Dreaming of running away with you because we both know we ain’t going nowhere
this is how it ends… it’s unbelievable that we won’t even talk in person… after 4 years and a half, is this how you want to end this!? I am so mad that I can’t even send this text because of pride but I am even more mad that you won’t send this either… all I wanted was for you to hear me and care, this is what I get instead, … and I’m sure you’re out now still mad at me for something that it’s not even my intention, just something that you can’t understand and never want to understand, you’re probably just getting distracted with your friends or family, while I’m here in my car crying, I can’t even bring myself to do anything else it seems… maybe you’re seeing that I’m writing to you, maybe you’re not, it doesn’t matter anyway, I don’t know if I’ll send you this, I’m fighting myself, but how can a person not even want to try and keep their dignity while also attempting to get a closure… after all we’ve been through… I loved you so much, I wanted us to see the world together or build one, but Im too hurt to ever forgive you now… we should talk In person at least one last time we should meet and maybe even hug or have a proper goodbye. yes I am tired of the all disappointments and I was tired of getting sad over us… but that didn’t mean I didn’t have hope for the future or any wish to work to heal us… I was just unsure because I’m so young and have only known you . I built my life here with you…. But I can’t look past this, I can’t keep looking past all of it anymore… in a way I hope you’re seeing that I’m writing to you but I won’t send it, not now I’m sorry, I’m done moving the first pawn, this is not a chess game. I hope you’re adult enough to not let this end like this…
It’s been 2 days since this chest pain started, I haven’t told you about it, we talk for 2 minutes a day, it’s slipped my mind.
Let me describe how it feels: It’s as if my rib cage was coming apart, creating a bridge over my heart. Now is this a medical concern or is it just my love for you dissociating from my heart, because it hurts as if you’re entire body was getting snatched from within my chest. We didn’t break up …yet … we barely talk , and when we do there’s always a fight.
Maybe I should call a doctor, or maybe I should call it quits.
Okay now, I’m either dying, 25 it’s a good age to start having a heart condition, or I’m getting ready for the pain.
Pre-heartbreak heart-ache:
I’m anticipating the worst, and hoping for the best…
annaxmalina
