Misplaced Lens Cap
No title available
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Kaledo Art
Love Begins
Discoholic šŖ©
#extradirty
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
I'd rather be in outer space šø
taylor price
Kiana Khansmith
Game of Thrones Daily
Sade Olutola
Today's Document
art blog(derogatory)
oozey mess
h
Origami Around
Xuebing Du
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from India
seen from United States
seen from Australia
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
@webreakthearth
"My Mom wants to know your surname..."
O wow. This is surprising. Didnāt think Mr L would have mention me to his mom cos he gave me the impression that he's gonna b tightlipped bout us at least for awhile. So to randomly hear him spit that sentence out while we were browsing shop... double take š®š I'm not sure if I shld b nervous or thrilled...
I am an insecure bitch.
Mr L left me on 'read' Wednesday night. I got all pissed. I mean he could have just replied something like "gone to slp" or "too busy, ttyl / tmr.." So I kinda got pissed all by myself for expecting. I even dreamt that he replied. Which is totally weird and insane of me. I thought of all the times he made me feel alittle slighted. I placed the 'RedFlag' on this shit and started thinking he's totally gonna pull the plug and I should mentally prepare myself to crawl back to singledom... Well. I woke up to a text on Thursday morning. 7.50am. He was too tired to reply and wld talk tonight... And he did. Texted me after work telling me bout all the things he's been up to etc... Heh heh heh... guess I'm just really insecure and I really need to learn to chill...
ā¦itās like this. Sometimes, when youāve a very long street ahead of you, you think how terribly long it is and feel sure youāll never get it swept. And then you start to hurry. You work faster and faster and every time you look up there seems to be just as much left to sweep as before, and you try even harder, and you panic, and in the end youāre out of breath and have to stopāand still the street stretches away in front of you. Thatās not the way to do it. You must never think of the whole street at once, understand? You must only concentrate on the next step, the next breath, the next stroke of the broom, and the next, and the next. Nothing else. That way you enjoy your work, which is important, because then you make a good job of it. And thatās how it ought to be. And all at once, before you know it, you find youāve swept the whole street clean, bit by bit. whatās more, you arenāt out of breath. Thatās important, too.
Michael Ende, Momo
(via
creatingaquietmind
)
The cure for loneliness is solitude.
āIf I Were Sixteen Today,ā Marianne Moore (via macrolit)
How accurate is a womanās intuition?
Say. If your 1.5mth bf fed you an excuse to flake out on a date and it sounds real bullshit but you canāt really call him out on it. And then you start thinking of all theānot-so-logicalā Ā reasoning / excuses he would give to justify his thoughts / actions.
Canāt tell if it really has been his usual MO or that he just has been feeding me shitty excuses all this while and Iāve been buying it. He did sortaĀ āpromisedā one thing and didnāt honour it until we ( or rather I ) had a miniĀ āmelt downā ā¦Ā
I really HATE being manipulated with half-truths. Why canāt people just be open and RESPECTFULLY honest?Ā
Update: Bf sent a photo of his sunburnt lobster-red backā¦ Me thinks he sensed I was abit put off yesterday morning.
Me & Mr L had a chat.
I have been feeling so insecure and it got to a point yesterday when I just couldnāt stand myself. Physically, my head hurt, heart palpitations, my hip felt bruised. Mentally I keep trying to beat the need for reassurance and it just wouldnāt stop. That critical inner voice keeps flashing like a fucking strobe light. Somethingās not right.
So I told Mr L we had to talk and I knew I did get emotional and wanting to save myself some dignity, I knew I could only do it over the phone. Of cos Mr L thought I wanted to just end it. Honestly, I really thought he wanted to end us and that he just couldnāt bring it out first.
We talked for a very long time and it could hv been the most awkward yet frank conversation I had in a long time. I really appreciated that. No pretense. No sugar coating. No lies. Just both of us trying to understand and get on the same page.
Iām feeling real fucking silly for overthinking. Yet at the same time, I donāt think I would have had a chance of having a conversation like that. The staying in control of my brain plan went out of the window. I needed assurance and I got it. So i guess i need to do some damage control next. Poor guy just got hit by a 27 yr old emotional wracked freak. He didnāt know I had been stewing for the past weeksā¦
EDIT: I did not overthink it. Itās one think to take things slow and easy and another issue to actually be the EASY one in the relationship. So nope. I didnāt overthink it. No foundation for trust building... Might as well not be in a relationship right?Ā
You are a pipe dream...
