Traumas that follow ——— ( Jan. 07 )
“We were not allowed to speak of the unseen wounds of war. We were not allowed to prepare for them.”
[ tw: PTSD, stalking ]
There’s no better feeling than getting home after a long day to see your family waiting for you to dinner and some warm clothes. That was Matty’s ideal life, just settle down, make more money at his job, get a dog, get married, have kids and be able to get home and relax his feet by the couch with his family. But that night as he left work and got into his car, he knew he would go home to his cold, dark and empty apartment, filled with furniture and five plants giving some life to the place while he wasn’t there, nothing else. It was a dark and quiet night, the rain that fell in torrents were now over for quite a while, but that annoying gust of wind were still shaking the windows, as Matty got into his car, let out a sigh and thought to himself “I should buy something for dinner tonight”. The good part about living alone is that you can make those decisions with no much efford.
To a guy like Matty, nighttime was his favorite time of the day to do grocery shooping, it was something he called a guilty pleasure, like an activity that would massage his brain, things like late night grocery shooping, going to an empty movie theather, early dawn road trips, moments where he could enjoy something with nobody or no much people around him, just himself and the enviroment. He wasn’t an antisocial, quite the opposite, he loved being around people, but those were things he really loved even more.
As he parked outside of the retail store, the parking lot was almost totally empty, Matty got out of the car and was making his way to enter the place when a hand grabbed his shoulder, giving him a terrifying scare that almost got his legs to drop. “Fuck” He murmured as a shock wave went through his body. Right next to him, was a homeless guy, looking a little tired just like him. “Can you help me, sir?” The man asked, for a moment Matty’s hands wer shaking, his heartbeat was a little off as being scared is something that would easily trigger his PTSD. He rubbed his hands over his eyes and let out a sigh. “Um... sure, what you need?”
The man asked for some food, said he would wait outside for Matty to come back,.As he entered the store, the door made an eletronic bell noise as it opened, maybe to let the cashier knows that someone walked in. The place was empty, only the cashier girl were at his sight. She looked at him for a second and kept reading her magazine, not much came from her, so he grabbed a cart and walked in, going straight to grab the things he needed for that night.
Inside the store, only the front had glass walls, and as Matty would walk in those half tall aisles he could still see the homeless man outside, looking at him, staring at him. It was almost impossible for Matty not to feel like he had eyes on him, and that was starting to make him nervous. His anxiety was being dragged back by his PTSD, he could feel a heat wave inside him, it was cold outside but Matty’s body felt hot, like his heart was beating too fast with anxiety causing his hands to sweat a little. He tried to ignore that, ignore the man staring at him and keep buying his stuff.
As he got to the back, His side eye caught the cashier girl moving, she walked to the other side of where Matty was, eyes kept on him like saying ‘I’m watching you’ and making her way to the bathroom. Matty followed her with his eyes too, it was an awkward moment as he didn’t meant to look back but he hated being watched by random people so he couldn’t help it but to look back. Her eyes on him didn’t seemed suspicios, but she seemed like someone who has seen quite a few things happening around there. As the girl entered the bathroom, Matty went back to look at his cart, there were a few things in it, maybe enough for that night and he should just buy anything else another time. As he was caught in those thoughts, the eletronic bell from the door ringed again, someone entered the store, and as Matty turned his eyes, there he was. The homeless guy, walking some fast steps in the middle aisle while staring Matty with his big eyes.
Something was off, that guy wasn’t at his normal and Matty was now staring into his eyes by far and noticing that. For a moment his body froze as he thought the guy was coming for him in the back, his throat went dry as his hands were holding that cart as hard as they could, his brain sending some shockwaves to his entire body as he got goosebumps. But then, the man turned, entered an aisle, grabbed something and ran. Leaving the store as the girl was coming out of the bathroom.
“He stole something!” Matty’s voice came out like the voice of someone who were drowning and now could breathe, his breathing was deep as he felt a little lightheaded, like his body really hated the scare. The cashier girl cursed a few words and went to the front door, looking outside for the homeless guy but couldn’t find anybody. “I think he did something to your car, the alarm is going off!” She spoke to Matty, as he was pushing the cart back to the front. The redhead left the cart near the cashier, his body seemed hard, like still frozen from the scare, at same time his head was hurting a little, he should go home and take his meds so this wouldn’t get worst. As he looked to his car, the blinking lights were there, he pulled the keys out and pressed the button so they stopped. The cashier girl was staring at him like waiting for him to go check if anything is wrong with his car, but Matty didn’t seemed like about to do that. Insteed, he waited a few more minutes, they both staring the darkness outside while searching for any signs of that homeless man.
As Matty felt a little better, he payed for his stuff, grabbed everything and left the store, going back to his car a little paranoid with his surroundings. He had that odd feeling on the back of his neck, like something was telling him he was being watched, like he knew that he wasn’t alone in that parking lot. His paranoias weren’t there to help, Matty has been doing therapy for quite a while after the events at his friend’s home a few years ago trying to get over his traumas, but it was hard, specially when things like that triggered him and made him feel so paranoid about everything. He opened the back door, dropping everything there, close the door and took a minute to look around. There were nothing there to see. The night was quiet, the winds were shaking some bushes by the back and the high railings, the lights outside were pretty shitty but the lights from inside were still giving the parking lot some visibility. Still, there were nobody else there.
He got into his car, and took a deep breath, feeling a lot safer now that he was at a more controlled space, that was part of his therapy, whenever feeling like losing control, find a controlled space, try to feel safe, try to breathe. It has been a few days since last time he cleaned his car, so there were a smell in it, he would get it cleaned first thing in the morning, but for now that wasn’t even something to bother him. Matty had both hands on the steering wheel as he closed his eyes for a second feeling his body starting to calm down. His hands were a little shaky as usual and his feet were still tapping the floor on anxiety, but he would survive. He drove home with no much problem, but everytime he would stop at a traffic light, his eyes would look around, almost like waiting for someone to come out of nowhere. He got home, grabbed his stuff from the car, took everything to his apartment and started cooking his dinner, nothing seemed off anymore, Matty took his meds, felt fine again. The red flags were down, although everytime the wind would shake his windows he would feel a cold going down his spine.
Dinner was almost ready at that point, something quite simple since he already taken his medication and were starting to feel a little sleepy, as he went to his room to put on some warm pajamas he noticed something by the window. Blinking lights. It was the second time that night he would see that, a red flag was up again as Matty walked to the window only to see his car on the other side of the street, lights blinking as the alarm was going off again. That didn’t made sense, he took a step back trying to understand what was going on, and decided to go outside to check. The redhead knew some self defense so if anyone were trying to rob his car, he would be able to at least give them a scare, he grabbed his baseball bat and went outside, crossing the street slowly as he noticed the back door flat open. As he looked around, there were nobody there, the street was empty since it was almost 1 a.m, he pressed the button so the alarm would stop, but as Matty went to close the door, he noticed something, the smell was gone, and written by someone’s finger on the back door’s window were four words:
“Thanks for the ride”
