want to start anything fun without her. It would be too inconsiderate."

"Well, I'm sure she is thankful Jes." You laughed, putting down the drink to hold his hand.

Over the past few months that you've been together with Jesper were the happiest you've ever been. He always seemed to make you laugh at any given moment and never forgot to include you in heists or anything under the sun.

After chatting along to various topics with Jesper, in your peripheral vision, you saw Inej walking swiftly towards you. You turned your head to greet her, and she nodded your way.

"Sorry to interrupt your moment, but Kaz wants us upstairs in his office." She said, smiling at the both of you and left as quickly as she came.

"She did interrupt our moment, but I didn't want to mention it. She might stab me in my sleep." Jesper gulped but quickly replaced it with a wholehearted laugh. You just rolled your eyes and shook your head with a small smile. He stood up and offered you his arm, you gladly took it.

At Kaz's office, he explained to the three of you that he planned a heist. The reward would be a lot of kruge. Kaz said this information first with a small smirk. He mentioned it being in a huge vault at a heavily guarded place. Only a few people are allowed in, and it's the people who added kruge to the vault.

The catch is that the people who built it only know that it was a married couple who added kruge to the vault. According to Kaz's source, they don't know what the married couple look like but do know their names.

Clearly, he expected you and Jesper to work on this as the "married couple." Inej would sneak in and take out some of the guards to clear your path of entry. But not before you pass the gates with security checks, Kaz made sure to enter you both into the system.

You got yourself prepared before going on the heist. Memorising the names and backstories just in case you were asked, you can only hope Jesper remembered his, too.

You were waiting out on the balcony, listening to the calm, quiet night before you, just hoping everything would go well for the heist. While in thought, you heard footsteps behind you. You knew who it was so you didn't bother turning around and instead answered out loud.

"Hey Jes. You ready?" You asked, turning around and leaning your back on the railings.

"Me? Not ready? Please, do you know me?" He pointed at himself with a smile, "I'm always ready." He laughed and went to lean beside you on the railings. "You doing alright there, love?"

You nodded, "Just hoping this will go well. It usually does, but I just want you to be safe."

He gazed at you intently and pulled you into a hug. You laid your head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat as he spoke, "Come on, we can do this Y/N, we always have." He pulled apart slightly but kept one hand on your waist and the other on your cheek, "Don't back out on me now, darling." He winked, and his actions easily made you to form a smile.

The place where the vault was kept was this mansion like building. The vault was kept underground, so the building on top was just for show or more like security. Trees overlapping the entryway to the building, and layers of gates and guards surrounded the place.

You and Jesper stood to the side, hiding behind a tree right before you entered.

"Ok, about more than a dozen or so guards guarding the front gate." You said, and Jesper nodded. "Stay calm, and it'll all go smoothly."

"My dear wife, let's go get that kruge."

Taking a deep breath, you both walked together to the front gate. You examined the area and saw only a few other people, probably rich people, stuffed with tons of money at their fingertips. The guards asked for identification and checked their names in the system of more paperwork.

When it went to you two, Jesper gave the identification papers, and the guard checked it. He looked at both of you cautiously and you could sense the suspicion.

"We're older than we look," Jesper chuckled, "My wife and I have... uh ... just been eating healthy. For the 34 years we've been together!" You both smiled through the awkwardness and hoped that the guard wouldn't suspect anything.

He gave you both one more glance but nodded, smiled, and handed back the papers. You both thanked the guard and quickly went through the gate. You let out a breath you didn't realise you've been holding in. Well, that's stage one complete, you thought.

Walking past the other gates was a piece of cake after that. Inside the building was less security, so there was less interrogation. It was a huge hall with lots of stairs going up, but what the way down was what you were looking for.

Blending in with the crowd, you and Jesper managed to get down the stairs of the building. Walking past the guards and into the vault room. It was well lit and huge corridor, rows of big vault doors on either side, but they weren't important. The important one you were after was the one with the green vault door, now that had the cheddar. That was at the very end of the corridor, aka the biggest vault there.

Earlier, Kaz had told you that the vault had a pass code but also a word identification. You looked around, and it was surprisingly quiet. You thought there would be at least a few guards, but none? You turned to Jesper, and he was already looking at you, all written on his face the exact same confusion you had.

"Maybe they went for a coffee break?" He laughed, nudging you along to follow him towards the vault.

"Sure and leave the vaults with more than a million kruge unguarded? It seems a bit off to me." Inquiring as you scanned around once more, while Jesper punched in the passcode and word identification.

A hissing sound was made as the passcode punched in caused the vault doors to open. You both glanced at each other eagerly and looked back to see what you had been waiting for. The vault doors opened and you expected to see stacks upon stacks of money.

Instead, you were greeted with two faces, the faces of the couple you were impersonating.

"Who are you, and how did you know the passcode to the vault?" The shorter woman shouted as the man beside her, assuming her husband started to come closer to the both of you, drawing a gun from his right pocket.

"Well, this is awkward," you said worryingly, "perhaps we should start running if we want to not get shot." Starting to take off in the opposite direction back up the stairs.

"Yeahh, good plan. I'll cover fire for us." Jesper said, The man started shooting at both of you, and Jesper shot back with his revolvers.

Suddenly, the alarm was set off, and you knew this was a mess. You could hear lots of footsteps and people shouting to either get out of the way or that they went this way.

You turned a corner instead of going to the stairs, which was your original plan, and went down towards the basement instead. Jesper was still shooting at some guards behind you. You saw an elevator down the hall, which would lead to the back of the building, your escape.

Jesper pulled you into a room, well, it turned out to be a closet. It was dark and stuffy, and the only light source was from the small window above the both of you. Brooms and dust pans were brushing up against you, and you were trying to wriggle out of the small space.

You could hear the guards running past, calling out to find out where you and Jesper were. It is literally the most cliche place to find the robbers, but you were glad they didn't think of it.

"Right, well, I'm not sure how we ended up like this. I'm not complaining though, got a great view from this angle." Although it was a bit dark, you could make out the outline of his smug grin.

"Jesper, as much as I love you, I would really like if we were able to live through this."

"Don't worry, I promise you, you won't get hurt. I won't let you get hurt. In fact, if anyone lays a hand on you I'll-" You cut him off with putting a hand over his mouth as a shadow of a guard was near the door. You hoped he wouldn't open it, and you thought he was about to until you heard the other guards call him over.

You lowered your hand from his mouth and let out a sigh, but Jesper quickly took your hand and placed a kiss on the back of it. "Couldn't let that opportunity go to waste." He winked, "I think the coast is clear we should be able to go now."

You swear this man always wants to give you butterflies every chance he can get. But you can't deny that you do enjoy it.

He opens the doors carefully, and you both make a run for the elevator on the left. Running as fast as you both could go, and this reminded you of your very first heist. It didn't go as planned, but you still enjoyed the adrenaline from it, maybe because you were with Jesper or because you enjoyed the feeling of knowing you'll stay alive at the brink of death.

As you entered the elevator, you pressed the buttons to the back of the building. The elevator wasn't a normal one. It could go all different sides if it wished. The owner of the building thought it would be useful to use to go whenever and wherever he wanted in the building.