No matter how I look at it, things just doesnāt seem to add up. I find myself making excuses for the reason why you are still on it. Why do you even bother promising me something that you canāt even fulfillā¦
I question myself. All this while I have been questioning myself. Am I not āenoughā ? Am I getting dull to you? Oversharing? Too eager, too enthusiastic about you, too anxious to give meaning to us. Perhaps I need to give you more time. Be less this, be less that.. Honestly, I feel like itās time I should stop 2 d guessing myself.. if I like you, why should I be worried that being happy to receive your texts may seem over enthusiastic? Why do I worry that you would think i am desperate just by simply being happy spending time with you every weekend. Iām not desperate. I think itās totally natural that I will be looking forward to weekends with you. Why the fuck do I even doubt myself? For you? What makes you special?
You said you would stop talking to others. You said that. I gave you time. I donāt even mind if you donāt take it down. I just feel this disappointment everytime I see you online. Every day without fail. Morning, noon, evening. 2am, 5am, 12noon. Once even when I was sitting right there beside you. You donāt think I know cos Iām never online. I am not stupid. I knew I shouldnāt have trusted the words of a total stranger. You are a stranger to me. You have always been. You donāt let yourself be known. What is a point of being in a relationship if trust was broken this early? You know where I stood on this. I give in to your half baked lame ass excuse initially cos I knew you have your apprehension about stepping into anything serious. Commitment issues. I know how typical it is for guys. But come on. I have consulted my guy friends and honestly nothing they said sounded like this is a commitment issue. You know what it sound like? āYour guy have a lousy personality.ā Why are people around me questioning me on your character? I keep telling myself that they just have not met you in person and who were they to judgeā¦
Recently I feel tired. This kind of halfbaked relationship is tiring. I feel tired of doubting myself. Of trying to curb my own thinking and responses. I hate that this isnāt exactly a big issue.
I am a coward. I don't want to spoil this fragile thing we share. Hell, you said before that people always leave you. At that time I found it strange why people would leave. I kept waiting to see what it was that turn people off you. Now, I know. So lets just broach the subject shall we? Because I know you wonāt have the guts and sadly , the decency and respect to bring up this issue. Weāve got to stop and we will talk.
Mr L: Corinthian columns are the gay part of the family of columns.
Mr Lās cheek felt prickly? Yepā¦ surprise pecked him on the train. Just went for it kinda moment. He was definitely surprise. O god I feel embarrassed rn. Damnit. Usually we did just part ways with a little palm squeeze. Alright I admit I did been thinking bout it for awhile. But the guy just couldnāt take a hint the whole of yesterday. Even when we were just chilling at the lounge in fullerton. Damn that man. Then again what do I expect from this guy. This 1973 guy who claims to āNeverā had a gf till meā¦(Iām kinda a sceptic on that fact.. but we shall see..) I know he wouldnāt try anything unless Iām ok with it. After all, being younger and definitely less experience ( everything I know, comes from Google and the TV ā¦)
So. I kissed a guy. Cheek. But still. Itās a guy who isnāt my nephew, itās my conureās belly, isnāt dadā¦ alright Iām out. Damn qns to hell.
And people say women are hard to please...
Who knew my dad had the answer to THAT qns?
I know. Iām a serious overthinker. I deconstruct the facts and use them to formulate my own perspective of things. Okay it sounds worst in writing... It works well for my job. Decisions need to b made, foresight is EVERYTHING. Anticipating the worst case scenario for every coordinated move we make... Had to ingrained it into my brain to get the projects moving. Whether it's a good or bad move, damn them all..
Somehow this way of thinking is impeding my perspective of Us. Placed too much weight on something that isnāt even pass the āinfantā stage. Focused too much on motives and raised shields. See, I lose myself easily. Gullible. Naive. Total softie. Canāt say no type. I had to work on the shields or I wouldnāt have lasted 6 years . For fks sake, what do ppl expect being in this male dominated industry.
Anyway. Overthinking is just one of my problems. Oversharing is another. Itās kinda of an oxymoron isnāt it. Insecure yet guarded. Zero filter between the brain and the lips. Argh then it starts the Overthinking again.. ā why did I say that? What if he isnāt even interested in knowing about that shit but youāve got nothing cos you are boring.. Boring. .ā Ya see? So much second guessing. I annoy myself all the time.
Just woke up..
In a weird sense of lucid clarity, a thought of how to go about asking for that piece of honesty played out a scene in thy mind.
