Awkward Wheelchair One Liners: An Annoying List
Warning: The following is a list of terrible wheelchair puns / one liners delivered to me at some point by some mouth-breathing idiot. UrbanCripple.com is not responsible for any fits of rage or monitor-punching that reading this list might cause.
[At an event with assigned seating] “You have the best seat in the house!”
“You should get spinners/rims/hydraulics for that thing!”
“Slow down!” “No speeding”, or some other comment regarding me violating some kind of traffic law while indoors.
“You should get a motorized one!” [You should get a lobotomy!]
“Man, I’ve always thought about how much fun it would be to be in a wheelchair”
[Anytime there’s a lack of seating around me] “I’ll just sit in your lap”
Anything ending in “Speed Racer” or a reference to me being an actual motor vehicle.
“Hey, Speedy!” [Hey, Jackass!]
“You know, I believe that [the holy spirit/Jesus/Optimus Prime/The Doctor] is gonna heal you someday.” [Blood shoots out my eyes in a fit of rage]
[If I happen to be with, near, or within eyesight or earshot of another person in a wheelchair] “Do you guys race?”
“Your arms must be huge!”
“I bet you really get an arm workout on this hill!”
“We should arm wrestle sometime.” [Creepy]
“You move really well in that thing!” [You’re pretty good with those fancy legs]
“I appreciate your independence” [I appreciate you not talking to me]
[Every time I’m mistaken for some other guy they saw in a wheelchair once]
“Do you know [some other guy in a wheelchair]?” [Yes, we meet twice a week to talk about ramps and how hard life is (so hard). Everyone. In a wheelchair]
“I don’t know if I’d have the will to do what you do” [Translation: “If I were like you, I’d probably kill myself!”]
“Your personality is so big I totally forgot you were in a wheelchair!” [Drops Mic]
Did I miss one? Have you heard one I haven’t? Leave a note!
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