Hi everyone! This is an updated introduction to me and my blog so if youâd like to know a little more, please give this a read <3
| About me |
You can call me Zie
My pronouns are She/They
My favourite Genshin characters are Xiao, Childe, Zhongli, Diluc, Kaeya, Beidou and Ningguang^^
I have a Discord so if anyone would like to talk, feel free to shoot me a message.Â
I also like anime and k-pop (used be to an avid BTS stan lol)
I also play Identity V!! I donât play as much anymore but Iâm still very much interested in it.
I do art^^ Art has always been my stronger suit rather than writing but for some reason, having a page to showcase my art just never worked for me :/ perhaps Iâll share some in the future and maybe start something up again for my art one day.
Like I said before, please feel free to message me whenever because Iâd like to make some friends on here potentially :) Now onto the blog itself.
| About the Blog |
Iâve previously stated this but I am not a professional writer by any means nor do I take writing seriously or ever really plan on it. I simply do it because I brainrot so much that I HAVE to dump it somewhere lolol.
I want this blog to be a safe space for everyone and I want everyone to be as comfortable as possible^^
I am not new to Tumblr itself however, I am extremely new to actually running a blog. Iâm still getting the hang of things even after about a month and I have no idea how the ask stuff works yet but hopefully I get the hang of it eventually so I can open up requests.
Since weâre on the topic of requests, they will be closed until I feel comfortable enough to open them. I havenât done requests before for several reasons but Iâm willing to give it a try eventually. I havenât fully established what I am and am not willing to write for yet and I am someone who is very accustomed to writing at my own pace and for what I want but I suppose itâll be interesting (and it gets everyone else involved too)
Iâll most likely update this post in the future if any more notable things come up. For now, thank you for supporting my blog and all the love towards my works. I really appreciate it and Iâll continue to work harder^^
synopsis: after the breakup, you both were a little more lost than either of you let on.
cw: angst, manipulation(?) ((yeah probably)), ooc scara (iâm sorry read my note), both emotionally constipated lowkey, happy ending(?) ((itâs probably shitty but it's not sad))
note: coming out of a five-year hiatus for this. btsâ hidden track got me so messed up i came out of retirement LMAOOO (go listen to it btw it's the name of this fic). heâs so ooc bc iâm just projecting in this fic IâM SORRYYY i love him so much. i probably will delete this but i wanted to write this instead of breaking no contact who said that????? anyways, this is probably mostly me venting but i finally got the motivation to write. pls be nice to me.
lightly proofread, so please excuse any errors!
fic under the cut
You werenât really sure where things went wrong.
You and Scaramouche were together for as long as you could remember. He was your first, just as you were to him. The universe brought you two together in an unexpected turn of fate, hitting both of you when you least expected it.Â
It was sudden.
The confession came from Scaramouche. He had meticulously planned everything out in his head, but even then, it still felt so abrupt. It was a quiet rendezvous at your apartment, both of you on the balcony looking down at the glimmering city lights, when he spoke.
âI want us to be together.â
It came out of his mouth as a statement rather than a question. That was Scaramouche for you, always so sure about his words.Â
âAnd I know you want that too.â
His confession sounded more like a demand, but the sureness in his words came from the way he observed you.Â
He was sure in his mind about the way you felt about him. You grew closer to him, seeking him out even in a crowd of people, even when there was better company than him. He wasnât known to be the kindest person ever, always blunt and to the point with his words and actions. He seldom wasted his time or words, and his confession was no different. Despite everything, you still couldnât deny it. You felt the same, so of course, you had no reason to say no.
Your relationship blossomed from there. The two of you kept a distance from others emotionally until you met each other-- and once the two of you had each other, neither of you let go. The two of you spent years learning each other; after all, neither of you knew what it was like to have another person in this capacity.Â
It was good--great even. You remembered little things that happened between you two, cherished the little moments in your head like a little gift to look back on every time you thought about him.
He was in love with you too.Â
Even in the times that he didnât outright show it, you knew he certainly did.
So where did it go wrong?
You prided yourself on knowing someone like Scaramouche. He felt like an enigma to some people-- a curiosity that many didnât really bother to truly unravel. He was complicated in ways that you found interesting-- and you basked in the knowledge that he loved you.Â
So the sudden confusion when he started pulling back hit you harder than you anticipated.Â
He started getting snippier with you, a little harsher, less affectionate-- the same affection you quietly basked in. Your confusion only grew even more with the way he acted, being presented with an unfamiliarity that felt like it was lurking beneath the surface for all the years you had been together.
Thatâs when the problems started taking root even deeper.
You didnât know how to handle it. All you knew was him. You didnât know anything beyond him or outside of him. So naturally, you started doing the same-- pushing back and distancing.Â
But of course, he was quick to notice.Â
And he didnât like it one bit.
In the times that he felt you were getting too far, heâd reel you back in. Muttering words of âIâm sorryâ while holding you close, giving you the familiar feeling of affection that you grew to crave when he pulled too far back. You believed him over and over again until enough became enough.Â
Once again, it was all so sudden.
It felt adjacent to the day he confessed.
 But this time, everything crumbled to the ground.
He was your first love, but he was also your first heartbreak.Â
It was heated-- anger, confusion, tears, babbled words that were quickly strung together but didnât quite make sense. It was messy-- and it was over.Â
From the way you two had been growing apart, it felt like a problem that was just waiting to be dealt with. However, even after it was, things still felt incomplete. You were finally free from the constant hurt and confusion, the push and pull that Scaramouche tired you out with. But then why did you still feel so empty?
It had been months since that day happened.
You liked to believe you had gotten better-- that you were far happier without Scaramouche.
However, when the nights got lonely, and the coldness of your place finally got to you, the emptiness crept up on you unsammingly. It made you waver in ways that you were unfamiliar with.Â
And it served as a reminder that even when he was gone, he was still able to shake you.
--
Itâs not like Scaramouche was any better.Â
He didnât mean it-- he didnât mean to push you away.
But the stress was getting to him.
He opened up about his life to you, of course, with you more than others. He had pressures weighing down on him. He felt quiet and calculating a lot of the time-- but it was probably because he was trying to figure out how to deal with so many things on his plate.Â
The way his mind worked was one thing. He allowed himself to have you-- and he was usually so confident about loving you on the surface.
But eventually, cracks started to show.
He had expectations from his family, his mother. There was so much expected of him to a point where it was just outright unbearable. He found solace with you-- he always felt comfortable with you. You anchored him in ways that sometimes he couldn't particularly explain.
But thatâs why he loves you.
He hated that he had to see your life through little tidbits and cracks now. He couldnât quite let go of the few connections he had to you, finding you in everything you love, seeing you in posts coming from people he still followed on social media. He didnât particularly like using it-- but it was the only way to see you after what he did.Â
He still couldnât believe what he did, letting himself break and push away you--the only person he allowed to hold his heart-- just because he couldnât handle his own shit.
And so when the night felt too lonely, and the coldness of his own body without yours after so long finally got to him, for once, he hoped and prayed to whatever God was out there that his text message went through.
âhey, can i come over?â
--Â
You hadnât blocked his number. You couldnât bring yourself to. Instead, it sat there untouched, lingering like some ghost that haunted you.Â
In ways, you knew he still did.
An uncomfortable feeling arose in you when you got the message.Â
You looked at it, feeling too many emotions that you couldnât quite articulate in your mind from how hard it was spinning.
Unlike the day he confessed, it was a question rather than a statement.
The part of you that you tried to bury clung to it, grasping onto the fact that maybe he did still think about you. Maybe he didnât forget how much he loved you. Maybe he wanted you back âand perhaps you wanted that, too.
But the reality was that even if some part of you wanted it, your view of him had been cracked and shattered.
You had always looked at him with rose-tinted glasses when things were good. You viewed him as perfect for you despite everything. Because again-- you knew him. At least you thought you did.
The first crack happened when he started pushing away, and the shattering happened when the split finally occurred.
You knew you probably couldnât love him in the same capacity that you did before. Everything was ruined, and in your mind, it was beyond all repair.Â
You werenât really sure how long you had been staring or pondering at the message. It seemed like everything was lost on you, especially the time.
Because you were only snapped out of it when knocking came pounding at your door, so loud that you couldnât ignore it.
Surely it wasnât him
Surely.Â
But in that moment, you were as sure that it wasnât him in the same way you were sure that you knew him well enough after things started to change.
You werenât.
You didnât know what made you do it-- what made you walk to the door when you knew you weren't having any visitors. You didnât know why your hand landed on the door.
And you sure as hell werenât sure why you opened it.Â
--
You looked like you saw a ghost, and that may as well have been true.
Scaramouche stood before you, a blank expression on his face until his eyes started to fill with a gaze of smug victory.Â
Despite this, Scaramouche wasn't even sure what the hell he was doing or why he was even here. But he could at least make you believe that everything he was doing was intentional, as many other things heâd done before.
You didnât respond to his message. But he didnât need to wait for you to respond.
His question gave you a false sense of choice. If he wanted to come, he would. And he did.Â
âSo you did open up.â
A statement. It answered the question that both of you probably thought of-- would you even answer him if he knocked? And the answer came embarrassingly fast on your behalf.Â
âWhat are you doing here?â
You tried to sound firm in your words, but of course, your voice betrayed you when you needed it most. It trembled more than you wanted it to.Â
âBecause I asked if I could come over.â
âI didnât say yes.â
âYou didnât need to.â
Silence lingered between you because you knew he was right.
He was tired of being away, watching your life from little glimpses on his phone or thinking about you from things that reminded him of you. He let himself in without another word, closing the door behind him. You didnât stop him. You backed up a few steps-- but you didnât stop him from stepping back into your bounds.
âYou should leave.â
You spoke in that same voice-- the one that gave him the upper hand because he knew you werenât sure.
