RMH
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Love Begins
Peter Solarz
d e v o n
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@wasntmj-a
this blog is officially archived. ♡
peter has a picture of mj by his phone and they’re not even dating in the issue fjdkjfgkd what a dork
head empty just one thought: VALENTINE’S DAY IS COMING
❝ i’ve never recognised a purer face. ❞ from gwen maybe?
❝ oh, gosh — ❞ whatever tangerine she's put in her mouth is almost spat out with the force of the sudden laughter. gwen is sweet, she thinks immediately, swallowing down the pieces of what’s left of the fruit and smiling widely once that’s been done. really, mary jane wasn’t quite sure when tia anna first suggested dropping off some old albums during her olden days to the parker’s family house. she’d always been a friendly girl, she knows this, she’s practised it, but that was only around her block.
and the parker’s residence, while not completely well-off, it ... isn’t her neighborhood.
but then aunt may was so welcoming, and gwen stacy — apparently aunt may’s nephew’s special friend, according the older woman with a knowing look, her smile hiding behind her pressed lips that had mary jane wanted to mischievously grin along like the best worst-kept secret in the area — was beautiful. enchanting, all bright eyes and pale locks. when she’d walked into the room, it was difficult not to stare.
❝ you didn’t see me in high school. ❞ she says it like a joke, though she means it. if mary jane could, she’d hide that part of her away from everyone she knows right now forever. ❝ i’d give you a million headache, i swear. if anything, you’re stunning. those lashes? to die for. and it’s not even a false lashes, right ? ❞
answering asks.
"May I have this dance?"
❝ really ... ? ❞ her eyes are filled with disbelief, with hope. mary jane isn’t ... she’s not smart, no. not like peter is, with his boundless knowledge of physics and mathematics, and how his eyes light up if she asks him the right questions. mary jane’s strengths have never been with the academics, and it’s - something she is still trying to be okay with, but she doesn’t think it takes a genius to really ... figure out what peter is like.
or what grief has done for him for so long.
they’re the opposites like that, him and her. it’s something that’d been baffling for aunt may when they were starting to grow closer — because mj had been outgoing, had loved going out to clubs and socialising. peter tends to keep things to himself, is what she observes. he likes his own company when he isn’t in the suit, and he’s fine with standing at the sidelines, content to being a spectator most of the time, which ... probably explains the camera.
so mj knows. she knows that dancing isn’t - may not - be in his forte. or something he ever really desires. so why is he extending his hand and asking her of that right now ... ?
mary jane’s smile blooms as she silently nods, her thoughts finally catching up enough that she stands in her heels, and reaches into his proximity. she’s happy, giggling, as she readily puts her arms around his shoulders. she watches, a few seconds, to see if he’ll take the lead, or has any idea what to do next. it didn’t even matter if peter parker is the worst dancer in the entire world, mary jane’s stomach is in full butterflies.
she doesn’t think she’s ever been this giddy.
❝ ... how’d you know i love this song ? ❞
answering asks.
"You're just... you're extraordinary."
❝ i am, aren't i ? ❞ she says so around a laughter, turning off the phone from when she had just shown him a clip of her in rehearsal. truth be told, it wasn’t exactly allowed for her to record anything and show it to anyone — not until the show starts premiering at least, but mary jane couldn’t help it. she was so happy with her performance so far, and she’d wanted peter to know.
she always does. she just ... hopes peter likes it too, hearing what’s happening in her life.
❝ you’re pretty amazing too, you know. i heard jonah j. jameson bought a bunch of spider-man photos from you. i guess you’re a famous photographer now, huh ? ❞
answering asks.
PETER,
Peter had stopped counting his scars years ago, now, of course. It was something related to being Spider-Man; he fought all the time, and sometimes with really strong opponents. And the one MJ had requested to see was on one of his arms, a little gift from Harry, just before Gwen had fallen from that clocktower. And Peter had never taken care of that injury, had never cleaned it properly, so that was why he had a scar there. Harry had hurt him emotionally much more than he had hurt him physically, but Peter had almost WANTED this scar, to have this night marked on his skin, forever.
