A Fat Fuck Every Friday

weekly Enoch, because he's too big to fit in a single day

[weeklyenoch]

Hello once again, it is Senior Manager Éclair.

How is everyone doing? The Director hasn't been well after the divorce.

(Even more so, being stuck in a car with his ex.)

Anyways. On to the updates.... Sugar production is in a decrease of 35%, which means The Director has another thing to be depressed about. There's been whispers of a merchant sneaking around, which thankfully The Director hasn't heard about. And there has been sightings of an Elsen feeding the spectres.

This is an official notice to not feed the spectres. They may be our friends, but they are not the type of friend to feed your lunch to.

Thank you,

Senior Manager Éclair

[thedailydeedle]

Dedan stares, he asks what the kids want from McDonalds.

He drives through.

He orders a SINGLE. BLACK COFFEE. And leaves.

[weeklyenoch]

You- YOU son of a bitch!

[thedailydeedle]

"Dedan! I'm Hungry!"

"IN A FUCKING MINUTE."

[The intense urge to post this on my main is high]

[weeklyenoch]

When will we stop for food then! It's been over an hour! This is ridiculous. You know, if I was driving, I would've stopped...

[thedailydeedle]

I will hurt you.

DO. NOT.

MAKE ME TURN THIS FUCKING CAR AROUND.

[weeklyenoch]

On the freeway? Ha! Doubtful. What are you going to do? Turn around in traffic? Risk the life of poor Japhet while you're at it? Im simply asking when we will stop for food. Risking our lives and Japhets over a pit stop is beyond extreme.

[thedailydeedle]

... You are lucky i prefer Japhet over you.

But if you complain about food one more time. WE WILL NOT STOP UNTIL WE. ARE. THERE.

[weeklyenoch]

You would pull over if Japhet was hungry, wouldn't you? These seats are uncomfortable. Where did you buy this car? The dump? I feel like im sitting on rocks.

[thedailydeedle]

"Dedan! I'm Hungry!"

"IN A FUCKING MINUTE."

[The intense urge to post this on my main is high]

[weeklyenoch]

When will we stop for food then! It's been over an hour! This is ridiculous. You know, if I was driving, I would've stopped...

[thedailydeedle]

I will hurt you.

DO. NOT.

MAKE ME TURN THIS FUCKING CAR AROUND.

[weeklyenoch]

On the freeway? Ha! Doubtful. What are you going to do? Turn around in traffic? Risk the life of poor Japhet while you're at it? Im simply asking when we will stop for food. Risking our lives and Japhets over a pit stop is beyond extreme.

[thedailydeedle]

"Dedan! I'm Hungry!"

"IN A FUCKING MINUTE."

[The intense urge to post this on my main is high]

[weeklyenoch]

When will we stop for food then! It's been over an hour! This is ridiculous. You know, if I was driving, I would've stopped...

[weeklyenoch]

[weeklyenoch]

Are we sure he's not in a coma that's a long time to sleep

Hhhhello, this is Senior Manager Éclair,

He's still peacefully asleep, he likes to hibernate when he gets stressed out.

[weeklyenoch]

Is Enoch alive lol?

Honk snoo honk snoo mi mi mi

[weeklyenoch]

[weeklyenoch]

Hello everyone. It is me, The Director. Back with another weekly update + one day.

Senior Manager Éclair updated everyone last week. I will be ignoring *most* of what they posted. But I will finally be able to add.

The 10% increase from the first week is the new normal. And ontop of the new normal, this week has had an *additional* increase of 25%. What a wonderful time to be in the factory!

Outside of the factories, the Elsens have been enjoying the rain we've been getting. It is nice to see them so happy before they come into work. It makes them more productive.

- The Director

[weeklyenoch]

Hhhh we on?

Hello, it's Senior Manager Éclair.

No weekly Enoch this week. The Director is remembering his divorce with The Guardian of Zone 1, due to the premise of him moving on from the relationship. He is also taking the time to ensure the production of sugar stays at its rate of 10% increase. So far it is stable and the new normal.

Please enjoy today. And employees of Zone 3 please remember to ignore the rumors of The Director trying to win The Guardian of Zone 1's heart.

- Senior Manager Éclair

[thedailymaskedmerchant]

Hello Senior Manager Éclair. I’m calling back to ask if you have contacted The Director to ask if he’d like a foreign souvenir. I heard he likes sweet things, so I grinded for a couple of this “fruit” it’s perfectly edible. Perhaps, it’ll help with his mood! He does have a temper.

(This is like the equivalent to a box of chocolates, not in terms of the romantic gesture, but in size. The apples aren’t that big)

[weeklyenoch]

Hello Mr. Merchant, I mean, hhhh

Mr. Zacharie, my bad.

Senior Manager Éclair here once again, I did ask The Director during his period of mourning his Divorce, and he says he would be interested. If you've enough for the whole management crew. [Which, is just me and Enoch as of the moment.]