âWe both know you donât want that.â
A step closer, he took towards you. He was looking at you, observing you just like he did before he confessed.Â
âWhy are you really here?â
A pause. Another step closer to you, he took.Â
âBecause I missed you.â
He admitted, more truthful than that smug facade he had just a few moments ago. Again, without your permission, he grasped onto you, pulling you closer to him like he did when the two of you were together.Â
Your body went stiff, rigid in Scaramouche's hold. It didnât melt as it used to, and he felt it. That only made him hold onto you even tighter.
âBullshit. I know thereâs more to it than that. Youâre lying.â
Firmer, yes. Your voice tried to be firmer. But it wasnât convincing enough. Scaramouche sighed, his face buried against you as if he was savoring the warmth that he missed while he was away from you.
âCome on, baby. Donât do me like that. I thought you knew me well, donât you? Iâm not lying.â
You grimaced at Scaramoucheâs words. It was the same tone he used when he tried to pull you back in when he pushed you away too hard. It was the voice and words he used to convince you. It was sweet, saccharine â fake. You shook your head and pushed back against him.
âNo--No, youâre doing that shit again. Stop that.â
You pushed back more.
âYou know what youâre doing. Weâre over. Iâm not letting you do this again.â
Scaramoucheâs hold tightened when you pushed back, another sigh leaving his lips as if this was some kind of chore that he had to work a little extra hard on.
âItâs just been too long.â
He murmured. His lips trailed, landing a kiss on your neck, then your jaw, and your cheek followed soon after. He let out a soft breath, almost as if he was reeling himself in. He knew what he was doing, almost too much so. He found himself slipping and doing what he did to make you fall right back into his arms.
Of course, thatâs what he wanted.
But not with the manipulation he used to keep you around before.
Scaramoucheâs arms remained firmly wrapped around you, but he almost seemed to slump against you as if he was trying to relax-- to be more honest.Â
âYeah, it has been too long since it happened.â
He muttered to himself. He pulled back slightly to look at you properly. From the proximity, the look in his eyes almost seemed to be honest. But you didnât want to believe it.Â
âIâve spent too much time without you, and Iâm sick of it.â
His words were blunt to the point where they were almost believable. You rolled your eyes, forcing yourself to stay firm.
âItâs supposed to be like that. Exes arenât supposed to talk to each other.â
âBut you still let me in.â
A faint huff came from you as if Scaramouche caught you in a corner again. He was taking advantage of the way that he still seemed familiar with you and your mannerisms. He dared to laugh.Â
âYeah, you do miss me.â
Before you could muster up any kind of response, he continues.
âYouâve been doing okay, yeah?â
Again, you wouldâve liked to believe that you were. You knew deep down that you could only put up a front for so long. Despite everything, you nodded.
âYeah, I know. I see it. Little bits of your life through posts from your little friends. You looked like youâre doing better after me. And Iâm here watching your life from the sidelines when I used to be in it.â
A bitter laugh escapes him, and he hugs you tighter.
âBut thatâs not what I want. Let me back in, wonât you?â
He spoke, another demand.
âYou know I canât.â
âYou can. I want you to.â
He spoke again, demand after demand. He caught himself doing it again and grunted softly while holding you. No, he couldnât be doing that. Not when his goal was to win you back properly.
âFuck, Iâm sorry.â
He finally spoke out, an apology that almost made you uncomfortable from how sincere it suddenly sounded.
âYou know Iâm lost without you.â
The words only made that uncomfortable ache grow even more. You could tell. Whatâs worse is that you were slowly realizing that you werenât any better than him.
âShit was getting to me. You know the stuff they expect from me. I was pushing away because everything was getting hard. Because I didnât know what to do.â
The truth in his words sounded too real. You listened quietly, taking the words in and hearing him out-- because for the first time in what felt like a long time, he was being vulnerable.
âI pushed you away because I didnât want you to see me weak. I thought itâd be better, but it clearly wasnât. Iâm so fucking miserable. I hate myself like this. I hate myself without you.â
He was always blunt, but very rarely did he expose his feelings this openly. A shaky breath leaves your mouth, and against your better judgment, your arms wrap around him. A small noise leaves him as he slumps against you even more.
âYou didnât deserve it. Youâre the last person who deserved it. Just let me bury what I did. Just take me back.â
You let the words sink in. You can barely believe it, in all honesty. You couldnât fully tell if this was another form of his manipulation. He planted that seed of doubt with that recurrence in your relationship-- but God, you were still weak towards him to a fault.Â
âIâm not going to let you bury it. I wonât ever forget what happened between us. My view of youâs already been tainted and cracked, and that wonât ever be fixed.â
Scaramouche stiffened, pulling back to look at you with the assumption that his words werenât getting through. There was an evident frown on your face when you looked at himÂ
âIâm never gonna love you the way I did before. Thatâs just not possible.â
You see the way Scaramoucheâs expression visibly drops. Thatâs the moment you realize that thereâs truth to this whole thing-- that maybe this wasnât just his manipulation. You sighed.
âBut I miss you. Iâm lost. You were all I ever knew. Even if things were messy, unreasonable, and even stupid sometimes-- especially near the end-- it was all with you. And itâs stupid that I know Iâm still in love with you.â
The breath of relief that left Scaramoucheâs lips was loud. His arms grew tighter around you before he leaned in to slot his lips over yours. It was desperate, pleading as his lips mouthed at yours like he was pouring his apologies deeper into his actions, hoping itâd get across to you better.
âIâm sorry-- fuck, Iâm sorry.â
He spoke between kisses before landing one last kiss on the side of your mouth, breathing a little shakily while he caught his breath. He gazed at you, all the rare honesty you needed to see pooling in his eyes.
âIâm a little late, but weâre gonna start again. Iâm not losing you this time.âÂ
One of his hands comes up to brush some hair behind your ear before leaning in for another messy kiss to your lips. You let out a soft breath, reciprocating before pulling away. You gazed at him, seeing the sheer desperation, enough to know he was honest in the moment.Â
âYeah.â
You breathed out, giving him the brief assurance he was searching for. You huffed out faintly, a small, amused look in your eyes.
âYou look pathetic.â
âTch, whatever.â
He didnât even bother denying anything.
âYouâll make it up to me?â
âOf course I will. Weâre not over.â
Both of you knew that things wouldnât be the same, but maybe that was for the better.
Because even after all the time apart, he still came over.
And you let him.
Probably because it was never truly over for either of you.
wow hello everyone!! itâs been literal months since iâve been on here and a lot has happened since then. i donât really have an excuse other than the fact that i kinds just stopped reading and writing HOWEVER i started reading ones of my fave fics again and might start writing depending on my schedule (currently in uni rn so itâs kind of busy) but i really hope i can find inspo to write again.
Hi everyone please excuse me for the inactivity. Iâve been quite preoccupied for the last few days so Iâll get back to writing once I have things under control T^T on another note, I hope everyone wishing on the banner got what they wanted^^ I got the Barbara curse and had to go all the way up to soft pity in order to get a single Rosaria while I got at least 5 Barbaras :â ) Not rolling for Childe since I already have him and have no need for constellations ^-^ I bid everyone good luck for the rest of the banner and Iâll get back to work as soon as possible <3
summary: time was never an issue to the bard until you stepped into his life.
note: this is my venti summoning post. iâm emptying my wallet. please come home!! i wanted to do this concept for zhongli but v e n t i summoning. if anyone wants a zhongli version, tell me and iâll consider. also idk what the hell i was writing i just brainrotted and slapped on whatever but please take this as my offering ;â)
summary: the calvary captain was more of a hassle than you thought. wherever you were, he was always one step ahead.
note: this is a repost lol. tysm for 100 followers i really appreciate it <3 also a little a/n at the end :)
lightly proofread. please excuse any errors.
fic below the cut.
âKaeya Alberich, you know of the Cavalry Captain of the Knights of Favonius, do you not?â
âIâve heard my fair share. Heâs got himself quite a reputation.â
âI suppose thatâll suffice. That knight has been far too much of a hassle for us. Heâs swift, agile with the way he handles things. Heâll use whatever means to get what he wants or needs so be cautious and rid of him in any way you wish. I trust youâll be able to handle this so Iâm counting on you.â
âYes, as you wish.â
--
Tedious.
That was the best word to describe the situation you roped yourself into.
Kaeya Alberich, the esteemed Cavalry Captain of the Knights in Mondstadt was nothing short of a challenge. You were never one to question anything you were assigned to and you thought that this was gonna be some quick easy clean up but it was anything but that. You had to find a way to weave yourself into getting close to the said captain and by doing so, you had to play the long game. He was not a person that you wanted to underestimate by any means because the dwindling gossip youâve heard about the man was nothing but the truth.
The moment you decided you would get involved with the man was the very moment the game between the two of you had begun. It was an unspoken exchange of moves that on the surface, was nothing but courteous and flirtatious remarks but in reality, these actions were laced with ulterior motives that each side hoped would bring them to be victorious in this little game. You werenât a fool nor did you take him for one either. You knew that whatever you two had going had a darker side to the situation and yet, you decided to play along.
But it was getting exhausting. Although, perhaps thatâs what he wanted.
To drain you, to get you in a vulnerable spot.
But you refused to let it get to that point.
And so you decided tonight was the night.
--
âThey serve wonderful food as per usual. Never fails to disappoint me, truly.â You said as you opened the door to your place whilst you resided in Mondstadt.
âOf course, dear. I wouldnât bring you to a place that was anything less than perfect. Only this best for you.â He smoothly said, speaking his part in the way he always does. So polished, so suave.
You simply chuckled at his response as you led the two of you inside.
âItâs not much but it does get the job done. Make yourself comfortable on the couch while I get you a drink, alright?â
âYou flatter me too much. Donât make me wait too long, though.â He playfully spoke.
He watched your figure disappear into the depths of your kitchen. His eyes began to trail around and scan around the room, observing the environment to the best of his ability. His hand traveled to the pocket at his side as he smirked to himself, simply awaiting for the events that the night holds to unfold before him.
