Origami Around
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almost home
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JBB: An Artblog!
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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祝日 / Permanent Vacation
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One Nice Bug Per Day
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@warm4whenever
Introduction Post
ᴊᴀʏᴅᴇɴ ꜱʜɪʙᴀ. ᴀɢᴇᴅ 21. ᴘʀᴏᴛᴇᴄᴛɪᴠᴇ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴊᴇᴄᴛ ᴀʟᴛᴇʀ. ꜰᴏʀᴍᴇʀ ʀᴇᴅ ʀᴀɴɢᴇʀ. ꜰɪɢᴜʀɪɴɢ ᴛʜɪɴɢꜱ ᴏᴜᴛ.
Welcome to the blog. This is my personal public diary and scrapbook. All interactions and questions are welcome as long as they are respectful.
Behold
A rat
A nekomata stretching...
Remember these monstrous cats can eat you, then take your place if you're not careful.
Oh, Fish.
We have a fish in our room, have so for months. A pink, white, violet and orange betta splenden with the temper of a spoilt cat and appearance of a possessed table napkin. A tiny part of me envies the fish. It lives a simple life of eating, floating around, exploring his plants and viciously headbutting anything he thinks resembles betta. Nathan loves this creature with the affectionate contempt he otherwise reserves for things that bite him, which I am sure this fish would if he could. He buys it treats and little leaf hammocks, and even walks to the next town over for special betta fish food. It has no predators in its little tank but judging by the patroling and building its little bubble nests doesn't seem aware of there being no other life at all in there. I would not give up my intelligence or autonomy but if I could float around and do nothing with little castles to play around in and leaf-shaped hammocks to laze around on for a day I think I might achieve the zen state.
3 peas
There are too many of them, everywhere. Disgusting hungry creatures with nasty fleshy hands and greedy little eyes. They go around in swarms destroying everything nice and spreading diseases. They're clever little things too and eat their weight several times over. You can get infested with them apparently and be stuck living in a house with them, skittering around at night. I am of course talking about humans, rats are perfect adorable little angels who have never done anything wrong and deserve so much love.
Army of Lovers are a weird band. A really weird band, but at least their brand of weirdness is consistent. I have no idea how to feel about their aesthetic or how seriously to take them but their music always cheers me up when I feel bad. So here are some uplifting songs with some of the most uncomfortably campy visuals on the album covers. Come, be simultaneously confused and comforted with me. I feel like we need some levity right now.
my dad is very intensely involved a battle with his city’s public administration over a playground they have tried to forcibly remove like five times in the past 20 years and DID remove once in like 2005 but then had to rebuild because my dad was such a pain in their asses and came through with undeniable receipts of the zoning plan from the 60s/the historic/cultural value of the urban planning…. like there’s a woman in the city office who is his arch nemesis. he is literally the daredevil of urban planning
While the body situation is unbearable for everyone (everyone refering to four trans alters in a body that fits none of us) and experience various kinds of dysphoria from it there is one major silver lining I have to mention. Gender euphoria is amazing.
There are so many things I took for granted in my old body that gives me so much consistent joy now. I feel wrong if I do not bind, dye the peach fuzz on my upper lip, wear the right clothes and so on, but the physical stuff just gives me relief but I would not call it euphoria, even if the others like it. We all seem to have different euphoria triggers. I have mixed feelings on the testosterone results since while the body is becoming masculine it is still not my body, and I will always miss the lines on my hands, the feel of my hair, my height and the taste of my mouth and so on, though I do want them to continue, indefinitely if possible. The social aspects are what make me the most happy every time.
Getting called "sir" or "lad" by shop assistants and cashiers is not something I am used to culturally but it feels good. Occasionally I surface when Nathan is around his male friends, I did they today and we were at the gym and I stuck around for a few reps. I felt surprisingly at home, and I used to much prefer training alone. Also getting to use the male bathroom when we go out really shouldn't be something I get excited about but it does. It makes me feel good in myself. Secure. Happy. Perhaps a little proud even. I always took my gender for granted before this, and it feels really good to get inside of why I feel like a man and in what ways it makes me happy. It might very well be something I would not have been in the position to experience if I was not a fictive.
doomed
I feel like I have been on autopilot the last week or so. I need something more to do to keep me ticking over. My isolation does not help. I like being alone, but I do get lonely. My partner is out of the country and aside from the host I have no offline friends. Maybe I should go somewhere far away and talk to strangers who would never guess I am but one alter in a system. Nathan has been hanging out with his friends a lot and they do not even know I exist. I do not want to be friends with them, simply not my kind of people but I would like to have people to consistently interact with when the mood takes me. Which is fairly rare but still, I am in introvert not a monk. We have been sick, which probably has something to do with it. I hate being sick, almost as much as I hate being tired. Anything less than a hundred percent and I might struggle to protect the system. Mostly from itself.
My lover arms me with a chokutō in his dreams.
My boyfriend says in his dreams I always have a sword. I tried to get him to describe it but swords are not a particular interest of his. Through questions I got a description of what sounds like a chokutō but with a pointed tip like a Western sword. And something he described as "gold bits". I have been thinking about it all day. I long for this sword only he can ever see. I want to draw it but I am not sure where to begin. I might ask him more about it. It might be the most romantic thing I have ever heard.
friendly reminder ♡
your system does not have to look organized to be real.
some days are blurry.
some days are loud.
some days nobody knows what's going on.
you still belong ✦
Slaying the horrible worm.
Such a brave little guy.
Autistic social anxiety is not "social anxiety" in the typical sense. An anxiety disorder is defined as an "irrational fear". So for example, imagine someone who is afraid to speak in case everyone looks at them and goes "what the heck are you saying you wierdo." If that person is neurotypical, then the chances are that they're very unlikely to get that response. Therefore their fears are irrational, and that is true "social anxiety". If you put an autistic person in that scenario, on the other hand, then probably the reason they're afraid of that response is because they've received it many times before. They're fear is based on repeated past experiences, therefore it is not irrational and not the simply an anxiety disorder. That's why people giving the classic social anxiety responses to autistic people is so unhelpful. "Just go out there and talk to people, it'll be fine," or "keep pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and you'll get more confident," don't work if the problem is real and not just in your head.
a friend from a past life
I need to make something like this. I have so much to say. This is so simple and expressive and gets across things I have struggled to say in paragraphs and paragraphs of writing. How does one...do this?
