[wanderlusttz]

Formally known as 𝒘𝒘𝒘.𝒏𝒆𝒓𝒅𝒚𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒛 adult . Sturniolo triplets . The 1975 . fear eats the soul . dilfs . sweetiepie . 5sos . Calums wife .

shop all bags

[delilahsturniolo]

“if i drink this and it doesn’t make me cum then it isn’t worth it.” — matt sturniolo ‘26

[mattsstarlet]

sexy matt pictures will drop as a gift for my birthday 🙏🙏🙏

[wanderlusttz]

Formally known as 𝒘𝒘𝒘.𝒏𝒆𝒓𝒅𝒚𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒛 adult . Sturniolo triplets . Matt girl. fear eats the soul . dilfs . sweetiepie . 5sos . Calums wife .

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[wanderlusttz]

New usernameee

new theme soon :p

[wanderlusttz]

Watching calum play his bass so fast in ‘boyband’ and seeing his hands move so fast is so hot

[wanderlusttz]

Would yall hate me if I changed my username 😔🌚

[hemmosara05]

why does EVERYONE look SO HOT?

[wanderlusttz]

Omg Micheal

[talk2fast]

𝙨𝙚𝙭 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙖 𝙨𝙢𝙤𝙠𝙚, 𝙨𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙙𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙖𝙩 𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙨𝙩

[wanderlusttz]

I hate you LA that was supposed to be my secret song

[badgirlsvevo]

Never Enough & No Satisfaction [18+]

A/N: AT LAST the nashville installation.... please note these are the clips [x] [x] [x] that triggered me to write this... in case you'd like some imagination inspo <3 and shout out to sav for the ***** **** idea hehehe

tags: softdom!cal x bratty!reader (afab, no y/n), p w no plot (pure filth), fingering, oral (f receiving), p in v, finish inside, creampie, edging / overstimulation, a little praise a little degradation, exhibitionism? (kind of? idk you'll see..)

wc: 3.3k

[MASTERLIST]

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Messing with Calum was fun. He was too easy to rile up, especially when they hadn’t gotten a moment to themselves in days.

The day wasn’t any different to their usual, just a bit slower, mixed in with errands and appearances. But, God, she was bored out of her mind today. It was clear he was too – his eyes continuously drifting to her, the temporary indent on the bridge of his nose from how many times he’d pinched it to stay awake, the occasional bouncing leg. 

It was only fair she took matters into her own hands to entertain them both.  

The next time they were seated together, she inched closer, just enough for her thigh to brush against his. He looked over to find her checking her nails, no sign that she’d felt the contact too. 

When they found themselves in line at a café during a short break, her fingers casually traced the tattoos on his bicep while she went on about coffee beans. He wasn’t stupid. He knew what she was doing and he’d let her have her fun for now. 

By her fifth attempt (her hand had traveled a little too far up his leg under the table at her work dinner), he was hanging on by a thread. Glancing down at her nails tracing over the seams of his jeans, he leaned down close enough so only she could hear, “What are you doing?” 

She smiled up at him, the picture of innocence, tilting her chin up to kiss his cheek, “Nothing.” 

He gawked at her as she gently squeezed his thigh, fingers brushing against the tent in his pants that hadn’t had a chance to slacken since she had started her game. Her hand was a permanent fixture on him for the rest of the night, ignorant to the ache he was enduring.

The drive home had been a nightmare for him. She’d taken down her hair, her palm still finding its way to his thigh. It truly was a miracle he kept the car on the road when she leaned over to kiss his neck. His white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel made her laugh, pursing her lips with a smile when he glared at her from the corner of his eye.

It really was all in good fun. Until they finally made it back to the apartment.

Sighing in relief after taking her heels off, she settles on the edge of the bed. The absolute torture she’d put him through long forgotten as he approaches her.

“What are you doing?” She eyes him warily as he languidly descends to his knees.

“Exactly what you were doing all day,” his eyes never leave hers as he mockingly repeats her words from earlier, “‘Nothing’.” 

“Okay, wait,” a nervous laugh escapes her, “That’s not fair–”

“No?” His hands trail up her thighs, lifting the skirt of her dress. “You seemed to think it was pretty fair to get me hard, and keep me hard, the whole day.” 

“That obviously wasn’t on purpose!” 

He raises his brows, fingers toying with the waistband of her panties.

“Sure, I believe you,” holding back a smile when she visibly relaxes, “I guess this isn’t on purpose either, then.” 

The sound of lace ripping echoes through the room, her jaw dropping in shock. She struggles to piece together words, her eyes flicking between the scraps of her underwear on the floor and his indifferent state – breath already ghosting over her skin. 

“Calum, what the actual f–”

“I’ll get you a dozen more,” his voice is gruff against her, lips trailing kisses all the way up to the apex of her thighs. 