--
You retreated into your kitchen as you retrieved the necessary materials to go about making Kaeyaâs drink since according to you, this could be one of the last ones he might ever have. You popped open a fresh bottle of sparkling wine and poured it into the finest wine glass you had at the moment, three parts of crisp Dandelion Wine following right after, supplied from the famous Dawn Winery. You had gathered these fine wines specially for him, deciding it was appropriate to get the job done with âDeath After Noonâ, a concoction the blue-haired male fancied. You garnished it with small mint leaves as you pulled out the final ingredient for your mix.
You retrieved a small vile from your pocket that held a small amount of clear liquid. You dabbled in the art of alchemy in order to help you with the jobs you were assigned and in this case, itâd surely come in handy. You had prepared this poison just for this mission, making it so it wouldnât kick in immediately but when it did, it would most definitely get the job done. You stirred the manâs drink together, making sure that everything was well mixed. You held the glass up, observing it thoroughly before heading back to where your target sat.
You walked up to him, holding the glass towards him, motioning him to take the drink.
âDeath After Noon, huh? You know me too well, donât you dear?â He smirked as he observed the drink filled glass he held between his fingers.
âOf course I do. Just a second Iâll be right ba--.â Before you could finish your sentence and take your leave, he grabbed your wrist, coercing you to stay.
âWonât you come here and sit with me?â He asked, though it was a demand more than anything.
If you had decided to pull away and flee, itâd be far too obvious that there was something up and so, you decided to take a gamble on the situation and comply. He pulled you onto down, setting you on top of him, your legs straddling his lap as you faced him. The hand that held your wrist made its way to the small of you back as he held you firmly in place. You put both of your palms against his chest in an attempt to widen the distance between the two of you but to no avail.
Though the two of you had aimlessly flirted with each other, you had never found yourself this close to him. You got an up-close look at the captain as there was only so much distance between the two of you. Despite your duty in the situation, you couldnât help but let a dusting of pink make an appearance on your cheeks. You had decided that faking up a shy, oblivious facade was the best way to go about in an attempt to drown out your suspicion.
âWhat do you have up your sleeve, Captain?â You called out to him by his title.
âI should be asking you the same thing, dear. Donât play coy with me darling, we both know whatâs going on here.â He spoke.
Your face dropped a little hearing his words, thinking that he may be quicker to catch onto things than you expected. Your eyes looked over to his drink that remained untouched as he continued to swirl the drink in his glass that he held between his fingertips.
âIs the drink not to your liking?â You asked in an attempt to change the subject.
He hummed as his attention diverted to the drink, observing it just as intently as the way you scanned it before you gave it to him. His eyes turned back to you, a dark look fogging over them.
âIt seems you didnât make a drink for yourself. I insist you have some of mine.â
âOh, but I made it for y--â You get cut off.
âI insist.â He firmly states.
You gulped, accepting your fate at hand.
âNow,â He started off.
The hand that was at the small of your back trailed its way up to the back of your neck, forming a firm hold on you once again. He brought you closer to him as he pressed the cold glass against your lips.
âBe good and open up wide for me.â He said as he titled your head back slightly, tipping the glass at an angle so that the liquid sin began to make its way into your mouth. You felt the cold mix make its way down your throat and you probably wouldâve enjoyed the delectable drink if it werenât lethal.
âYou know, youâre quite the actor yourself, to which I will commend you for. Youâre a quick one sweetheart, but Iâm quicker.â He teased.
You were baffled beyond belief. You had planned and strategized to the point where you thought you were at least three steps ahead. In reality, wherever you were, Kaeya stood in front of you, taunting you from his spot.
âI was fully aware of the little game we had going on here. However, it was far too entertaining for me to want to stop. Itâs like playing with fire, isnât it?â He spoke.
He held a smug look on his face, one that simply mocked you. It was the face of someone who knew they claimed victory; victorious he was in this little game between the two of you. Your eyes begin to dart around as you begin to think of a way to make an escape. You could only hope that you would have enough time before your body decides to give out. Perhaps if you were lucky, you could even find an antidote. However, knowing your luck in the situation as of right now, you doubt Lady Luck would be on your side today. His grip at the back of your neck tightened and you flinched.
âLook at me.â He boomed with a demanding tone that he had never used with you until today.
He watched your throat move as you swallowed the liquid, scornful eyes burning with mockful vengeance as he reigned dominant in this situation. He was beyond ecstatic with the way the situation unfolded before him, the way you unfolded before him. He was able to turn the predator into the prey just by playing his cards right and oh how perfectly did he play them. The liquid slowly but surely disappeared as only a small bit remained in the glass-- and he was going to make you finish every last drop of it.
âThatâs it, thatâs good, love. Be a dear and take every last drop. We wouldnât want this lovely drink to go to waste now, would we?â He spoke out, dumping the last of the contents into your mouth and setting the empty glass on the side table on the
âThere you go. You were so good and you finished like I told you so. I could almost forgive you for poisoning me but unfortunately, Iâm expecting a little more from you. Maybe if you continue to be good for me, Iâll consider forgiving you.â He smugly said.
The hand supporting your neck went back down to your waist as his other free hand made its way to your face. He wipes off the small amount of the liquid that dribbled down the side of your mouth. His thumb slides across your bottom lip, getting a feel for its softness before going in and indulging himself in your lips. He figured he didnât even need alcohol to get drunk anymore, not when your lips made him feel tipsy as they were pressed against his own. Perhaps in your own way, you had trapped him with your own delectable taste that could rival his beloved Death After Noon; though he would never admit to it right now. He pulled away and looked you dead in the eyes as his one hand forced you to look at him.
âHowever, if you try and pull that stunt again, Iâll have you begging for me to just poison you instead.â He threatened.
His hand dropped from your face as it slipped into his pocket, grabbing something from inside. He pulled out a small little vile, similar to that of which carried toxic poison.
âYou wouldnât want this little game between us to end so soon, would you? Now, open up and take this antidote, sweetheart. The fun is just starting after all.â
A/N: First of all, all the inspiration and ideas are credited to chamberofsecretbooks on Tiktok. Saw the one video with this concept and I just HAD to write for Kaeya. I did make a few adjustments to it but all ideas stemmed from that one video lolol. Also, if you havenât seen THE Kaeya video, please watch it. It is god tier. Anyways, Kaeya supremacy <3
cw: mild cussing, brief mentions of violence, probably lore breaking too lol.Â
summary: falling out of love is painful but maybe itâs what you needed.
note: please read the authors note after the story ESPECIALLY if youâre confused because iâve implemented a few odd aspects into this story. i was just typing out whatever so essentially itâs more word vomit (again lol) but uhh yeah. most of the important stuff is at the bottom so like i said before, read that authors note at the end!!
lightly proofread, please donât mind any errors
fic below the cut.
When the esteemed bachelor Diluc Ragnvindr finally settled down with a lover, the news did not fail to spread across Mondstadt like a wildfire. It was the talk of town for who knows how long but as time passed, the people settled down and the buzz eventually died but no one ever failed to acknowledge the young Ragnvindr and his beloved when they were together. Although the two preferred to keep a composed look to the public eye, the admiration they held for each other burned as bright as a summers day in their eyes at all times when they were together; from that alone, anyone could tell they were in love
So where did it all go wrong?
You sat across from Diluc at a table in the winery, the air thick with a suffocating tension that felt like it was going to swallow you whole at any minute now. Your hands rested on the table in front of you as you barely managed to keep your hands from trembling as a storm of emotions stirred inside of you as you felt your composure on the brink of cracking any second. You decided to finally break the silence as you spoke up, a slight tremble in your voice.
âWhat is it Diluc? Huh? I was hoping youâd have the decency to speak up about whatever the hell is going on instead of leaving me in the dark but itâs been far too long now. Now tell me Diluc, whatâs going on?â
Oh the way your words slipped from your mouth made the room feel so cold, even if you didnât wield a vision of any sorts. Diluc took a deep breath before he decided to speak up.
âWhat went on between the two of us was purely business.â Was the simple statement he gave.
Was?
âTheyâve shown themselves to be quite the individual, wielding good etiquette with both business and a weapon.â He spoke out once more.
âGod sake Diluc youâre fucking stalling at this point. You know what, Iâll make it easier for you. Do you still love me?â
There was a pause. A long painful pause. You already had your answer.
â(Y/n), I still care for you more than you can ever imagine, I truly do.â
The words felt like knives piercing through your form and from that, you felt the first tear slip down your face.
âDiluc, are you even aware of how terrible I feel in this situation right now? Iâm watching my lover from a far doing lord knows what and you expect me to just tolerate it? I trusted you enough which is why I never pried at it but fuck Diluc, itâs just unbearable at this point.â
âI never did act upon anything in fears of making the situation worse--â You cut him off.
âMaking the situation worse huh? So you were out here trying to do some crowd control weren't you? Was if for the sake of not hurting me or or for the sake of not tainting your pristine reputation?â
âI said before, I really do care for you still.â His hand reached towards your own as he held your hand with utmost gentleness. You were almost convinced he still loved you as much as he did in the past.
âHowever, I canât deny that our dynamic has indeed changed. IâŚâ His grip on your hand tightened.
âI canât lie to you and say that I love you the way I did before.â
There it was.
âYou donât look at me the way you used to, you know? Your eyes used to be so full of love whenever you looked at me but that look is reserved for someone else now, isnât it? Youâve looked at me with nothing but sorrow and pity nowadays and I guess my assumptions of the worst were correct.â You said as your voice trembled even more.
You wanted to pull your hand away so badly, the hand that once brought you such warmth now felt as if it was searing your skin. But you couldnât. Not when this was mostly likely the last time youâd ever feel such an intimate touch from him. You found yourself to be conflicted as to whether you wanted to pull away out of pure frustration or savour the moment as it could be the last of him you would ever get to have for yourself.
â(Y/n), from the bottom of my heart, Iâm truly sorry. Iâve loved you for so long and youâve given me more love than I couldâve ever imagined. I never wanted things to change but I suppose fate had other plans. Iâll never stop caring for you however, Iâm afraid Iâve stopped loving you in the way youâre used to.â
The truthful words were ones that felt like hell to swallow. You didnât want to believe it but you knew damn well he was telling the truth. The sincerity and softness in his voice made it so hard to be completely mad at him. He was so gentle with his words but the truth of them did nothing but make your heart hurt and ache. An empty chuckle left your lips as your features were now graced with a bittersweet smile.