You waited impatiently for the doors to close and stood at the side of the elevator while Jesper stood on the left side. Inej is supposed to meet you back outside at the back of the building, with the money, which you don't have.

You rubbed a hand over your face, annoyed. Well, there goes your chance of joy with bathing in some kruge. As if you'd get most of it anyway, Kaz would probably take most of it, to be honest.

Just as the doors were about to shut, you heard something you never knew would frighten you until now. A deafening noise of shock and horror that would twist your stomach into tight knots that would almost make it snap into two. The scene of crimson red blood slowly showing up.

The bullet came at the speed of light, and both of you never expected it. The sound deafened your ears and and everything was blocked out. A ringing covered your ears as you looked over at Jesper, whose normally grey shirt now started flooding with red.

"Well, this was definitely unexpected." He tried to make a joke and chuckle, but he collapsed onto the ground. With shaky knees, you rushed towards him, worry scanning all over your face, and even your eyes started to water.

The doors were closed, and the elevator started moving to the back. You checked him, and thank saints he wasn't shot in the heart, but it was dreadfully close, leave it untreated for too long, and he would die. You rushed to take off the jumper you had on and wrapped it tight around his chest to try stop the bleeding.

"Jes, you're going to be okay, I promise." You tried to reassure him, but honestly, you weren't sure yourself how much time was left.

"I can't die. I'm too amazing," he laughed painfully, so you put a hand on his shoulder to steady him. At this point, you're hoping the elevator moves fast to get him to safety.

"Y/N, I'm serious if anything happens to me. I just need you to know -" he started to speak, but you cut him off. "Jes, please, stop.. I need you to be safe. You're going to be okay." You looked around, hoping that Inej would be here soon to help both of you.

The elevator stopped, and you were now at the back of the building. You helped Jesper up, slinging one of his arms around your shoulder to help carry his weight. And you tried your hardest not to lean too much pressure, so he wouldn't hurt as much. You heard more voices, that of guards, and you both knew it would only a matter of time before they get to you and Jesper.

You tried to hurry to hide behind the old shed on the right side, but you weren't fast enough. And Jesper was getting worse by the minute. You didn't know what was going to happen next. All you saw were guards with flashlights running from your left towards you. And you tried to stop them by pulling out one of Jespers' guns, but suddenly, you felt something sharp hit your leg.

You looked down to see a dart of some type. It was one of those darts that can knock you out flat in just a bit. And you looked back up to Jesper, and he knew you wouldn't be able to carry him up for much longer. He grabbed the gun from your hand and started shooting at the rest of the guards who were armed. You felt dizzy, and you tried to stay awake and keep your balance. You couldn't just leave Jesper by himself. You needed him to be alive more than yourself right now.

Right before your unconsciousness' desire to take over won, you saw a figure taking out the guards and helping Jesper up. And this figure went towards you too, and you tried to get a better look at their face, but the sleep took over.

...

Dark. That was it. All you could sense was your unconsciousness. The feeling of falling asleep but not on purpose. You felt something down in the deep darkness, some hope, some light. Some hope that everything is going to be fine, and you wanted that.

You wanted that so much that nothing mattered anymore except that you wanted everything to be fine, go back to messing around with your friends, be in Ketterdam safe and sound. And what you wanted the most was for your Jesper to be safe and sound.

So you moved. You moved towards the hope. The shining brightness that you so wish to achieve.

You opened your eyes and realised you were in a room, not on the ground outside. But in your room, your bed. You peered around, the light stinging your eyes a bit, but after a while, it adjusted.

Suddenly, you're hit with memories of what happened earlier. You were taken back to The Barrel, but by who? Maybe that mysterious figure was someone you knew?

But right now, that didn't matter. You needed to find Jesper. You needed to know if he was ok and safe. You ran out of your room, hoping to find him.

Suddenly, you bumped into something, or actually someone. This figure turned around, and it was Inej. You gasped in relief and hugged her, she returned it and you had to ask.

"Inej, what happened? I blacked out. Where is Jesper? Is he ok? And-"

"Y/N. Calm down. Everything is fine, Jesper is in his room," You were about to say something, but she cut you off knowing what you were about to ask, "Recovering. And yes, he is fine. You can go see him."

You thanked Inej and quickly made your way to Jesper's room. You took a deep breath and opened the door, and there he was sitting against the headboard of the bed. He had bandages wrapped all over his chest, torso, and arms. It took you a minute to register that he was really ok and alive, and when you both made eye contact, you broke down.

You staggered over to him and hugged him so tight. You never ever wanted to let him go. Your eyes flooded with tears as they ran down your cheek, soaking through his bandages, he returned your hug and kissed your forehead.

"I'm so sorry! I knew something like this was going to happen, and I-" you bawled out into his chest, but he stopped you, taking your face with both of his hands gently and looking you in your eyes.

"Hey! Hey, calm down. It's ok, it's over. I'm here, I'm here with you," he wiped your tears with his thumbs, "right now."

Tracing his thumb over a scratch you had on your face from the heist, he clicked his tongue in annoyance, "I'm gonna get those guys back for hurting you."

"Me? I should be getting them for what they did to you. You're in bandages, love."

"Eh, it's nothing I can't take." He chuckled, "But I do need one thing from you that will make it all better." He whispered, and you knew exactly what he meant as you leaned in towards him.

A kiss was all it took to heal the sharpshooter. He smiled into the kiss because he knew now that he loved you more than ever. And you would always be there for each other, knowing that in his heart was everything to him.

Pulling away, he took the palm of your hand and kissed it, turning it over and looking directly on the ring finger. Rubbing a thumb over it, he pondered for a bit and then looked into your loving eyes.

"I should really add a real ring to that finger now, shouldn't I?"

[heliads]

Hey Lisa! Just wanted to get a request in before it gets full 😂

I just thought of the idea of a Star Trek fic for Bones Mccoy but grishaverse au? I feel like he would be a heartrender. He would LOVE to use his powers against people to make fun of them or something! The reader likes Bones and is a human. Obviously, reader likes bones = heart palpitations and everytime they talk about or to Bones their heart is racing. So bones knows this and can tell that reader likes him so he's just smugly happy about this but doesn't tell reader he reciprocates the same feelings as he wants them to tell him first and be like "oh yeah it was obvious I could tell you liked me" and it's just fluff afterwards!!

Thank you so much Lisa <3

your ideas are ALWAYS top tier!! grishaverse au my beloved

masterlist

The Little Palace may get its power from the Grisha, but its secrets– its secrets it gets from the otkazat’sya. They’ll never tell you that, of course. The practitioners of the Small Science have enough of an ego to act like they can do everything themselves, but no one can. That’s why need the ordinary folk. That’s why they need you.

The rationale behind it all is surprisingly understandable. People who don’t have gifts, who can’t make the ocean sing or their kitchen fires dance, these are the sorts of people who can get behind locked doors without alerting suspicion. You swear people can tell Grisha from otkazat’sya just by a single glance. They walk differently, know they’re different, and then other people know, too.

