you saw the url, you know what this is

Old enough to be your lawyer | Queer | She/her | Rennfri on Ao3 | Attorney in real life, degenerate online, bitching in both venues

[watchmebitch]

It's not tchbw, but does you think partner radiostatic have a podcast?

I think probably not! Not trying to rain on your parade of course—but I’ve mentioned before that partners Alastor doesn’t like the idea of mixing work and home (for instance, he broadcasts out of nearby radio towers and has repeatedly refused Vox’s offers to set something up in The Tower) and I think he is a little oversensitive to the idea of being modernized, to that same end. He’s already made so many compromises in the course of living and partnering with Vox—being open to a new form of media is a bridge too far.

[watchmebitch]

Probably not deranged enough, but here are some questions I’ve had floating around.

Will Velvette bring low rise jeans back into fashion while Lucifer faces The Consequences from last chapter? He mentioned it once as his measure of missing time and I find it funny.

Who died younger, Velvette or Alastor? From how everything’s gone, I think of Al as the second youngest Overlord in the group, with Velvette being the youngest and Val being third. However, I think it would be hilarious to see everyone’s reactions to Alastor actually being the baby in terms of age at death. Velvette calling him a fossil then realizing he is younger than her if they go by when they died, is a comedic thought. The way so many things about Alastor start to make so much more sense when recontectualized as him being in his early 20s, would be a fun revelation to see from any of these characters. The only person who wouldn’t be surprised (aside from Rosie) would be Zestial, since he definitely clocked it as soon as Al showed up in Hell the way he did.

Is it possible for the sentient features of the hotel to unionize now that the only one willing to dole out repercussions to them is leaving? The lighting, plumbing, screaming floor tile, and living mop shall wreak havoc over the unsuspecting monarchy and guests.

Would any of the guests have the gumption to either ask Al directly or one of the other staff for him to take over their redemption activities more often? I think he made more progress in his one sharing circle than was made over the previous six months easily. Sam is next to be redeemed, Alastor predicted it from one question and answer session.

Sorry my asks are so long, but I’m having fun with this.

Will Velvette bring low rise jeans back

AND she’ll invent a new way for sinners to kill each other! Really full circling it.

Who died younger

I think Velvette by a SMALL margin. Think early vs mid twenties. But comparatively, Velvette is openly capitalizing on her youth whereas Alastor is trying to walk this ridiculous line of appearing “ageless” instead of young or old. While simultaneously making the typical mistakes of someone who is like 26 years old and not fully cooked.

I do think the idea of Zestial being like the slightly protective old grandpa to all of these characters is very funny.

The sentient hotel and more

I will, of course, have to keep my secrets about what comes next for the hotel and its guests!

[watchmebitch]

In response to your insane asks request, how badly would Vaggie/Charlie have blue screened if they ever caught onto Vox seriously thinking Alastor x Charlie was a thing during the early parts of the story? Because god I am just imaging Vox passive aggressively asking Vaggie if she's /also/ into Alastor and it's a full blown threesome situation or if she just likes watches the Radio Demon and Charlie have sex, I am honestly not certain if Vaggie has a heart attack or attempts murder in response.

Vox asking Vaggie, an entire lesbian, if she too is into Alastor would really be a low point for Vox. Let me sit with this.

I think according to the rule of funny Vaggie would immediately demand to know if Alastor said something, just so we have multi-directional completely ridiculous accusations flying. To which Vox would of course be like well no he doesn’t tell me anything—but obviously,,

[watchmebitch]

If Alastor and Velvette did a radioshow/podcast, how fast does Carmilla develop an aneurism

Episode 1 is about Carmilla’s fuckass turncoat behavior. Carmilla has a stroke immediately.

(Honestly, this is a crossover I could see so much more readily than Alastor and Vox doing it. It’s like a “he radio broadcasts it at the same time Velvette livestreams it on sintok.” Velvette gets an insane torrent of live comments and Alastor is having listeners call in and it becomes a complete circus immediately. Just a mess.)

[watchmebitch]

Would any of the clown posse that Lucifer is currently depression ghosting try to comfort him over fumbling his sexy celebrity rebound?

