Waffles Do Not Quant

Once upon a time Mr Eagle told a really long origin story for how this blog came to be.

[wafflesdonotquant]

Mr. Eagle: You need to make me a new sandwich.

Ms. Giraffe: That's sexist.

Mr. Eagle: It's not sexist if the reason is that you destroyed my original sandwich.

[wafflesdonotquant]

Ms. Giraffe: We're all yelling at each other, but I feel like we're all on the same page.

Mr. Eagle: If that's not the theme of this apartment, I don't know what is.

[wafflesdonotquant]

We should co-author a novel so we can kill each other.

Ms. Giraffe

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Ms. Giraffe: I'm not gonna start drinking at 10pm. What is this, college?

Mr. Eagle: Strictly speaking, you're not going to start drinking at all.

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The worst part about the below post is people reading this will think that I...

I guess no one is reading this, though.

Ms Giraffe

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Pizza and wraps are different. I can’t believe I have to say that, but apparently I do.

Mr. Eagle

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I'd plan my own bachelor's party, actually. If I do get married, that is. I guess if I never get married every party is a bachelor's party.

Mr Eagle

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* Mr Eagle and Ms Giraffe enter into a deal*

Mr Eagle: I will accept payment in ice cream.

Mr Giraffe: I'll buy it now and leave it on your bed so it'll be ready for you.

[wafflesdonotquant]

I'm starting to come around to the idea that New Jersey is better than New York. There are parts of New Jersey that aren't covered in trash. I'm not sure the same can be said of New York.

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Let's play a game: drink every time I say drink... Drink!

Ms Giraffe

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Hopefully this is obvious, but don't drink the black paint water.

Mr. Eagle

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A chain doesn't work if it's broken.

Ms Giraffe

[wafflesdonotquant]

Ms. Giraffe: What is kryptonite?

Mr. Eagle: ...

Mr. Eagle: I'm sorry, what?

Ms. Giraffe: Is it, like, a thing that makes you feel good? Or is it a thing that destroys you?

Mr. Eagle: Well it is definitely not one of those things.

[wafflesdonotquant]

Btw I still don't know what kryptonite is. - Ms Giraffe

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Ms Giraffe: You are not chill. For example, you are most likely to cry at Mr Walrus' wedding.

Mr Eagle: If no one cries at a wedding, it's a shitty wedding.

[wafflesdonotquant]

Ms. Giraffe: What is kryptonite?

Mr. Eagle: ...

Mr. Eagle: I'm sorry, what?

Ms. Giraffe: Is it, like, a thing that makes you feel good? Or is it a thing that destroys you?

Mr. Eagle: Well it is definitely not one of those things.

[wafflesdonotquant]

Mr. Eagle: I'm about to send an email to the other team declaring victory.

Mr. Eagle: I can't believe I'm about to win this battle...originally literally everyone was against me on this.

Ms. Giraffe: People say that fraternities kill brain cells, but guess where you learned to be an argumentative champion?

Mr. Eagle: False.

Mr. Eagle: I've always been argumentative.

[wafflesdonotquant]

Ms. Giraffe: Focus, I'm giving you a compliment.

Mr. Eagle: Ah, I do like compliments.

Ms. Giraffe: I've been getting a lot of sleep lately.

Mr. Eagle: That's not a compliment. That's bragging.