i Love My Cat @not-tina-belcher - Tumblr Blog

lilyblisslys

flirtatiously: you better cut it out, or I’ll coat you with a fine mist ;)

later, more sternly: hey. You better stop, or I won’t cover you with a fine mist.

fleshengine

I do sort of feel like posts are getting harder to glean meaning from these days.

trucyisright

my mother is playing pikmin and yelling at them in the exact tone of voice she uses for me and my siblings so we go into fight or flight every time. we thought initially that this meant she regarded the pikmin as akin to her children, but I now fear she’s always viewed us as pikmin

naamahdarling

Banjo and his spwingie say hello!!!

thescufflehut

He's been carrying it around all evening.

ALL evening.

leafcabbage

sometimes people will make you feel stupid for being kind. this makes it hard to stay kind. it is important that you do anyway. if you have become unkind, it is important to remember that you can become kind again. it's a skill, not an inherent trait.

nosimpincurly

You’re not depressed. You just need $250,000 in your bank account.

catherinebunnington

Reblog to materialize $250,000 in prev's bank account

funnyforsmile

capacity

Let’s all actually do this

estrogenesis-vaporeongelion

posted in 2015 and then every single world event for the next 11 years has just felt like this exactly

dogpuppy

kedreeva

My dad visited yesterday and ask if Earl had something stuck in his throat... I explained that no, that's just his Very Sexy Neck Bump. He laughed and said he had no idea, he's not a peahen. I said WELL if you WERE, you would find him and his neck bump irresistible!

kedreeva

In case you were wondering just HOW sexy Earl's neck bump can get, here's another picture, taken just after he did a Big Sexy Yell

Man. If you were a peahen....

seymourworld

beautiful mother soap dispenser just gave birth to a baby foam in my hand

11thfempachi

Girls just wanna have fun

segamascott

whosname

[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]

myriapoda-1306

One time I came home from uni very upset and my younger siblings asked what's wrong. I said that mutated flies in our lab escaped because someone broke their jar. I didn't even realise how scary it sounded to them until I saw their faces lmao. I was upset because we were short on said flies (they don't reproduce very well) and my siblings thought that some crazy radioactive fly monsters escaped and we are all fucked now. Love being a mad scientist in their eyes lowkey

crabussy

when you eat a Normal Sandwich (bread meat greens cheese relish) and your body goes ooohhh fuck! oh fuck! what have you done! heartbeat GO! sweating GO! temperature GO! like sorry man I'm just trying to keep you WORKING!!!!!!!! ASS HOLE!

crabussy

it’s normal for sandwich to make you feel like you’re dying. this is a normal sandwich experience

hexabeast

fflittermouse

Me with kiwis (apparently they aren’t supposed to make your mouth feel fuzzy (without the skin obviously))

crabussy

it will never not FREAK me out that people outside aotearoa don't call them kiwiFRUIT. I saw this in my notes with initially no context and got VERY NERVOUS that you were chowing down on an extremely endangered and precious native bird