Royal Punch: The Harpy and the Elf
Anastasia the Elf took her violin and put it on her shoulder in preparation to play. She poked the bun her hair had been collected in with the edge of the bow she held in her right hand, an old habit of hers that annoyed her teacher when she went to the Grand Nesredna Academy of Music. But she always had been and always would be worried her hair would fall into her face as she played. Lulu had suggested cutting her hair but the harpy then took it back as she adored her long black hair the way it was.
The tall and spindly elf was dressed in a white shirt and a black vest with silver buttons. Around her neck was a red ascot tie. She tapped the wooden floor of the stage she stood on with one of her newly shined leather shoes as she took in a deep breath. Then, she slid her bow down on the strings of her violin. The instrument was perfectly tuned, Anastasia was nothing if not a perfectionist.
Even if her audience did not always notice how cleanly she played.
She played for a minute before Lulu the Harpy began to sing:
“On the breasts of a barmaid named Gail,
Was tattooed the price of pale ale,
And on her behind,
For the sake of the blind,
Was the same information in brail!”
Lulu the lyrebird-type harpy waltzed confidently around the stage as she sang, her tail occasionally stroking Anastasia. Her hands were placed around her hips while she forced her chest out, making one wonder how the strings on her very revealing corset didn’t snap. The patrons of the Undersea Temptress were thrilled by the bird-lady’s performance. What Lulu lacked in musical skills, she made up for it with confidence, chest and tailfeathers.
But then, and that happened rather often, the cheerful atmosphere in the Temptress turned sour as someone threw a punch due to a drunken disagreement. A small fight evolved into a larger brawl. Idun, a red-haired half-elf in a red-and-white striped shirt without sleeves and an eyepatch who ran the establishment, fetched a big stick she had behind the bar counter as she tried to get the situation under control.
Fist were thrown, tails slapped faces, horns got tangled, bottles were thrown around.
But Anastasia kept playing on her violin, alarmingly calm. She was a bit annoyed, but that was about it. Given that she was classically trained, her annoyance was understandable.
Lulu, who was also used the often occurring chaos, kept singing while swinging her tail at the patrons who for the most part were too busy brawling to notice. “- So she pulled out her knife and OI, WATCH IT!” Lulu stopped mimicking the voice of a singer she had seen in a theater when she was a teenager and out of her long beak came the rash voice of a scary overweight butcher she had pranked when she was ten. “STOP THROWIN’ YER SHIT AT HER, YOU SODS!” She glared at the fighting mob as she scratched the wooden floor with one of her talon feet. She pointed toward Anastasia who had just dodged a half-full bottle of whine, yet still played almost perfectly. “YA DON’T DISTURB THE NICE LADY HERE AS SHE PLAYS FOR YOUS WANKERS!”
“I DON’T SEE NO LADIES ON STAGE!” Someone yelled from the other end of the room. It was a human who preferred to stand at a corner of the tavern and watch the brawl while she had a laugh over a beer. Right now she laughed at her own joke.
“That’s It! I’m goin’ in!” Lulu stretched out her arms that turned into wings. “Babe, keep playin’!” She then leapt off the stage and into the fight.
“The show must go on.” Anastasia made a small bitter chuckle, her chin still resting toward her instrument while her chord and fingers were on the strings.
***
Idun nudged her one good eye after pouring herself a beer. The room was a mess after the brawl, but not too much had been broken, only a few chairs. It was downright a miracle that none of the windows had been damaged. The profit made from the coronets-fight bets would take care of replacing the chairs.
The dwarf-waiter Jasper was sweeping the floor clean of shattered class with help from Lulu who now had a black eye. Anastasia sat on the edge of the stage, playing a piece called When The Cerberus Mourns. It was quite beautiful.
Idun took a swig of her beer, suppressing a tear as she recalled her human mother who whistled it to her every night.
“Bravo!” Lulu clapped while using her normal voice. It had the sound of, or so Anastasia claimed, what apples taste like.
Anastasia got off the stage and took a bow while spreading her arms with the violin in the left hand.
Jasper clapped as well after having filled a sack with the class pieced. “Beautiful, dude! Beautiful! Why not play that now and then for the guests?”
Anastasia smirked as she put her violin inside its case. “I do believe the patrons of this establishment prefer to hear songs about the breasts of a barmaid Gail.”
