Put up or shut up
It's becoming harder to not feel nothing. I'm not motivated for myself. I'm motivated by failure. That's all I'm starting to be. A failure. To myself. To you. Everyday is a new beginning, right? But tonight, I'll be here with this piece of glass to remind myself who I truly am. I don't want your advice, your pity, your push to help. It's scary. How I feel and letting other people I hardly know see this failure. Yes, those people are here to help. But I work there and I know people talk. I don't want people looking at me like I am a failure. That only confirms my own feelings, what I already know. I do a pretty good job of masking it during the day. When I'm busy, I can put my focus on that. But once I'm home and think I can take off that mask, I'm wrong. Roommates are a great thing, except when you are in a mood. I feel bad that I'm not spending time with them but at the same time I can't put up this face anymore. It's nothing personal. I'm tired. Always tired. But I'll be here for my parents sake, my family, my friends- the ones that know and the ones that barely know me. I care more about their feelings than I do my own. But sometimes I'm just so damn tired.
