you will haunt me for the rest of my life. that apartment in the west village, full of dirty dishes and a smoking patio. where you made me scream for the first time and got me naked already in the shower. i would meet you at west village clubs and we would dance and you would show me off to your friends. a virgin teenager, you someone who had been around. we ran in the streets fleeing the rain and living in a cloud. i was in a daze, there is no other way of saying it. the realest i have ever felt.
the first time we kissed, the first time we had sex, in front of that church, on white sheets, candles lit, i cried and wondered what i would tell my sister. i thought i would be with you forever. calm, like the sea. no plans just to be. the first time we fought, the worst time we fought, a clock thrown at the wall, you casually waving it off, my mind lost and broken. me dreaming about you, waiting for your midnight texts, that animal collective song that made my purple heart burst. my heart was a house and it had you in it. how you would wake up singing me weird songs, your shoes in the oven, the dirty mattress we slept in under the skylight. the pool on your roof and us swimming naked. my cross earring lost in the deepness. the mania of it. oh yoko as we twirled on masonic floors and a room filled with palm trees. us in a bat mobile in connecticut, with a bb-gun and pizzas inside the movie theater. i loved you. i wanted to be you. my footsteps on the warm cement outside your brooklyn factory apartment, you sitting and I dancing. your studio. us on the floor. the horrible sex. all i knew. that note that said you loved me. but that it wasn’t enough to see it through. the learning, the loving, the weirdness. you made me. you. me. you will haunt me for the rest of my life. i don’t want you. but i wish i could live in those good moments forever. over and over. not knowing that you would break me. make me. then break me. thank you.
gummygunk
origamiaround
