His abrupt laughter flirts with something uncertainย inside of her: a feeling (a doubt. . .) that has consumed her from the moment Serenity clawed her way through Usagiโs previously carefree existence.ย Although sheโs a handful of years older now - her role as a senshi and a princess a little more polished, a little less blundering - she lives at war with her insecurities and the angry princess that lurks somewhere in her darkest of memories.
While Usagi canโtย deny the fact that Mamoru is nothing if not devoted, conscious and steadfast to his dutyย to not only protect her and theย future theyโve seen together, she canโt help but wonder if part of him resents her - if he loves her only because he hasย to. Heโll never lead a life of normalcy and itโs that thought that makes her reel with guilt and anger.ย
Sheโs clutching the edge of his couch when Mamoโs voice garners her attention, her cobalt stare plastered to his back.ย โI donโt really think thatโs hard to believe,โ she murmurs and shakes her head. As a matter of fact, she knows exactly what heโs talking about. After all, her own thoughts and memories are an amalgamation of her past and present. She lives as Usagi, but grieves for and fears the girl that once lived on the moon, that housed enough power in her body to not only protectย but destroy. Serenity is volatile and Usagi keeps her at bay by feigning happiness.ย
When Mamo finally joins her own the couch, the tension Usagi doesnโt realize sheโs been holding in her shoulders dissipatesย and she finds herself leaning into him at the exact same time he settles down on the plush cushions. Her head finds home atop of his shoulder, her desire to be closerย to him outweighing any of her previous apprehension. She waits patiently for him to continue, her fingers threading through his in an attempt to offer him a modicum of comfort.
ย For now, she relaxes and listens to the low rumble of his voice as he offers an explanation that sounds astoundingly similar to the torment sheโs been facing for years, save a few key differences - namely the bottle of rumย that sits center stage on his coffee table. Sheโs gentle with him, idly stroking his fingers with the pad of her thumb as he speaks.
ย โMamo-chan. . .โ she begins, straightening her posture.ย โYou donโt have to face all of this on your own. You doย know that, right?โ her brows crease together, body shifting on the couch so sheโs facing him entirely with his hand still clasped between her fingers.ย โSerenity lives inside of me just as much as Endymion lives inside of you. This is not your problem to face alone,โ another shake of her head.ย
โWhile I donโt really like that thisย has been happening. . .โ she pauses to gesture at the bottle of rum in question,ย โ. . .youโre not the only one who has had to find ways to cope with our past. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmedย with anger when weโre fighting with youma - or when youโre in dangerย - I want to tear this entire world apart.โย
And she feels angry now, a storm of regret and pain on his behalf brewing inside of her. Still, she keeps herself grounded with his hand in hers, bringing their entwined fingers to rest on the middle of her thigh. She can feel tears prickling at the edges of her eyes, unsure of whether or not theyโre from sheer frustration or the knowledge that Mamoru has been suffering for years now; but, she swallows thickly and squares her shoulders as if to show she wonโt let them fall. Instead, she pushes them away with the back of her free hand and exhales through her nose.
โI wish we could just go back in time and change the past.โ Even if that means we would never be together.ย โOr if I could just. . .stop us from ever meeting? I donโt know. Anything to make sure youโd never have to deal with all of this. Maybe Luna and Artemis could help? We donโt have to tell the girls if you donโt want to, but Luna and Artemis know a lot about the Moon Kingdom, so maybe they could help us both find some peace for Endymion and Serenity?โย