“Hey, don’t diss a classic!” Idun finished her beer. “Sorry if my humble bar is not fancy enough for you.”
“Oh, come on, auntie-”
“Don’t call me auntie.” Idun cleaned her ear with her pinkie finger. “I hate when you do that, it makes me feel old.”
“Alright, don’t get me wrong... Idun. Playing here is...” Anastasia hesitated while fixing her neckwear. “... never boring. I would just like to once in a while play some of my favorite opuses to an audience who would listen to the entire piece before starting a kerfuffle.”
“Sheesh, snob...” Idun snickered as she placed two small bag of coins on the bar counter. “Your honorarium, my ladies.”
Anastasia had put on her coat and grabbed her bag. Lulu emptied it and began to count the coins.
Idun narrowed her eye at the harpy. “Say, don’t you trust me? You worked here for three years, I have always been a good and fair boss, and you think that I would cheat you? I am hurt, I am-”
“I’m short fifty coronets.” Lulu said with the voice of her mother when she was displeased over the dishes not being taken care of.
“Sheesh, I’m only a mere mortal, I make mistakes.” Idun fetched a handful of coins she then placed in the palm of Lulu. “I probably made a mistake with our fiddler’s bag, too.”
Satisfied, Lulu went to the back room and changed from her tight corset to a comfortable blouse and a turquoise shawl.
***
It was a lovely day in a less than lovely neighborhood. Onyxville was not the cleanest town in the kingdom, but the southside was the absolute crudest area of the dock town. It had at least seven unappetizing scents. With her fiddle case in her right hand and her left on Lulu’s shoulder, Anastasia noticed one of these scents when she walked past a wooden crate filled with fish-heads.
“Who would bother buying fish-heads?” Anastasia grimaced.
“Gods, Idun is right. You really are such a snob.” Lulu snickered as she rubbed her forehead and beak against the elf’s jacket.
“Oh, please. As if you would touch one of those, let alone eat them.”
“Well, my mom used to make a pretty good soup with heads as the main ingredient. Cheap too. You know, we could-”
“You talked me into eating potato peels, I draw a line in the sand when it comes to decapitated heads.”
They had reached their apartment. They lived on the ground floor, something that was fortunate since Anastasia had a leg injury that made it unpleasant for her to use stairs.
“One moment, I will check the mailbox.” Anastasia fetched a key for a mailbox that looked as dented and old, like the building they lived in. “Say, speaking of food, what should we have for supper?”
“We still have some mashed potato from yesterday, so how about we chop up some onions, get some sausages and... ah, babe?” Lulu noticed her elf girlfriend looked concerned. Or maybe not concerned, perhaps shocked? Anastasia had opened a letter she had found in the mailbox and her eyes went up and down as she reread the letter.
Anastasia gulped. “It’s... It’s a letter from my father.”
“Really? He hasn't written to you for a while. Something wrong?”
“Wrong?” Anastasia looked bewildered. Then, she smiled, biting her lower lip. “Wrong?! Nothing is wrong! I’m going to play in the opera house in the Capital City!”
If Lulu had a jaw, she would have dropped it. Instead, her long beak was wide open. “WHAT?!”
***
Once they had entered their three-room apartment, Anastasia had taken off her jacket and vest, now only wearing a white shirt and suspenders. She had taken a seat on the bed and her bad leg was stretched out on the mattress as she reread the letter to Lulu.
If the elf smiled any more, her face would split in half.
“My father has a colleague who has a friend who is the stylist of Yoshie the Harpy. As in THE Yoshie!”
Lulu squealed. “I don’t know who that it, but I’m so fricking excited!” She sat next to Anastasia and rested her head on her shoulder.
Anastasia continued. “Yoshie is going to perform next week, but his violinist has been sent to the hospital because he has pneumonia.”
“That’s a shame for him, but awesome for you!”
“Yoshie’s stylist had been invited by my father’s friend to play pétanque at my father’s house. They discussed Yoshie’s problem... and then discussed me.” Anastasia held the letter tightly to her chest and squealed. “I’m going to play in a theater, a real stage! With THE Yoshie!”
“Baby, this is amazing!” The two of them embraced and laughed. Lulu lovingly poked Anastasia’s neck with her beak while Anastasia kissed her on the forehead.
