Catch Your Breath

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The Erosion of Doubt

For the past week I have labored over all of the final preparations for my PCT hike.  I finished preparing 104 dehydrated dinners which were added to two dozen different resupply boxes.  I was meticulous.  I counted calories per day, miles per day, and calories per ounce.  They say the devil is in the details, and it’s true.  The details became overwhelming, and the stress began to accumulate on my shoulders. Slowly stress began to make my body ache, and naturally, doubt joined the party. How could I hike from Mexico to Canada if I’m achy before I even start.  The odds seem stacked against me from the beginning.

Luckily, Love over comes Doubt every time.  This weekend my parents organized a send off party.  They invited friends and family, and they even ordered an entire sheet cake with the PCT  blaze on it.  My family and closest friends converged for the first time ever, and it was beautiful.  Each person brought love and words of encouragement which slowly eroded my stress and feelings of anxiety. At one point I was standing in the kitchen, surrounded by my closest friends, and I became overwhelmed by their presence. They had never been in the same room together and the moment became etched into my mind.  The moment whispered truth and foreshadowed a reality beyond time and space.  I wished I could freeze time and live within that moment for eternity. 

I was hesitant about having a party at first.  What if I failed and never finished the trail? I’d have to inform all of my friends and family about my failure, but at the party I realized it didn’t matter. Everyone at the party was proud of me for who I am, regardless of my achievements.  I can start hiking from Mexico and know that my identity is not tied to my achievements, and this truth frees me to hike with less weight on my shoulders.  

At the party, I also realized my friends and family have more confidence in me than I have in myself.  When I express my doubts about finishing the PCT my friends and family always correct me with confidence.  The fear of failure all too often rears it’s ugly face, but my send off party helped reveal truth and nourish my soul.  I am still a little nervous about the trip, but I’m officially more excited than anxious.  I am ready to confront my fear of failure head on, and I’m ready to hike!

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Bigger and Better

Pacific Crest Trail 2014 Livin' the Dream  Follow the Journey 

For the last few years I have dreamed of having my own spot on the web.  A place where I can share my adventures and eventually a design portfolio. A week from today I will be starting the most overwhelming adventure of my life.  I am going to attempt to hike from Mexico to Canada on the Pacific Crest Trail.  With an adventure of this magnitude I decided it was time to get an official website where my creativity can fun WILD, no pun intended.

I will push posts form my website to Tumblr, but I highly recommend checking out the actual site.  It's clean, simple and visually pleasing.  

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In the beginning of 2013 I set out to document a year's worth of adventures using my GoPro. It was the first year that I took my camera pretty much everywhere. I captured epic moments while hiking the 486-mile Colorado Trail and climbing in the San Juan Mountains, but I also captured the subtle moments of birthdays, weekend adventures, and the Colorado Seasons. I'm already excited about the adventures to come in 2014.

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On June 16, 2013 I started hiking from Waterton Canyon near Denver which is the northern terminus of the Colorado Trail. After 31 days and 486 miles I arrived at the southern terminus of the trail at Junction Creek Trailhead a few miles outside of Durango. This short film shares the lessons I learned while hiking across Colorado.

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Yellow Aspen, jack o'lanterns, turkey, and corn mazes all help tell the story of Autumn in Colorado. Short and sweet this short video captures the essence and the highlights of my 2013 Fall.

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To Flirt with Failure

I am constantly making plans, contingency plans, and contingency plans for my contingency plans, yet no matter how much energy I use to control life—life unfolds outside of my grasp.  Life has the tendency to blindside me when I become too wrapped up in my feeble plans, and the jolt reminds me how little I truly control.

In September I was blindsided, literally blindsided.  On my drive home from school a man ran a traffic light and collided into the driver side of my compact car, knocking me unconscious.  In a brightly lit room I gained consciousness, and the doctors told me I was in an accident, and I had a small amount of bleeding in my brain.  The speech pathologist recommended that I not read, watch TV, or use a computer; so I spent my time simply thinking.  For more than two weeks, I remained trapped at home thinking about school and my future.

I had to see this unpredicted event as a forced pause in life.  For as long as I can remember, I have strategically moved forward with one of my many ambitions, but my ambitions shattered in the same moment my driver side window disintegrated into a blanket of shards.  For the first time since childhood, all of my pursuits and dreams faded into the periphery of my mind.  At first, I scrambled to retrieve my scattered ambitions, and with shear determination I attempted to fit all of the pieces back into the same neatly organized configuration.  I just wanted life to return to normal, but I soon realized that something had changed.

I had received a new perspective and fresh start.  For reasons I can’t fully articulate, I have decided to change my current trajectory and pursue a few ambitions that I had previously labeled as too risky.  In my endless pursuit to control life, I used to neglect any idea that flirted with failure.  The next season in my life is all about cultivating the ambitions that I once neglected.  This season may end swiftly with a bruised ego, but it could also lead to a healthier life.  I am embarking on an uncharted course that could lead me back into the familiar fold of architecture and graduate school, but first I must see life beyond my safe and calculated plans.

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blindsided 

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The Legacy of Barbecue

Last week, I went out for lunch with an old coworker and friend; we meet at a small barbecue joint that is known to have some of the best barbecue in the Denver area. The experience was enlightening. The food was excellent, but it was the man behind the food that really makes the restaurant a unique experience.