âAh, I think I wouldâve appreciated it if you were meaner with your responses. Maybe then I wouldnât have such a hard time letting you go.â You finally managed to look him in the eyes, his reflection showing on your glossy orbs.
He felt his own heart churn with remorse and guilt, seeing as he terribly hurt the one person that he had sworn to love and protect for the rest of his days. He felt sick over the fact he failed to keep part of the promise-- the part where he said that he would continue to love you.
That was one of the last times you had ever seen Diluc Ragnvindr.
--
Your body shook as the freezing temperatures of Dragonspine overtook your senses. You sat up against a rock, your back leaning onto it as you struggled to keep yourself upright. You were barely holding on by a thread as you physically felt numb. However, your mind swirled with a storm of emotions, almost as strong as the last day you had seen your ex-lover but this time, you reminisced on your time as you felt like this would be your final moments.
You pondered over the fact that this mightâve been the reason that he no longer loved you in the way you wished to be loved by him. You wanted his affections, you wanted his love, you wanted him. But you were too weak. That was it. He let you go for someone that was strong, so very strong; both mentally and physically. God, you couldnât even compare to the likes of them, being nothing but a measly old adventurer, one that wasnât even fortunate enough to wield a vision. You were nothing but weak in your own eyes; that's what brought you to your demise.
In your hands, you clutched one of the last treasures you had found in the cursed mountains. It was a pretty little collar that held a jewel that twinkled so beautifully despite the dull, hazy environment.
âYou do not wish to be weak anymore do you, little one? Do not be afraid, put me on and Iâll grant you the desires you so wish to obtain. Abide by my rules and obtain for me the essence of life and together, we can make sure that everyone will hail before you.â
A voice echoed inside your head as your mind began to spiral. All morals, memories and feelings began to drown out until you were barely hanging on by thread.
âHurry, time is of the essence! Quick!â
With little energy you had left, you were able to hang the new found possession around your neck. The second you let go of the clips that held the piece together, you felt a tight constriction around your neck, the feeling was suffocating. Just like the last time you had seen Diluc. For a moment, you thought of the red haired male you once held to dear and close to your heart. It ached for him once more in that very moment because he was the very essence of warmth and it was something that you so desired in such a moment like this. The way he held you against him in the coldest of nights in an attempt to keep you warm and oh how it worked wonderfully. It was a memory that slowly faded away with your conscience. Your hands graced themselves lightly around your neck as you struggled to breathe even more than before, your body finally running out of any sort of energy as you fell limp against the cold and soft snow.
Anything. From this point on, you would do anything to get stronger. You no longer cared for any mishaps that happened along the way. You had no love left, nothing but the hunger for power that drowned out the aching void that was now left behind after everything was torn away from you.
âSorry... to also have you shoulder the grievances of the world. Since you could endure my bitter cold, you must have the desire to burn? Then, burn away the old world for me.â
Within the bustling harsh winds of the Dragonspine mountains laid a girl with a jewelled necklace as well as a cold, icy blue orb that shined brightly against the blizzards.
--
âThe expedition out in Dragonspine was a complete disaster! The winds were harsher than usual and how could we predict such a nasty storm wouldâve been upon us? We planned so far ahead and yet it ended up utterly terrible.â One of the adventurers commented as they were in the process of recovering after descending from the unforgiving mountains.
âDid everyone that went on the expedition come back? Thereâs absolutely no way we can risk going up there again, at least not for a while.â Another commented.
There was an excruciating silence within the camp.
âHas anyone seen (Y/n)?â
--
Diluc had set out once the late hours of the night and the early hours of the morning came upon him. He continued to lurk from the shadows and deal with whatever trivial matters that had to be dealt with in the dead of night as he always did. He had heard of a few nuisances that arose near the outskirts of Dragonspine that hadnât been dealt with yet. Of course the knights wouldnât bother with this anyways, as per usual what he thought to himself.
Though the male held a pyro vision, the sharp and bitter cold of Dragonspine was something that never failed to make him uncomfortable.
He swiftly made his way to the location, being stealthy and fast with his movements in an attempt to get the job done faster to refrain from being caught. Once he had made his way to the destination, he remained hidden while he examined the area. In the far distance, he saw camps, hilichurl as well as Fatui camps that were not too far off. His face held a look of distaste as his eyes laid upon the familiar trademark symbol of the Snezhnayan organization.
Just as he was about to step out and deal with the hilichurl camp himself, a figure emerged from afar and into the camp. The movements of said person were agile, fast and swift, ice shards being directed in the direction of every living being on the camp. A blizzard stirred so fiercely upon the camp and as the barbaric bitter winds of the snow died down, there was almost nothing left of the camp that once stood there.
Not a single soul.
Diluc very cautiously moved closer to get a better look at the strange person that appeared before him. His eyes widened in disbelief as he started to make out the figure, his mind refusing to believe what he saw in front him, almost regretting letting his curiosity get the best of him.
âI wasnât aware that you people are unable to take care of a measly little hilichurl camp. I specifically stated to clear the area before anything else and you couldnât even follow instructions as simple as that, or perhaps I wasnât clear enough with my statement?â An icy voice boomed out towards a trio of Fatui skirmishers.
That voice was all too familiar to Diluc. It was so familiar yet it sounded so different, so harsh, so cold. Yet, it was the voice that confirmed his unruly suspicions.
âMake up for your poor performance by getting the camps set up in a decent manner at the very least. Iâd rather spare myself the trouble of punishing the likes of you people. You donât wish to cross me any further, do you?â A cold, hard glare very evident on your fact that was directed to the three in front of you.
They frantically shook their heads, sputtering out a series apologies in an attempt to ease your annoyance.
âMake use of yourselves and set up immediately. By the time I come back to supervise the area, everything should be set up in a manner that is nothing less than perfect. If you wish to please me this time, do as youâre told this time. Now go.â You shook them off with a wave of a hand as they saw themselves away in an instant.
You took your time to avoid the now empty camp that rid itself of almost all remains. A hand placed itself atop the jewel that gracefully sat between your collarbones. The voices that swirled in your head chanting for more power and more life eventually died down as the constrictions of your beloved collar began to loosen, just enough so you could breathe. You let out a breathe that you had been holding before regaining your composure. You stood up straight with a proud stature before speaking out.
âI know you are there, may as well come forth voluntarily unless you want be to bring you out myself.â
Dilucâs blood ran cold when he realized that that you were most likely referring to him, baffled at how you were able to pick up on his own presence. He cautiously revealed himself and made his way a little closer to you. The second you laid eyes on the redhead, you felt like your world stopped for a second. The initial shock was replaced with amusement as the scene unfolded in front of you.
âAnd to think that last time we saw each other would be the last.â You said before bitterly chuckling.
Diluc took some time to muster up words and recover from his initial shock.
âYou never came back from that mission. You were claimed to be dead by the guild the day after and yet here you are. The people mourned over you. I mourned for you. What has become of you, (Y/n)?â Diluc spoke out, pain and sadness laced within his tone.
âHa, they mourned? As well as yourself? Donât make me laugh Ragnvindr. Was your mourning perhaps an act in an attempt to keep up your reputation. Would not surprise me in the slightest if that were the case. I refuse to accept the pity of others, and I absolutely detest if it is empty and meaningless. Pity is for those who are weak and as far as Iâm concerned--â
You stepped closer to Diluc before you continued.
âIâm not weak anymore.â
â(Y/n), you were never weak--â Diluc said before he was cut off.
âBullshit Ragnvindr. Utter bullshit.â You harshly spat.
âI wasnât able to handle myself before. I was nothing but weak. It was one of the reasons you fell out of love with me, was it not? You wanted a strong individual that could take care of themselves and you sure got one, but it wasnât me at the time. Look now Ragnvindr, I am strong now.â
He took a better look at you as the realization of your position has begun to sink in.
âYou... youâreâŚâ In one of the rare times of his life, he was at a loss for words.
âAh, Ah, Cat got your tongue? Poor boy canât even muster up any words.â You chuckled mockingly.
âFatui Harbinger, Ragnvindr. Number 12. Surely youâve heard right?â You boldly stated.
Yes, he did hear. The Tsaritsa had taken another Harbinger under her wing yet the news and information of said Harbinger was extremely scarce and yet, No.12 stood right before Diluc.
No.12 was once his own beloved.
âWhat exactly led to all of this? What caused all of this to happen? What have you done to yourself?â The questions kept pouring out from Dilucâs mouth.
âIt was quite simple. I got sick and tired of being weak and having things being taken from me. I have lost too many things to count and I have sacrificed many things to become who I am today. I do not regret a single thing I have done since I have started being selfish and being selfish has kept me from getting hurt again. I do not need you anymore, I do not need anyone in fact. I live for myself and to serve the needs of the Tsaritsa to repay her for giving me a chance to live the way I shouldâve been all along.â You look at him with a taunting smirk on your face.
The (Y/n) (L/n) that was once known to be the beloved of Diluc Ragnvindr was dead. They died the moment you stepped out of the winery for the very last time. You were (Y/n), No.12 of the Fatui Harbingers. You were the one that sacrificed yourself to a curse upon the Dragonspine mountains in exchange for power to fill the void that was left behind. You no longer had the longing for love; you had none left after all. You craved for power and leverage over others and you refused to let people trample over you like they did before. You refused to be weak again. With the help of your new found vision as well as the curse that now burdened you, you would conquer the world and burn the old one away, along with your old self.
With no love left, there was nothing left to lose after all.