A few days later…
Idun had Rowan the Satyr in a choke hold. The brown-fured sheep man gagged.
“Come on, Idun!” He coughed. “I thought we were buds! I let you crash at my place that one time!”
“That was ages ago!” Idun dragged him towards the door. “And your place was filled with lice!”
After Idun had kicked Rowan out, she turned her attention towards the brawl the idiot sheep guy had started. She decided that she had to fetch her crossbow for this particularly bad mess.
On the stage, Anastasia tried to follow Jasper’s advice and expose the patrons of the Temptress to higher art, playing Flight of the Mammoth on her violin while Lulu was too busy to actually sing as she kicked an orc in the stomach with her left talon, making the big green lady trip into a grindylow who mistook it as an act of aggression.
“You are doing great, honey!” Anastasia yelled while she imagined herself in an actual theater, playing for an audience in clean clothes, applauding her after having heard every note and watched her every stroke on her elegant instrument. The big room was clean, smelled like nothing, everyone was sober… And then Anastasia could feel something soaking her pants.
It was the angry grindylow who had thrown his mug after someone, and the beer in it had been splashed on the elf’s clothes.
“Wonderful…” Anastasia mumbled in annoyance yet kept playing as if nothing had happened.
***
The pants Jasper had lent Anastasia looked ridiculous on the elf. They were too big and also too short. She could only wear them because she used suspenders.
“Okay, so… I have to replace a window, but it was old anyways…” Idun had just finished wrapping her wrist in a bandage. “But we made a lot of coins from the coronet-fights today, so I’m giving all three of you a bonus today.”
Lulu cracked her neck while sitting on the edge of the stage. “So, how much of a bonus is that, after you try to cheat us from our actual paycheck?”
Jasper snorted as he carefully picked up glass from the floor.
“Fuuuny. Reeeal funny.” Idun started to fill three small bags with coins. “You don’t see Anastasia sassing me. She is a good kid, never take a sick day, helping out with the bets-”
“Actually, Idun…” Anastasia cleared her throat as she walked over to her half-elf aunt. “I have to take a leave for two days. And… I think you have to do that as well.”
Idun blinked with her one eye. “What do you mean?”
Anastasia held an envelope. “I got a letter from my father-”
Idun rolled her eye. “Urgh, I hate that guy.”
“And I’m finally getting my big break!”
Idun just looked at Anastasia with a blank expression.
“Get out!” Jasper went over to the elf and half-elf to see the letter Anastasia held in her hand. “You kidding!”
“I am most certainly not.” Anastasia made a proud, almost smug smile. “And I even got three tickets for friends. I’m going to play at the Capital City Opera House. And I want you to have one of the tickets.” She took out one of said tickets and gave it to her aunt. “The second is for you, Jasper.”
Jasper practically tore it out of Anastasia’s hand. The dwarf squealed. “Look at this thing, it even has gold letters!”
Idun took her ticket, not looking excited. She looked at it, still no emotions to be spotted on her face.
Lulu walked over to them and wrapped an arm around Anastasia. “I’m gonna fly her to the capital city, but you guys shouldn't have a problem getting there. I’M SO PROUD OF YOU, BABE!”
Anastasia blushed as the harpy rocked her back and forth in her excitement. “I’m just gonna replace another violinist for one night, I’m not even sure if-”
“If this means you will get more fancy gigs, right?”
Lulu stopped shaking Anastasia while hugging her as she, like her girlfriend, looked at Idun after finishing her sentence that was so icy that the room felt colder. Idun looked at Anastasia in a way that could only be described as unpleasant.
“Ah…” Anastasia could feel a knot in her stomach. Cold sweat ran from her forehead. “Well, maybe? I mean, this is a big opportunity for me to-”
“To get as far away from my lowly little joint, right?” Idun glared at her niece. “Well, talk about gratitude! I give you a steady job and you give me less than a day’s notice before quitting-”
“Hold on, I’m not quitting. And I’m very grateful, always been! Im not gonna leave-”
“Oh, you don’t have to do me favors!” Idun snarled at Anastasia. “We wouldn’t want you being stuck in this hole, right?”
“Auntie, please-”
“QUIT CALLING ME AUNTIE!”
