Just a little somethin'...
My name is Benjamin Henson and I have been blind since birth. I suffer from Leber’s congenital amaurosis, a rare hereditary eye disease which has robbed me of sight and slowly suffocated my ambitions for the past thirty-two years. I have spent my life entirely in darkness, seemingly stumbling through life in my own little black bubble. Last year my wife left me and took our son with her. She told me she’d found someone else, we were married for just two years. Time has stitched up many of the shallower wounds left in her absence, but she left me a broken man. Without her I became nothing more than an empty soul wondering through infinite darkness, with no sense of release from the world I had slowly grown to despise with every fibre of my being - and then everything changed.
In a state of half-sleep, I rolled over at the sharp sound of birds twittering in the high branches of the oak tree next to my bedroom window. For a few seconds I remained dazed, unaware of any change in my world, but as I began to regain full consciousness I became overwhelmed by painful bright light which harshly penetrated my eyelids. My head swelled fiercely at this as I writhed around on my bed in search of a pillow in which to submerge my face. Once I had regained composure I slowly twisted my neck, eyes remaining tightly shut, so that the left side of my face was exposed to the white glare. The pain once again rose to excruciating levels. Howls of hopeless agony rebounded off the four walls in which I resided. Mustering all my strength I fought the pain, fought it ruthlessly, until my head slowly began to accept the presence of light. Warily, I parted my left eye lid, bit by bit allowing more shards of light to hit my naked eye ball, the muscles in the side of my face now aching as I squinted towards the window. I lay as if frozen in time, fearful that movement would wake me from a hazy dream or somehow bring a halt to this miraculous process. Yet all the while I was gaining vision.
After what seemed an eternity I found myself with my left eye fully open to the sunrays which blissfully cascaded through the window. It didn’t take me so long, however, to bare my right eye to the light - my brain seemed to be adapting to this new medium at a rapid rate. For the first time in my life shapes began to form in front of me. Though my sight was still terribly distorted, I began to catch glimpses of objects around the room, silhouetted by the ever-strengthening summer sun, their outlines undefined like splashed ink, making it difficult for me to ascertain a clear vision of their existence. With a great deal of effort I swung my legs off the edge of the bed and pulled myself into an upright position. The white glare that had scorched my eye lids not long ago was now more of a deep glow which flooded my face with welcoming warmth. I started to make imprecise interpretations of the clearer shapes in my line of vision. The white-washed window frame was now almost clear in my sight. I turned to the blurry bedside table on my right, where a solitary rectangular object sat facing me. Lightly tapping the front of it with my index finger nail, I noted it was made from glass, before lifting it close to my face. I squinted at the image which lay behind the thin, transparent pane but could only make out the faint image of three indeterminable figures. After clumsily placing the object back on the table, I rose to my feet.
My mind felt alive as thoughts and emotions flooded my brain in a way I had never experienced. I felt as though I was bathing in liquid euphoria, my body buzzing from head to toe in the wake of these new sensations, finally shaking away the shackles that had held me captive since birth. The throbbing pain which had resonated from inside my skull returned, or perhaps it had been there all along and I had simply dismissed it in my deluded state. The shrill sound of screeching chaffinches cut through the open window, intensifying the pounding pain which now inhabited the front of my brain. I lifted my heavy head allowing the rays of sunlight to overwhelm my delicate eyes. My sight was becoming clearer now. I was able to define the image of the oak tree which towered over the roof of the house, staring at the leaves which hung in their thousands off the huge branches from which they had grown - their bright shades of green stunned me. So this was colour. It was the most incredible feeling, like discovering a lost sibling after years of complete detachment from each other. Gathering courage, I approached the window. More and more colour seeped into my naked eyes; the fantastic electric blue of the summer sky, the brilliant red of the neighbour’s car parked on the street below sparkling in the sunlight, their emerald front lawn coated in an array of beautiful flowers and shrubbery. It felt as though I were a child again, relearning the ways of the world.
For a while I didn’t move from the window and simply stared at the world outside in complete and utter awe. I finally understood what I had been missing - the beauty of nature which had been hidden from me for so long was now laid bare for me to revel in. Nothing else mattered anymore. If I were to die in that moment, I would die an accomplished man. It was that feeling of sudden revelation that now overwhelmed my thoughts. I was blind but now I see. Such sheer beauty that had been concealed for so long, it meant more to me than anything had ever done during my dark and sordid existence. It was time to live, I thought, time to experience that which most others took for granted. I felt as though I had woken from a nightmare, filled with the sense of relief that it was only a bad dream and that it had never actually happened.
A rush of excitement burst through my body, I suddenly felt like a caged dog trapped inside that room, so without an afterthought I shoved on some clothes, I had never got dressed so quickly, and made for the door. Reaching the top of the staircase I hesitated, it had always been a challenge for me to climb up and down these stairs, but what was once so demanding now seemed as easy as taking a shallow breath. I dwelt on this for a moment before returning to my eager mind frame. Taking two steps at a time simply because I could I found myself stood by the front door in what seemed like no time at all.
Once outside the sunlight bore down at me from all directions. The strength of the rays caused me to shriek aloud and forced me to cover my eyes with my hands once again. There had been no-one around at the time, but I still felt a twinge of humiliation at how easily I had been defeated by something so natural. However I soon shook this feeling of vulnerability and slowly let my eyes adjust to the brightness of the day, just as I had done earlier in my bedroom. This took a considerable amount of time, so I sat on the doorstep until I felt able to expose myself to the light completely. My headache now felt more like a vicious migraine, but using every ounce of my will to ignore it I rose to my feet and set off to discover the world I had been isolated from for over three decades. My face was plastered with a grin of utter delight as I placed one foot in front of the other and headed towards town. I watched as cars rushed by, as birds swooped through the sky, as children played in the street. Large houses lined the side of the road, such magnificent structures I thought, gazing left and right in astonishment at man’s creations. It was all so surreal, yet at the same time things had never seemed so real to me.
