Random Ramblings @waitingforsomethinggood-blog - Tumblr Blog

Photos courtesy: Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office, Arizona.

Charge(s): Marijuana possession and possession of drug paraphernalia.

idk whether to see it as something that's always there but I somehow manage to beat

or as something that no matter how strong I am, will never go away

#im probably not explaining this very clearly #but yeah

A guy asked me for my number last tuesday. I kinda hope he calls. I shouldn't get my hopes up though, even though I most likely already have

I feel really sad and I don't even know why

I've eaten so much food I'm tempted to throw it back up

#ugh #when will this stop happening

it's not fair how i get stuck with extremely over protective parents. fuck

#i want to go out #i havent done anything fun all fucking week #id rather be dead than bored

I havent written since I started smoking regularly so I don't really remember what happened since like june. I mean, I do remember the general stuff but I used to be able to remember details and everything. Anyways here's a recap of everything I remember The tuesday after I smoked with the regular stoners at my university for the first time, my friend who was the one who used to get the weed for us didn't want to continue the happy tuesdays thing cause he was mad at me. I'm kind of mean I guess and don't really care about many other people besides myself so I didn't really care and planned to smoke anyways with 2 other friends. I didn't buy weed back then so I didn't know where to get any. I asked around for a bit but couldnt find any which was sorta frustrating. I sat at paredon with one of my friends waiting for some stoner with weed to sell to come until about 2 or 3. Then a guy came up to us and asked if we wanted to buy cause the delaer sells min 20$ and he only wanted 10$. We had to wait for a bit though and my friend had to leave so I went to pick up with some of the people I'd smoked the week before and the guy that had come up to us. After that, we went to this other spot to smoke called cemduc which is on the other side of the campus. A bunch of other people came and we put our weed together for a king size. They decided to go to a slightly more secluded place but I chickened out, since it was around 5 and didnt want to be too stoned to go home, since I hardly had any tolerance back then. besides, I was scared of getting caught (looking back, that was kind of a stupid decision because theres no way we wouldve been caught) so yeah, that day I went home and everything was awesome

this is when I started smoking regularly

on wednesday, I had this important essay to hand in which was 20% of my grade (i got like less than an F on it cause I didnt put any effort whatsoever on it and actually failed that class .. oh well) anyways, after handing it in, I decided to go to paredon to 'celebrate' I usually only smoked at university on tuesdays and some saturdays but I made an exception because of the occasion.

thurdays are 'jueves culturales', where there no classes from 12-3pm because of some activities my campus hosts. the guy I used to like sometimes goes on tuesdays and since he was friends with some of the people I had started smoking with I decided to go smoke with them just in case he went and I got to see him (he didnt go that day, or any other tuesday until classes ended for that matter lol) that was the day I was stoned for about 12 hours which was the most time I'd been stoned back then

friday I had a final presentation for my math class. the teacher randomly chose the groups and I was hoping I'd have to do it during the next class but my group was chosen. Before that I decided .. if I dont have to do the presentation today, I'll go smoke to relieve some stress but if I do, I wont go. (I ended up going anyways)

on saturday I had a test for my literature class and since it was the last one not counting finals I went straight to paredon after I was done. After that I went to a faculty party where I mixed alcohol and weed for the first time. It was probably one of my best experiences so far. I had hallucinations and everything seemed to get bigger and smaller. I felt like I was Alice or something. After that the effects kind of lingered until the day after and throughout the week. It wasn't until tuesday or wednesday that I learned that I had depersonalisation disorder. That was probably the most awful thing to happen to me. It went away on thursday though, thank god, I'd read that some people get stuck with that all their lives.

Wow, it seems my memory's not too bad after all. There's a lot more since this is only the first week I started smoking in mid june. I might write the rest later, I don't really want to keep going right now.

#the week i smoked every day #lol i wrote that on my journal #i used to think that was a lot

I was stoned for about 12 hours yesterday. That can't be good.

#I should really start cutting down a bit #I'm drifting away from my non-stoner friends #that can't be good either

Yesterday was probably one of the best days ever ..

Okay so, a friend and I made it a tradition for us to smoke a couple of joints on tuesdays at this part of university they call 'paredón' where people usually go to smoke weed. We usually go at noon but I asked him if we could go at 11 this time and he said it was fine. As expected, he called saying he wasn't going to make it at that time and that he'd be arriving at around 1. So I was kind of pissed since I'd gone to uni at 8:30 even though I don't have class on tuesdays until 3. I was sitting in the spot my friends and I usually hang out at but obviously, there wasn't anyone there. I sat there for about 2-3 hours until the guy I talked about 2 posts earlier came up to me and asked where this other guy was. Then he told me some of his friends were at paredón and asked if I wanted to go with him.

