I'm dasper aka Gloomy and im like absolutely frighteningly gay and evil and play too many doomed or toxic yaoi , I'm multifandom and i just got a03 you are all so fucked , im 22 almost 23 , I write au ideas all the time~
(its fine for other people im not knockin u)
I prefer to look at a character and claim their entire personality as my own and absorb them into my collective being for all of eternity
this means if i see a character and they have even a sprinkle of similarity to me they are absorbed into me completely and wholey
i dont mean it in traditional kinning either i mean it as i look at them and its just a mirror i respond to people talking about said character or calling their name , theres never been a word to describe this feeling and its not kinning no i dont simply relate to the character i just am that character like no actual explainations
and im not even like uncomfortable seeing people ship with characters i see as myself i just see it as like - ' ah...anotha one'
like its hard to possibly detach myself from that character specifically . maybe its a attachment thing
what if i told you i had a twist oc named ham (his actual name is hallie ) and hes based on morph from treasure planet and the only reason he goes by ham is because people called his hair ham pink once
Hello everyone! In addition to the picture, under the cut has big discussions about Kalim and his character. I haven't read all the chapters yet, so I won't say it's a good opinion, I just love writing stuff.
First of all, I want to say that Kalim is not perfect at all. He often doesn't fully understand all the effort Jamil puts into raising him, he gets distracted easily, he's quite naive and inattentive to details. I'm not excusing his behavior, but I'm not shaming him for it either. Kalim is the heir to Scarabia — how else could they have raised him except to make him domestically helpless? The problem lies in how both boys were raised.
I'm not saying this is the absolute, final truth. Maybe I'm just domestically helpless too, with my own issues, someone who gets distracted, who's afraid, who hides their anxieties simply because they forget about them, and I'm explaining his behavior to justify and explain myself?
I don't ship Kalim and Jamil, no matter how many homoerotic interactions they have. For me, it's something bigger, more complex and stranger, but you can always use my words for your ships if you find it appropriate and fitting.
⊹ [1] · "Mind if I bend your ear about my troubles sometime? Let's see… Hmm… Actually, never mind, my life is great! Ha ha!" — "I was kidnapped as a kid more times than I can count on two hands. It takes a lot to scare me."
Kalim very rarely expresses his anxieties, and often he does it subtly, through action or inaction. But sometimes we can hear some strange remarks from an otherwise cheerful and active child that don't align with what he himself says about them.
In the story, he carelessly and naively remarks that no one has tried to poison him in a while, and Jamil sarcastically replies that "someone" has been working to prevent that. But Jamil isn't constantly by Kalim's side, and besides, Kalim definitely loves all kinds of food and seems to trust everyone around him. But Kalim will never go to the cafeteria, never accept food from other people, never [1] take anything from someone else's hand that he could put in his mouth. He's afraid of food. He knows that any piece of food could be poisoned. His only ban and fear — curry — is tied to this as well. He didn't ban curry because he himself was poisoned by it, but because Jamil suffered from it. Kalim fears for his life just as much as he fears for his own. For the Asim family, servants who taste their food before it's eaten are expendable — they can die, and it's not a problem, because that's how it's always been. But for Kalim, it is a problem. He doesn't want to lose his friend, so he did what was in his power to prevent it. Jamil, however, still loves curry, and this rather highlights that Kalim has no idea what to do to handle this whole situation. He can't let Jamil go, he can't give up his position and just live, he can't run away, and all his decisions and attempts are so pathetic that in the end, they only hurt him and Jamil.
Thing he hates: Eating alone. (Because then his food can't be tested.)
His favorite food: Coconut cocktail (historically, an antidote for poisoning [2]).
His talent: Recognizing poisons. (Does he have a lot of experience?)
• 1. In one of the events, Kalim does barely manage to drink a single beverage while Leona very carefully and calmly explains to him that Leona is the prince and heir here, and that he's drinking from the same pitcher as Kalim. That no one would try to poison them here, and that, look, I'm not dead, you can take my glass. Of course, with Leona's constant "lion doesn't care," he could have been a little less obvious.
• 2. Coconut water helps eliminate toxins from the body. The antioxidants in its composition increase the amount of electrolytes in tissues, making the liquid indispensable for poisoning or hangovers. An excellent drink in hot weather and under high physical stress, because thanks to its composition, this drink helps avoid dehydration, helps restore muscle function, relieves fatigue, eliminates pain, replenishing the water-salt balance in the human body. The most potassium is found in younger coconuts around six months old. Coconut water contains enzymes, antioxidants, phytohormones, various vitamins, organic acids, and minerals. Antioxidants are substances that protect body cells from damage by neutralizing free radicals (unstable molecules that cause oxidative stress), thereby slowing aging, strengthening immunity, and reducing the risk of chronic diseases. They act as "shields," giving free radicals the missing electron without losing their own stability.
⊹ [2] · "I'll keep striving to be friends with Jamil in the real world, too. One day we'll be besties that can tell each other anything!"
Kalim never knew any other life, but he tried to do what he could to make Jamil feel accepted and understood. But Kalim, as a prince, had no idea what other people experienced, what an ordinary human day looked like. Until Jamil's overblot, he probably genuinely didn't understand how much trouble and discomfort he was causing Jamil, and yet he really did start trying to notice whether he was doing okay. Jamil is terribly smart, and no one noticed how carefully he structured his life to be just slightly worse than Kalim. Azul probably started noticing this because one of his henchmen uses the exact same tactic (but I'll probably never talk about Jade), and Kalim certainly didn't notice (maybe? I'm still confused by what Kalim answered Jade, and especially how he behaved afterwards).