Eyes on her like a hawk, he catches every hitch of her breath, every tense muscle, as he pauses right at her core. She whines when he pulls away, the amused look in his eyes almost making her regret every decision she’s made today. Almost. 

“You were awfully mouthy today,” he murmurs, his fingers moving to loosen her grip on their sheets, “And these beautiful hands were wandering a little too much.” 

She watches as he intertwines their fingers, continuing to speak on her behaviour, “In front of everyone, with absolutely no shame. That’s fucked up, babe.” 

Looking back at his face, she sucks in a sharp breath finding his heated gaze already on her. 

She scoffs, trying to play it cool, “Sorry for trying to have fun.” 

“Oh, you wanna have fun?” The corner of his mouth turns up to the slightest smirk, the dangerous spark in his eyes making her stiffen, “Let’s have fun.” 

He untwines their fingers, one of his hands engulfing both of her wrists to hold them in place. 

“You move, I stop. You mouth back to me, I stop. Understood?” 

“Ye–” She stops herself with an abrupt nod. 

Smiling proudly at how quickly she’s catching on, he kisses her knee before spreading her legs wider. It’s his turn to take his time and he moves slow, his glacial pace already making her restless.

Messing with her was fun. She was too easy to rile up – easier than Calum. 

His touch is featherlight as he works his way up, kisses few and far in between until he’s finally made it back to her core. Laughing lightly when he sees how wet she already is, his breath ghosts over her, sending a chill up her spine. 

Starting with light kisses along the seam of her folds, he hums contentedly at her scent finally invading his senses. His eyes flit up to hers, not wanting to miss a single reaction. Finding her brows furrowed and eyes squeezed shut, he frowns. 

“New rule,” he murmurs, the vibration nearly making her squirm, “Eyes on me. Close them, I stop. Look away, I stop.” 

She opens her eyes, narrowing them as her lips part to retaliate – but she knows better. So she simply nods. 

The way she can feel him smile against her is obscene, but he doesn’t give her too long to think about it. 

His tongue carefully licks up the dribble of arousal, eyes boring into hers as his nose nudges her clit before wrapping his lips around it. He hesitates when her breath hitches, but proceeds with his worship. Drawing slow patterns around the nub, he watches her intently as he starts to suck gently. 

When she gasps and curses under her breath, he pauses momentarily – just to goad her. Grinning when it works and she starts complaining, he pulls back to look up at her. 

“Are you kidding?” She cries breathlessly, eyes wild, “You can’t fault me for making noises! I didn’t even say anything, Calum. You are being so unfair right now–”

He hums with a nod, “Is this not a perfect example of you mouthing back?” Doing nothing to hide his cocky smile once realisation dawns on her face. 

“You’re a dick.” 

“One that you want, and one that you’re going to keep quiet to get.” His grasp on her wrists tightens briefly, “Can you do that for me? Or would you prefer to argue about technicalities?” 

She glares at him. Huffing and pursing her lips shut, urging herself to relax under him again. 

He’s kind enough to pick up where he left off, his lips latching onto her immediately. Forcing her eyes open to see the determined look in his, she bites her cheek to refrain from causing any more interruptions.

The relentless suction of his lips and pressure from his tongue are quick to send her hurtling towards her orgasm. She has half a mind to bite down on her lip to keep her mouth shut in preparation for finally getting what she wants. But when he nips at her clit, any semblance of control leaves her, hips bucking up towards his assault. 

He pulls back immediately, removing all contact. 

The whimper that leaves her is pitiful. In any other circumstance he would feel bad, really. But it’s only fair he gets to have some fun too. 

“Still bored?” He grins, lips glossy from her. 

If looks could kill, Calum would be six feet under. Possibly deeper.

She refuses to speak up this time, hoping it’ll bring his mouth back on her quicker. Adjusting his fingers to the pulse point of her wrists, he waits until it slows down before returning to his feast. 

He doesn’t hold back this time, lips adhered to her like she’s his only source of oxygen. His tongue travels lower, finally delving inside her while his nose continues to bump her clit. Groaning at her taste, his free hand spreads her thigh further apart in a desperate attempt to get as much and as close as possible. 

He’d almost forgotten about the throbbing ache in his pants, but he can feel the damp spot from his leaking cock grow. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s finished just from going down on her, but tonight he wants his first release to be in her. So he doubles down on his efforts, refusing to think about himself before she has at least one orgasm. Alternating his attention from her weeping cunt to her clit, he hums contentedly at how well she’s behaving. 

He swears he had no intention of cutting her off a third time. Until her phone rang. 

“Pick it up.” 

She doesn’t acknowledge him at first, thinking she’s hallucinating his words and the ringtone in her current state of mind-numbing pleasure. Blinking back to reality when he slows down to sloppy kisses and lets go of her wrists. Her brows furrow in confusion. 

“Sorry?” 

“Pick up the phone.” 

The laughter dies in her throat at his unwavering gaze. He’s being serious. 

