Instead of them suspecting you eat way more than you pretend to because you’re fat. Instead of them believing you secretly constantly stuff your face. Instead of them looking at you while you’re eating and thinking: god she should really stop eating so much, she’s has pretty much become chubby now’’
You’re going to come back to college fucking skinny. They will KNOW you never eat. They will be worried, and remind you that you should eat. They will be astonished by your self control and lack of appetite. And this time it will mean something, because this time you’ll be delicate and skinny. You will wear your self control on the outside. You will wear power, lack of greed,the fact that you’re above lust.
They know you think you’re fat. They know you want to lose weight. And they probably think ‘why don’t you do something about it then?’. If you don’t come back skinny, you’re showing you’re weak. You’re showing food is stronger than you. You’re showing that you can’t even make yourself happy because you eat oily greasy shit. They will associate you to a ‘foodlover’, a lazy greedy binge eater.
Picture this: you come back to college. You’re wearing your small black favorite jeans. You’re face isn’t round and fat anymore, it’s back to how it used to be. You’re wearing your favorite clothes because you fit in them again. No average, baggy, typical clothes that scream ‘I don’t have a particular style’. People notice your weightloss: some will be impressed, some will be a bit worried. Worried you’re not eating enough, FOR THE FIRST TIME. And most of all you will get a lot of attention, just like 2 years ago, when you came back underweight. Just like then, people will treat you completely differently. Just like then, you go from having a minimum amount of friends, to suddently hearing the most popular people find you ‘the most attractive girl of our grade’. People will want to be around you again, guys will give you attention.
You weren’t meant to be average and fat. You weren’t meant to be associated with ‘the fattest girl in the friendgroup’. It’s time to thrive, it’s time to bloom again. It’s time to suffer for what you want and what will make you happy. Staying fat is wasting your college years, and not showing your true self. Yes you’re going to be in pain, you’re going to get sleepless nights because of the hunger. But this temporary pain is nothing compared to the pain you felt this year: the pain when you looked at your underweight friends. The pain of no one giving you attention, or wanting you around. The pain of looking in the mirror. The pain of not having any clothes to wear because you’re so fat. Feeling inferior, being ashamed when people look at you. Having visible back fat spilling over your pants. Having someone tell you you have a round face. Having your MOM telling you you have no self control and should stop binging. Feeling hideous, ugly, less than your friends. Not wanting to go to events and parties because you look so gross and fat.
YOU WEREN’T MEANT TO BE LIKE THIS. Be the best. Be skinnier than them. Look better than them. Exercise and run better than them. Wear better clothes than them. It’s time to stop being less than everyone around you. It’s time to let your strength and self-control thrive again.
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