But then MJ wasn’t moving, wasn’t talking. Peter almost wondered if he had done something wrong; it wouldn’t be the first time he hurt someone without even realizing it. For years, he had spent more time as Spider-Man than as Peter. He had lost quite a lot of his social skills, and he didn’t care much about it. Maybe he had deserved this LONELINESS.
He blinked a few times when she asked if she could give him a hug. That was unexpected. Other than May, no one cared about him. That was what he thought, anyway. “Yeah… I-I mean, if you want.” He didn’t usually hug people other than May, but why not. He just wasn’t sure of why she had asked for this right now.
mary jane doesn’t hesitate.
as soon as she’s gotten the permission, she’s quick to make her way over to him and — it’s crushing, her hug. two arms wounding itself around the expanse of his torso and mary jane buries her face there, for a moment, against peter’s collarbone, before - a deep breath in, and she turns, just lets her cheek lies there as she squeezes her eyes shut, trying to ... to calm herself down. trying not to think about boys, and scars, and ruins.
trying to be thankful that he’s okay, in spite of everything. and peter is alive, and safe, and - bless his clumsy heart - sweet enough to have let mj do this.
❝ i promised not to touch you and here i am ... ❞ she chortles weakly against him, before slowly - carefully - mary jane pulls away. just enough that she’s made sure her brown eyes meet his, but not nearly far enough away that her hands have let him go. her eyes trail still to the scar there, just briefly, but - mary jane smiles, looking back up to him. she touches one cheek there, gentle. kind. just to hold him. just to, in her own silent way, thank him for even sharing what he did.
❝ ... are you okay now though, cariño ? ❞
FELICIA,
“Which other Harry would you want me to talk about ? I’m working for him. I was, at least.” Actually, maybe she was still working for him, ruining Oscorp from the inside, but it wasn’t as she would tell MJ about that fact. Felicia wasn’t good, but she couldn’t say she cared.
The other seemed so concerned, though, it ALMOST made Felicia feel bad for MJ. “You don’t know ? Harry asked Spider-Man for help. He thought his blood could cure him from his illness. But Spider-Man said no. The serum Harry used instead turned him into… something. And he fought Spider-Man that night.” She explained with a calm voice, almost as she was stating a normal fact. “The bug’s not dead, though.”
the bug—
and mary jane ... it isn’t like mary jane’s ever been the biggest fan of spider-man. she’d only seen him once or twice, and even then, it’d been in passing; praying each time that wherever he’d gone to, that he would be able to stop whatever villain that’s causing the chaos. she’d known though, of people who were against it. those who were with the police, mostly. those who called him dubious, for wearing a mask. even a villain underneath. but to hear someone outright call him a bug —
mj swallows. chewing on her mouth, ❝ i didn’t know harry osborn was ... sick, ❞ she says it slow, not because she’s suspicious that felicia is lying — she doesn’t seem like she is, with how convincing she sounds — but ... just the bizarre idea that he thought his illness needed spider-man’s blood to cure it. what was he sick with ? ❝ then do you know what ... what happened then ? if spider-man isn’t dead ? ❞
me: sees a hunger games rp me, who used to rp madge undersee:
Break my muse: Peter didn't make it. I'm sorry.
there is shock, mary jane thinks.
there is shock there, that wants to settle. a second, then two. - she pushes it away with a classic mary jane smile, dimpled and her mouth opening wide. mary jane shakes her head immediately, hair that's almost dark ( that's almost red under certain lights and the high of the sun ) following her action, tumbling down her shoulders, tickling her bare arms. she doesn't think about the new script she has, the one she wanted to show him because she’d finally gotten a recurring role; doesn't think about the dinner recipe she and aunt may was gonna try, was gonna surprise him with on his birthday.
he didn't celebrate his birthday much, you know. he didn't celebrate anything after ... after his parents, says aunt may, after gwen. but he's getting much better! the other day, she'd even managed to convince him to go along to this slow-paced club that she found, where whatever high-beamed laser-like lightings are replaced with a dimmed and slow one, and the piano spits out classic songs, gentle and soothing. and he was clumsy, hands fumbling over the dip of her waist, but he sways along when she asks for a dance. shy, but sweet, he had done so. for her. just because she asked.
