Century 1: ‘That padawan Yoda is a huge whiny incel and won’t shut up about it’
Century 2: ‘Yoda’s still going on about that? Tell him that Jedi don’t have sex lmao’
Century 3: ‘Yoda’s still going around telling people Jedi don’t have sex, no one has been able to convince him that it was just a joke, oh well what can you do’
Century 4: ‘Why is Yoda saying Jedi don’t have sex? I can’t find anything about that in any of the texts’
Century 5: ‘When Master Yoda says Jedi don’t have sex he must mean it’s a mystery meant to be contemplated, like the sound of one hand clapping’
Century 6: ‘The old saying that Jedi don’t have sex that Master Yoda taught us is just metaphorical, don’t take it too literally’
Century 7: ‘The rule about Jedi not having sex is ancient but it’s never really been enforced, only the most pious Jedi like Master Yoda follow it’
Century 8: ‘Jedi don’t have sex, that’s always been the rule, that’s what Master Yoda said and he’s been around forever’
Century 9: ‘Jedi not only don’t have sex but they must have no emotional attachments at all, Master Yoda has taught many generations of Jedi this central principle of the Jedi Order’
Of course, nobody ever really taught Yoda what sex even was, he asked another Jedi once what sex was and they said it was like when people sing a beautiful song of love to each other
So once, after an epic lightsaber duel when he had a Sith Lord cornered and disarmed and at his mercy, he said ‘Let you go, I will, but first! Tell me the sex song, must you!’ And the Sith Lord had no idea what he was talking about, and then Yoda lost his patience and screamed ‘Sing! SING YOU WILL OR DIE YOU WILL! Know the song I must! SO SEX I CAN HAVE! Nine hundred years old will I reach! Just once, the rules I can be allowed to break! HAVE SEX, BEFORE I DIE, MASTER YODA WILL!’
And so with Yoda’s lightsaber to his throat the Sith Lord, trying to save his life, sang the first thing he could think of: ‘rockin’…rockin’ and rollin’…down to the beach, I’m strollin’…’
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