“No. Absolutely not. We’re in the middle of this and you’ve fucked me over twice already and,” she glances at her phone, “It’s my colleague. She probably just wants to gossip about the dinner, which can wait until tomorrow.” 

“Mhm,” he nods, licking her clean before sitting back on his thighs with that stupid smile, “Wasn’t a question. You didn’t seem to mind when you were feeling me up at dinner tonight, so pick up the damn phone.” 

The look in her eye makes it clear she’s taking note of his ridiculous behaviour for later. But he doesn’t care. He loves their back and forth too much. 

She picks up the call. Moving to cross her legs, she looks back down when she feels an obstruction. He’s shouldered himself between her thighs. 

“What the hell are you doing?” She hisses, hand cupping over the phone while she tries to simultaneously pay attention to her coworker’s story of who got a little too drunk and exposed whatever menial secret. 

He grins, nipping gently at her inner thigh as he whispers, “Focus, babe.” 

Not so much furious as she is frustrated, she does her best to ignore him in hopes that he’ll be content with his current position. But they both know better than that. 

His fingers start tracing her lips, puffy from his lengthy worship, her breath hitching at his delicate touch. Watching her reaction as he gently presses down on her swollen clit, his smirk is devious when she loses her train of thought. 

“R-Right, yeah, I noticed that too,” she quickly recovers, giving him a warning glance, but he couldn’t care less. 

Developing a sudden interest in anatomy (he’d argue he’s always had an interest in her anatomy), his fingers continue to toy with her. His eyes light up when he eventually spreads her lips open, the glistening view one he’ll never be able to get enough of. 

“You were so confident at dinner,” he whispers, blowing cool air on her burning skin, “Wonder what they’d think if they saw you like this.” 

A quiet sound escapes her, clearing her throat to cover it up as her colleague continues to yap on the other end. 

“Oh,” he laughs lightly when she clenches around nothing, the amusement clear in his voice, “Are you enjoying this?” 

Her cheeks flush bright red, mouthing a ‘fuck you’ to him before redirecting her attention back to the call. 

Fingers circling her dripping entrance, his middle one pushes through. Her hand flies to her mouth to silence her gasp, but it’s too late. He can faintly hear the person on the other end asking if everything’s alright. 

“Yeah!” She laughs nervously, “I just can’t believe he said that to you. And then what happened?” 

Her hand moves to his shoulder, trying to push him away as she squirms under his ministrations. He takes it as a challenge. 

Slowly slipping in his ring finger too, his mouth is back on her. “Squeezing me so tight,” he chuckles against her, “I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart.” 

Attempting and failing to keep her breathing in check, she bites down on her hand when his fingers curl up. The calloused tips brushing against the spongy spot that has her momentarily blacking out. 

“Fuck,” she gasps under her breath. “I’m so sorry. Going to have to call you back tomorrow.” Before she can hear a response, her phone is tossed haphazardly across the bed. 

Her hands move to his hair, fingers tugging at his curls, “You’re a piece of fucking work.”

He hums passively, grinning as he nips at her clit, “Learned from the best.” 

Finally satisfied with how much he’s teased her, he pulls out all the stops. He’s all tongue and teeth, fingers dextrously stretching her out for him as the amalgamation of his spit and her release pool under her. 

The combination of her moans and the lewd sounds of his fingers pistoning her hole have him right on the edge. He curves his fingers again, suckling on her clit as she starts to convulse around him. “That’s right,” his voice is low against her, “There we go. Think you’ve put up with enough to deserve this.” 

A final brush against her G-spot has her seeing stars, crying out as her grip tightens on his hair, hips rolling up as he works her through it. He keeps licking at her, tongue flattening to take as much as he can while his fingers slow down. 

She falls back on their bed with a groan, whimpering when he eventually removes his fingers to suck them clean. 

Her ears perk up at the clink of his belt buckle hitting the ground. Sitting up on her elbows to eye him as he speaks up, “Got one more for me?”

Her eyes flick down, mouth watering at the sight of his cock springing up, the blush pink tip already leaking. 

“Were you not planning on that after everything you put me through?”

Smiling at her near pout, he’s on her immediately. Nuzzling into the crook of her neck as the length of him brushes along her slit, coating him in her release. “Of course,” he kisses up the column of her throat to murmur against her lips, “My good girl deserves it.”

Her pupils dilate at his words, and he knows there’s no point in dragging this along any further. He reaches between them to line himself up with her entrance, tongue gently parting her lips, “Okay?”

She nods eagerly, kissing him back. No longer interested in entertaining his payback, she pushes forward to take him in. Groaning at the pressure of her enveloping his tip, his hands grip onto her hips, pushing her down to the mattress as he breaches her in one smooth thrust. 

The sound that leaves her sends his hips stuttering even deeper. Her hands move to grab onto his biceps when he pulls out, leaving just the bulging head inside of her. Hesitantly detaching their lips, they both sneak a glance between them. The sight has him cussing under his breath, her walls fluttering around him in a desperate attempt to draw him back in. 

