Hi miss Kief! Would it be too weird to ask for sex life advice?
I recently started having sex with my bf (I'm 19) and idk if there was anything wrong but I got basically no pleasure from penetration 🫤 It just felt like a pressure pushing inside me and uncomfortable at times but that's it so I don't know if maybe we were missing something? It seems he enjoyed it but it really did nothing for me 😭
If it's painful, stop doing it, you could injury yourself. If it's not painful, just meh, then there's probably nothing wrong with you - either you haven't figured out how it's pleasurable for you, or you're one of the many, many women who won't find pleasure in it. Both normal, especially at your age. If you're interested in exploring it, then you can keep exploring it. However, if you find it dull and uninteresting, then you're allowed to tell your boyfriend "I don't want to do penetration" and if he loves and respects you, he will accept that. If you're interested in exploring it still, but you have pain, you should still stop until you talk to a doctor. Be forwarned, there are doctors who see the issue of painful intercourse from the perspective of male "need", and their solutions may orbit around how much you can tolerate rather than if there's something physical impeding your pleasure. The end goal is not to tolerate sex by virtue of the absence of pain, but to experience your own pleasure. Your pleasure is key. And the solution might be: you don't find it pleasurable. Listen to your gut.
I'm presuming by penetration you mean PIV, though you don't specify. If you find no pleasure at all even from fingers, tongue, toys, etc. - this might be a sign that vaginal stimulation just isn't pleasurable to you. If it's true whether it's a partner or yourself, then I would say that's more evidence that you're not really ever going to enjoy it. However! If it's not painful, just boring, you're free to keep exploring, but my advice would be to explore it yourself, and don't let a partner penetrate you yet, not with anything. By all means, he can be in the room, but if you want to explore fingering, finger yourself. This is how you really learn if YOU like it, and you're in control of when you stop and how you explore. Once you're comfortable with what you know you like and want, that's a good time and a safer time to ask partners to help you.
Remember, sex is a full body activity. Your other body parts that you already know you enjoy sexually, you shouldn't have to stop those activities just to explore penetration. Your breast can be touched and sucked at the same time, your clit can be touched and sucked at the same time, you can use a toy at the same time...the only limit is your imagination. Imagine what is pleasurable for you, and ask for those things, and seeking out pleasure will come easier.
Physiologically, if penetration is going to be pleasurable, it's likely going to be pleasurable by stimulating one of two spots, or either or both: the top of your vagina (the purported g-spot), and the opening of your vagina (the larger part of your clitoris is internal and surrounds it). All women are different, so this is really up to you how and if you want to explore. Do not think of penetration as just penetration, but as a specific form of vaginal stimulation. How, mechanically, are you being stimulated vaginally. It is not a hole, it is a full, complex organ that has many dimensions. In out in out is the most rudimentary way to think about vaginal sex, and unfortunately this is how the culture at large thinks of it. It would be ridiculous for us to think all kisses are the same, and yet we don't talk about the vagina being stimulated in the same infinite ways as your lips when kissed. How sad. I only bring all this up to give you a jumping off point if you don't know where to start playing. It should be play. It should be fun.
Now I'm saying this last because it's the most important: You do not have to do anything you don't want to do. If any partner makes you feel obligated to try something, to perform something, to give something during sex, because it's "unfair" to him, that is not a good guy. That is not someone who wants you to play and figure out your pleasure on your terms. A loving partner wants that for their partner. They want it really, really bad. Sex is not worth having if it's not fun, fulfilling, and pleasurable. Pleasure can be many things, you don't have to put pressure on yourself to have earth shattering orgasms every time yet. I mean, eventually yeah, that's a good goal. But right now, you're young and you're learning, so it's okay if sex is pleasurable in ways that are mild, or incomplete, as long as it's on your terms and you really are feeling some sort of pleasure. The pleasure of joy, or love, or kissing, or getting close to orgasm, or excitement at this new frontier in your life. Preferably more than one of those things. Do not feel like sex is impossible without penetration. The body can experience pleasure is so many, uncountable ways. That is the goal, to be pleasured - not to perform a sex script.