You, though? You are a woman born without something else. You are just you. It hurts at times, walking through the Little Palace, surrounded by all these people with a great gift in a great place knowing that it is never truly yours, but it doesn’t have to be. You are Y/N. It is fine.

Besides, they can’t make you feel too terribly about yourself without admitting that they need you more than anyone. You’re one of their best spies, a liaison from beyond the walls that can tell them everything they need to know about anything. You have more audiences with the King of Ravka than any of the regular Grisha stationed within the very walls of the city, and you don’t even have the Small Science to back you up.

You have a knack for knowing things, that’s all. You find the people with the secrets, and you discover the ways to make those secrets come alive. Half the time, your targets don’t even know they’ve blabbed away everything they should have kept dear until you’re already gone. What they think is an ordinary conversation is actually rife with spilled clandestine information, they just haven’t realized it yet.

That’s what happened two towns south, actually. A First Army captain was drunk and hanging off his barroom stool, you were there to ply him with rounds and figure out just why his regiment’s been having difficulties keeping to the directions given to them by Ravka’s king. Turns out he’s the head of an anti-monarchy group, and now you have names and locations for future meetings. All in a day’s work.

You’re headed back towards Os Alta now, ready to hand over another successful venture’s information and help plan out the next move. You used to fear every audience with the king, too afraid of saying the wrong thing and being laughed out of the palace, but he’s more of a friend now than a source of apprehension. 

James Kirk is yet another one of dozens of bright, blond princes who become kings, and he’s more fond of a joke than a threat, or at least to you. They say he’s capable of piloting his country out of any crisis, and for his sake, you hope they’re right. Ravka needs all the help it can get.

If you’re going to be afraid of anyone, you’d be afraid of his right hand man, the general of the Second Army. Spock’s not aggressive, per se, or at least not physically so, but his biting wit isn’t exactly as approachable as Jim’s charm.

Still, they make a good team, and that’s what matters most. They’ve become your friends by now, and as you draw closer to the gates of Os Alta, your heart warms with the thought of meeting up once more with what you’ve come to appreciate as the regular crew of Ravkan governmental elite.

It’s not just Jim and Spock, after all. There’s Nyota Uhura, the best damn Squaller on this side of the Unsea, Scotty and Chekov, beloved Fabrikators, and last but certainly not least, Hikaru Sulu, your favorite Heartrender. All of them have become your close friends as of late, and you look forward to swapping stories with all of them.

And then, of course, there’s the one person you’ve conveniently left out, the one man who makes you terrified and excited and mainly just eager all at the same time:  McCoy, obviously. Bones is, well, Bones, and he’s been the same deadpan sarcastic Healer since the day you met him, but he’s also something else. Someone else. Someone you could love and do love and probably shouldn’t love, but do anyway. 

Loving Bones was easier than it should have been. He was one of the first people you ever met in the Little Palace. That was years ago now; you’re a different person than you ever were back then, but even at the start of it all, you knew your life was going to change the second you got the summons from the then-prince Kirk.

Jim’s king now, his father dead, but that doesn’t mean he’s any less invested in your professional skills. You were a First Army soldier then, involved in Fjerdan espionage and the like. You quickly rose through the ranks thanks to your superior skills in getting people to trust you, and that’s how you ended up on Jim’s radar.

The first time you received a note saying that you were to report to the Little Palace as soon as possible, you thought you were in trouble. Sure, there had been a few minor spots of fisticuffs with other soldiers in your past, but they were talking badly about you, and you just wanted to convince them that you were worth your salt. Physically. You won, anyway, and they shut up, but that was no reason a prince would want to see you in person, right?

Your record wasn’t in question, though, or at least not like that. It turned out that Jim wanted to see you so he could have a spy under his directive specifically, such that you could report not only on the enemy but on the dissenters in his own troops too, but you didn’t know that at the time. All you knew was the crisp cream stationery between your fingers, watching that fine paper smudge with the dirt on your fingertips. Soldiers have to get their hands a little more dirty than kings, but you never minded that. It’s what made you good. It’s what made you the best.

So you rode to Os Alta, marveling at the high gates and proud elites just like any tourist in town. You remember wandering through the Little Palace in an attempt to find the so-called War Room, and that’s where you met your friends.

Technically, you met Scotty first of all of them, and you couldn’t be more grateful for it. If there was anyone in the whole business who could calm your nerves with one bad joke and a witty grin, it would be him. Most Fabrikators end up holed away in their labs, but Scotty was out and about for the same meeting you would be attending. He offered to lead you to the proper spot, and you quickly accepted his offer.

Along the way, Scotty greeted the people he knew, one of them being Bones. Bones was the one who paid you the most attention even after your group of three grew as you were introduced to Sulu and Uhura and more. You hadn’t thought that a Grisha would really care all that much about the backstory of an otkazat’sya, but Bones, for some reason, listened.

His gruff attitude was off-putting at first, but, as Scotty told you in a stage whisper and you later learned for yourself, Bones isn’t exactly the most outgoing of your friends. He usually sticks to his medical tent and his patients. The fact that he was asking you questions about yourself in the same clinical tone as if asking about past prescriptions was, in Scotty’s eyes, a sure sign that the two of you were going to be the best of friends.

You have to say that the Fabrikator was right. When you were inducted into Jim’s circle for real, and your espionage reports started becoming more and more frequent, you had a greater chance of running into Bones. 

He usually stuck by your side during the meetings, turning towards you whenever you spoke and leaning over so he could whisper sarcastic mutterings against your hair whenever someone else said something ridiculous. You’ve long since learned to develop a poker face when he’s around; otherwise, you’d end up laughing at your own king, and that’s sort of frowned upon around here.

It really should have come as no surprise that you’d go all the way and fall in love with Bones. Maybe it’s just you deluding yourself into thinking that nothing is something, but you swear that Bones treats you differently from the rest. He actually smiles when he sees you, and he talks more to you than anyone else. He’s kind, and he cares, and if you just let yourself imagine it, you could convince yourself that it’s because he loves you just as much.

He has yet to say a word on the matter, though, so you suppose you’re damned to eternal silence on the subject. The two of you will continue dancing around the subject until one of you gets killed in Ravka’s endless wars, and then an end will finally be put to it all. Wonderful.

Today, though, you are happy to see him, and you walk to the Little Palace with an extra pep in your step. This latest mission of yours took you away from Os Alta for longer than usual, so you’ve been missing him even more than the normal amount.

The halls of the Little Palace are no longer the labyrinth they had seemed upon your first visit, and you hurry over to the Healers’ station as quickly as you can. Bones’ back is turned when you first approach, too busy organizing supplies to notice any newcomers.

You rap your knuckles against the threshold of the door. “Surprise.”

Bones’ back straightens, and when he turns around, his lips are quirked in something that might almost be a smile. “Y/N. Good to see you.”

“I know,” you grin, “It always is.”

He rolls his eyes, but his expression is fond. “You were gone a while,” he remarks, “two weeks longer than last mission. I thought I would have to patch you up or something. You know death is the only acceptable excuse for tardiness around here?”