When Kalim cries over Jamil after the overblot, when he listens to his insults, Kalim doesn't get angry at him. The only remark that is even somewhat 'mean' towards him is that Kalim wants to defeat Jamil in a fair game someday, not in a fake one like their parents arranged. And after that, Kalim suggests that Jamil dance with him at the oasis festival. Why is this important?
Kalim dances well too, but he's sure Jamil dances better. Jamil simply can't "hold back" in dancing, and only Kalim has seen those dances. Kalim knows this, and wants Jamil to be better here, brighter, for people to pay attention to him. It's a small detail, but I consider it very important. Jamil refused back then; he was still a "servant".
⊹ [3] · "After everything you've done for me, I owe it to you not to let you down!" — "I can't let them down." — "I've got to dot my i's and cross my t's! I can't embarrass Scarabia at a ceremony."
Actually, there's something in their relationship that even Jamil seems not to notice. A terrible sense of guilt and inadequacy in Kalim.
The problem is that Kalim is neither deaf nor blind, and besides Jamil, there are other people in his environment. Even if Jamil pretends to be worse (which Kalim doesn't even believe — it feels like he dismissed Jamil's bad grades as him being uncomfortable in college or having a stomach ache or something, because his belief in Jamil's abilities is stronger), Kalim perfectly understands how the grading system works, and he has classmates. He feels that he's disgracing Scarabia, he hates that he was chosen as dorm leader instead of Jamil, he understands that he doesn't reflect the very spirit of the dorm and he's ashamed of it. He tries to compensate with good grades, he tries to be a good person, and he certainly looks at everything with considerable positivity, which, in my opinion, must be difficult given everything that has happened to him throughout his life and will continue to happen. Jamil seems to think that Kalim has dumped all his anxieties onto him, but perhaps Kalim is just as amazing a liar, as seen from [1] and [3].
⊹ [4] · "A fake Jamil won't do at all. I want to be real friends with the real him!"
They are making progress, and I believe they can be friends. Jamil's problem isn't that Kalim is stupid at all; it's that their parents make them do things that suit neither of them. Kalim clearly needs a challenge, Jamil needs attention. Kalim simply embodies all the injustice in Jamil's life, but he isn't that injustice. When adults say, "You have to understand everything," they demand obedience from him, but when Kalim admires how "he understands everything," Kalim is just admiring. He doesn't want that "understanding" to be an obstacle — if only this teenager knew what to do. Once Jamil calms down a bit about the situation with Kalim, they can talk and decide what to do next and what they can do to not risk their lives, their status, but give Jamil what he desires. Because Kalim truly wants that and would never refuse his friend.
⊹ [5] · "Is anything bothering you? You can always lean on me. I'm used to looking after younger people anyway."
Kalim often talks about wanting to be like Azul or Malleus — "ideal" dorm leaders. They are exactly like the [villains] of the Great Seven, perfectly suited to them. Kalim, however, was chosen as dorm head… because of Kalim's father's money. Jamil asked Crowley about it, and he knows for sure that Kalim was chosen simply because of his status. And when Kalim says that he's completely unsuited for this position, Jamil hears mockery. But Kalim genuinely believes it. He's sure of it. He knows that Jamil would be the perfect head of Scarabia.
But Kalim minimizes everything he encounters far too often. He says there's nothing scary about poisoned food, he speaks lightly and offhandedly about kidnappings, as if it's a standard fear everyone has experienced, he says, "I don't have any problems!" even though he does have them and he even mentions them sometimes, just so casually and fleetingly. And this is helplessness. He knows that this will happen to him again and again, time after time, and his psyche downplays the damage, because otherwise he'd go mad. For Jamil, this is carelessness, stupidity, and idiocy, and he too can be understood — his mind presents him with a million terrible scenarios. They just have different ways of coping with the horror of royal life.
Jamil's first birthday was celebrated with a huge party from Kalim, and he didn't like it. All subsequent birthdays, Kalim noticeably restrained his urge to throw a celebration because it made Jamil uncomfortable. But, gradually, Jamil is starting to like it — since that first birthday, he has begun to love it when people devote an entire day to him, attention and songs, and everyone praises and congratulates him.
⊹ [6] · "The only way I ever won was because Jamil let me win… I'm sure. It upsets me. It upsets me so much."
I'm not saying Kalim is a genius who gets anxious and afraid from fully understanding the situation. No, he's fairly average in his mental abilities, all his reactions are instinct, defense, mental flexibility, not a conscious choice. He's just a teenager in a terrible situation who grew up positive more despite his circumstances than because of them. It's implied that the previous head of Scarabia, a relative of Kalim's, got his position precisely for matching the spirit of Scarabia, but Kalim is here only because Crowley is a sellout bird who'll do anything for money, even [redacted].
Kalim is average in many ways. His grades are only good because of Jamil's help, and even then, he gets completely average results even with that. [Win two out of three, get 70 if he got 75, five out of ten, always slightly worse than the heir prince…] Kalim gets distracted often, Kalim has trouble recognizing some social cues. After all, Kalim is part of the "facepalm brigade," though probably neither he nor Silver know they're called that.
I'm not saying he's an anxious wreck who consciously understands his fear. The fear just lives in him for so long that it no longer seems like fear; for him it's just a "habit." It's easier to ask "mom" to cook than to convince yourself to do it yourself, right?