A/N: SOOOO the whole choker thing might be a little confusing but BASICALLY i took the whole concept from the âLove me, Love me, Love me.â song where the girl gets that cursed necklace/choker and i changed the concept around a little bit so that in exchange for power, dear reader has to basically slaughter things to keep the choker from killing them LOL (Iâm tired pls my mind if SPIRIALING rn lmfao)
the italics in the second chunk are the weird choker speaking to the reader since it's a whole âcurseâ thing and the bold italics in the second chunk is basically a quote from genshin from the cryo gemstone thingies and i used it to signify the reader getting a cryo vision^^ thereâs a lot i wanna say but iâm too lazy to elaborate sorry lol. kinda feel like making more parts to this bc i feel like the story could go one but ehhh weâll see how Iâm feeling. i really just wanted to make a oneshot where the reader goes batshit after so ahahahahhaha. (also this fic feels lore breaking as fuck but its ok LMAO)
summary: time was never an issue to the bard until you stepped into his life.
note: this is my venti summoning post. iâm emptying my wallet. please come home!! i wanted to do this concept for zhongli but v e n t i summoning. if anyone wants a zhongli version, tell me and iâll consider. also idk what the hell i was writing i just brainrotted and slapped on whatever but please take this as my offering ;â)
lightly proof read, please excuse any errors
fic below the cut.
On the surface, Venti is known as the happy-go-lucky bard, his tunes travelling through the wind to be shared with all who care to listen but behind the easygoing facade of the joyous bard, there lived a lone Anemo Archon. Venti has been alone for as long as he could remember, encountering the few that would stay little longer than others. He is one to be appreciative of his encounters with others but most of the time, he took these encounters very lightly, keeping a form of distance between everyone despite his welcoming and carefree nature. In truth, there was always a small fear that bubbled within him at the thought of getting close to mortals. His memories served as nothing but a bittersweet reminder of the times he spent with those who he held close and although the thought of them makes him flutter with joy, he had to remind himself that they are nothing but memories now.Â
The Windborne Bard is free-spirited, following the winds wherever they led him and one fateful day, they led him to you. He remembers the first time he encountered you, a peaceful soul that roamed around the lands of Mondstadt, finding your figure gathering Cecelias around Starsnatch Cliff, an area ways away from the city that you resided in. He went up to you that day, striking up a conversation about the pretty white flowers that littered the cliff. From that day forward, both your fates had intertwined in a way that Venti never wouldâve expected.Â
The two of you both sat underneath the large tree in Windrise, the leaves shielding you two from the beaming rays of sunlight. The bard strung the string of his lyre that formed a lovely tune that ended up lulling you to sleep as you rested your head on his shoulder. After your first encounter, you and the bard had formed quite the close relationship, so much so that you became his partner, his companion and his joy. As much as he loved to think about how you were his, he couldnât help but think about the way your mortal self could so easily slip between his fingers.
For so long, the concept of time was something that Venti needed not to worry about. He had lived through so much of it and he had so much of it to live through as well so it was never really on his mind too often. It was only after he met you that time became somewhat of a concern for him. It was no secret that time was unforgiving to all, even the Archon himself. Heâs seen many things come and go within his lifetime and for the most part, heâs had no problem with letting things go when the time comes but his heart hurts with the thought of letting you go. He didnât want your smiles, your voice, your laughter or anything about you to become a memory to him. He didnât want you to become nothing but a mere memory.Â
He felt your form stirr awake as his shoulder felt lighter when you straightened up and turned to look at him for a moment before speaking.
âHey what happened? Is something wrong? You stopped playing.â You softly spoke out, your voice a bit groggy from your nap.
Venti hadnât even realized he had gotten so lost in thought that he had stopped playing.
âAh, Iâm sorry for waking you dear but worry not, thereâs nothing to fear.â He cheekily said with a small grin quickly forming on his face to cover up the underlying somber look he had when he was unknowingly lost in thought.
âAh-ah donât give me that. I know that look you have when youâre actually thinking about something serious. A penny for your thoughts perhaps?â You spoke.
âJust⌠thinking about the future you could say.â He softly spoke out. You frowned at his words and tone of voice.
âVenti, you know weâve had this conversation about the future before. Need I remind you what weâve talked about?âÂ
âYes Iâm aware and I know. It is hard not to think about from time to time though.â He spoke again, setting down his lyre in the spot beside him. Your hand going for one of his own and lacing your fingers together. You begin to speak again.
âEveryoneâs perception of time is different and Iâm sure youâre greatly aware of that fact. Yâknow, time feels like an illusion sometimes?â You said. Venti gave you a questioning look.
âThere are times where the present feels like the only thing that exists. Everything in the now is the only thing to exist since by definition, what we consider to be the past and what we consider to be the future is nonexistent. The thoughts of the past and future are merely an inaccurate depiction of what the present was like and what it will be so virtually, they donât exist, right? Thatâs what some people might think. It seems rather cruel to think about time like that, especially if time were to make a good thing end.â You trailed off.Â
âAh Iâm rambling but thatâs besides the point. I find myself to be the kind of person to live in the present but I donât wish to disregard the existence of the past and future rather, Iâd like to enjoy the moments and time we have together now since those are the times that I find are most precious to me.â You said as you smiled softly at him before continuing.
âItâs ok to think about what happened in the past and what will happen in the future but donât let the worries of the two override the now. Letâs live in the present together so we donât have to worry about what happened or whatâs going to happen.â Your hand gripped onto his a little tighter.
âHowever, if there ever does come a day where something unfavourable happens, donât fret. I like to believe every moment and event is fixed in time and is all equally important, even if we cannot directly experience any of it again. If our time and experiences become something of the past, they will remain forever, unchanging, perhaps timeless is a better word to use. I wish for all those experiences and the feeling felt within that time to stay as true as the time it happened, even if it becomes only a memory. Nonetheless, Iâll continue to love you in every lifetime I have because I canât imagine loving anyone else but you, even in a different life.â You stated before going in to place a soft kiss on the side of his cheek.
The bardâs eyes were glossed over as he felt like he had to hold himself back from letting the waterworks fall from your heartfelt words. Your hand gently grazed one of his cheeks as if you were ready to wipe away the tears if they were to begin falling.
âMy, Iâm so sorry. Donât start crying please.â You wailed out as Venti chuckles.
âItâs ok my dear, though itâs hard not to cry. Your words felt so sincere, but for you, Iâll try.â he said as he chuckled more to suppress his tears.Â
âDonât cry over me. Especially if I die because Iâll personally come back and haunt you.â You jokingly said before peppering his face in light kisses. In that moment, the soft winds kissed your own cheeks as the two of you basked in each other's presence.
Though Ventiâs memories may not be the happiest, and his fight with time still ensues, he promises to himself that thatâll you and your moments together will shine brightly like the stars in his memories. Heâll bring down the arm that keeps himself at a distance to everyone else and pull you into his life. Heâll never regret loving you because you blessed him with the joy of being loved in a way he never thought heâd feel in his life. You will be the one that remains timeless and eternal in his memories, and heâll continue to love you for all his time, again and again.Â
---
The wind blew gently as the bard made his way up to the very edge of Starsnatch Cliff, looking beyond the view before averting his attention at the area below him at his feet. He sat down, beginning to strum a soft tune on his lyre, the music being carried with the winds as the tune went on.Â
âWe will happen again and again.â He sang softly to the grey stone in front of him with your name carefully engraved on it with fresh Cecelias decorating the patch.
âYou and I will always be back then.â
this part doesnât exist. aint seen a thing.
also cookie for anyone that knows the song ref đâ¤ď¸
cw: unhealthy relationships, mentions of death, graphic depictions of blood.
wc: 511
summary: tartaglia thinks you look ravishing in red.
note: mhm yeahhh more word vomit. i only wrote this bc there was something i wanted to add to the diluc fic but it wouldâve been really ooc for him but i love childeâs headass and thought itâd probably go better with him. finally made something short and simple. please enjoy!! (ps i proof read this once so please excuse any errors)
fic under the cut
âWhatâs the matter my dear? Cat got your tongue?â
There stood the infamous number eleven of the Fatui Harbingers, the mention of them alone enough to send anyoneâs blood running cold.
The man in front of you held his head up so proudly as the blood of your comrades stained his clothing and contrasted well against the ocean blue of his mighty water blades; the weapon that was used to slaughter hundreds, perhaps thousands knowing him.
You trembled on the ground as the thick red liquid oozed from the bodies, soiling your clean hands as well. The tears began spilling what felt like an endless stream as the seconds passed, your body beginning to shake from the intense emotions that stirred inside of you. Fear, anger, mourning, sadness, you couldnât even make clear judgement of what you felt anymore but one thing was for sure; you felt absolutely sick.
âMy, my dear, what a sight! You tremble before me, both tears and blood making a mess of you. I always knew red was a good colour on you.â He said as he walked towards your figure, the bloodstained blades disappearing into thin air as he bent down in front of you to get a closer look. You felt paralyzed as his dull blue pools stared right back into yours. They say the eyes are the window to the soul and one of the things that terrified you the most about Tartaglia was that his eyes held nothing, seemingly looking into the void whenever you looked. He was just soulless.
âLook at you, my beautiful darling. It seems as if youâre so ecstatic that youâve begun crying tears of joy. Iâm so glad youâre just as happy as I am over the fact that itâs just us two now. You and me.â His blood-stained gloved hands caressed your cheeks, smearing the horrid red liquid all over.
His touch was so soft against your skin but the blood of your friends was so messily smeared on your cheek, mixing with the tears that continued to fall, serving as a reminder that he could probably end you right here if he wanted to. His hand pulls away from your cheek as he admired your terror struck form.
âYour cheeks look all rosy as if youâre blushing, just for me. Oh archons, you look wonderful like this. Iâll remind myself to get you red attire for the day we say our vows and tie ourselves together forever. I want nothing more to see you in red on the day you fully become mine in contract. That sounds lovely, doesnât it, darling?â
He swiftly picked up your shocked form as he took you who knows where. Itâs not like it mattered though. You had nowhere to go, nowhere to go but to him; heâs all you had left.
