Do Not Open | Yan. Alastor x Reader.
A DARLING'S SURVIVAL GUIDE
If this manual has reached your possession, it is likely already too late.
[Distribution is highly restricted.]
>Subject: The Radio Demon.
>Classification: Catastrophic.
_________________________
Through a combination of misfortune, poor judgment, and circumstances beyond your control, you have attracted the attention of the Radio demon.
This manual exists to attempt assisting you in navigating the resulting situation.
Please note that survival and happiness are not interchangeable outcomes.
_________________________
>Section: I Recognizing Early Symptoms
The earliest warning signs are often dismissed as harmless.
>Common symptoms include:
Excessively convenient encounters.
Being remembered far more thoroughly than expected.
Possessing information he should not reasonably know.
Feeling observed despite the absence of witnesses.
At this stage, a victim may incorrectly assume they remain in control of the situation.
This assumption typically expires within several weeks. [If proven generous.]
Section: II Common Misconceptions
>"He will eventually become bored."
False. If boredom were sufficient, this manual would not exist.
>"He is simply being friendly."
Partially true. Unfortunately, these conditions are not mutually exclusive.
>"If I explain how I feel, he will understand."
Incorrect. Alastor is capable of understanding your words. The issue lies elsewhere.
Complicated. See Section VII.
Section: III Acceptable Behavior
>The following actions are generally considered safe:
Possessing interests outside of him.
Maintaining basic independence.
[Consult local conditions before proceeding.]
>Furthermore, effective Methods:
Alastor enjoys speaking. More specifically, he enjoys speaking about things he understands better than everyone else.
>Recommended topics include:
Himself. [Subtle applications only]
Humans enjoy feeling valued. Alastor enjoys feeling correct.
[These concepts overlap more frequently than expected.]
Section IV: Unacceptable Behavior
>The following actions are not recommended:
Making deals with competing entities.
Referring to him as "creepy."
Attempting a psychological analysis in his presence.
Suggesting he is emotionally attached.
[Emphasis on the last one.]
Pretending to agree with everything he says.
[He notices. You are not as subtle as you believe.]
Contrary to popular belief, punishments are rarely physical.
This should not reassure you.
>More common examples include:
Being forced to realize you have accidentally proven him correct.
[Reports prefer physical injury.]
Surprisingly, avoiding punishment is possible. Unfortunately, consistency is not.
Readers should understand that Alastor's standards fluctuate according to circumstances, mood, and whatever currently entertains him.
As such, the following recommendations should be viewed as guidelines rather than guarantees.
>Rule One: Never lie poorly. Should you choose to lie, ensure the lie is worth telling.
>Rule Two: Avoid excessive obedience. This recommendation often confuses first-time readers. You may assume compliance is the safest option.
This is only partially true.
Alastor enjoys cooperation. He does not enjoy boredom.
Subject displaying complete passivity frequently report increased teasing, manipulation, and "tests."
Researchers suspect he becomes restless when denied resistance.
>Rule Three: Avoid excessive resistance. Researchers would like to apologize for Rule Two.
>Rule Four: If forced to choose between upsetting him and insulting his intelligence
Recovery rates improve dramatically.
>Rule Five: Do not assume forgiveness and forgetfulness are interchangeable concepts.
Readers are advised to proceed carefully.
Improper flattery is often interpreted as manipulation.
This would be hypocritical. Unfortunately, hypocrisy has never prevented him from enjoying himself.
Section VI: The Illusion of Freedom
You are free, technically. You may visit friends, pursue hobbies, maintain routines.
This arrangement often creates a false sense of security.
Do not be alarmed. The realization arrives eventually.
Section VII: On Affection
This section remains under active review.
Alastor is entirely capable of becoming attached. The difficulty lies in the fact that these feelings do not naturally produce restraint.
As a result, many actions performed in the name of affection are nearly indistinguishable from imprisonment.
Over time, certain forms of physical affection may become ritualized.
Casual proximity violations.
[The danger lies not in the ritual itself, but in removing it.]
>Removal of Established Affection:
Researchers strongly advise caution.
Once the subject becomes accustomed to specific behaviors, their absence may attract unwanted attention.
"I simply wasn't in the mood."
"I didn't think it mattered."
have all produced undesirable results.
Section VIII: Long-Term Exposure
After several years, the victim might commonly exhibit the following symptoms:
Recognizing his footsteps.
Monitoring his moods automatically.
Anticipating conversations before they occur.
Forgetting what life felt like beforehand.
Researchers remain uncertain whether this constitutes adaptation or surrender.
Commonly Asked Questions:
Does he actually care? >Maybe.
Is he capable of love? >Unknown.
Does he believe he loves you? >Potentially.
[This distinction has proven unhelpful in practice.]
Would he choose me over himself?>Insufficient data.
Would he choose me over everyone else?>Increasingly likely.
[This is not necessarily comforting.]
Can I fix him? >No. The committee is tired of answering this question.
Should the reader find themselves wondering when exactly things became irreversible, please understand:
The answer is rarely obvious. Victim reports noticing only in retrospect.
Usually after discovering that they have begun making decisions with him in mind even when he is not present.
By then, the situation has generally progressed beyond the scope of this manual.
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