keep it real

I'm Charlie (ftm) 17 from Texas Usually post cool internet shit but sometimes it gets personal. My asks are always open.

[we-the-otp]

05-23-2020

I’m getting bad again but my rational brain is still present, I hope this episode ends soon. I don’t want to feel this way anymore.

[we-the-otp]

Low key, high key want to die and relapse with self harm

[lgbtpagans-blog]

[we-the-otp]

There is a difference between stupid and offensive

[we-the-otp]

03-28-2020

I want to cut my leg open but I know I can’t

[we-the-otp]

02-03-2020

Tonight I relapsed

[we-the-otp]

Hello to the void I complain into, I almost relapsed self harm this morning and now I have to go to work yay

[we-the-otp]

I am not okay and college is so hard. I want friends I’m tired of being alone. I don’t know how people do it

[we-the-otp]

I feel sick to my stomach about how many calories I had at dinner

[we-the-otp]

I’m having anxiety attacks over the food I eat it’s so hard to just eat

[we-the-otp]

I was doing so good on my calorie count and then I went to a buffe and there was no calorie count and I went over my 900 by 300 cals

[we-the-otp]

Depression either makes you want to sleep all day or stay up all night I’m in the stay up phase

[glaukopispromachia]

I hate those weeks which turn your life from "Wild" to "Fools" to "Talk Me Down" in a few days.

Like one moment you're screaming leave this blue neighbourhood with all your passion and happiness and the next you're like only fools fall

[we-the-otp]

I wish that all those years ago when I attempted suidcide I would have succeeded because then I wouldn’t be able to feel all this pain in my life right now

[ourskinnyhope]

Alone

Me: Ima lose my shit if I don’t start talking to someone about my feelings

Also me: you don’t need No one to talk too your perfectly fine and they wouldn’t care anyways they just gonna think you want attention and talk shit behind your back

[we-the-otp]

The first person I ever opened up to about my depression told me god only makes happy people just be happy

[scarred-wrists-scarred-heart]

people will never truely understand our pain unless they went through it themselves. saying “oh i know how it feels to cut, i have had cuts before” no. no you dont know how it feels. it isnt just taking a blade, knife, or scissors and making a cut. it is the pain or emptiness or the fucked up combination of both that goes with it. it is feeling so empty and numb that you slice into your own skin to make sure your still alive. it is being so full of emotional pain that you drag a razor blade across your wrists and thighs so that there is no emotional pain in that moment, only physical pain and blood streaming from your body. saying “i know how it feels to burn yourself, i burned my hand while cooking once” no. no you dont. again, you dont know the pain someone has to be in to want to take a match, lighter, or iron to their own skin and burn it. the emotions running through them, it is unspeakable. you cant say “i know what anorexia feels like, i’ve skipped a few meals” no you dont. anorexia is feeling worthless and never eating and feeling like a fucking failure when you do eat. anorexia is thinking everyone hates you, but they will love you if you only loose more weight. you cant say “i know bulimia, i’ve thrown up once” you dont know the strength it takes to throw up on command and the stuggle it is to get out of that habbit. once you start, it is hard to stop. when you dont force yourself to throw up, you fail again. you cant say “oh, i know what depression is, i’ve been sad.” NO! NO YOU DONT! DEPRESSION ISNT JUST SADNESS. DEPRESSION IS LAYING AWAKE AT 3 AM WONDERING WHY YOUR ALIVE. DEPRESSION IS WANTING TO SLEEP ALL THE TIME BUT BEING HAUNTED BY YOUR PAST IN YOUR SLEEP. depression isnt just sadness. you dont understand.

[ourskinnyhope]

okay~ people who tell me im not depressed because you see me laughing or smiling can literally fuck themselves

im just on Airplane mode cunt!!