He takes in a shaky breath, trying to pace himself, knowing full well he won’t last as long as he wants to if he gives in to her. “I can’t– need to slow down, babe. Might finish too soon–”

“Good!” She whines frustratedly, words tumbling out in attempts to convince him to just let go, “You’ve made me wait long enough, you said I deserved it, this isn’t fair. Please don’t hold back, can take it all, I promise–”

Her pleas are broken off by a loud moan when he rams back into her. He’s careful, slow, but each thrust is harder than the last, his cockhead kissing her cervix at every return. 

“Still such a mouth on you,” he grunts breathlessly, his grip on her waist bruising, “Gonna have to fuck it out of you, hm?”

“Yeah, whatever,” she gasps, rolling her hips up to meet his advances, “Just don’t stop.” 

He can’t help the laugh that escapes him, leaning down to kiss her, “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

True to his word, he’s unforgiving with his actions. Hands drifting down to her legs, his thumbs deceptively brush under her knees before carefully hiking her thighs up. Her breath catches at the new angle, eyes fluttering shut as she clamps down on him, feeling him move against every ridge of her walls. 

“Fuck,” he gasps into her mouth, faltering at the pressure. “Need you to cum with me, need to feel you around my cock,” he chokes out, “Been such a good girl, think you can do that for me?” 

She mewls a wordless agreement, nails clawing at the muscle of his arms when he reaches down to pry at her clit. The rough pad of his thumb has her keeling over almost immediately, gripping him like a vice, draining him of everything he has to give. 

His hips jerk as he empties himself inside of her. Unrelenting with the friction on her overstimulated bundle of nerves, he’s eager to edge her towards another orgasm before she can come down from the high of the current one. 

“Cal–” she sobs, writhing under him, the feeling of his throbbing length heightening every sensation two-fold, “‘s too much.” 

“Didn’t want me to stop, right?” He grunts when she pulses around him, waiting until she nods to continue, “Then I think you can take one more.” 

Picking up the pace again, he doesn’t let up until his name is the only thing on her lips and she’s a limp mess against the mattress. He slows down his working of her clit, hips coming to a tapered stop as she whimpers. Finally letting go of his arms, he only now notices the sting of her nails in their wake. 

“Still with me?” He murmurs, placing gentle kisses along her jaw, his lips absorbing the salt of her tears.

She hums as her eyes struggle open to look at him. 

“Did so good for me,” he smiles softly, “Took me really well, sweetheart. Wanna see?”

She nods, mustering up what limited strength she has left to move up to her elbows. Her breath hitches at the scene between them. He’s nearly flush against her, about an inch of his base peeking out where the evidence of both of their satisfaction gathers in a milky ring. 

Hesitantly reaching down, her fingers trace where they connect, looking up at him when he hisses at the touch. She moves to where she stretches around him, letting out a shaky sigh at the contact on her sore folds.

“It’s okay. Lie down,” he gently brushes her hair back, voice low and soothing, “I’ll take care of her.”

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[sturncoast]

the video legit has me laughing my ass off I sound like a crazy person

[onlynewangelsfly]

cant talk here.... email me....

[af4llenst4r]

or whatever that song said

[crystalcider]

WARNINGS (SERIES WIDE): complex/morally grey characters, mentions/depictions of sex, mentions of drinking MDNI you will be blocked! THEMES: coming of age, self discovery, self-actualization, healing, drama, romance CHAPTER THREE: beach bums / sunset serene LINKS: boy next shore m.list | crystalcider's summer of sturn m.list | summer of sturn m.list | main m.list WORD COUNT: 4.4k AUTHOR'S NOTE: this chapter is REALLY intense and super long, hope you enjoy it tehehehehe <3

astraea

Last night was woefully intense. After my revelation with my sister about my recent breakup, I needed an escape.

The house feels stuffy, like it warmed up too much over night. And now, all the heat is trapped inside and it makes it uncomfortable. I toss and turn as I lay in bed thinking about my peculiar predicament. And moreover, not telling the people in this house is somewhat eating me alive. But, I know that I probably shouldn’t until I was ready. That was most logical, right? But it still gnawed at me…something. Whether it be the secret or the dull heartache that I almost felt physically vibrating uncomfortably against my ribcage, I wasn’t sure.

I eventually sit up and kick the covers off, almost giving up on sleep completely, at this point. I nearly jolt as I hear rustling from the other side of the room. Oh right, Matt. I am so used to having my own room at home, so silent and unforgiving. That the presence of him was confusing to my brain this early in the morning. Speaking of, I check the clock 7:30 am. I let out a sigh and drag a hand down my face.