You laugh. “I’m glad to hear you were worried about me. I’m fine, by the way.”

Bones gives you a once over as if double checking this statement, but he seems satisfied when he continues. “What took you so long, then?”

You lift a shoulder. “Trying to root out corruption, not exactly the easiest thing in the world. Also, I’m not supposed to be around here all the time, remember? I’m not Grisha, I don’t belong in the Little Palace.”

Bones gives you a disgruntled look when you say that. “You’re kidding, right? ‘Course you do. You may not be able to do weird things with a wave of your hand, but you’re one of us. That means you should stay longer.”

You smile to yourself. “Well, I’m happy to be wanted.”

“You know that,” Bones remarks, “The others say it all the time, why does it matter to hear me say that?”

You swallow, look away. “It’s just different with you, that’s all.”

He arches a brow. “Why?”

This is not where you wanted the conversation to go, but with Bones’ stare fixed firmly on you, you don’t think you’ll be escaping it anytime soon. “You’re more important to me than the others.”

There’s no one else in the room, no one else to hear the way Bones’ voice goes quiet when he hears you. “And why is that, Y/N?”

You glance at him beseechingly, but Bones doesn’t seem willing to back off. At last, you sigh, and prepare yourself to bear the weight of his disapproval. “Alright, alright. I– I like you. I love you. Happy now?”

It’s silent for a moment, then:

“I know.”

You gape at him in shock. “You knew?”

“Of course I did,” he says smugly, “Any Heartrender worth their salt can sense when someone’s heartbeat speeds up when they’re around, and despite what Jim says, I am quite worth my price.”

You have enough sense to swat him playfully on the shoulder, even as your mind is reeling with the weight of this revelation. “That’s King Jim to you, remember? Saints, no respect for royalty or for me.”

“I do respect you,” Bones frowns.

You arch a brow. “You respected me enough to listen to my heartbeat day in and day out, being perfectly aware of how I felt, but making me be the one to say anything? You could have told me how you felt and ended all of this much sooner.” 

A sudden, terrible thought occurs to you that perhaps he doesn’t feel anything at all and that’s why he didn’t say anything. All Bones told you was that he knew you loved him, not that he loved you back. You had thought you were friends, but would a friend toy with you like that?

Your heartbeat must betray your panicked musings, because Bones’ expression softens and he puts a hand on your shoulder to bring you back to reality. “I love you too,” he says firmly, “and I don’t want you thinking anything else. I just like giving you a hard time, that’s all.”

“I know,” you say teasingly. “Who wouldn’t love me?”

He gives you a look. “That doesn’t explain why you were so nervous a few moments ago.”

You feel your cheeks heat up. “That was different. You were intentionally withholding information.”

“I apologize,” he says, and draws closer to you. He pauses when he’s just a few breaths away, and for a moment you think he’s going to kiss you until he opens the door again. “Jim is waiting for us to start the meeting. We shouldn’t keep royalty waiting.”

You glare at him in indignation, but you’re too happy to keep your spirits down for long. “You’re awful, you know that?”

“I do,” he hums proudly, “and don’t worry about that, we’ll have time after the meeting.”

Time, yes. A lot of time. Maybe you should pay attention to how Bones said this place should be your home. And maybe, just maybe, you should ask Jim for more of a break in between missions. You think you’d like to explore your role here just a little more.

requested by @w1shes43, i hope you enjoy!

star trek tag list: @/w1shes43

[w1shes43]

AAA LISA THIS WAS SO AMAZING! I can't express how PERFECT this was. There is so much about it that i NEED to talk about, but firstly, Jim as prince/king?? Like Nikolai?? Should've honestly expected it, but I didn't and i love that.

It is exactly how I imagined bones to be!! Literally pushing to get an answer out of us to confess, girl, u got me smiling and giggling like a mad woman.

“Of course I did,” he says smugly, “Any Heartrender worth their salt can sense when someone’s heartbeat speeds up when they’re around, and despite what Jim says, I am quite worth my price.” Actually, this line is what I'm living for>>

"Your heartbeat must betray your panicked musings, because Bones’ expression softens and he puts a hand on your shoulder to bring you back to reality. “I love you too,” he says firmly, “and I don’t want you thinking anything else. I just like giving you a hard time, that’s all.” PLEASE MY HEART. I absolutely love bones and the way u wrote him in this is actually TOP TIER.

[w1shes43]

Fandoms

What I have seen in terms of films/series' that I may write about

Once upon a time

- season 3 (I haven't actually seen it, I only know Peter pan ;_;)

Marvel

- Iron Man I, II, III

- Guardians of the Galaxy I,II

-Captain America: First Avenger, The Winter Soldier

- The Amazing Spiderman I,II

- Spiderman: Homecoming, Far From Home

- Venom

- Fantastic Four, F.F: The Rise of the Silver Surfer

- Daredevil

The Maze Runner

-Scorch Trials

PJO

- And the Lightning Thief

- Sea of Monsters

The Hunger Games

- The Hunger Games

- Catching Fire

- The MockingJay I, II

Star trek

- Star Trek

- Into Darkness

- Beyond

Shadow and Bone (grishaverse)

- Season I,II

Enola Holmes

- Movie I

Knives Out

- Knives Out

-Knives Out: Glass Onions

X Men

- X Men

- X2

- X Men: The Last Stand

- X Men Origins: Wolverine

- X Men: First Class

- X Men: Days of Future Past

- X Men: Dark Phoenix

[w1shes43]

Masterlist

The Maze Runner

Grishaverse

[w1shes43]

Forbidden Proximity

- (TMR) Newt x reader

Summary: Takes place in "The Fever Code", before an examination test, you meet the beloved Newt. After meeting him, things start to be different and someone warned you to watch your proximity. But you think you're doing just the opposite.

Taglist: @heliads

A/N: AHHH, IT'S FINALLY FINISHED!! This fic took me so long. Motivation came and left like 1000 times. Sorry about that, and here it is!! Also, let's just imagine that newt is not like a minor here and is his movie age ;_; The ending is a bit rushed as I just wanted to get this fic finished tbh.

----☆----

Wake up, examinations and tests, eat food, maybe add a hint of some learning and then sleep. And it's repeating the same routine every day, over and over again. It's been like this for you ever since you got taken in this facility called W.I.C.K.E.D. They're not so harsh towards you but you saw and heard from others of what they can be like when they're angry so you usually do what you're told to be on their good side.

But life in this facility is very repetitive and dull so you always opt to do something fun once in a while, being extremely discreet of course. Whether it's going to see your friends in their rooms during night or sneaking to catch a look at the other group, Group A. You have to admit you don't know why you all have to be separated into different groups, maybe they don't want certain people interacting with each other? You found the question lingering in your mind for a while, so you plan to ask at your next examination, which is tomorrow, that very question.

You sat on your bed, waiting in your room for Dr. Paige to do some tests on you, observing around your room trying to pass time. You always seem to land on the clock. Time ticking like usual, you wondered how the clock can be so perfectly timed to the real time, but then again just another question to add to your pile.