( and mary jane doesn't think about how much she loves him, how much she always will, even if her feelings aren't something he could reciprocate. it doesn't even matter at this point. as long as peter had smiled, peter had laughed, peter had called her back, and came back home safe— )
❝ no, no. ❞ she shakes her head, still smiling, even though with every blink of her eyes, she can tell her vision is growing glassy. a laugh even bursts out of her — a chortle, is it even laughter with how broken she sounds ? with how distorted it's become in her own ears ? she isn't sure. but it had felt like laughter coming out, like a sound of disbelief rolling out amusedly. sound of denial. mary jane isn't in denial, because it isn't true. peter can't be ... he can't. he just wouldn't. ❝ he was just texting me. he was. and he's gonna come home, you'll see — ❞
she rolls her shoulders up, straighten her spine, because she's confident with her statement. she has to be.
( never mind that her mind is frantically flashing back: when was the last time she'd seen him ? had she told him she loves him yet ? had she told him to be careful ? h. ad she held him close, and told him she will always wait for him, so just come back, please ? come back to me ? they had so many plans, mj had so many stories to tell, and he had stories of his own to make, and— )
❝ and he’s gonna - he’s gonna hug me tight, because i’m gonna ask him to. and it almost never matters if he’s hurt or wounded, because each time i asked him for a hug, he almost always gives it b-because — ❞ because i’m so selfish sometimes, so greedy with my feelings. maybe this was why he couldn’t come home. but mj closes her eyes, and breathes in. exhales : ❝ — that’s who peter is. and he promised me. we promised we’ll be safe, we’ll always come back to each other. you’ll see. ❞
——— the news of spider-man’s death breaks every media platform about an hour later. a red-eyed mary jane, suddenly so quiet and solemn, puts on her coat and fixes her hair. when aunt may had asked where she’s going, she merely smiles, the classic mary jane one, though it’s clear exhaustion has lined up every inch of her face even if it’d just been under an hour that the possibility has been brought to her. she says, proudly, gently : ❝ ... i’m gonna bring peter home. ❞
— because they’ll always come back to each other, right ?
* anonymously try to break my muse's spirit / accepting !
spidey fandom we are gonna be fed soon!!!!!!
ARTEMIS,
damaged kids don’t always make the best decisions. it is , in part , what had gotten them here ; cam with his refusal to believe that she’d pick him over a lover returned from the dead ( pocket dimension ?? alternative reality ?? ) and her anger getting the best of her. that caustic , burning thing had served her well in childhood , kept her alive , kept her moving. after she’d lost her mother to the system , her sister to the life and cam — artemis had never fully understood what happened there. why , after a certain point , if crusher dragged her along , she was expected to participate rather than sit and wait in some warehouse , why cam had been suddenly and viciously removed , like their dads had a falling out or conspired to keep them apart. crusher had never given her a real answer when she asked ; don’t worry about that boy , baby girl. which , artemis supposed , was an answer in itself.
connections were dangerous , friends made you soft. she’d always suspected that they weren’t meant to get along. they weren’t supposed to hold each other’s hands , doze off on the other’s shoulder , ice up the floor and skate around on it. and so they’d pulled the plug. paula had gotten out , artemis had switched to the straight and narrow , and the rest was history.
but trauma made you stupid , sometimes. made you believe things that aren’t true ; no one will trust you if they know who your parents are , no one will love you once they know how damaged you are , it’s every girl for herself , you’re better off alone , it’s safer. vicious , vindictive thoughts that invade her even now. would he want to stay ?? or would something in him tell him some lie about not being good enough ?? would the trauma do the talking ??
mary jane’s grip on her hand pulls her back , and artemis finds herself giving her a gentle squeeze in response , a grin pulling at the edges of her mouth. ‘ you just want to know if he’s hot. ’ raises an accusatory brow , amusement shinning in the dark of her eyes. ‘ which , he is. ’ already , artemis reaches for her phone , preparing for the inevitable request for a picture of her ‘ mystery man ’.