From the moment that I meet the man who runs the restaurant I could tell he was passionate about the art of barbecue, yet it was his hospitality to his customers that caught my attention.  He welcomed us and had me sample a dozen different sauces since I was a first-time customer.  Throughout the meal the Barbecue Man stopped by to ensure we were enjoying everything, and at the end of the meal this soft-spoken barbecue master gave me a heart felt thank you and shook my hand.

Lately, I've been thinking about my legacy.  At the end of my life what do I want to leave behind? I've been painfully trying to narrow down a career and I've been torn between architecture and environmental conservation.  On one hand, I may leave behind buildings (hopefully beautiful buildings) and on the other hand I may leave behind sustainable trails in beautiful places.  After the barbecue experience, however, I realized I was focusing primarily on the tangible outcomes of a legacy, and I recovered a truth that I had neglected.

The Barbecue Man may leave behind some tasty recipes and a successful restaurant, but his deeper legacy is forged in the relationships and conversations that emerge due to the mastery of his art.  The art is not the conclusion, it's the human connection that defines a legacy.  

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Summer time is adventure time! I always enjoy how summer breeds countless adventures in the mountains of Colorado. This summer some of the adventures captured in this video include thru hiking the Colorado Trail, sailing a Hobie Cat on Eleven Mile Reservoir, Tenkara fishing near Durango, running the Pikes Peak Ascent, and climbing in the beautiful Chicago Basin. I would dare say I have had an amazing summer experiencing all that Colorado has to offer.

Music thanks to Scott Miller (White Morning) check him out at soundcloud.com/whitemorning

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The exit from the humanized world, wether voluntary or involuntary, enables the recovery of vital forces led astray or left dormant by society

Francois Beguin quote from Christopher Girot's Four Trace Concepts in Landscape Architecture.

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Get a glimpse of the 486-mile long Colorado Trail. During my 31 day journey from Denver to Durango I carried along my GoPro to capture the essence of the trail and ultimately the spirit of Colorado.  

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The ever-changing springtime in Colorado provides abundant opportunities to enjoy life in the midst of rebirth. This collection of my experiences depicts daily life and my shared adventures with friends and family during the calendar Spring of 2013.

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To the Horizon and Beyond

A few weeks ago, during my Colorado Trail thru-hike, I climbed a ridge that happened to be the Continental Divide a few miles before Marshal Pass, and I was blown away by what I saw.  The view was spectacular, but what made this alpine vista so unique was the fact that beyond the vast Cochetopa Hills I could see San Luis Peak and the La Garita Mountains on the edge of the horizon.  More than 100 miles of trail separated me from that ridge line, but I knew I would be standing on that ridge in five days.  Beyond San Luis I would cross Snowy Mesa and dozens of mountain passes in the San Juan Mountains before coming to the end of the trail near Durango.  

To walk from one edge of the horizon to the opposite edge of the horizon over the course of several hundred miles is a uniquely humbling yet satisfying feeling.  In someways it seems like a dream.  Who really walks from one horizon to the opposite horizon, and then to the next horizon, and then the one after that?  

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After I hiked nearly 500 miles to Durango, I met up with my parents and took the the Durango-Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad to Needleton and hiked into the Weminuche Wilderness to climb four more 14ers.  The video shows some of the dramatic highlights.  

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357 Down 127 To Go

I was a little reluctant to take another zero (zero miles on the trail for the day) today, but realized that rest and relaxation are important, and my feet will treat me better if I take a break.  I guess if hiking is my job I should be taking a rest day every five or six days and it was seven days since my last stop.  It's hard to believe that this will be my last town stop until I reach my final destination of Durango.  I've been hiking mostly solo for the last week but I have had short interactions with random people along the way which helps stimulate the thought process a little after each interaction.  I'm excided to reflect on some of my ideas and thoughts and share them when I have time after my trip.  Until then...happy trails.

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Solo on the CT

I wish I had more opportunities to post stories of my CT hike, but it is what it is.  There are many stories to be told, and after I'm through with my hike I hope to spend some time and solidify some of my random thoughts into decent posts, but until then here are just a few random thoughts I've had over the past few weeks.

I love the unpredictability of the trail:  Everyday is truly a new adventure!  I love hitting the trail in the early morning light, because I never know what's around the next bend in the trail.  I don't know when the next perfect vista will present itself, when the next thunderstorm will roll in, when the next bear (or other critter) will cross my path, or when the next person will appear on the trail.

People make the trail extra special: I enjoy running into fellow hikers, especially thru-hikers.  Some days I hike alone and other days I'll hike 20+ miles with a new friend.  I love hearing people's stories.  Everyone who decides to hike 500 miles across Colorado has a unique story and reason for hiking the CT.  I have met a wide variety of people but there is a kindred spirit among all the hikers on the trail.

Walking is epic:  I've realized that walking is an archetype embedded with epics.  Stories from the Epic of Gilgamesh (the oldest written epic), to the Israelites' exodus from Egypt, to the Lord of the Rings have components of walking long distances.  Walking is deliberate and takes commitment, great dedication, and time.  Great stories aren't made in the drive-thru at Starbucks.

More thoughts to come when time permits.        

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They Call Me 43

So I told a few fellow CT hikers (who have hiked most of the PCT and several other long trails) that I had calculated out my daily food rations to 4300 calories and they thought I was a little eccentric for my meticulous planning and thus named me 43, which could change if I do anything or say anything that could be a little more absurd than just counting my calories.