So yeah, I was there smoking with him and a whole bunch of other people who I always see there. I'm closer to making the type of friends I want. Fuck yes c:

#boring story time #oh oh oh #my other friend went at 1 #and i didn't really pay much attention to him #I think he's mad at me or something #oh well

“Remember when…” Those two words put together terrify me more than anything. I don’t want time to pass by. I don’t want to grow up. I want to be young forever. I think I’ll go. As soon as the first signs of aging start to show. Or maybe even sometime before.

#peter pan syndrome #live fast die young

I feel like I should document every moment of my life. Okay, maybe not every moment because then I’d just be writing about myself writing. Or something like that. Anyways, I thought maybe I should write about what I’m up to or what I’m thinking from time to time so that in a few weeks, months or years I can see if I’ve improved or gotten worse or to show myself that things aren’t as bad as they seem at the time. I don’t know if this is good or bad though. It will probably make me miss the past and despise the future even more which will most likely make me want to kill myself more than now. Oh well… we all know that’s how I’m gonna go either way so it doesn’t really matter, does it? Okay so right now. How am I? What am I up to? I think I’m fine. I mean, I hate myself, obviously but I’ve done so all my life. I’m not sad though. If I sleep and wake up in a couple of hours I definitely will be though. That cold, empty feeling after waking up from a nap in the middle of winter is awful. It reminds me of two years ago, when I was the most self-destructive I’ve ever been. Anyways, I’m fine right now, depression wise. There are things about me I’d like to figure out. Like, for example… Why do I hate myself so much? Why am I the most unmotivated person I know? Why don’t I talk very much? Why, why, why? I could go on forever, really. Maybe the psychiatrist will know what’s wrong with me and then everything will truly be alright. What have I been up to? Um, I don’t know. I’ve been smoking weed a lot lately. It’s not as fun as some people make it seem but it’s alright. I’m somewhat addicted, though. Maybe it’s because it’s bad for me, or because it makes me forget things and not care about anything at all. On a slightly different note, I kind of want stoner/hipster/bohemian friends. People I can watch independent movies and listen to indie and go to really cool places with, where we can meet people like us. Kind of like a not so crazy (party/sex-wise) skins lifestyle with all the drugs and adventures included. I think I long for that more than anything else in the world. I want to meet people like me. Who don’t have a sense of responsibility, don’t care about anything they should care about and just want to get fucked and forget about everything bad. One of my friends is like that. He’s neither a hipster nor bohemian though so that’s kind of kills it. Besides, I’m pretty sure he likes me and I really don’t want that. I’m so shallow. It makes me a bad person, I think. It doesn’t really matter though, does it? Good and bad… We’re all going to die anyways. Polly is the closest I get to having friends like the ones I just described. The problem is that he does have a sense of responsibility, somewhat and isn’t always up for some hits. Fer kind of as well but he’s almost always with his girlfriend and has stopped smoking as much as before. His friend whose name I still don’t know seems ideal though. He listens to indie music, his favourite band is the Arctic Monkeys and he said he’s been smoking pretty much every day since uni started. I’d really, really like to get to know him well.

#Personal #me today #i'll probably do this twice and then forget about it

I used to like 2 guys that were best friends. Then I stopped liking one of them and a week later he told me he liked me I kissed him and the other one saw us and got upset But I still don't know if he likes me or not Oh god this is so confusing.

#and kind of fucked up #what to do

i managed to lose those 3kg thanks to the fact that I never have time to eat anymore because i started university. woop

#im happy #ill hopefully be able to lose 10kg by the end of the semester #thatd be awesome

I've gained 3-4kg this past month. I better start going to the gym again before I start to hate myself even more.

#i really really need to go on a diet #but i have no fucking self control

Someone have sex with me

#im horny

It sucks being surrounded by people and actually feeling happy for once and then having them leave. It makes you feel more lonely than before, specially when you don't know when you'll get to feel happy again.

#lonely #can summer break be over already?

I guess it's kind of a good thing I didn't have a boyfriend on valentines this year since I'm on my period.

#valentine's day #period

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