âRemember my love, I will conquer the world one day. As everyone lays defeated at my feet, youâll be the one that I keep by my side, all mine, forever.â He said he placed a light kiss on your forehead.
cw: unhealthy relationship, mentions of forced marriage, ooc diluc (lol)
wc: 2.6k
summary: to diluc, you are a delicacy that he wishes to savour.
note: iâm sorry in advance my dear readers this is absolute dog water ajfhaiufhfui. this was just an experiment since i donât think iâve written a decent yandere ever and this kinda proves it but itâs ok iâll get there one day. just take my ooc diluc. yes, i know i screwed up real bad on this one but let's just say i loosened a few screw for the sake of the plot,,,yeah,,,iâll probably need to proof read this again too but its ok ahhhhh.
âItâs useless to keep tugging at those binds. You know they wonât come off unless I take them off myself. Now, be good and sit still.â You heard a familiar voice.Â
It was once a voice that you were delighted to hear but now the very mention of the owner sent a wave of striking cold upon your body, ironic considering who it was. You had no idea where you were, what day it was, or what time it was. You were completely clueless, being stuck in a dark room with nothing but a bed in which youâve been bound by the headboard. The room was concerningly chilly, the air in the room being crisp, cold and suffocating. The figure in the room made their way to the edge of the bed next to sit next to you. You felt a gloved hand place itself upon your cheek. It was so warm you almost wanted to lean into it but you refused to find comfort in the touch of your detainer.
You were but a simple bartender, loyal to working at the famous Angelâs Share in Mondstadt. You previously resided in Springvale with your parents but moved to the city due to your job. Your family lived a happy little life, not drowning in riches but being comfortable enough to sustain a plausible living. In your head, you were so painfully boring; so here lies the question, how exactly did you get into this situation? Not even you knew the answer but one thing that you could make sense of in the whole ordeal was that the main that stood in front of you was mad.
Diluc Ragnvindr has many titles ranging from the renowned owner of the Dawn Winery to one of Mondstadtâs most esteemed bachelors. He claimed such a high and mighty reputation that no one wouldâve guessed the devious intents hidden in the back of his head. Yes, you were a mere bartender that worked under him at his own tavern but ever since you were hired, he felt something stirring up within him. Now you see, Diluc wasnât someone that you would find chasing after anyone in fact, heâs never chased after anyone at all until he met you. He was confused at first why he started feeling the way that he did when you were around, unfamiliar emotions began to bubble inside of him.
You were just so easy to talk to, so charming, so comforting, a breath of fresh air to him, truly. At first, he assumed it would be nothing but a short lived infatuation, expecting for his feeling to dissipate like a dying flame in a matter of time but this flame only burned bigger, brighter, and belligerent as the days passed. Diluc wasnât exactly sure how his feelings came to be. Perhaps it was due to the loss, betrayal and tragedy that stained his past. Maybe it was his longing to be loved again, to hold someone close and never let go, or to have someone hold him and allow him to bask in the feeling of being lovingly embraced-- which was a feeling that became painfully foreign to him.
It had been so long since he found comfort in anything or anyone, becoming accustomed to being isolated, building up walls to keep everyone out and away. He had no one left to care for and presumably no one left to care for him, making the pyro wielder take on such an aloof personality. After his whole ordeal, he was never truly the same, so to see him look genuinely pleased by someone was such a shock to the public eye. Of course, you had come to enjoy Dilucâs presence as he stopped by the tavern fairly often to check up on the flow of business and you had the chance to talk to him during his visits. You had heard from others that the young man was awfully reserved and indifferent towards any subject matter but he was seemingly interested in any conversation between the two of you, even partaking in the act of idle-chit chat as a means to continue talking to you. Anything for you.
He was greatly enamoured by you; everything about you. Heâs taken every second he could to observe you and your nature, falling in love with the little things about you from the way you brightened up the room with your cheerful demeanour, the way you gracefully made your way across the tavern during, the way your eyes twinkled when you were talking about him about something you loved--archons the way he wished for you to only look at him with those eyes full of an enthusiastic sparkle. He wanted that; and he wanted it all for himself. Once he realized this was the case, he went through a spiralling hole of madness. He found himself being obsessive with looking out for you, going above and beyond by following you in the shadows every chance he could get, his self control on his possessiveness running as thin as a strand of hair.Â
Diluc was scary to say the least. His ability to deceive people into thinking he was still the reserved yet distinguished gentleman while he was falling into a pit of insanity was nothing short of terrifying. He remained unsuspecting and planned to keep it that way, deeming himself capable of being able to resist his maniacal urges. All until one conversation between the two. You had mentioned that your family had begun to run into a few financial problems, becoming entangled in a circle of debt. You had concluded that though you loved what you were doing, it couldnât have been enough to support your situation so you had conversed with Diluc about going to Liyue to find extra work. All you knew was that there was a high chance you couldnât stay grounded at the tavern forever, even rejecting Dilucâs offer of a raise, deeming that you didnât deserve it and did not wish to trouble him. You saw this as a good opportunity to explore beyond the land of the wind that you had ironically been grounded at your entire life.Â
Oh no no no, this couldnât happen. He wouldnât allow it to happen. And thatâs when he snapped.Â
Dilucâs mind worked quickly as he devised a dubious plan to keep you grounded. He knew what you were like; he knew you would be stubborn and go. He saw that shine of determination in your eyes when you mentioned your plans of fleeing Mondstadt, the same shine that he wanted to capture and keep for himself and oh boy, he was gonna have it. The next time you saw him, he had personally invited you to a party that he said he was hosting. You found it quite surprising since it was a rarity for him to ever host a party considering his nature but you accepted nonetheless. You trusted Diluc enough and besides, who would deny an invitation from someone like him. Little did you know, this was quite possibly one of the worst decisions youâve made in your entire life.
âDear, youâre spacing out again.â He spoke, a foreign tone that sounded so sickly sweet to a point where you wanted to hurl.Â
âPlease donât address me as such. Youâre twisted for doing this. What do you even want from me? Huh? I canât offer you anything so this is nothing but a waste of time.â You spat at him, harshly pulling your cheek away from his grasp.Â
âYour presence alone is enough to satisfy me. Also, Iâd appreciate it if you stopped acting disobedient before I really lose my patience. Iâve been so patient with you, do you know that? Iâve been waiting for ages to have you all to myself like this butâŚâ He paused for a moment.
âI was far too nice and considerate of your freedom. To think Iâd let you leave just like that is absurd. Thatâs exactly why youâre here. Iâd like to apologize in advance for tricking you into thinking there was an actual party, especially since you got all dressed up for me tonight but I believe this is quite the positive thing because now Iâm the only one that gets to see you like thisâ He said as he gently lifted up a piece of fabric from your clothing.
âYou wore the clothing I had custom made for you. I knew you would look ravishing in it. Youâre my pretty little doll, arenât you dear?â He said as he brought a piece up to his lips as they gently graced the smooth satin of your outfit.Â
A strange package had made its way to your doorstep days before this treacherous evening. When opening it up, it was revealed to be a black and red outfit made of what felt like to be the finest fabrics and silk youâve ever seen. The first time you tried it on, you felt ecstatic with being gifted to you, blushing to yourself over the fact that Diluc had gone out of his way to get you something this stunning. Now, you wanted nothing more than to rip the thing off your body and run away from the damned place you were held captive but you knew it was no use at this point. Your body shivered at the coldness of the room as it felt like the sheer cold was steadily increasing.
âYouâre shivering. Youâre cold arenât you?â Diluc said, having the audacity to chuckle at your pathetic state. You stayed quiet, not wanting to admit or give into anything.
âNo response? Oh well, itâll only be a matter of time until the possibility of freezing to death becomes exceptionally high. Iâd rather not have that happen so Iâll do you a favour since you happen to be a little shy isnât that right? You donât need to be shy with me. Come here.â He says as he draws closer to you. Your chains rattled while you attempted to put as much distance as you could between you two but it was no use. He swiftly wrapped his arms around you, one hand wrapped around your waist, the other at the back of your head, pulling you into the crook of his neck. Your hands pushed against his chest in a poor attempt to put as much distance between you and him but in the end, you couldn't bring yourself to. The coldness of the room significantly weakened you although it ceased when he held you, his body warmth being enough for him and yourself as well. You cursed the pyro wielder and his antics. He knew that youâd be freezing, seeing this as the perfect opportunity to get closer to you. Your arms fell back on to you sidesÂ
âThere you go, all relaxed now. See, nice and warm.â He cooed while stroking the back of your head lovingly. Although you were physically warm now, you still felt a shiver run down your spine at the touch of the pyro user.
âYouâre sensitive to touch, how cute.â He stated before pulling away to look you in the eyes, the edges of his lips slightly upturned.
âOn another note, I have some news to share with you.â He spoke out. Your eyebrows furrowed at the mention of more news, thinking there is no possible way that anything could get any worse; unfortunately, you were dead wrong.
âYou see, I had the chance to speak with your parents the other day in regards to your financial situation. I explained to them that I was more than willing to help them but they became quite stubborn after I introduced my offer. I see where you get your stubbornness from now.â He sighed.
Your eyes widened, fear, anger and concern mixing in your (e/c) orbs.Â
âDiluc, I swear to the archons what did you--.â He brought a finger up to your lips to hush you from your growing concern.Â
âHush now, thereâs no need to get riled up, Iâm not finished. Now quiet down and listen to me.â He stated.