❝ yea, i do want to know if he’s hot — ❞ mary jane couldn’t help from bursting out in giggles, unabashed. years ago, the girl artemis had known, would’ve never been so open with the simple need to just want to know someone’s significant other’s appearance. she was curious, yes, and she was still, in her own tiny way, affectionate. so desperate to give a little bit of that love she’s so desperate to find at home. not that mama was unkind, but - she could ... be absent, sometimes. mary jane tries not to think too much about it.
but right now though, at age twenty-four, mary jane showcases all of her smiles, and she wears her heart proudly on her sleeve. she leans forward, eager now that the offer is extended and artemis goes through the picture of the man who has, apparently, meant so much to her that whatever falling out they had had still clearly haunted her; but whatever time they had spent together is meaningful enough that artemis clearly mourned him not around, mourned that she’s going through such a big change without the guy.
❝ oh, he’s blonde ... ❞ mary jane doesn’t know why that’s the first thing that comes to her mind when the picture of a tall, blonde guy, grinning widely as he’s holding out a dog to the camera comes to a full screen. does she has a thing for blondes ? well ... she might have. peter’s not blonde though, something stubborn in her quickly cuts in before she cuts it right back : peter’s always an exception now.
❝ oh, he’s super cute ... ❞ she adds, clearly invested in the mystery man now. there’s even a picture of artemis laughing, wrapped in the guy’s arm in what appears to be on their bed, although mj has the decency to quickly scroll past that, not wanting to breach any form of privacy she’s been allowed thus far. she doesn’t think about the fact that the picture reminds her painfully of the happy polaroids peter keeps hidden, the one she only finds accidentally while trying to search something; the one he’s grinning happily with gwen stacy in.
she supposes all happy couples have a version of those one way or another. she wonders, childishly, how that would feel like.
❝ are you sure we couldn’t track him via social media ? you guys were really happy. maybe he didn’t - ... i don’t know, but maybe he misses you too ? what is your gut feeling about this ? ❞
GWEN,
❝ that one might be TAD too much on the NOSE, yeah. ❞ she responds, her playful tone betraying her stern expression.
❝ oh, that’s too bad ... ❞ she’s totally pouting, putting the dress she has in mind back in the closet. but classic mary jane fashion, she picks herself up! mj smiles, turning to the blonde: ❝ oh! how about these spider web earringes i’ve got off of etsy ? i got a matching one for you too, gwenny ! why don’t you try them out ? ❞
mary jane doesn’t understand why mama insists on her having a tutor. it isn’t like they’ll be staying here long, even though mary jane could never say that to mama because mama’s convinced that this time around it’ll turn out good. it’s a good school with a good programme, mama had told her the first day when they moved in, brushing mary jane’s hair back with this wide, beautiful smile. you’re gonna make friends in no time! she has made zero friends so far. well, there’s stiles and alisha, she guesses, who are kind enough to be her lab partners in mrs johnson’s class, but ... she still spends lunch time in the bathroom stall. so. does it matter ?
and she has no idea where gayle’s gone to. gayle isn’t supposed to go anywhere, but apparently she has some friends she said she wanted to meet ( what friends ? mj has no idea. they just got here two months ago ) , and now mary jane doesn’t know what time gayle’ll come back. mama’s not gonna be happy for sure. and now mary jane’s even failing this tutoring session. she hates this. she hates not being able to be as quick with all these sentences and exam questions like she should be. and she hates that jason’s obviously not happy with her progress.
are you gonna scream at me? she’d almost wanted to ask, way too old for a mere thirteen year old. are you gonna yell and hit me ? mary jane doesn’t know, but for some reason, all she’d wanted to do was see what he would do rather than placate any annoyance she’s brought forward in him so far. so mary jane pushes at the book, and groans. loud.
❝ no, ❞ she pouts frustratingly, ❝ i still don’t get it. what’s the point ? ❞
@ridingred + plotted
peter and mj’s “pining / never confessing / knowing but never quite doing anything about it” can be toxic and unhealthy for both of them, there i said it
January moodboard before it ends