Town was only a short walk away, but it seemed to take an age for me to reach it for I wandered unhurriedly, absorbing every sight and every colour. Everything was new to me and though I had walked this stretch of road hundreds, perhaps thousands, of times, it seemed like an entirely different route. I had always enjoyed summer time, the warmth of the evenings and the smell of freshly mown grass, however I realised that I had never truly experienced it until now, for basking in the heavenly sunlight I saw, for the first time, the season in its all its flourishing glory. Passing people in the street I must have looked like a lunatic or at least a child in a sweet shop, gawping at all that was around me. My astonishment was obvious, yet it seemed that those around me dismissed the absolute delight etched into my expression as nothing more than an extraneous incident in their busy schedules. I chose to ignore this, however, as for now I wouldn’t let anything bring me down, I felt as though a million doors had just opened for me and that each one led to something even more inconceivable that the one before it. Life had become an adventure I had never thought I would partake in. I floated through the high street, elated by what I saw. Endless rows of grand buildings which towered over the cobbled streets, passers-by weaving round each other as if each on their own adventure, and I was part of this, for the first time in my life I was the same as everyone else. I felt like I belonged.
For nearly an hour I walked those streets, extensively observing each scene as I passed it, before finally coming to rest on a bench outside a small florists. The sun still hung high in the sky, a golden orb of warmth in a sea of deep blue. I noticed my head was no longer pained - the migraine had seeped away without my noticing. Now there was nothing to ruin my ecstasy. I watched on as hoards of people tussled up and down the high street, everyone in a seemingly perpetual state of urgency, rushing to get from one place to the next. I thought of my ex-wife and my son and wondered where they were in this moment. In my excitement I hadn’t considered that for the first time I would be able to see my child’s face, his smile, the love in his eyes. A strong feeling of rapture erupted in the pit of my stomach, forcing me to shuffle in my seat.
I began to take particular notice of the shops which stood across from where I sat. Immediately opposite the florists was a large white building which loomed over those either side of it. The front was supported by four majestic pillars which made it look Grecian in appearance. I studied it curiously for a while before getting to my feet and crossing the high street to get a closer look. Two large wooden doors stood open at the entrance so that the inside of the building was partly visible from the road. I approached the entrance inquisitively. As I got close I noted a marble plaque situated above the doorway into which was inscribed numerous symbols of which I was unable to define. The interior of the building opened itself to me as I entered, revealing a vastness that I had not been expecting. Of what I could see it comprised of one gigantic room with a number of small rooms feeding off the side. The glare of the afternoon sun soaked through a glass dome ceiling perhaps thirty feet above my head. Beneath my feet the floor was made entirely from white, speckled marble. The sheer enormity of the building caused goose bumps to run rapidly up my forearms, I shivered at this sensation. Both sides were lined with numerous booths which stood adjacent to each other, each lit with a single bulb. Several of the booths were occupied by employees working tirelessly at their desks, whilst a couple dealt with customers, handling thick sleeves of money from behind a pane of glass. I concluded that the building must be a bank; not that I had ever seen one before. I remained rooted to the spot for some time, allowing my eyes to wander from one side of the room to the other taking in every little detail of the architecture that formed this truly magnificent building. It stunned me how man could match nature in its exquisiteness. I felt a shake of pride resonate through my body. This was only the tip of the iceberg; I still had so much to see, so much to experience.
Out of nowhere I felt a huge weight slam into the back of my right shoulder, sending me hurtling to the ground. Dazed and confused I lifted my head and scanned the room for the source of the brutality. A man garbed entirely in black stood in front of one of the booths to the left of where I had been standing, his face was concealed by a balaclava and he held a pistol at arm’s length, pointing it at the employee on the other side of the glass barrier. I had hit the ground hard. My nose was broken from the impact of my fall and blood now dripped from my chin; splashes of crimson formed on the marble flooring beneath me. The man screamed and cursed wildly at the petrified cashier who sobbed as she hastily gathered money from behind her desk. I was in no position to help, watching feebly from across the room as the robber stuffed tight wads of cash into his black rucksack. It seemed to be over in seconds as the man resealed his bag and retreated in my direction, desperate for a swift escape. Yet before he could make it to the exit a male employee tore in from the other side of the room and grabbed the thief around the waist, tackling him to the ground. For a few moments the two men struggled and squirmed on the marble, desperately trying to out-strength each other, until the deafening sound of a single gunshot reverberated throughout the entire building. A horrendous echo filled the room, yet nobody moved as the man in black jumped to his feet and made his escape. The bank worker lay on the floor clutching his stomach; his screams of agony told me exactly what had happened. I got to my feet, cupping my hand under my gushing nose, as people rushed in from all sides. Without thinking I approached the dying man in utter disbelief. His face had turned a brilliant white and he was surrounded by a perfect circle of blood. The sight of it excited me as I stared, in a kind of trance, into the man’s weakening eyes, his fatal wound draining the last remaining life from his body. I knew it was wrong, but I had never previously witnessed such raw human emotion and it amazed me. It was like a beautiful nightmare from which I would never wake from.