lost & confused

18 || Mentally fucked up *this is NOT my main blog*

[wannabethinaf]

Relapse

I was never diagnosed because I feel like if I go to a psy I'm gonna get laughed at, so can I really talk about a relapse? Anyways...

I made this blog as a teenager and I'm surprised it still gets followers as I don't post anything on here anymore. But here I am again, not 18 anymore, but 21. Feeling like the dark thoughts are winning again after years of me trying to block them out, succeeded well enough, gained some weight, loved myself. These past days I've been restricting, loosing weight, enjoying feeling empty, wich is not good, I don't wanna feel the way I did as a teenager again, but I wanna be skinny, just like I always wanted. I'm learning to love my body, but I can't help it, I feel so happy when I skip a meal or when the scale shows a lower weight. The problem is my head tells me it's normal to feel bad in the body I am in because I am clinically obese, so loosing weight is only a good thing.

I feel like I'm falling into this hole again, and I can't let anyone know, no one ever knew about it before and I will probably keep it for myself now aswell. It makes me feel bad because I don't want to lie to my boyfriend, but I don't want him to know, I love him so much and I know he's gonna try to help me, just like he already did in the past, without knowing it. I hate when he forces me to eat, at least something, but I know he only wants my well being.

My younger sister has an eating disorder, not diagnosed yet, but she is so skinny, she restricts, binges and purges. The sane part of me wants to help her, I know she has to go to a specialist, but ofc my family doesn't take it seriously enough to send her to someone that will help her. The sick part of me is so jealous of her, she becomes more and more of a trigger to me. She's so beautiful, so skinny, dresses so good and looks good in everything. You can see that she wants to get helped, that's why she is showing to us all of her bad moments and explaining how she feels. I never was like this, always hid everything, kept it for me, does that mean that I have no problem at all? Or does that mean I just want to deal with it by myself?

I sometimes wanna tell that to my family and be like: you never saw shit, you should be ashamed of yourself, and now that my sister is at a worse stage than I ever was you don't even help her, so if I told you about my problems you would just brush it under the rug and make me feel even worse?

Anyway, that was a long rant, I'm sorry...

[skinnyfragileperfection]

idk if it actually works but i tried it?? sooooo i mean it’s a workout nonetheless XD as long as i’m burning something

[radiolightning]

In case anyone is having a bad night:

Here is the fudgiest brownie in a mug recipe I’ve found

Here are some fun sites

Here is a master post of Adventure Time episodes and comics

Here is a master post of movies including Disney and Studio Ghibli

Here is a master post of other master posts to TV shows and movies

*tucks you in with fuzzy blanket* *pats your head*

You’ll be okay, friend <3

[meanwolfs-remade-deactivated201]

i will reblog this everytime it shows up because any of my followers could have a bad night right now

[crackheadted]

i love this so much dtcfgbhj

[wannabethinaf]

I got deleted, and this is my new account :)

[feedy0urmind-blog]

Reblog if your mom is beautiful.

[shed-pounds]

How to lose weight simply

1. Eat less than 1000 calories. 2. Work out for an hour every day (have one day tap out) 3. Eat healthy foods!!!! 4. Fast for like 10-13 hours. 5. NEVER eat after 7pm 6. Keep yourself busy and/or distracted from eating.

ITS THAT SIMPLE. I’m trying it, I’m losing some. Can you?

Stop eating that pasta or icecream and work out for half an hour. You don’t want flabby thin skin, you want a tight toned body, don’t you?

[cassiepea-blog1]

I know it’s so hard, to imagine yourself thin, when you’re so big. And have been, for so long… I know it feels impossible. Like that could never be you. Like you’ve been dealt the wrong hand and you’re stuck with what you’ve got. But trust me when I tell you, that in just a few months, if you stick to it. If you really stick to it this time and you don’t give up. In a few months, you can get there. Your body isn’t any different than theirs, underneath all that fat and extra weight, there is a thin, lovely, delicate girl waiting. Waiting for you to finally finish what you started. You are lovely bones, you’ve just gotta get rid of all that unnecessary garbage you’ve managed to pile on top of them.

[disappearingdancer]

Just FYI this blog is used as a coping mechanism and I do not promote harmful behaviors of any kind in any way, this is simply a form of venting/self expression.

[beeshrinks]

🌸✨ why do people act like the thinspo community is chock full of tall people with zero short representation… 9/10 blogs i click on are girls 5'5 and under ( with only like 10-30 lbs to lose, go figure)

LIKE / REBLOG IF YOU’RE 5'7 + 200 LBS + AN ACTIVE ED/THINSPO BLOG ✨🌸

[onemorecrumb]

She cannot finish her dinner, she says she’s eaten enough. She’s trying to make herself thinner, says she’s eating too much.

[per-fidny-deactivated20180116]

[carbonated-milk-deactivated2016]

hey if ur ever feelin shitty use this

[matt-the-blind-cinnamon-roll]

Holy shit I’m trying not to cry.

[infestationofmymind]

i really needed this one tonight

[sidestepup2thestreets]

omfg

[yaboispencer-deactivated2020092]

Do it!!!

[spicy-molotov-deactivated201801]

this is important i love it

[saint-p0tter]

Passing it on because there’s a 99% chance someone needs it

[checkforwatermarks-blog]

This was exactly what I needed

[sydmish]

:)

[control-and-restrict]

I WILL lose weight this September

Reblog for motivation

[lost-in-this-small-town]

reblog if you feel fat all the time

[ilovelisabetch]

[wannabethinaf]

Ugh ugh ugh just please kill me now

[sovietcafe]

50lbs difference over two months and three weeks

25lbs left to go

[purlox]

What how I am amazed