I’m surely content to push away my dilemma for the day, I turn fully towards Matt’s bed as he stirs. He always looked so wild when he slept, usually one leg out of the cover and all. Messy hair and sweats rutting up one of his legs, all the way to his knee. I stifle a laugh at how ridiculous he looks. It seems like he almost can sense me staring as he stirs and cracks one eye open.

“What am I, a circus freak?” Matt says, his voice gravelly “Watcha staring at?” He says, rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

“Nothing, you just look so frumpy,” I laugh a little as he comes over to sit on my bed.

“Frumpy?” He says, raising an eyebrow as he runs a hand through his hair, unfortunately not helping the messiness whatsoever.

“Yeah, confused and grumpy.” I clarify, as if it didn’t make sense.

“That’d be crumpy.” He corrects, side eyeing me as he shoves my legs to the side to make room for him to sit down. At least, that's what I thought as he takes up half the bed and lays next to me. Matt's usually never this cuddly or close but….I'm learning this summer will be a whole lot different, whether I'm ready or not.

“I didn't know we were earning points for grammar.” I retort, staring him down. Matt and I have always shared a room every summer since we've been doing these family vacations, and this summer won't be any different. It's always been the same: Matt and I in one room, Chris and Nick in another room, and Astrid always had her own, since she was the oldest.

“Well keep up,” he murmurs, shifting in the bed “since you woke me up, we're doing things my way.” He jokes, a challenge in his voice.

“Oh yeah?” I say, teasing right back “What's first on the list Mr. Man in charge?” I joke as I stare him down. Matt never really was one of the leading types, so I'm curious to see what he has up his sleeve for today.

“Well first on the list,” He says, bracing himself with his elbow, turning himself towards me. The bed is a Queen so there's plenty of room. I haven’t the slightest idea why we're huddled up onto one side of it. Not to mention its unbearably hot, and his body heat combined with mine isn’t doing either of us any favors. “breakfast.” He says, nearly tumbling out of bed in an effort to pull me to my feet.

“Meant to do that!” He says gently. I shake my head and go along with his antics. Because honestly? After yesterday, I probably need some spontaneous-ness, despite my better judgment. Change can be good, sometimes.

“But first,” Matt says, stopping me at the door of our shared bedroom. “what was up with you last night?” He says, practically starfish posing to block the door with his frame.

Oh no, here we go. “What do you mean?” I ask, confused at his sudden question. What he was asking about was true, but it wasn’t exactly in his nature to be so curious. I feel like I’m in an alternate universe right now, that’s how crazy this feels.

“You were just, way off your game.” Matt says gently “Is something up?” He asks. Despite his his calm demeanor the way he’s standing in the doorway intimidates me somehow more than I think he realizes. I sigh and just shrug, debating on how much this is going to blow up in my face later. “It's fine,” I say, brushing it off. “and besides, we haven't had breakfast yet, I can't get into all that without some food in my stomach, Matt.”

Matt sighs, releasing his grip on the door, knowing he wasn't going to be getting anything out of me. I sigh thankfully as I step past him. We walk downstairs and sit in the chairs by the kitchen island.

“So, what's with you sticking to me like glue, huh?” I tease, putting the ball in my court for once today. Even though it was still so early, I wanted to get a reign on today.

“Can I not spend time with my best friend?” Matt says, his tone kind “Plus I know something is bugging you, but you'll crack soon.” He squints, leaning in close. “Like an egg, splat.” He whispers, making a motion with his hand.

“You're really cruel, you know that?” I giggle and shove his face away with my hand. “Enough with the cracking, crack open an egg for real, I'm hungry.”

Matt side eyes me, but eventually relents. Nick was right, he was such a pushover. I'm thankful for it now that I don't have to directly look at him. Inadvertently lying to him felt worse than a criminal interrogation, burning under lights. And, just like he said…cracking like an egg. But fortunately for me, my self preservation is a little stronger than the shell of an egg…I hope.

“Since it's so early we could go out.” Matt says, mixing together some type of batter. From here I can't exactly tell what it is, but he usually makes waffles anytime he has the kitchen to himself in the mornings. And I do always eat them.

“And do what?” I say with a yawn as I shift in my seat.

“We could play draw straws, take a long walk off of a short pier, pots could be stirred….” He teases. I raise an eyebrow at his antics. Matt was always pretty carefree, but even ‘with the wind' attitude most times. He always gravitated towards certain comforts, everyone did. And right now, it was comedy.

“I get the point, jackass.” I murmur, I couldn't tell what exactly Matt knew yet, but it was something. But somehow, I couldn't find it in me to care at this moment. I didn't want this whole thing to take over my entire summer, this summer was just too important. And putting so much focus on my breakup was just…not good. Not for me, not for anyone.

I mull over what today's events will be to distract my mind. Like dangling a carrot in front of a horse. Classic, and guaranteed to work. Somehow, my eyes land on Matt again as he prepares breakfast. And I just know as soon as he finishes preparing everything I'll most likely fold like a lawn chair into whatever plan he has for today. And for some reason, I can't find a reason to say no to that. This summer will be more than a heartbreak clinic, I won't let it become that.