âIt was quite a simple offer I gave them, really. I would be a financial aid all in exchange for your hand in marriage. They started to get all defensive, claiming that theyâd never marry off their child. They were oh so protective over you, but they could never come close to comparing to me.â
Dread and horror filled your eyes as you were rendered speechless, waves of unpleasant emotions washing over you like a tidal wave.Â
âYou see, it definitely took a lot of work to get where we are now, but you need not to worry, dear. They will not be of any concern to us anymore.â He said as a smile graced his features. You wouldâve considered him to be handsome in the moment but the smile he held was so deranged that it was appalling.Â
Tears welled up in your eyes, too afraid to even ask what happened to them or what became of them. You knew the situation; you knew the power that Diluc held. He was well aware of his looming power of you and he used it and abused it. It didnât take very long for your tears to start streaming from your eyes as you began to sob, tears spilling onto your lap. Diluc cupped your face as he brushed away the oncoming tears that continued to overflow.Â
âShhh, donât cry my dear, this news is excellent. I couldn't even fathom you getting hurt or even leaving me but I donât have to worry now do I? Because youâre going to be all mine.â He said before forcibly kissing your tear-stained cheeks.Â
You felt absolutely disgusting and embarrassed over the lips that graced your skin, having someone as unhinged and deranged as him seeing you in such a vulnerable and helpless state.Â
âYou know, Iâve had my fair share of people both leave and betray me.Theyâve left me alone in this world but none of it matters now that I have you here. Youâre the most divine person Iâve come across. So lovely, so warm, and so bright, like the rays of sunlight. I want to bask in your presence and now, I can for however long Iâd like. I refuse to lose anyone else, especially not you and now this time, I know I wonât. If your freedom has to be sacrificed in order for you to stay alive, so be it. Iâll choose you the finest white attire for our special day. Youâll be me precious darling for the rest of your days. Doesnât that sound lovely, dear?â You remained unresponsive.
One of his hands slipped past the fabric of your clothing as his gloved fingertips lightly pressed onto the bare small of your back, earning a yelp from you.
âI said doesnât that sound lovely? Respond when spoken to. I want to hear your voice.â He said sternly. You managed to mumble out a small yes in return.
âThatâs my good little darling.â He spoke before before he pulled you in for a kiss. You refused to return the action and it certainly didnât go over his head. The hand that rested on the small of your back began to get hotter, feeling as if it was searing your skin, earning a shriek and a cry from you, allowing him to deepen his passion filled kiss, smirking at the way youâve decided to submit yourself to him while his own lips remained locked with your own.
The land of Mondstadt was said to be the land of freedom and yet here you were, your fate bound and chained by the insanity disguised as love by Diluc Ragnvindr. You were a delicacy to him, and heâd be sure to savour every last bit of you.Â
So I donât think anyone is gonna see this and Iâll probably end up deleting this later but TYSM for the support on my recent post. I woke up and my jaw dropped bc I didnât actually think people would find it and enjoy it. I worked on it for I think four days at least??? Iâm very happy to see it paid off. Iâll try working on something a little shorter next time so I can get something out but once again, thank you!!
summary: you and xiao are polar opposites according to him and because of that, he deems himself unworthy.Â
note: this is my first time writing for genshin and i love xiao so much so this is essentially a bunch of word vomit i whipped together while listening to love like you from the su soundtrack :â)Â
(iâll have to go in for another proof read after but pls take this for now)
fic under the cut
In the land of Liyue, the Adepti were acknowledged for being the protectors of the sacred land, guarding both it and its people. As most of the adepti resided in their abodes, there was but one that stayed within the vicinity of the Wangshu Inn. Xiao; the Vigilant Yaksha, Conqueror of Demons, Alatus. He went by many titles, many names all of which carried the story of the adeptus himself. Upon the years of history carried through Liyue in its passing generations, itâs known to many that despite having the looks of a young man, the adeptus was not someone you would want to take lightly. The Yaksha carried thousands of years worth of burden, shackles of guilt and terror binding him to unpleasant memories. With every passing day, he is harshly reminded of the way he and his polearm skillfully worked through the bloodied dance of weapons on the battlefield, crimson liquid painting the ground and his very hands. It stains so intensely that it was like an unseen tattoo that reminded him of eons of slaughter he partook in, the lives and dreams he so greedily took from people. It was something only he could see and something he would continue to see for many more years to come according to him.Â
He very rarely got close to anything or anyone, devoting his life to duty and the orders granted to him by Rex Lapis to protect the beloved land of Liyue. For this very reason, he never thought much about emotions or the overall concept of it, seeing it as a worthless matter, a weakness even, for it could not help in the slaying of those in battle. All he ever knew at that point was violence, having his purity harshly stolen from his grasp all those centuries ago and being left with not even a single grain of what it was like to feel anything pleasant. Whenever he did feel anything, pain, suffering and agony were the only things that filled his system therefore to him, it was better to feel nothing at all. Needless to say, he was somewhat unapproachable on several levels, but who could blame him?Â
There then came a day in which all of this would away as an estranged guest made your way merry when into the Inn. You, (Y/n) were a mere mortal traveler with a dendro vision chained upon your hip, specializing in the field of healing. You stumbled upon the inn, looking to take on commissions and requests in exchange for a room for the time being. Your fates clashed with each other during your first encounter when you were tasked to deliver almond tofu to the adeptus that was specially made by yourself. You could still remember stuttering over your words in embarrassment during your first meeting as he revealed himself to you, commending you for your culinary skills but telling you to leave immediately, saying something along the lines of it being âtoo dangerous for mere mortals to stay in the presence of adepti for too longâ. It was accurate to say that you two took an interest in the oddity of the situation. Why did Xiao decide to reveal himself to the simple human, knowing very well his mere presence was already a threat to you. Why did you not turn away in fear just from the adeptusâ profound deathly gaze? There were several unspoken questions between you two at the time but that one fateful encounter had caused a shift.
You had decided to extend your stay at the inn a little longer than you intended to. You went about the daily tasks set out by Verr in exchange for your stay every day that you were there. The completion of your tasks leads to a delivery that had become habitual to you during your stay at the inn. Every day youâd made your way up to the highest terrace in the inn to drop off a plate of almond tofu to the adeptus. On some days, heâd reveal himself and on some others, he chose to remain unseen-- and to you, this was okay. As the days passed, it began to be more apparent how odd this whole shift was for the both of them.
You are an adventurer, someone who sought out to travel the lands, and yet, you remained grounded at the Inn, your fascination and curiosity driving your patience to learn about the distant Yaksha and fuelling your willingness to stay settled at the inn instead of seeking for the thrill of adventure. Xiao was an adeptus, a being that has lived for many years on end, a being that has slaughtered countless, a being that carried an indescribable amount of karmic debt for all the treacherous and ungodly amount of terror he has bestowed upon thousands in the past. He could not explain to himself why he even decided to associate with a simple mortal, thinking that there was something wrong with him at the time because he knew that if he were in his right mind, he would have never even bothered taking a glance at the human. But then again, not all things could be explained. From the days that you had stayed at the Inn for that time, you would find yourself visiting the lone adeptus every evening, delivering a plate of what became familiar to him as your almond tofu, the one that deemed to be the closest to that of the dreams he so greedily devoured all those years ago.Â
Months had passed since the first day you first set foot into the inn. You had managed other work and commissions throughout the time but often found herself coming back. you became well acquainted with everyone who worked there, practically making it her second home in fact. Even when you did have to part ways, you would pass by whenever you could, sparing your time and energy at least once a week to come reeling back like a moth drawn to a flame. The reason behind it was very evident to you, nothing that you would ever admit to hiding at this point. You did enjoy the company and atmosphere of the other humans at the inn but at the end of the day, everything came back down to the enigmatic adeptus that resided there.Â
Sensing your presence had become second nature to the adeptus, him knowing the very moment you set foot into the Inn. He would never admit it to himself, but he found himself looking forward to the mortalâs visits. He still thought about the first day he decided to reveal himself to you, feeling a little more content about it with every passing day. But something about the whole ordeal scared him to no end. He wished it wasnât the case but he was well aware of all the changes and feelings that had bloomed since you waltzed into his life. The feeling of bubbling excitement inside of him every time you came back to him, the feeling of embarrassment of when youâd blurt out compliments towards him, feeling more comfortable and daring as the visits continued. The feeling of protectiveness washing over him when you told him stories in which you got even the slightest bit injured. One may view this just as someone showing emotion; but that was the problem for him. He wasnât supposed to show emotion-- he wasnât supposed to feel-- according to himself at least. Rather, he didnât deem himself worthy to feel pleasant emotions.
âXiaoâ A familiar voice called out to him, turning to face the direction from where he stood, which happened to be the spot where he viewed the familiar landscape of Liyue.
You made your way towards him, holding out a plate of almond tofu which he had come to admire. He took the plate from your grasp and greeted her with a light hum of acknowledgment before beginning to munch down on the tofu. You let out a soft chuckle before standing next to him and leaning on the railing, staring off into the starry skies you had become accustomed to seeing, though every time, it never failed to amaze you. Your eyes gazed at the twinkling stars in the sky as you began your usual routine of speaking about how your life has been since you last saw each other. You had become accustomed to Xiaoâs aloof demeanor at times like this because you knew that despite him seemingly looking uncaring, he was secretly listening to your rambling. You stared off into the distance as you spoke, your attention being stolen by the stars. While at work on the plate of almond tofu in his hands, Xiao took these moments to look at you as he silently listened to your long-winded sentences.
In serene moments like these, it was hard for Xiao to keep his composure. Though the stars in the sky glimmered so beautifully, they paled in comparison to your eyes when they sparkled so passionately when you spoke of your adventures. In moments like these, Xiao was reminded of your courteous nature. He was reminded of how good you are, going about your time adventuring the lands, specializing in the art of healing with the assistance of the beloved vision clipped at your side. You lived for adventure; you lived to help those in need. It was in moments like these when he became painfully aware of how different you were from each other.
It had been so long since Xiao ever considered himself to be good in any way. He was all too aware of the disgusting red that painted his hands permanently, the hands which have slain countless beings in the past. The hands that he did not see worthy to touch anything so fragile in fear that it would break, feeling as if anything would die at even the slightest touch of his fingertips. You see, when he met you, he was so sure that he was far from anything good and you proved himself to be right in his mind; because you were what he deemed to be good in his eyes. And he was nothing like you.
