au where wonwoo is a 30 year old professor and you’re his phd student in your late 20’s and…
wonwoo is the most popular professor in the department. not only is he incredibly intelligent, thoughtful and kind, soft-spoken yet confident, and a leader in his field of study, he’s also hot. all the undergrads who attend his lecture will dress up, and girls who go to his office hours put on makeup beforehand. while grading papers for him, you’ve seen the occasional phone number slipped in. and wonwoo, who is a bit awkward and shy, has no idea.
(after you graduate, you bring it up to him. “you’re ridiculously attractive.”
wonwoo flushes and stutters, “what are you talking about?”
“why do you think your office hours were so popular? i had undergrads begging me to get off the waitlist for your class”
“what? i just thought the kids were really interested in organic polymer engineering!”)
it’s about the tenderness…. it’s about the longing…. the 200k slow burn….. it’s about being so terribly fond of someone for years and years, so fond of them that you can’t tell where familiarity ends and love begins…
wonwoo knows that pursuing a relationship with you would be exploitative, as he’s your advisor and PI and your degree is in his hands. you knows that even making a move on wonwoo would be a career-ender for him. you both know it can’t happen, but yet, your affection still manages to peek through
it’s 11pm and you’re finally leaving the lab after a particularly long and grueling set of experiments that you’ve been refining. the building is dark and the halls are deserted, and you’re about to head out when you see a light on down the hall. it’s wonwoo’s office, and, wondering what he’s doing here so late, so you go to check it out, only to see your professor asleep at his desk, a half-graded stack of papers in front of him.
very gently, you rap at the door frame to wake him. wonwoo jerks forward, eyes flying open, looking around for a moment before his line of sight settles on you. and you can’t help the stupid grin that spreads across your face— his glasses are askew and there’s a red mark on his cheek from where he leaned on his arm. “go home, wonwoo,” you tell him, still grinning. “you’re too old to pull all-nighters.”
wonwoo groans and gets up from his chair. “you’re right,” he says, haphazardly shoving his laptop into his bag. “thanks for waking me.”
“no problem, i was just heading home.” you lean against the doorframe as he pulls on his wrinkled blazer and squints at the missed emails on his phone. “hold on.”
“hm?” he turns to face you. he’s wearing this dopey confused expression and his hair is sticking up in the front. i love him.
very gently, you reach out and adjust his glasses so they sit straight on the bridge of his nose. “there,” you smile. your heart thuds in your chest, i love him.
“c’mon,” he takes his car keys from where they were laying, carelessly tossed amidst the mess of crumpled sticky notes and dry erase markers, and dangles them from his fingers. “i’ll drive you home.”
“no, no, i was going to call a campus shuttle,” you try to protest, but wonwoo frowns.
“it’s late,” he says, “i’ll drive you.”
your breath hitches. it’s not the first time he’s driven you. the two of you have had some of your best conversations in his car, discussing publications and arguing over lesson plans and complaining about the reviewers’ comments on your latest manuscript. but tonight, you don’t know if you can take it, being with him in that car while the city glitters yellow and orange just outside. not when he’s like this, so heart-breakingly soft, and all you want to do is reach out and smooth your hand over his hair, cradle his cheek in your palm, rub away his dark circles and hold him until he finally gets some well-deserved rest. wonwoo driving you home would make the fantasy just a bit too real, and just a bit too sharp. but still, you’ve never been good at saying no to him.
“thank you,” you tell him. “whoever you hire to replace me after i graduate is lucky to have you.” and then, in a softer voice, you tell him, “you really are the best professor and mentor i could ask for. thanks for everything.”
and for a moment, you think wonwoo’s easy grin falters. for just a split second, maybe you see something else flash across his face. but then again, maybe you don’t.