🌊 matt

After breakfast, we decide to head down to the beach.

It's still early, so no one is out yet, just the occasional sound of the waves pushing against the sand, or the animals frolicking along the shore. The walk from the summerhouse to the beach was pretty short. It put the house right in hurricane territory, that's why its so high above the sand. It looked funny, a house that big, looking like it was standing on stilts.

Astraea suggests we sit in the sand by the shore. And for a while, we just listen to the sounds of the sea. I know something is up with her, and not in the way she thinks, at least. Astraea's thinking is very logical, which would be good in any other situation. But in this case, not so much. Because, I know something is up with her… because the same thing is happening to me. Like… a twin flame or… opposite magnets.

Plus, it doesn't help that I overheard last nights conversation. But, I won't tell her about that, at least not yet. Something tells me she doesn't want to be bugged about it, no matter how much I tease her. She's stubborn like that, she always is. But I can't push her too far, or she'll harden up so much it'll be impossible to reach her….its, happened before.

“How'd you sleep?” I murmur gently into her head full of curls. She thinks I'm being spontaneous, but its the complete opposite. That's how things are with Astraea, she looks straight ahead so much she gets tunnel vision.

“Terrible.” She murmur sharply into my shirt as I rub her back. I laugh a little at her tone, almost as if she's mad at the amount of sleep she got. “Why is that?” I say

“The room was way too hot, y'know…when its so hot your ears clog up?” She says, I wince, the heat in Orchidcrest always crept up. And by the first night? It was absolutely steaming. But it'd mellow out soon, hopefully. I really didn't know, things were changing so much over the last few years. And even this place wasn't immune to that. As a kid, we all thought this place would be evergreen. But even something as stationery as this place could still sway with the waves of life, I'd figured out.

“Yeah,” I say gently “I get ya.”

“How'd you sleep?” She says gently, looking up to me. I could see her face was tense, even if right now she probably thought she looked relaxed. That was something about Astraea, always wanting to be in control. Her and Chris had that in common, unfortunately. Along with thinking they’re expressing an emotion while feeling the complete opposite one.

“Alright,” I lie smoothly, or at least I hope I do “it was really hot in the house, like you said.” I hum as she tucks herself back into my side. “Think we forgot to turn the air on or something.” I say, and for some reason, my voice gets really low. So low she probably couldn’t hear it over the crash of the shore. The more we were out there, the closer the ocean licked up against the sand.

I have no idea how long we sit out there. And honestly? I think both of our minds drift away, to a different place. Separate places…but similar. So much so, that by the time I snap out of it, I can feel the tide underneath my shoes.

I don’t know if it’s the way this summer has turned out so far, or just today. But everything feels so backwards, in a weird way. I feel like I can’t think straight, like there’s a supernova burning a hole through my skin. I feel guilty for listening to Astraea and her conversation at the stairs. So much it makes my heart heavy like it might just drop out of my body. Or, maybe it’s the fact she’s intent on telling me. And I’m hiding something from her too, the exact same thing, like mirroring reflections.

I have no idea if it’s the water flicking from the tide, getting closer and closer, but my face feels wet. “We should go,” I say as a foamy wave brushes over where we were sitting, just as we stand from the rushing shore.

Astraea laughs a little at the spontaneous-ness of the shore, or…rather the fact we weren’t paying attention to it. “Definitely,” she says, looking out to the water, how the waves push against the sand, making patterns against it. It’s a funny thing, the way the sand feels like such an immovable force and the sea an obviously more fluid one. And the way it has the ability to push against something so rock-solid…or at least it used to be.

“The waves are really strong today,” Astraea says as she looks out into the seemingly endless shore. I nod in agreement, even though she isn’t looking at me.

“You know what?” She says, turning towards me, the sun finally beginning to rise to its full strength, even this early. It reflects onto her, creating a golden sheen against her skin.

“Hm?” I say, my eyes flitting up to hers, her eyes alight with something I’m not yet sure of, curiosity, maybe?

“We should have a beach day.” She says, her tone hopeful all of a sudden. Her voice makes me smile, and I nod again, unsure of what to say.

“Yeah, we should.” I eventually say after a moment. It sounded like a good idea, definitely a way to shake things up after all the heavy things that were happening to us, and around us.

🌊 astraea

The beach day was a good idea to get away from things.

It was the first one of the summer, and a good way to kick things off. It was early in the afternoon, a cool 70, since we were right next to the sea, but it’d eventually warm up for sure. Astrid was directing Matt and Chris to set up the tent, while Clover was helping Nick put on sunscreen. It was just us kids this time, so we were left to our own devices. While I enjoyed spending quality time with my parents on this vacation, I don’t think I could stand their withering stares of suspicion. They could always see right through me, like I was invisible.

