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art blog(derogatory)
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Cosmic Funnies
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Show & Tell
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YOU ARE THE REASON
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
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Game Changer & Make Some Noise
hello vonnie
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@walkingupahill-blog
joined at the calf view the world.through a dark sheet a million tiny pinpricks, of light. a traipse, a wayward tongue. fathom, dare to dream of the glass walls' other side. a tower at the bottom. crawling over barbed wire. wet with delight, floating in stasis unending, the rain trickles through outer space.
Hemi
I remembered good days good days of my home. everything was beautiful as long as I wasn't alone. we'd drive to the ocean in my first car to swim to eat from fire by the water. our friends would sing in the night time we smiled til our cheeks caved in. i forget to remember. but when I am alone i feel so sad because, when I was alone I felt so sad. i was taught to hold in all the bad things I ever had. its hard to scrub dark piss out of a white dress no body knew you cried in the darkness your parents were silent avoided eye contact drunk another bottle of wine slept with turned backs until you left forever
Therapy
therapy is not a nice place. you cut your body, your heart, your spirit, confronting the things you hate most about yourself. you take the haunting, abusive, destructive things. you take all the pain. you put them in the hands of a stranger. you hope they don't hate you. internally paranoid that they are constantly judging you. there are so many questions without answers. your friends watch from the outside like an operating room in a medical drama. they put chemicals in you to correct your environmental and birth defects. you hurt and hurt and hurt and hurt and hurt and you aren't allowed to kill yourself.
I will suffer constant sorrow the rest of my life to keep you from pain.
I can't stop this overwhelming sadness.
I am a useless being.
Fuck escitalopram
The end.
Love is a verb.
Until you live through your own death, you will not feel how we feel. The grit of the chemicals keeping us unwillingly alive, sandpapers smoothing our twitching veins. All the voices, a choir of our dead kids we will never have to make life mean something. Mouth ulcers like millipede bites. Shaking like a bag of electrocuted kittens. Metal blade sliding greasily through our skin. The numb relief, imagining it was neck to cheek. Locked in a jail of flesh, Drowning in the days new light as it steals in through the curtains. You are not welcome here You do not speak our language You are not welcome here You are not our friend You are not welcome. Love is cutting the rope. Love is forgetting broken promises ever existed. Love is surviving a car crash on purpose. Love is waking up.
I have actually completely exhausted all hope.
Packed bags under your eyes, take them all the way to heaven
tired of breathing stale air of aches in all my joints and bones validating my uselessness with the same people of walking past the same advertisements of unfulfilling conversations of having nothing to say of only feeling chronically sad the only choices shit or wrong i'm tired of getting out of bed with no one left in it of a constant inner/outer disconnect of the unknown person in every window and mirror the only happy dreams are where I snap my neck i'm tired of transport anxiety of fake smiling for strangers i'm tired of never getting better i'm tired of countless internalised suicide letters please just let me go i don't want to be here anymore
Being chronically sad everyday is fucking horrible. What fucked up asshole in the sky decided passing on mental illness through genetics was a good idea. Remove me from this fucking planet.
Pretty rich people, Group like glowing bodyguards On the late night train. We poor, working class Travel fluorescent tunnels Ugly and alone.
i feel there is a garbage bag full of people choked to deaths arms wrapped around my throat die? suffer?
Ownership of the Rain
Once,
the rain was all mine,
it solely belonged to me,
I took it’s beautiful, shimmering,
isolating quality to heart,
rejoiced in it’s gray melancholy,
it’s induced reflection
and called it my own.
Then,
I allowed someone else to claim it,
I accepted that it belonged to them as well,
we shared it,
it was ours
and together we acknowledged our mutual appreciation
for somber soaked days and bruised skies.
Suddenly,
the rain belongs to me once more,
but it’s different,
there’s a hole in it
and everything it once stood for has changed.
Today,
it rains
and I don’t know what to do with it,
except to relinquish my hold
so that someone else can claim it as their own.
-
This is incredible.
I just watched myself try to bash my head in. What the fuck.
dilating electricity lines in blue absconded reflecting hatred cocked lizard head encircling the vessel empty cup, rattling the bars empty cell, piss in the jar succinct, the memory of sunlight venetian blinds keep you out mesmerised .