Hhhh not to pry into implications of The... The Director's words. I think... he... he also meant for Ded-The Guardian of Zone 1. You know... for the.. whole.. trying to win his heart back.

- Senior Manager Éclair

[weeklyenoch]

Hhhh we on?

Hello, it's Senior Manager Éclair.

No weekly Enoch this week. The Director is remembering his divorce with The Guardian of Zone 1, due to the premise of him moving on from the relationship. He is also taking the time to ensure the production of sugar stays at its rate of 10% increase. So far it is stable and the new normal.

Please enjoy today. And employees of Zone 3 please remember to ignore the rumors of The Director trying to win The Guardian of Zone 1's heart.

- Senior Manager Éclair

[thedailymaskedmerchant]

Back in the Residential Area: Production in progress!

(Finally got the script understood. Now recording take 5!)

A certain Elsen was panicking outside their kitchen! It was filled with grime and ghosts. In desperation it cried, “This kitchen is so hard to clean! If only there was an easier way.”

With the Batter sick…Elsens get into everyday scenarios like this, with little to easily protect themselves! Impure agony, and disgusting homes.

“HI I’M ZACHAIRE, the OFF TUMBLR SEXY MAN. Say goodbye to daily specters and impure surfaces with new KITCHEN GUN,”

“This sink is filthy, but with three shots from kitchen gun!”

*BANG BANG BANG*

“And it sparkles like new!”

“Look how it cleans this infested stovetop!”

“Possesed Taps!” *The sound of choking and wheezing can be heard in the background. It could be sobbing—wait*

No.5: HGGGGGGHHHHGGH!

*BANG BANG BANG*

Silence…

“It now comes with laser sight and night vision for any overtime cleaning! It only costs 10,000 credits.”

“Now coming out to all Elsens in all Zones! Now you can protect yourself from ghouls and ghosts, and all your burnt friends! Keep your kitchens pure!”

(CUT!)

[weeklyenoch]

Uhhh Hi? Is this thing hhhh working?

I'm Enoch's Senior Manager, Éclair. We cannot accept random guns to - that- that might affect sugar production. Plus, our Spectures are fri- friend- friendly, I don't see the need for a gun to defeat them. As our Director said they were our friends and here to prot- protect - protect us.

Hhhhh sorry about that, Zacharie, perhaps we can find more business ventures in the future.

- Senior Manager

[thedailymaskedmerchant]

Bzzt bzzt—- “I see I see! that’s fortunate,”

BZZZT “I have gotten some strange items. Would-“ BZZZT “Would the director appreciate a foreign souvenir?”

BZZT.

[weeklyenoch]

Hhh you, you're coming in a bit spotty, Sir.

I do not think The Director is currently accepting gifts as of the moment. Would you, would, would you like me to go ask him personally however?

- Senior Manager

[thedailymaskedmerchant]

Back in the Residential Area: Production in progress!

(Finally got the script understood. Now recording take 5!)

A certain Elsen was panicking outside their kitchen! It was filled with grime and ghosts. In desperation it cried, “This kitchen is so hard to clean! If only there was an easier way.”

With the Batter sick…Elsens get into everyday scenarios like this, with little to easily protect themselves! Impure agony, and disgusting homes.

“HI I’M ZACHAIRE, the OFF TUMBLR SEXY MAN. Say goodbye to daily specters and impure surfaces with new KITCHEN GUN,”

“This sink is filthy, but with three shots from kitchen gun!”

*BANG BANG BANG*

“And it sparkles like new!”

“Look how it cleans this infested stovetop!”

“Possesed Taps!” *The sound of choking and wheezing can be heard in the background. It could be sobbing—wait*

No.5: HGGGGGGHHHHGGH!

*BANG BANG BANG*

Silence…

“It now comes with laser sight and night vision for any overtime cleaning! It only costs 10,000 credits.”

“Now coming out to all Elsens in all Zones! Now you can protect yourself from ghouls and ghosts, and all your burnt friends! Keep your kitchens pure!”

(CUT!)

[weeklyenoch]

Uhhh Hi? Is this thing hhhh working?

I'm Enoch's Senior Manager, Éclair. We cannot accept random guns to - that- that might affect sugar production. Plus, our Spectures are fri- friend- friendly, I don't see the need for a gun to defeat them. As our Director said they were our friends and here to prot- protect - protect us.

Hhhhh sorry about that, Zacharie, perhaps we can find more business ventures in the future.

- Senior Manager

[thedailydeedle]

[weeklyenoch]

You never complemented me.

[thedailydeedle]

[weeklyenoch]

[thedailydeedle]

[weeklyenoch]

You never complemented me.

[weeklyenoch]

Happy weekly burn off. Today, we're incinerating 10% more bodies than usual! Isn't that exciting, our Zone is more prosperous than last week! I know my Elsens are surely excited.

:)