“HEY!” Lulu gently pushed Anastasia to the side and used her angry butcher-woman voice while poking a finger against Idun’s chest. “Who the fuck do you think you are? She is trying to do something nice for you-”
“What, giving me a ticket so I can see what exactly it is she is ditching me for!?” Idun pushed the harpy away. “All I ask for is a little loyalty-”
“Au… Idun.” Anastasia felt like a child who was getting scolded. “I wouldn’t just leave… well, not before we found someone to replace me-”
“Oooooh, you figure you wouldn’t be easy to replace, eh?!”
“That is NOT what she said.” Lulu used her own voice that somehow felt more angry and sharp than the butcher voice.
“Well, I can find someone, no problem. In fact, you are fired!” Idun threw the small purse with Anastasia’s payment at her feet. “How do you like that?”
Anastasia couldn’t come up with an answer before Idun got slapped on her cheek below her eyepatch by the angry bird-woman.
“Fuck you! I quit!” Lulu took Anastasia by the arm and they marched out.
Idun was so furious that she couldn’t say a word as the pissed off harpy and the miserable-looking elf left her establishment. “FINE!” She yelled, after they had left. “YOU THINK I CAN FIND A PAIR OF TITS AND ASS TO REPLACE YOU!”
Jasper had during the argument decided to stay in the bathroom, cleaning the sink seven times while waiting for the yelling to stop. It was somehow more stressful than the rather rowdy brawls that happened all the time in the Temptress. He decided to re-enter the bar after Lulu and Anastasia had left.
“Um…” he cleared his throat. “I will miss her, too.”
“What?” Idun turned to face the dwarf.
“Well, Anastasia. I will miss her if she leaves us.”
Idun didn’t reply and instead fetched a broom so she could clean the floor.
“So… We are going to the show. Right?” Jasper asked.
“Go if you want.” Idun shrugged. “You think that I care?”
The day of the show…
Yoshie was a frigatebird-type harpy. He had a long beak, black-brown feathers and a big red chest-pouch that looked like a giant red balloon. He always opened up the top three buttons on his jacket when performing as his red chest had been part of what had made him so famous. The spectators to all of his recitals were both enchanted by his deep voice and fascinated by his inflated chest that looked like it was about to burst.
Lulu personally thought he looked kind of ridiculous. She was dressed in a light-pink kimono with a broad white sash around her waist. It had been a while since she had covered up most of her body, but it was a special occasion. She was backstage, watching Yoshie clearing his throat, drinking water from a cup and then spitting it out in a bucket.
“So…” Someone said behind Lulu’s back. “How do I look?”
Lulu turned to see Anastasia dressed in a dress that was black to match Yoshie’s suit. It was sleeveless, covered her neck and she wore long opera gloves that covered most of her arms. Her hair was collected in a bun as usual, but it somehow looked tighter.
Anastasia gulped. “I look ridiculous, right? I haven’t worn a dress in ages. It feels weird not to wear pants. You can’t see my left leg, right? Please tell me you can’t see my left-”
“Anastasia the Elf, you look like a million coronets.” Lulu placed her hands on her shoulders. “You look so good you don’t even gotta play, just get on stage, bow and leave.”
Anastasia snorted. “I think I would prefer to play. You know, just a little.”
“And you will knock their socks off. You are going to play When The Cerberus Mourns, you can play that one backwards. You are going to be a huge success tonight, Yoshi will feel like a third wheel.”
“This is really happening…” Anastasia could feel her heart pounding. “I’m going to play in an actual theater.”
“You will be great.” Lulu rested her forehead against Anastasia’s.
The elf sighed. “What if I make a mess of it?”
Lulu patted her on the back. “Then I will ditch you and hit on the violinist Yoshi replaces you with.”
Anastasia snorted as she kissed Lulu on the forehead while Lulu gently poked her neck with her beak. The elf then took in a deep breath as she saw that Yoshi waved at her.
The soprano and the violinist walked past the opening of the curtains and entered the stag, both bowing as the audience gave them(mostly Yoshi) a standing applause.
Anastasia looked around the huge room. She had dreamed for ages about playing on an actual stage. But the opera house of the capital was something she had not dared to dream of. Strangely, she was not intimidated by being in this building that had more than four hundred years of artistic history. The size of the spectators did not even scare her. She was just so happy to be here. She didn’t even care that she had to be seen with a skirt for the first time since the fire.