Before he knew it, he was left with an empty plate and a bustling mind full of thoughts as he looked out into the distance along with your words flowing freely with the wind. You turned back to see Xiao in all his glory, taking in his presence, eyes lingering upon him like the first time you met him. There was never a day that passed where he didnât look stunning in your eyes. The reserved yaksha was nothing short of a challenge for you to get close to. Even to this day, there are times where he was standoffish towards you. In moments like these, youâre reminded of how youâve barely scratched the surface of his character, being well aware that heâs lived far longer than you and will quite possibly continue to live way beyond your time. Though he hasnât explained every single detail of his past to you, there have been significant points in time where he has opened up about snippets of his past, to which you grasped and held onto as much detail as you could when he went on. Youâve picked up that Xiao isnât the most well-articulated when it comes to explaining his feelings but you paid no mind to it, taking pride over the fact that he has yet to slit your throat open with his spear. There have been countless occasions in which youâve praised Xiao but none of them have truly projected your feelings towards the adeptus.
Xiao was not truly aware of how deeply you felt for him. Sure, he thought that you were interested enough to stick around and pester him for who knows whatever reason. However, it went way beyond that. You admired him so dearly, his presence being one in which you ironically found an indescribable amount of comfort in. Youâve listened intently to his wise words of wisdom, his tales of his bloodstained past that he was willing to share, as well as his little remarks about how peculiar humans are. You saw beyond the seemingly frigid, cold, and distant demeanor of Xiao and instead saw a boy with such a yearning to be tender, gentleness being beyond his reach according to him but to you, he was gentle.Â
You noticed the way he would handle the little things involving you. You notice the way his tone has changed in the slightest when talking to you whenever he does, softer than the first time you had initially met. You notice the way he acts when it comes to physical touch, preferring to make little to no contact to you but his touches were soft and fleeting whenever touch was necessary. Heâs told you several times in the past that he has a brute touch preferring a distance to keep himself from hurting you. From that alone, you knew heâs gentle, reluctant to admit it though due to the events of the past but nonetheless, his gentleness was hard to grasp but must be cherished greatly and that is something that you have done.Â
âXiaoâ You called out to him. He turned to face you, noticing how you were staring right back at him, your arms resting upon the railing as you gazed at him.
âIs something wrong? You seem a little more spaced out today.â You spoke out again.
He sighed before clicking his tongue. âIt's nothing that should be of any concern to mo--âÂ
â--mortals like you, I know yada yada yada. Youâve said that far too many times in the past. Now tell me, whatâs truly wrong Xiao. I did make you listen to my rambling so itâs only fair that you shoot something my way.â You cut him off.Â
Annoyance laced his features as he let out his nth sigh of the day. He turned to look at you, giving you a serious, almost cold look.
âI am already greatly aware of how odd some human tendencies are, knowing you mortals do some strange actions that even I question to this day. But you, you are the most peculiar of ones that I have encountered. You wish to stay with someone as myself, someone who could take your life in a single heartbeat. So tell me, why does someone like you continue to linger?â
Lo and behold, a question that you were surprised to hear from him, though you knew the day would eventually come when he would ask. Why did you continue to come to him time and time around? You let out an exasperated sigh as you turned to him with a lighthearted smile in an attempt to lighten the tension that filled the air.
âI enjoy your company, thatâs all. Is it so wrong to spend time with someone when you enjoy them being around?â You stated. His eyes narrowed at your response.
âI do not believe it is normal to risk your life simply for mere company, it is not worth it. I refuse to believe that your motives are as light-hearted as that. Is there something that you desire that is beyond that of human capabilities?â He stated.
Your eyebrows furrowed and your smile faltered at his aloof response. What was with the sudden cold demeanor he decided to put up front? You held eye contact with his warm amber orbs that held a stare ironically as cold as the mountains of Dragonspine.
âItâs because youâre you, Xiao. I come back and spend my time here because you are you. I enjoy the little things about you and the time we spend together, yâknow? I enjoy the way your eyes light up at the sight of almond tofu, I enjoy your little declarations of how odd us mortals are, I enjoy hearing you open up about even the littlest of things. Youâre special in my eyes, Xiao. Youâre strong in so many different aspects, youâre wise in the words of advice you speak and last but not least, youâre gentle. Those are just a few of many aspects of yourself that make you so special to me.â
Xiaoâs face contorted to one of bewilderment for a brief moment before morphing to one of disbelief, scoffing at the statement. âGentleâ he thought. When you mentioned him being gentle, he thought to himself that it was a load of pure nonsense.
âCalling me gentle is simply blasphemous. I have told you countless times that I am far anything related to that of a tender nature. I leave nothing but a trail of anguish and regret. Youâre foolish to see me in anything of a good kind of special, even more so if you see me as gentle.â He firmly stated as his arms crossed tightly across his torso.
Archonâs Xiaoâs mind was a mess. He was in a stubborn state of denial as he refused to believe the words that slipped past your lips, writing them off as lies. He covered the creeping insecurity that arose in him with a stone cold demeanor like he always did. He couldnât accept it, he couldn't even fathom to believe what makes you think heâs so special.Â
âListen Xiao, youâre being awfully stubborn right now.â You said dejectedly. Despite his current manner, you wouldnât back down, seeing this as one of the only opportunities where you could truly and openly speak about how you felt towards him. You turned so that you were fully facing him, standing your ground as you spoke to him.
âYou think so lowly of yourself sometimes yâknow? It saddens me to know that you only ever see yourself like that.â You stated.
âI am stating nothing but the tru--â Xiao spoke.
âListen to me, Xiao.â You cut him off, him being surprised by your snapback.
âYouâre far more than your own past. Iâm aware of everything youâve gone through from what youâve told me. Forgive me for Iâm unable to fully sympathize with you but I canât let you continue to do this to yourself. Iâve only known you for mere months out of the thousands of years youâve lived but Iâve been around you long enough to know that youâre not as bad as you claim yourself to be.â You paused for a moment to gather yourself before you continued on, looking that Xiao was very much paying attention, an unreadable look on his face.
âYouâve told me yourself that youâve been around long enough to capture the knowledge of the world to an extent. Youâve told me that youâre aware of how barbaric and lethal your own strength is but youâve never told me that you hold tenderness inside you, even after all youâve been through. You hold such valuable knowledge in the field of strength but youâve failed to notice that the gentleness in you is not completely gone.â Your own hands stretched out and firmly held onto his gloved ones as you continued speaking.Â
âYou speak about yourself as if youâre not worthy of feeling anything but the anguish and pain as a price to pay for your actions. Youâre allowed to feel vulnerable, youâre allowed to feel curious, youâre allowed to feel happiness. I want you to be more honest with yourself so that you can see that youâre worthy enough to feel good emotions. You can extend yourself out to others and the human world and allow yourself to be free. Still after all this time, I sense you feel that itâs necessary to keep me at an arm's length but thatâs not true nor is it something that I want. Though this fact alone proves my statement. The fact you wish to keep me away is a sign that you hold that gentleness within but you can still learn to be gentle without having to lock everyone out. Your loneliness isnât an inevitable conclusion, and Iâll prove to you that it isn't. I wish to stay with you not only because I enjoy your company but because I found something in you worth cherishing. I want to see you grow from whatever anguish you hold, even if itâs just a little bit. I know my life might be merely a second in yours but please, let me do what I can in my lifetime to make you feel worthy and feel loved, because I truly do love and care for you, Xiao.â Your grip tightened around his hands, fearing that heâd yank them away from you with every passing second. Although you firmly stand your ground, you were internally malfunctioning at the whole-hearted confession to the adeptus in front of you.
Xiao felt as if the wind was knocked out of his lungs, face contorted into that of even more disbelief as he found himself still trying to process this whole ordeal. He took the time in processing the words that came directly from your heart as it went straight into his, a warm feeling erupting inside of him, something that felt to foreign to him that it scared him a little. Though your words held a weight to them, it was much more pleasant compared to that of his past memories, but it wasnât enough to distract him from the way you desperately held onto him.
He was well aware that he could pull away from you at any moment, knowing that your strength could in no way match his but he couldnât do it. The moment your hands touched his, even through his gloves he felt the firm gentleness of your grasp. You were no hydro user but in that very moment, he felt as if you washed away the bloody sins that stained his hands for years on end. For once he felt clean; for once he felt pure, rid of all the unpleasantries of the world for these very moments that he spent with you.
You noticed how Xiao stood still. You feared that you mightâve severely angered him from the way you snapped at him, but the look on his face told you otherwise.
The usually serious and stern face of the adeptus held such a soft, perhaps vulnerable look. His eyes were wide and in the moonlight, you could tell that they were glossed over from the way they shone with emotion, mouth slightly ajar, possibly trying to find the right words to respond to you. He didnât need to say anything though because from that look alone, you got all the answers that you needed.
You slowly let go of his hands as one arm moved to wrap around his waist and the other going towards the back of his head, reeling him in closely for a foreign yet mellow embrace. His hands awkwardly stayed at his sides before they slowly and hesitantly moved to hug you back, leaning in gently to your touch as your hand led his head to the crook of your neck, allowing him to bask in the warmth you so generously offered him. For the first time in archons knows how long, Xiao felt a warm liquid spill from his eyes, staining your shirt. Your hands ruffled through his hair in an attempt to soothe him in his time of vulnerability. His hold on you was still so light, almost as if he was afraid heâd break you if he held on even tighter. The hand that ghosted over his back made its way to one of his arms and tugged at it, encouraging him to hold on as much as he needed.
âItâs okay Xiao, you can hold on tighter. Iâm not as fragile as you may think. You donât have to be scared of breaking me.â You chuckled lightheartedly.
His grip did tighten, as he began to mumble words with his face still buried at your side. Something along the lines of apologizing for snapping at you earlier. Your smile widened as you held onto him even tighter if that was possible.
Xiao knew he wasnât perfect, he was far from it in fact. He had so many flaws and rough edges but that was okay--thatâs what made him Xiao. He never understood until now why you thought he was so special and to be quite frank, he still didnât understand, but he was determined to understand it one day. He wasnât good like you but he wanted to start believing that he was good in his own way, wishing to truly do something that he felt was right by you in the future. Though it wouldnât be the easiest of journeys, he was determined to do something that feared him to no end--for you. He wanted to learn how to love, how to love you even more and openly express it to you but also, learn how to love himself, just as you loved him.Â