"Questions and questions" you sighed, looking down at your feet, swinging them back and forth. You realised you were getting taller which makes you glad because Harriet used to tease you about your height, saying how you won't be able to reach anything. Guess you could prove her wrong now, you slightly chuckled at that.

The door opens and you look up thinking you were going to see Dr. Paige but instead a tall lady with round glasses. She had a firm look on her face as she approached you,

"Y/N, Dr. Paige is quite busy for a while so she won't be able to do your test right now."

She stated, looking at her clipboard which had some files on it, "She will do your examination in about half an hour. Please come with me to another test room."

You nodded as you got up from the bed to follow her out the door. She shut the door and you walked beside her as she brought you to the elevator and pressed a few buttons, you waited for about a minute and the doors opened to the 2nd floor. She ushered you to walk beside her as you looked around the 2nd floor, you've only been here once before and that was the first time you got examined.

You followed her into the first room on your right, and she told you to sit down and that she would inform you when Dr. Paige was here. As she left, you looked around the room and noticed that there was a blonde haired boy on the other side of the room, he had his head in his hands and he seemed to be the same age as you. You assumed both of you were here for tests.

You walked over to him and sat down on the empty chair beside him, the sound of the chair made him look up and he met your eyes.

"Oh hello there." The blonde smiled, you noticed he sounded a bit different, he definitely had an accent, not that you minded though it sounded nice. "You here for an examination too?"

You nodded and smiled back, "Yeah I am, how long have you been waiting here?" You asked, curious to talk to this boy.

"Probably been waiting for about 10 minutes?" He said, stretching his arms "I'm not really counting the time to be honest with ya, just waiting for this to be done and over with. So I can go and hang with my mates."

You raised an eyebrow, "Mates? What do you mean by that?"

"I mean my friends," he laughed, but then leaned in to whisper "We all usually hang out after our tests, obviously wicked doesn't know that, so keep it a secret for me and you could join us too." The blonde boy winked as he whispered the last part.

You chuckled, a corner of your lips developing a small smile. "Don't worry, your secrets are safe with me. And I didn't catch your name?"

"Name's Newt, pleased to meet you.. ?"

His sentence trailing off at the end in hopes of getting your name.

But before you could answer his last statement, the door swung open and you were greeted by two people, Dr. Paige and the other lady from earlier. They looked at the both of you and nodded to you, Dr. Paige calling your name as she was about to take your examination.

You nodded back to her and stood up from your chair, turning to Newt before you approached them, "Y/N. Pleased to meet you too." You smiled and waved at him as you followed behind Dr. Paige.

Your walk back to your room was silent, you usually would talk to Dr. Paige about a lot of things, how you were doing with learning and food or something along the lines of vital sign check ups. But this time you were silent, smiling to yourself as you thought about your encounter with the blonde boy, Newt was his name. Well not his actual name, as you knew they gave everyone different names but you thought it suited him, it was an oddly interesting name. To be honest you thought he was pretty cute too, you haven't talked to a boy your age since forever, before you even came to this place.

Smiling away to yourself must have caught Dr. Paige's attention as she talked to you as you both turned the hallway, heading to your room.

"Something on your mind Y/N? You look rather happy there." She spoke as she opened the door to your room, holding the door open so you could walk inside.

As you entered the room you sat on your bed, nodding to Dr. Paige's last statement.

She took a seat in front of you and got ready the equipment for your tests.

"Yeah I would say so, although I have a weird feeling in my stomach when I think about this certain … thing." You admitted, looking down at your feet and watching them swing back and forth again.

"Weird feeling in your stomach about a certain topic you say? Is this very recent or has this been happening for a while?" As she questioned you, she got ready the syringe for your injection and you took that as a sign to roll up your sleeve on your left arm.

"Quite recent. Actually right before you came to the room on the second floor."

She stopped and gave you a look.

"It's about Newt isn't it? That boy you met there?" She asked and her thoughts were confirmed when you looked at her and nodded. She sighed, "Y/N, that weird feeling you are talking about is called attraction or well starting out as a liking. We are specifically trying to prevent this though, it might interfere with your progress in tests. So please try not to think about him or even try to see him for that matter."

Dr. Paige had this firm look on her face, the one you heard about when Wicked employees got angry, you definitely didn't want to aggravate her even more but you still had to ask one more question, a very risky one considering the topic of the conversation.

"Dr. Paige, why do we have different groups, like why do you have to separate all of us?"

You looked at her eager for her answer as it could explain things. But she just pinched the bridge of her nose as she let out an annoyed sigh and with a sharp tone dodged your question.

"Y/N, enough questions. Remember you are here for one reason and that's to save the world. Everything we do is for your own good, be grateful you are even alive after what's going on out there." She snapped and looked you dead in the eyes.

Your eyes widened, you were stunned, Dr. Paige never raised her voice at you before. What was so wrong about the question you asked? You just wanted to understand their ways of running things, surely that's not a bad question but you assumed it was since she yelled at you.

She swiftly injected the needle into your arm, taking a blood sample for your test. And quickly put it into a plastic bag and sealed it inside another bag.

She turned around and headed for the door,

"I'll have some food delivered to your room so no need to go to the cafeteria for lunch. Remember Y/N, you're here to save the world, not question how things are."

And without another spoken word, she left and closed the door to your room.

You just stared at the closed door, pondering on what she said. You've always heard those words before 'Save the world.' How though? And wouldn't it be easier to save the world if we understood what's going on inside and outside? You scrunch your hair in annoyance and lay your head in your hands and thought for a bit.

You know what?

You were going to see Newt again.

But you have to think of a discreet way to meet up with him. How in the world are you even going to find him?

You could try and go back to that waiting room you were in earlier but chances are he's already gone and done his examination.

You usually catch a look at Group A, but that's through the vents and you don't really know your way around there as well as Harriet or someone else in your group.

As you try to think of ways to find him, your thoughts are interrupted when someone knocks on your door, it opens and it is one of your great friends, Harriet. You both smile and run for a hug, "How did your examination go?" Harriet asked, pulling away from the hug.

"I don't know what to think, I just hope I haven't angered Dr. Paige. But before the examination I was in a room and there was a boy there." You explained the whole thing, from meeting the boy Newt and to asking Dr. Paige about the 2 groups.

And this conversation led to Harriet coming up with a plan to sneak you into one of Group A's testing rooms in hopes of finding and meeting someone from the other group, or even better Newt.

She would start off by going to get some "lunch" and while doing that she would distract the guards so you could sneak into Group A's testing rooms. But you had to watch out for other employees that might leave the rooms and also cameras. But you would check every room and see if Newt is there.

Hiding behind corners and dodging employees wasn't easy, you were suprised that you even got this far. You looked around, no one. The employees may have taken a break or something, not that you minded, it made this a whole lot easier for you, less hiding.

...

"Well, hello there." A voice from behind you spoke. You jumped at the sudden sound, swiftly turning to see who had spoken and you had hoped that it wasn't Dr. Paige or any of the employees for that matter.

To your suprise, you were met with honey brown eyes, the same eyes of the boy you were looking for. At least you didn't have to look too far to find him.