I walked over to where Clover was slathering sunscreen on Nick’s back, to his discontentment. “Hey, sugar!” She smiles, my face beamed with warmth as she addressed me. Clover was always so sweet, she was like a little southern old lady wrapped in a 22 year old. Well, she kinda was, the north Carolina accent made her sound that way.

“Chase, give ‘Rea a hug for me, my hands are covered in sunscreen.” Clover said, directing her little sister, Chase to do her bidding, like she often did.

“Fine,” Chase says, looking up from her Teen Vouge magazine, she brushes her hands against her bathing suit and stands to give me a hug. “Glad to see you too, Chase.” I smile, embracing her warmly. She was always the youngest of us, I swear she shot up just like a weed every year we came down to Orchidcrest.

“Hey, where’s little Auggie?” Matt says, wiping sweat from his forehead. Chase turns red at that. She hated when we called her best friend, Augusta ….Auggie. We’d been calling him that ever since they became friends, an oh–so long time ago.

“He’ll be here, his dad has him working double at the surf shop this summer.” Chase says, pulling away from my hug all of a sudden. “Ah, right.” Matt says, shocked at that news, but taking in it nonetheless. Augusta always hated following what his dad said,. That being that he was 20 and was in that ‘I don’t care what anyone says’ new adult era. And, that his dad was never really supportive of his autonomous decisions. So its a shock to the system to hear that he’s bending to his rule.

“Really? I thought he hated that place.” Matt says, coming to sit on the giant collage of beach towels we have underneath the tent they’ve been setting up.

“He does, he just wants to get money for tuition, it isn’t cheap, you know.” Chase says, her tone understanding and soft, not really towards Matt, but towards Augusta. Hm…..well, whatever is going on there, I’ll leave it alone. I have enough relationship drama already.

🌊

We stay out the beach for hours, soaking up the sun like that’s all we were ever meant to do. The day is full of shenanigans and laughter, a picture perfect day. With so much joyous memories packed into one afternoon, it nearly pushes bad memories out of my heart. Making no room for them amongst the good. And for a moment, everything feels blurry. Like, drowning my woes in good memories was the cure-all for heartbreak. At least in the moment it is, but some part of me hopes it will be later, too.

I’m sitting next to Clover as we trade gossip about our entire year. As if the 9 months we spend away from each other could be summed up in one afternoon. But I have no heart to think about what makes sense and what doesn’t right now. I don’t have the heart to break this childish reverie, I just can’t. She goes on and on about sales at the fashion avenue, boy drama, carnivals near town square and everything in between.

“God, the way you talk about this place makes me wish I could stay here year round.” I say, my stomach feeling tight from all of the laughter and talking. Or maybe it’s the beer, I have no idea.

“Yeah, while y’all are trudging through snow? We’re probably getting rain storms.” Clover says, pointing her hard lemonade towards me. “I sure am glad my winter coat doesn’t get any work down here, except for when I come to visit you and the boys, of course.” She says, taking a long drink and wiggling her eyebrows. I haven’t the slightest idea what that look could mean. We’re both a little tipsy, so our emotional reading radar is a little off.

“What’s t’look mean?” I slur, just a little, squinting my eyes at her. “Tell me Clo,” I nudge her a little. And with our less than sober states makes the both of us sway.

“Well, I just mean, why do you never bring Troy down here? I mean he lives in Massachusetts too, right?” Clover says, her expression laced with concern. “He must trust you a lot, ‘round all these boys.” she comments, taking another drink.

The comment doesn’t hit the servers of my brain for a second. The alcohol has me way off my game, more than I thought. “Trust me? Oh he fucking throws a fit every time the topic comes up.” I roll my eyes, body reacting to his name with…anger. Something I thought I’d never feel towards him.

Clover looks shocked at my statement, as for what she knows? We’re still together, 5 years going on 6, doesn’t suspect a thing. But I fear that she’s about to, if she’s not already.

“And don’t get me started on the boys, I’ve known them longer than I’ve known him and he still looks at them sideways—fucking control freak.” I spit, words vicious like snakes venom. The alcohol’s hitting my system like a tsunami, and my words roll out faster than they ever did.

And out of the corner of my eye I can see my sister staring me down. I swear, ever since I told her, she’s been on 24/7 watch. It makes me a little angry, because this summer, despite my best effort, sucks so far.

“You sure you and him are alright, ‘Rea?” Clover says, her eyebrows raised, arms held out in caution. As if I was about to stumble and fall at any given moment, even though we were both siting down.

“Fine,” I sigh, standing up suddenly, so fast it makes my head spin. “I just need to take a walk.” I huff, set on my path as I walk quickly down the beach. Clearing my head can be good yes, but storming off like that? Sets off red flags. But I can’t find it in me to care right now, about any of it. I’m not angry at Clover, or my sister, or anyone really. Maybe at myself? I don’t know.