Would any of the—

the clown posse—

I am trying not to laugh on the train home rn.

Yeah okay you know what. I think the sins have a WILD series of misunderstandings about what is going on between Lucifer and Alastor. I think they think this is like, a good new fresh start for their boy who has been moping since Lilith “left.”

They’re probably going to start sending notes trying to take him out. They’re probably going to try to cheer him up!

(The thing the sins think Lucifer has with Alastor is the thing Alastor ACTUALLY has with Vox)

[frilibisty]

Pet with caution. May bite

[watchmebitch]

How easy do you think it is for Alastor to move the bayou? and do you think he could pack it up and put it in a closet in V tower for a little bit. Y'know, just to feel a little more at home

Can you imagine the bone chilling level of dread Charlie would experience if she opened the door to Alastor’s hotel room and EVERYTHING was gone? Possessions, pocket dimensions, and all? Everything just in its original mint condition as if he’d never moved in at all?

Also, can you imagine the unhinged arguments Alastor would have with Vox if he installed the bayou abutting the multi-level aquarium so that Vox’s sharks are just permanently being ragebaited by Alastor’s gators hanging around just past a glass wall?

[watchmebitch]

How can we get Vox stuck permanently in spider form. Alastor and I like him better this way.

Sgdhdfsgsgsf

I think if Alastor asked very nicely for a special occasion we could finagle a temporary spider form Vox situation. Permanent is a TOUGH ask. But like, for Alastor’s birthday? He could absolutely get shoulder-pet-spider-form-Vox as a present sorted out. Vox wouldn’t even be hard to convince considering how lovey and affectionate Alastor is to spider/virus!Vox.

[watchmebitch]

Does this mean Vox could canonically do vote or would people die in the pocket dimension

I’m assuming you meant “vore,” naturally.

No, Vox won’t do vore no matter how many times Alastor asks, even if he asks very politely,

[watchmebitch]

How does bodiless Vox drink if he has no organs and did Vox's various nonbody bodies count as organless

His mouth is basically a pocket dimension and the drinks just stayed there indefinitely. EASY question.

The spider body had organs but the doll body didn’t.

[watchmebitch]

How does bodiless Vox piss (is this deranged enough)

COMING IN HOT

I think the actual serious answer is just that he doesn’t. He has no organs. He cannot create any kind of fluids.

[watchmebitch]

Okay fellas my concert was canceled and I’m sad about it. Send your most deranged TCHBW questions 💕

[watchmebitch]

Cancelled 😭

[chaesong-hwa]

the great divide is like what if you stayed and it haunted you and what if you left and it haunted you and what if you came back and it haunted you

[watchmebitch]

going to see noah kahan tonight so if i'm late on the new WFLT chapter it's his fault

on the other hand every time i listen to his music i start cooking beyond belief so really we should all say thank you

[watchmebitch]

I reread chapter 10 because I couldn't resist a sidequest. I know it's not The Thing you were talking about, but this line stood out to me: "Because if there’s one thing that Lucifer is not going to do, it’s scorning or abandoning his own creation." Now, Lucifer didn't create humans per se, but he did create Sinners, sooooooo... Humans were fine until Lucifer went and introduced them to daddy issues.

Yeah this is a GOOD take and one I think Lucifer would argue vigorously against. He thinks of “his” creations as like—his child, obviously, and the Hellborn in a more abstract way, but he’s very resistant to the idea that actually everybody in Hell is a product of his actions (in addition to their own, obviously). Which is apparently the view of the Heavenly crowd, if what Adam says to Lucifer in his rant before he died is any indication.

[watchmebitch]

Okay but having seen Charlie's attempts to handle basic things like "trying to do something to help your kidnapped hotelier", I am terrified for Charlie's potentially eventual "be good to and show you still care about the former overlord who offed his kids". I'm having like flashbacks to the pentious skit in s1, like that could be. bad. so bad.

I'm gonna be so real Husk not getting hit by the Charlie beam on the whole killing his kids thing is like. Dodging a bullet level luck at this point. Charlie has been so distracted by Alastor's parade of insane shenanigans and Husk does not appreciate the horrors that Alastor's parade of insane shenanigans have spared him from.