"I thought I'd see you again, just didn't expect it to be so soon?" He raised a brow, inspecting you. But before he could ask any further questions, you pulled him into a nearby room.

"Okay before you ask anything, I need to make sure this room is safe before we get caught being somewhere we're not supposed to be." You explained, closing the door quickly and glancing around the room.

"Technically, you're not supposed to be here, but here we are." He smirked while you just rolled your eyes, he continued, "I mean, I'm not complaining and I think this room will be perfectly safe, considering that it's my room." He chuckled, and when you turned around with wide eyes, he just smiled.

"Well," you started, "I thought about your offer to join you and your friends and I gladly will." You smiled softly, but your smile grew even wider when you saw how the boy in front of you had a slight red face with another smile.

"You did all that effort to tell me this? You seem very dedicated Y/N."

Oh, you have no idea, you thought.

You spent what felt like hours with him, laughing along and chatting about anything under the sun. Even hearing a bit of his past but you didn't want to pry too much into it.

Your first meeting with Group A went quite well you would think, you quickly made friends with most them of them and even if Gally and Minho were quite skeptical of you at first, they warmed up to you eventually and even shared a couple of their jokes with you.

But as quickly as you made friends with them, the quicker your relationship with Newt grew to be stronger and you had hoped, he felt the same as you. Days turn into weeks and your time spent with him made your whole life better even if you weren't supposed to be of close proximity to him.

But as good things come, they always have to go. You found yourself running through the long bright lit corridors of the wicked facility.

Hoping to get there in time.

Hoping to get that one last chance.

Hoping you weren't too late.

With tear filled eyes, you start remembering the one memory you hoped would never leave you - Newt's confession.

One day, he pulled you aside when you were about to sneak out to go see all your friends.

He softly took your hands and placed them in his own.

"Um.. I don't know if you felt the same, but it did take me a while to realise it wasn't just some weird feeling I had about you, you made me feel like I could trust you, I felt..."

He scrunched his eyes in search of the right words to tell you, "Comfortable around you and safe, mainly safe. My point being, I like you. A lot, in fact, I can't really fathom why my brain works that way, but I hope you understand what I mean." His hope filled eyes begged you, not moving his worried scene that danced around his face.

You thought it was adorable and were quick to calm his worrying thoughts.

"Yes, I understand what you mean," you said with a laugh. "I feel the same way Newt."

How did wicked find out? But then again, they always are monitoring you. They always find out, or maybe they always knew.

Maybe you should have seen this coming.

But nothing always goes your way, you were aware of the Maze, they started sending your friends into one, a few weeks ago.

You were quickly made aware by some of your friends that they were going to send Newt into one. And not at the usual time he was supposed to go in. He was supposed to go a few weeks after.

You ran to the one place you knew you would find him before it would be too late. The hideout.

When you entered, you found him pacing around the room. He heard your footsteps and looked up and locked his dark eyes with you.

Just by looking at him, without even saying anything, you knew what he was thinking, and you wanted to save him from all this.

"Don't leave, why can't you just stay here?" You pleaded with him, grabbing his hands to curl them up into yours. "We could leave, run away right now, or even -"

He pulled you into a hug, wrapping his arms around your waist and hugging you like you're his source of life. You went silent and returned the hug. It was quiet for a good while, and you felt as if the white noise could swallow you both whole until Newt spoke.

"I want you to know that even if I die, or something happens and I might never see you again," his breath hitched in his throat, eyes dreading even the thought of it, "Nothing would ever make me forget you. I would go to the ends of the earth just to do this all over again if it meant being by your side, being here with you is the best thing that has ever happened to me."

Tears that have flowed down his cheeks have now dripped onto the cold floor. The same room, same building that you first met, the sweet hearted boy. Even if you didn't know what would happen next, you knew for certain you loved him.

You knew you were never meant to be near him in the first place, but you did just the opposite.

"I'll love you forever and always."

He wiped the oncoming tears from your eyes with his thumb and smiled. You wish you could just capture this moment and stay with him forever.

The doors opened, and your warm hands quickly became cold as the warmth from him slowly drifted away from you.

[w1shes43]

KAZ ICON

All I have to say to this is YES.

Yes, because I am actually OBSESSED with Kaz. Everything is amazing. This man's backstory? Tragic (I want to hug him) His character? In love. I just want to protect this poor traumatised boy from the world 😭

[heliads]

Lisa, first off CONGRATULATIONS!! 7k is a HUGE achievement!! Well done!! <33

I wanted to ask for a 🎬 casting call for Grishaverse? Because I actually recently gotten to watching it and I binged it all in a few days, obsessed with it currently :D

I'm normally quiet but when I'm with family and friends I'm very energetic. I love to read books, watch TV shows and movies and I play guitar! I'm an ISFP.( I think so lol not too sure) I absolutely love pop music and am a sucker for romance movies but love Sci-fi and comedy action mostly! I'm a huge procrastinator, though with most things.. I'm also not that tall, I'm quite short haha and my favourite colour is burgundy <3

Thank you so much Lisa! And have an amazing week <33

ty!! and i hope you have an amazing week too! also omg the grishaverse... you have GOT to read the books they're amazing (and the plot is way more clear than the show rip) but yes yes the show is so so good!!!

i ship you with nikolai lantsov!

nikolai lantsov never counted on love until he was already in it. in his head, it sort of existed with the other myths of office he learned as a boy: his family could only ever be good people, ravka could never fall, and he would be able to find someone he loved enough to marry.

then he was walking through the grand palace one day and happened by the library. there was someone inside, reading a book with a soft smile on their face, and it was you! he fell in love immediately. as if he could do anything else. nikolai still refers to you as his little scholar when he's feeling particularly daring, but most of the time you're anything he can dream up. his sunbeam. his love. his life. he can face any threat, be it the darkling or fjerda or a particularly dull gala, so long as he has you by his side. nikolai wouldn't want it any other way.

thank you for taking part in my 7k celebration!

[w1shes43]

aww this was so cute ! Thank you, Lisa <3 I absolutely love Nikolai! In the show, he was amazing!!

[heliads]

I feel like I've sent this before but;

CYM as Enola Holmes characters?

it deserves repeating!! let's see...

you are enola

@zaypay is edith

@starlit-epiphany is tewkesbury

@retvenkos is sherlock

@w1shes43 is cicely

thank you for taking part in my 7k celebration!

[w1shes43]

Either I have really bad memory or I haven't seen that character u put me as?? I've only seen the first Enola Holmes movie though maybe that's why 😂

[heliads]

7,000 followers celebration!

good morning everybody,

heliads just hit 7,000 followers! that is an insane number, and to say thank you, it's time for a celebration! i am in awe that so many of you are so supportive of me, i've been so grateful for each and every interaction. love you all so so much.

requests for full length fics are still closed, but i am opening up my ask box for celebration themed asks as well as the usual messages. if you want to send in something for the celebration, feel free to choose from the following options! and again, thank you all so so much for 7,000! that's absolutely crazy. requests for this event will open april 4 and close april 11.

choices are as follows:

🌎: world swap! give me a character/fandom and i will put them in a randomly generated fandom off my masterlist. you'll get a brief drabble describing what i think would happen in this crossover. ex) you send in percy jackson and i spin my wheel and get the grishaverse, you know that boy is becoming a tidemaker.

