sacrificial lamb

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[carsonsdream]

“For Dehaan, the performance, both visually and in terms of acting is undeniably suited as he resonates Dean’s moody and unique approach, showing him as a person, not merely an icon.”

[temabest]

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Слушаю её уже несколько дней подряд. Такая здоровская песня. Надеюсь, Вам она тоже понравится :)

[sanmantorres-blog]

“Wait…” Manny wasn’t sure what he was doing, but he didn’t want Drew to leave, not yet. He wasn’t sure why either. All he knew was that he didn’t want him walking away from him, not here or really ever. He wanted space, he wanted a break to figure out what he wanted, but something about ending things like this (even though they weren’t really ending) didn’t feel right. Not sure what to say or feel, he didn’t know what to do but throw himself into Drew’s arms, burying the side of his face into his jacket.

[werdharper]

Despite all of his words, hesitations, protestations, it was comfort he wanted, and Drew was more than happy to give it. Short arms wrapped around his back and held his friend close, relishing the silence because it was a needed one. Maybe Drew wasn’t good at words of comfort because despite being excellent at words, he never knew how to deliver the ones that had to count. Which was why he ended up like this more often than not, hugging Talon, hugging Chloe, on very rare occasions hugging Toby; because the words that the middle Harper sibling could offer were never as effective. And so it was here.

[ophelia-ohara-blog]

“Wow that’s…well that’s kind of crazy, but thank god the dog’s okay now.”

[werdharper]

“Yeah, or we’d have exploded dog on our front porch and no one needs that.”

[justatouchofmisery-deactivated2]

“Your twin..?” Derrick’s eyes widened in both shock and disbelief at the man’s words. “I mean– no, I don’t um– I don’t know Toby. I didn’t even know Talon had a twin. I just knew she had at least one brother but, now it totally makes sense.”

[werdharper]

“It’s the eyes,” he joked, knowing full well they didn’t even have the same colour of eyes. “Three brothers and a sister, we can hardly count us ourselves, I know.”

[sanmantorres-blog]

The more Manny thought about it, the less he knew. He knew less of who he was, of who Drew was, and what it was exactly he himself wanted. He wasn’t sure anymore. He could’ve sworn for so long it was Drew, even with all that came with him being the focus in his life. But seeing how things were going on right here and right now, a relationship wasn’t one of them. It was too chaotic, and although Manny knew he himself wasn’t all that simple, he desired for just that. Simplicity and tranquility, in himself and in someone. He knew Drew couldn’t give him that. He couldn’t and Manny couldn’t find that in himself either.“Why exactly would that make me happy? I don’t give a single shit about Josie or whether or not you’re still fucking her. That doesn’t really change anything, it’s not the only problem. She was never the problem. The problem is you and it’s me too. I was kind of really idiotic to expect so much from you and never tell you about it. So I can’t really sit here and be pissed about it. It’s not fair to you.” Manny scratched at his knee, wanting to do anything to distract himself from the emotional turbulence he was feeling. He didn’t feel like crying, he didn’t feel like doing anything.

The continuation of the conversation from that point on brought out a new feeling in Manny. Not one of sadness or anger, but one of disbelief. Hearing Drew talk about how he was afraid that he would do something stupid, particularly something that could get himself killed seemed almost as amusing than it was unbelievable. Not being able to sit there and longer, he got to his feet and dusted his pants off. “Trust me Drew, you’re not the only fucking reason I’m so fucked up. I was like this before I met you and more than likely I’m going to be the same if we never speak again.” He ran a hand through his brown hair, thinking about what he could say next that wasn’t so goddamn overdramatic. “You want me to tell you what to do? Don’t worry about me, okay? I’m going to try to get my shit together. I just don’t think either of need this situation right now because while I do it. I’m not going to fucking kill myself or do anything to get me killed, I promise. I just need time to think, I need time to deal with these feelings. I can’t do that if you’re still in front of me looking sad and shit like that. It makes me only want you to bend me over and fuck me.”

[werdharper]

Drew still wasn’t sure what Manny wanted from him, expected of him. Somehow he wanted Drew to figure it out all on his own, magically guess and intuit everything that Manny wanted, and then give that to him. But even if he considered himself clued in on his friend, or humans, in general, this was something that stayed in the dark for him. Maybe it always would, who knows. Josie used to carry a similar complaint.

There was an uncomfortable dry feeling in his mouth. Like he hadn’t eaten for a day or so. It made Drew want to dry heave. The joke at the end of his words didn’t help alleviate it much, either, if it even was a joke. “Yeah. I’m kinda getting that feeling. I’m just getting in your way at this rate I suppose. So I should just...go...”

[jxmesalexander]

“But why would you just not say what you mean to begin with? Why would you– I don’t know. Be like this?” 

[werdharper]

"Because I’m not myself today. You have those days, right?”

[elliotkarlsson]

There’s a beat. Her jaw tightens. “Watch yourself, Harper,” she coos, her voice soft but simmering with anger. “Because I am more than just a ‘vet’. I still went to school. Vets take basic knowledge about human anatomy, which I know plenty of it, my dear, I really do, and take it to put onto animals. I will do more than sew you to a dead dog. I’ll make sure it’s alive and you’ll cry to your brother, asking to be put out of your misery. Don’t be a little twat.”

[werdharper]

Drew’s jaw went a little slack. “Uh...it was a joke...”

[nolangirl]

Now, I don’t know if I like you or Ian more. You’re a miracle. Don’t tell him I said that.

[werdharper]

Me. Definitely me. There’s your answer.

[ofdaya]

“And how can I ever say no to that?”, she smiles, nodding her head and followed him all the way. She blinked a few times, watching the red overhang and then nodded at him. “Thank you, sir”, she stepped in, taking her own coat and waiting for Andrew inside. 