This thing. Been plaguing me the whole damn month. Somedays Iām ok with it. Most nights Iām just a full roller coaster ride of emotions with it. I start with ācant be bothered.ā Then comes the just curious so letās take a peek. Then I see it and get angry. And right after I feel guilty which makes me angry at myself for feeling guilt cos itās not in meā¦bouncing between emotionsā¦ Wtf manā¦ They say itās not too much to ask. Itās better to clear it up... What else are we actually doing? Thereās no point in putting more in if both of us arenāt on the same page... Just not willing to rock the boat.
Home of the Norwegian designer couple Arne Korsmo & Grete Prytz KittelsenĀ in Oslo, Norway, designed by Korsmo in 1955: LCM lounge chair by Charles and Ray Eames for Herman Miller, USA (1946)./ Plastolux
" It's not that bad. "
I use to hate my city. Dull grey clumps of concrete disappointments. The air is ironic. Suffocating. The sky was itās saving grace but noone really took notice of that. Fucking wretched society, blunt headed snobs. Itās interesting how it took spending a full month abroad to realise how beautiful this homeland is. This is nothing to do with patriotism. Taking the morning train to work on the overground line. The trees do shimmer in the rays, wind creating a swaying camaraderie. The tall buildings contrast well with shorter pitch roofs. Thereās a nice section of my journey where the tracks curve around a old factory park. Their pitch roofs meeting the sky on the horizon. Itās like a 360Ā° camera shot with the sun. I am comfortable for now. And savour it I will, until the next journey awakens my wandering soul
Mr L : "...Vector are madeup of lines. Raster are madeup of pixels..." Are we as different as lines & pixels? Pixels they could form lines easily. But can lines form dots? It's just small talk you say. Small talk with other people. Trivial. I really don't know what to make of that. I guess I'm naive.
Have you ever met someone on the internet that you liked so much that you sometimes sit there and think āOh man there are people who are lucky enough to see this person IN THE FLESH ON A REGULAR BASIS and I wonder if they realize how LUCKY they areā
1 month. In 4 weekends. It would be the 10th. By then I would b sure. So would you. Where will we be? Where would we go? I quite sure I know how this would end. At least we tried.
The odds are against the equation of āusā. It has always been an uphill struggle of uncertainty. Plenty of questions with answers that I gave myself. None of which were ever proven by you. I donāt think we should have to work for feelings. Of course the attraction is mutual. But it isnāt balance and I donāt want to settle for reservations on your part. I think I deserve more. It isnāt selfish of me. And I donāt feel that this is demanding. All I wanted was for this to start off the right way.
That talk we had that day. I may not have the experience but Iām pretty sure I made my stand clear. You knew it. Donāt be coy. You knew it. I just wanted it to start right and maybe we could have a chance. You gave me your word. You would stop. You kept asking and asking and asking.. What was I even expecting.? The fact that you would even have to ask is in itself telling enough. I didnāt want to insist my way not because I condone it but because I want you to stop on your own. Your choice. I want to be that choice and right now everytime I see that green dot.. Itās you telling me that I am not that choice. Actually. That little green dot isnāt the only thing telling me I am nt it. Alot of signs were there. I just chose to drown it out and enjoy the moment.
Let me be naive for a little while longer. Let me lie to myself for 4 more times. Iām giving you 4 more chances and then itās over. Itās for me that Iām doing this. If my best friend were to be in my shoes right now, I would be giving her 2 slaps to wake up and end it immediately. So God help me guard my heart for that much longer. I hope it hurts everybit as much for you as it would for me when this is over. I know I helped you quieten that voice of rejection. That day you told me that you hated weddings cos nobody was turning up. I saw it. That vulnerability. I didnāt doubt it for a moment. However it doesnāt seem to correlate to anything else. Not the least to the little green dot. It wasnāt that nobody turned up for you. You didnāt give anyone that chance to turn up for you.
Little green dot.
That little green dot mocks me. I sound pathetic and needy. This fucking feeling that Iām not enough. It isnāt my problem that Iām not enough. That should be your issue. Itās you. Not me. So why Iām I constantly eroding my own confidence because of you. Constantly questioning myself. Did I do something wrong? What is it you are looking for that I canāt possibly have the potential for. Why? People who know about your existence ask what I like about you. I don't know. Maybe I am confusing empathy with infatuation. Maybe I'm seeing that somewhat deprived need of yours and answering it. You say you will stop speaking to other people. I didn't know there was a timeframe. I guess I was naive enough to assume status quo. This isnt about a potential third party. This is about you. Your need to seek someone else. I feel dirty.. For having invested trust in you. I feel sick. Literally sick in my gut. Was this what turned people off you? Your fickleness? Or perhaps with your layers peeled back , it would show that my instincts were right. I've never wish so hard for you to prove me wrong.