🎶: playlist! classic option. you can ask for a playlist for your blog or for a favorite character, and in return, you get a five song playlist with those vibes.

💌: love letter! give me a brief description of yourself and a character, i'll write you a 100-500 word drabble.

🗣️: conversation! send in a kiss marry kill or cym for any fandom/question and i will answer accordingly.

bonus! mutuals only:

🎬: casting call! send me a fandom and a description of yourself and i'll tell you which character i ship you with. short blurb included.

🎨: vibe check! i will make a moodboard for your blog or a character/fandom of choice.

once again, requests for fics are still closed. only requests for this event will be accepted. love you!

tagging some mutuals and friends (but not all!) under the cut:

@retvenkos, @musicallisto, @swanimagines, @amortensie, @thereagles, @mxltifxnd0m, @thatfangirl42, @neewtmas, @hiya-itsamber, @mystic-writings, @justasimphere, @spideyanakin, @nocturnal-theater-kid, @ellobruv, @starlit-epiphany, @zaypay, @maximoffgxrl, @w1shes43, @schuvries

[w1shes43]

CONGRATULATIONS LISA!! 🎉

I am so very proud of you! You deserve all that and more, the love and effort put into your fics and even your caring and awesome personality adds to it! <33

[heliads]

Hey Lisa! I was just wondering if you could write a Leonard Mccoy (Bones) x reader. (Star Trek) But royalty / Bodyguard AU! Been a while since I requested something au haha.

The reader is royalty and Bones is the bodyguard and its the "we're not supposed to fall in love but we did anyways" type of thing.

He would save the reader from multiple things, attempted assassination, threats from other royals, whenever the reader is uncomfortable or needs help. Literally he would always be there to help the reader and that's what makes them fall in love with Bones. The reader would try and help Bones to be calmer in certain situations (you know he's a stubborn bean lol) and even hang out with him during training or whenever possible. And then some tragic attack happens and Bones gets injured protecting the reader or vice versa. And then they end up confessing to each other. You can decide the ending, I would love to see what you write about that!! <3

omg bless you for letting me write about star trek i had been HOPING someone would request

masterlist

Having a bodyguard is not supposed to feel like an insult, but somehow, it still does. You know that the bodyguard situation was to be expected; you are, after all, royalty, and that puts a target on your back unlike any other, but you had hopes that you’d be able to avoid all this. Yes, there are assassins out there who’d like nothing more than to end your life and reign in one pull of a trigger. Yes, the life expectancy for any monarch tends to linger around the youthful range due to the frequency of political murders. Yes, there is a reason for all this, and one you cannot avoid.

However, all you hear whenever you hear your advisors bring up the need for additional protection is that you are not capable of defending yourself. This is something that rankles more than it should, and has also been the reason you haven’t had a single soldier designated to follow you around in all your previous life. No bodyguard means that you can finally breathe without someone always watching you wherever you go, even when you try to rest. That’s what you’ve been fighting against all this time.

Once you ascended the throne, though, you knew that your claims to privacy were gone in a flash. Sure enough, the crown had hardly lingered on your head long enough to weigh you down before the nobles were eyeing each other nervously and starting to mention that it really was time for some additional security, now, wasn’t it? It’s not like they would dare say anything to your face, but someone should, and–

You endured their hemming and hawing for a couple of weeks before sighing and giving in. Of all the arguments to concede, this was the least obtrusive on your political plans. You told the head of your guard to find someone suitable for the task, and within the hour, almost as if they’d been waiting for this moment all their lives, they gave you a name.

Leonard McCoy. Top of his class. He originally planned on pursuing a career in medicine, but was convinced otherwise by a good friend of his, some rebellious fighter named James Kirk. You’d normally be doubtful of such a big switch in careers, but if General Pike says the guy is good, so be it. It’s his funeral. Or yours, if he messes this up.

Either way, it’s set in stone. You give a wary nod and Leonard is installed in your life as your bodyguard. That was years ago, and although you may have despised the change in routine back then, you have to admit that you’ve grown quite fond of the man. He may be hired only to save your life on a daily basis, but the two of you have become reluctant friends, and then there was nothing reluctant about it at all. Perhaps there would be more, if either of you were daring enough to look for it.

You aren’t, though. Not yet. Perhaps not ever. You know exactly what is expected of you in this marionette’s life of yours:  a political union with some other royal, a successfully continued lineage that will be plotted out by your advisors. Still, when you feel like dreaming, you look up at the stars and pretend there is a chance you could ever be with the man you want most of all.

He’s not Leonard to you, not anymore. You tried calling him that the first day, alternating awkward first name usage with the occasional ‘Officer McCoy,’ but it didn’t work for either of you. You remember him frowning at the title, then gruffly muttering something about how he went by the nickname of Bones. His friend James gave it to him, apparently, and it stuck. You still haven’t bothered to ask if it came about from his medical history or because of his knack for killing as a soldier. Both work.

At first, most of your exchanges were like that, altered and stilted, full of glaring signs that this was never meant to be. You used every opportunity you could to remind yourself that this is why you hadn’t wanted a bodyguard in the first place. He could only ever serve as a wrench in your plans.

But then he started allowing himself to laugh at the jokes you murmured under your breath when you forgot he was listening, and the two of you began talking during journeys over to neighboring royals, and all of a sudden nothing was awkward anymore, but right, just right.

Now, you can hardly imagine that there had ever been a time in which the world had not orbited around the two of you. Bones is your shadow, your second skin; he walks as an extension of you, fights the battles with the fists you wish you had and does it all while managing to appear as unruffled as possible. You may have known him for years now, but that doesn’t stop him from wearing an icy demeanor as comfortably as someone else would a smile.

It works out for the two of you, though. You force the laughter at terrible jokes posed by foreign diplomats when he physically cannot do anything but roll his eyes, Bones glares at the overly reaching royals when you have to play by the rules of common parlor etiquette. It all makes sense. He’s your other half, the flip side to your pragmatic coin. You couldn’t imagine life without him.

The problem is that you’re never sure if he can return the sentiment. It is easy for you to forget just why Bones is there; after all, you’re not the one getting paid to be there, he is. No matter how many times you see him give in and chuckle at your terrible one-liners, or notice how long he lingers even after a given event is over just to make sure that you’re going to be alright both physically and mentally, it’s not real. Of course it’s not. This is a job and nothing else.

Yet you find yourself wondering sometimes if it could be real. You are a stormcloud of too much stress with a crown balanced on top, he is a hired sword just as solid as a castle wall, but somehow, somehow he has a way of making it seem like it’s just the two of you against the world. You would take on the toughest armies if you had him by your side. 

Every now and then, you catch Bones looking at you when he thinks you don’t notice. In those moments, his gaze isn’t harsh or blunt as usual, but soft and quiet. He tilts his head to the side, thinking thoughts you could never understand. You try, though. You always do.

