not gonna say it on the post I just reblogged bc op is talking about their experience and i don’t wanna be rude. but as an aroace person it does frustrate me how often “horniness” comes up in discussions about fandom
it’s not about any individual post and I’m not trying to say that shipping, smut fic, etc aren’t a big and in many cases foundational part of fandom. but I see it so often in posts about general fandom experiences and i can’t help but feel excluded by it
latest frustration: a couple different posts i've seen using "horniness" as a sort of funny stand-in for "character motivation." i.e. "your character has to be really horny about something, which doesn't have to be actual horniness it's just about them really wanting something."
look, i'm trying really hard to not turn this into a vent post because I know it's supposed to be kind of tongue-in-cheek, and hey if thinking about it like that is helpful for people, then sure. have fun with it. i don't wanna be mean.
but can you understand my frustration as an aroace person when "character motivation" is equated to "horniness?" or even when this is used to talk about actual people ("you gotta be a little horny about something to make good art") and being passionate about something is equated to "horniness?"
i know what people mean when they say this. i know it's a joke. but i do wish we could just talk about passion or motivation or whatever without using sex as a shorthand, jokingly or otherwise.
because every time I see a post centering sex as part of the fandom experience, or the creative experience, it feels like it's pushing me to the margins. and often, it feels like it's only one step away from centering sex as part of the human experience. and so i walk away from what was supposed to be a fun jokey post feeling othered and excluded.
tags from @harocat:
#oh yes #good post #i often don't want to talk about this because #i don't want to come across a puritanical 'not everything needs to be about SEX!!!' person #sex is indeed part of many people's fandom and creative experience #and for some people it's even centered around that #and it's fine #even though i'm ace i also enjoy sexy things! #it's just not the center of THE fandom experience #and some of these posts do make me feel othered #like 'what's the point if it's not horny' is the sentiment i so often get from fandom #or acting like you gotta be horny to make good art #it feels very exclusionary at times #even though i know these people probably aren't thinking about it that way #and instead are retorting against puritanical fans #and the fact that queer sex especially has so often been viewed as 'degenerate' by larger society #so i think it's kind of a fine line #between how to not make ace fans feel unwelcome and how to still celebrate your own sexuality in fandom #but it's something people need to work on#(as an ace lesbian #i get this doubly bc i get the ace aspect and then the lesbian one; where ppl act like attraction to men is a universal fandom experience)
A couple people have mentioned this in the tags and I think it's very insightful, and a very important part of this phenomenon. There is a lot of sex-negativity and censorship in both fandom spaces and broader media/culture, and fandom culture has rightly pushed back against that, especially in cases where queer relationships are being disproportionately censored. When people are trying so hard to create a culture that is more sex-positive and where queer romance & sex are more normalized, it's very easy to slip into the idea that sex is so normal and positive that it's a universally positive/relatable experience. And that's where ace people, especially sex-repulsed ace people, start to feel excluded and othered, even when the original intention is positive.
If people take anything away from this post, I hope it's the idea that it's worth thinking a little more carefully about where that line between sex-positivity and allonormativity lies.
Think about whether you're implying that sex is normal (a neutral thing that humans do sometimes, that doesn't have to be taboo) or that sex is normal (and everyone who doesn't like it or like talking about it is weird or wrong). Remember that some people are sex-repulsed, and that's not the same as sex-negative. Remember that being uninterested in real sex or fictional sex, or even actively disliking and wanting to avoid either or both, is not the same as wanting to censor or control other people. Remember that lots of people engage with fandom in ways that have nothing to do with shipping or sex (or romance) and have fun doing so.
I'd appreciate that a lot, personally, and it seems like a few hundred aces in the notes of this post would as well.