Everything feels so off, like I’m stuck in a framed perfect picture instead of actually living the life I have. Except, it feels like I’m not actually in it, stuck just out of frame. I look back and see my friends staring at me, but I just keep walking. Maybe if I keep walking, they’ll eventually forget about whatever just happened back there…yeah, great plan.

The beach wasn’t that crowded when we arrived, but the later in the afternoon it gets, the more populated it gets. It isn’t too crowded since it isn’t the most popular beach, but there are a few straggles of people. I try my best to avoid them, weaving and bobbing until I reach the pavement by the houses along the shore. Until, I reach our summerhouse.

This whole situation makes me feel, small. All of it makes me feel small, and all of me. At least right now, I feel so stupid thinking I could ever hold this in all summer. Bad idea, super bad idea. The parents are likely inside, or maybe out. I don’t know, but I don’t want to risk seeing anyone right now. So, I just pray as I fumble with the lock mechanism on the sliding door, no ones home.

Silence.

My shoulders drop a little, the only presence is the 2 dogs and the blasting A/C circulating throughout the kitchen. I slump onto a chair by the kitchen island, suddenly tired. I usually don’t drink, so its really doing a number on me. Plus, probably with how fast I walked too. All of those things combining grounding me to that chair like I was cuffed to it. And all of a sudden I’m content sitting there all day, all week even, if I’m being honest.

But, as soon as I reach a reprieve, I hear the sliding door open. The smell of a woodsy, masculine scent greets my nose. On any other day, it would…I guess. But not today, not while I’m tipsy (drunk now, let’s face it). “Chris?” I mumble into my arm, slumped onto the cool marble of the tabletop. I almost want to melt into it, all of it’s icy nothingness is comforting right now.

“How’d you know?” He huffs a warm laugh, walking up next to my chair. I swear he radiates heat, because standing right next to me, the room feels warmer. In a good way, but in my icy solitude its a little unwelcome.

“Intuition,” I mumble, not even bothering to lift my head, instead he leans over me to meet my eyes. “Jesus, you’re wasted.” He says lowly

“Rude,” I huff “not wasted, I just don’t drink much.” I say, defensive even now. Chris rolls his eyes as he helps me to stand. “Whatever helps you,” he says “as long as you don’t throw up on me.” He says quietly

“I could’ve sat comfortably over there, you know?” I practically scowl “I can walk just fine,” I say, pushing him away gently and standing up fully, although swaying a little. “Sure,” he says, raising his hands up in innocence “just trying to help ‘Rea.” He says gently, giving me one of those looks. One of the looks that say ‘we’re going to talk about this later’ ugh, I am not looking forward to all of these mushy heart to hearts. But something in me tells me it might be better to embrace it, rather than push it away.

I manage to make it up the stairs with a whim and a prayer to my bedroom. With Chris standing to the side at every step, of course, just in case, he says. I finally make it to my bed and catch my breath, god I hate being drunk! I think I’m never doing this again.

Major lie, huge lie, but whatever.

“You okay Astraea?” He says, looking over me as if I might start projectile vomiting or pass out, I don’t know which one he’s thinking, nor which one I’ll do…ugh. “If you ask me if I’m okay one more time, I might start throwing punches.” I choke out, the words sounding forced from my throat.

“Woah, woah, no need to get violent here.” He says, coming closer regardless, not at all threatened by me. “Didn’t you drink on the beach today?” I retort at him, critically eyeing him.

“I drank like one beer.” Chris says, sitting next to me on my bed. “Don’t worry, I won’t be driving anytime soon, I walked.” He teased, poking my side as it makes me yelp.

“You piss me off.” I snort “Just Mr.perfect 24/7 365, gets old you know.” I flop down against my pillow and immediately curl up. “Oh yeah?” He says, eyeing me, his gaze working over me like it was a physical thing.

“Do I piss you off as much as Troy does?” Chris pried gently.

My eyes, just lazy and content to drift off into a blank sky of no thoughts, or maybe to sleep. Now shock open like I touched a live wire. “What?!” I yell. And in the face of that, Chris looks smug.

“Do I?” He repeats, tauntingly slow, agonizingly so. “Like he does?” He practically spells it out, trying to get my brain to pick up the signal. Like a person being forced back to life by CPR. Something old, dead, and rotten twists in my throat. Like stomach acid crawling up my esophagus, but it’s a physical feeling…the emotion, the memory.

His eyes open wider, blue eyes wider in mischief, seeing that he has me, right at that edge. “That’s what I thought,” he says. And just as fast as it appeared, the look is gone, a heartbreakingly soft look replaces it. “You get some rest okay?” He coos, brushing a curl out of my face. “Yeah,” I gulp, nodding quickly “will do Chris.” I say, eyeing him with even more suspicion than a badly written crime thriller. The one where the killer is so obvious, in plain sight. Except, it’s not a crime….it’s a memory, a suppressed one. Rushing to the surface like a dead body in the water.

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