You’re at one of a thousand different royal functions right now, mind stuck on the same track of will-they-won’t-they as always despite the fact that you really need to be paying attention. Another royal has hosted you and a few other kings and queens to discuss a possible peace treaty to cement what had previously been unspoken agreements. It’ll be nice to get that done on paper, but it certainly makes for a tedious week.

Seeing as this is technically a peaceful mission, Bones hadn’t accompanied you on the way over. He had been busy with another military concern, and you told him that it wasn’t strictly necessary that he attend at all. That doesn’t stop you from missing him anyway, though. The assembly departs for a break in the afternoon and you walk out into the gardens, wondering why it suddenly seems so lonely to be by yourself when just years ago, you’d have traded anything to keep it that way.

An unfamiliar plant catches your attention and you pause by its rank in the endless rows of cultivated flora, furrowing your brow in an unsuccessful attempt to identify it. You’re decent with your plants, but this one escapes your knowledge.

A voice sounds from behind you, answering your unspoken question. It would have startled you if it was anyone else, but you recognize the speaker instantly.

“That’s echinacea,” Bones says, emerging from a nearby archway, “used in medicine fairly often. Decently potent.”

You watch him approach, unable to stop yourself from grinning.

“You came,” you breathe. 

“It’s my job,” he says back, voice as gruff as always. 

“That’s not the only reason, was it?” You dare to ask. 

He pauses a moment, as if turning the words over and over in his head like yet another blade. “No,” he decides at last, “no, it wasn’t.”

It could be a confession. He says it with the force of an oath. Regardless, it is enough to stop the two of you in your tracks, and maybe that is why neither of you notice the attack until it is too late. This was supposed to be a peaceful excursion into a foreign kingdom. How foolish of you to believe that anyone would see something kind and be able to stop themselves from ruining it.

All you know is that the tranquility of the garden is suddenly destroyed by plumes of smoke rising out of nowhere, shouting voices, the clash of metal against stone and flesh. Bones is instantly alert, reaching for you to pull you out of the way of any attackers. They haven’t found you yet, mostly focused on the majority of the royals, which are still in the central part of the courtyard. You had been pensive and headed for a quieter part of the palace, which is what saved you from the initial violence.

It does not save you forever, though. A few enemy soldiers shout when they see you and start to run over. Bones starts to fight them off, shouting for you to run. There is nowhere for you to go, however, and it’s not like you could ever leave him in a time of terror such as this.

You’re still scanning the grounds for a safe place to go, and that’s when you see him, the archer on the roof. At first, you think he’s trying to shoot Bones’ attackers, one of the host royal’s guards, but you realize with a chill that you do not recognize the colors on his insignia. He’s not aiming to take down the enemy soldiers. He’s trying to kill Bones himself.

Bones, too busy getting rid of his opponents, does not notice. In fact, he won’t notice a thing until it’s too late. The enemy archer’s finger tightens on his bow, and all you know is that you must not let him die. You would not be able to live with yourself if you did nothing and watched Bones get killed, so you do something worse and make him live with it instead.

Bones is just straightening up, having dispatched the last of the soldiers, when you slam into him. He’s good on his feet, always has been, so he doesn’t move much except to stumble a little to the side. That’s all you need to get him out of harm, though, but it is also all it takes to put you directly in the path of danger.

For a moment, you feel nothing, just a sharp impact by your ribs. Then the pain hits, and you can’t stop yourself from crying out. That is when Bones realizes that something is wrong, and you don’t think you’ll ever be able to forget the look of horror that dawns upon his face when he learns what you’ve done. His head arches towards the sky and he throws a knife at the enemy archer. You hear the blade thunk into skin and bone up above you, the soldier slumping over in death.

You try to move, but your legs give out beneath you. The pain is unlike anything you expected from a mere arrow. Bones catches you before you fall, and you can hear him begging you to hear him, to keep your eyes open, to stay alive, please, and it occurs to you that this is a display of emotion unlike anything you’ve ever seen from him before. 

You would love to think about it more, but it is getting awfully hard to focus. The darkness swimming at the edges of your vision is just too alluring, and even though Bones is asking you to stay with him, you just can’t do it right now. Maybe later, you try to whisper, but the words never make it past your lips.

It is dark for a while. You should be scared of it, you think, but thoughts are hard to come by. They appear and disappear in the depths of your consciousness like a child blowing soap bubbles, each one rising to the forefront of your eyes just to pop in a shower of light. The light grows by the second, though, and then you’re awake in a room full of brightness.

You’re not dead. Not yet, at least. When you open your eyes, it takes you a minute or so to realize that you’re in the hospital wing of your own kingdom. You don’t remember the return trip, or anything past losing consciousness in Bones’ arms, but he must have brought you back here in time to save your life.

Across the room, a nurse notices you’re awake and bustles over to your side. She greets you with a wide, beaming smile, and tells you how glad she is that you’re awake.

“I was starting to worry, Your Highness. Not for your health, I promise that was a quick and easy fix, but for that of your friend. Bones swore he wouldn’t leave until you woke up, but that was a couple of days ago and he’s still here.”

You follow her line of sight down the room, where you notice your bodyguard asleep in a chair. You laugh quietly. “He is rather stubborn when he puts his mind to it, isn’t he?”

The nurse smiles as well. “Yes, he is. I remember him being just as stubborn back here.”

When you frown at her in confusion, the nurse explains herself. “He used to be dead set on medicine. His friend James convinced him to try his hand at defense, and he changed his career. I used to wonder why, but it makes sense now. He’s still saving people, just doing it in a different way.”

You nod, wondering how many memories she must have of him that you never will. You cannot hold any claim to a past that is not yours, but wouldn’t it have been wonderful to see what Bones had been like before all of this, before his first kill, when he lived in a place like this and was not yours to know?

“I still feel bad for dragging him away from this life,” you whisper, “I know he chose to be a bodyguard, but I always wonder if he’d rather be here instead.”

The nurse shakes her head firmly. “Not a chance. Bones is happy now, I can see it. That’s due in part to you, you know. Almost every week he comes down and tells me how much he respects you for what you do. He hates all those politicking nobles and royals with every bone in his body, but you wrangle them into shape every time. He loves that.”

Her voice goes quiet at the end, as if full of the acknowledgement that she has shared something that was supposed to stay private. Still, you think you’re quite happy to hear it.

“Well,” the nurse says briskly, “he’ll be glad to see you’re awake. You gave him quite a scare, saving him like that. The wound will heal soon, but are you sure that you’re going to be alright apart from that?”

You pause a moment, weighing all that she’s said. Across the room, Bones stirs at the sound of voices and opens his eyes. He scans the room and his gaze lands on you. All at once, you can see a burden of stress and fear leave his shoulders. His face brightens immediately, and he starts to stand up and make his way over to you.

“Yes,” you answer, “I think I’ll be just fine.”

requested by @w1shes43, i hope you enjoy!

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[w1shes43]

AAA LISA THIS WAS SO CUTE! I love it so much 😭❤️ Please add me to the taglist for star trek!!