[werdharper]

The place was indeed done up to look like a 50′s style saloon, complete with the way the waitresses and bar staff were dressed, their hair coiffed. Of course, it came with a price to match, but Drew wouldn’t own up to that if he could help it. “Bar or table?” he asked her once they were in, pulling off his coat.

[thexthomas-blog]

“To some, maybe. Me, I don’t care.”

[werdharper]

“Coo, cool,” Drew nodded. “What’s the weather like over there.”

[peytonolds]

“Well, Al, despite your terrible fuckin’ attitude – I guess I can take ya.” 

[werdharper]

“Yee-haw!!”

[werdharper]

» INSTAGRAM: andyharpersexplodingplasticinevitable​ uploaded a new photo:

@andyharpersexplodingplasticinevitable: i scream, you scream, we all scream for sashimi #thatdidntturnoutright @talon-harper #WassapB #SoySorryforallthebadpuns #illstopnow

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[sanmantorres-blog]

If there was anything Manny wanted more than anything right would be for Drew to understand how it was for him. It was difficult, extremely difficult, to stand across from him as nothing more than a friend (with occasional benefits) and be completely in love with him. He was completely in love with him and the only thing he could do was wait, wait for him to either finally come around or to leave again and find someone else to satisfy him until he came back around. For awhile, he’d been a fool enough to. But something inside of him, whether it was the fatalist or the pessimist, told him that he shouldn’t bet on Drew Harper to come around. His heart was one that couldn’t be stored and it was best to leave before everything got even more embarrassing. “It feels good being my friend, Drew, that’s what you mean. And yeah, things might be tip top shape okay for you, but they’re not for me.” He looked at him for a few seconds before he reached in his bag and pulled out a cigarette. Holding it in his hand, he shook his head. “You know I like you. More than you’d like to think. Far more than I’d like to think and far more than I want to. Do you think I want to keep waiting around for you? I don’t want to do that to myself. And you shouldn’t want that for me either.” Manny bit down on his lip, fighting back anymore tears. “I don’t hate you. I love you, man. And I mean it in the best way when I say you’re not gonna change. You shouldn’t. Not for me or anyone, but for yourself if anything. And I’m not going to tell you what I want so you can just give me what I want. It doesn’t work like that for me.” He ran a hand through his hair, cringing at himself in this entire situation. “You’ve got some stuff that I’m not fine with dealing with—or remembering. Like that psycho bitch Josie and everyone else you’re fucking. Fuck who you want, I don’t really care, but I’m just not doing this “no strings attached” bullshit anymore.” Manny looked down, knowing his next few words would pierce the air like a gunshot. “I think I just need time away from you and I need to figure out how to be just friends with you. Because I’m not ready and you’re not. I’m not sure when either of us will ever be ready either.”

[werdharper]

Drew was silent. What was there to say? There was nothing to say. Manny had laid it all out for him, crystal clear. Although he hadn’t quite spelled out that he wanted a relationship with Drew, all signs, to him, in his head, pointed to that. Was that what he wanted? Could Drew even give him that? “I know we haven’t had time to catch up in a while. I broke up with Josie. So at least you can be happy about that,” he shrugged pointlessly. He didn’t like the bitterness with which Manny’s voice was laced,  not in the slightest. But he didn’t know how to rectify it. And he hated how certain he was when he said Drew wouldn’t change, because deep down, Drew knew it to be true, too. The chameleon that was always shifting, morphing, changing; who knew that he too had things he couldn’t change despite his own wishes?

As much as he cared for Manny, he couldn’t find it in him to love. Not in the way he wanted Drew to love. So there would always be one person in the equation that was slightly less satisfied, slightly less full, from what the other was giving, and that was not okay. He lit his own cigarette, his hand trembling just a little. “Look, at the end of the day, I’m the problem. I’m the reason you’re like this, and I don’t want you to be like this, so maybe the solution is to do just that.” It felt weirdly like ‘taking a break’ for two people who weren’t even in a relationship. “But I’m scared I’m gonna turn my back and do my thing and five minutes later you’ll be somewhere doing something really stupid. Like, life or death stupid.” He sighed, looking out into the darkening sky of the parking lot. Some obese woman pushed a shopping cart loaded with bags to her car. “So you tell me what I should do. Because I’ll fucking stick a hangman’s noose round my neck if you do something dumb on account of me or on account of anything else.” He wasn’t sure if that was being caring or being selfish; dammit, maybe they were the same thing, laws of time and philosophy and gravity or whatever. “My New Year’s Resolution was to not go to any funerals this year and I kinda wanna stick to it.”

[talon-harper]

[She’s still sitting. Same position. So no real action. But okay, he’s smiling on the inside, got it.] I mean for the last…since whenever the irritating ginger left. Did you go with him? 

[werdharper]

No? I’ve been home? You haven’t been home. [pokes her head accusatorily.] Where’ve you been hiding out? I swear they finished the shoot like two weeks ago you told me.

[peytonolds]

Peyton mocked his accent. “Ya know what, Al? Fuck you.” 

[werdharper]

Drew cackled, a little too loud. Putting on accents was Talon’s job, quite literally, but he wasn’t too far behind in skill. "Hog’s feet, Sally! Are we or are we not goin’ to this darn tootin’ screening?”

[crustaceanmecrazy]

“Who ever said I was a nice boy?” Tristan chuckled looking at him. “Have I ever seen Tron? Of course I’ve seen Tron, what kind of question is that.” 

[werdharper]

“Everyone who knows you.” He followed him inside. “Okay good. But I like, totally lost my train of thought. So hold onto that, I’ll get back to you.”