Yoshi gave her a nod and took in a deep breath, preparing to make everyone in the room worry that he might explode.
Anastasia took her violin and put it on her shoulder in preparation to play. She poked the bun her hair had been collected in with the edge of the bow she held in her right hand. She tapped the wooden floor of the stage she stood on with one of her highheeled shoes as she took in a deep breath. And then… nothing.
The spectators wondered if it was a pause for dramatic effect. If so, it was not the time for one.
Yoshi felt uncomfortable as he had filled his lungs with air and was not given the opportunity to release it in the form of a song.
Anastasia realized that something DID scare her. But she was unsure what exactly it was.
A minute passed. No one was happy about the utter lack of music.
Lulu peeked from the curtain.
“What is wrong with you?” She hissed, watching her girlfriend make a fool of herself on the greatest stage of the kingdom.
Yoshi coughed. There was whispering among the creatures who had come to watch.
Anastasia turned pale, adjusting the strings on her instrument in an attempt to justify her lack of performance.
“Seriously, what the hells.” Lulu looked at Anastasia who had her back towards her. “Are you nervous? Why?” The harpy groaned. “You can play this song in your sleep. What, is it the audience? You play for an audience every god damn day. In fact, this should be a breeze since this audience is not noisy, screaming at each other or… Oh no.” Lulu blinked as she finally put two and two together. “Oh nooooooooooo…”
Anastasia kept adjusting the strings on her violin as she tried to distract herself from the extremely well-behaved audience who calmly waited for her to play. Yoshi gave her a glare so intense that it would make even the toughest minotaur feel insecure.
“This is ridiculous!” A satyr with polished horns and a lovely silk jacket stood up and was about to leave. “I paid good money for this! I demand my money-”
“HEY! Get your ass back on that seat, buddy!”
The satyr turned around to see the female creature on the seat behind him. “Excuse me?”
“I said sit down and shut up! I had to sit in a carriage for hours to get here and I don’t know how long getting my makeup right.”
The satyr gentleman scoffed. “Well, that’s a shame. All that effort to watch that talentless girl ruin Yoshi’s performance-”
“Talentless!?” The half-elf in a tight red dress and her hair arranged to hide her missing eye stood up and glared at the sheep-man with her one eye. “I came to watch the best damn fiddle player on this flat world play, the overgrown turkey is the side dish if you ask me!”
“Um, boss…” Jasper the dwarf was dressed in a pink ugly tuxedo as it was the nicest he could find on short notice. “Maybe you shouldn't start something-”
“I’M NOT STARTING ANYTHING! IT’S WOOLY HERE WHO IS A PROBLEM!”
Anastasia blushed and dropped her jaw. “AUNTIE?!”
Idun turned towards the stage and pointed an accusing finger towards her niece. “I TOLD YOU TO STOP CALLING ME THAT!!!”
The satyr gentleman snorted. “You are related to that loser? How embarrassed you must be-”
One of the satyr’s teeth got chipped as Idun slammed him with her purse.
Jasper hid his face in his hands as two of the other spectators tried to stop Idun and the satyr who wrestled each other. And then it got worse as Rowan the Satyr (who had come because Idun had offered to buy him a ticket as a birthday present) got involved. He accidentally pushed someone else, an elderly orc lady who tried to leave the room that had turned chaotic. The old orc’s granddaughter then attacked him.
Lulu watched the chaos and couldn’t help but laugh.
Yoshi was horrified and about to leave the stage… But then he noticed that Anastasia had finally started playing Flight of the Mammoth. He could hear it clearly despite the noise from the spectator seats. He shrugged, deciding that the show must go on and began to sing.
“HEY!!!” Lulu entered the stage, a huge grin plastered on her beak. “WHY DON’T YOU BASTARDS PIPE DOWN AS THE LADY IS TRYING TO PERFORM HIGH ART!?”
“I FAIL TO SEE ANY LADIES ON THE STAGE!” Someone yelled.
“OH YEAH!?” Lulu jumped from the stage, making the mess ten times worse.
As security arrived to drag the troublemakes away, Anastasia wondered if it was the support of friends and family that had made her get over her anxiety or if it was the recreation of the atmosphere she was used to when performing that did the trick.
Either way, she was grateful.