growing up, my mother was a pretty typical chinese tiger mom. she tried to ban me from anything that could distract me from studying, and art was one of the biggest and most frequent topics of our fights
I still remember one particularly bad night where she took something I was proud of drawing, ripped it up, and threw it away. I spent the night crying and trying to tape together the pieces on the floor of the kitchen
as I got older, I learned to accept she was only doing her best to try and guide me to a successful career. ultimately I did end up in a very well paying job and I’m able to live as comfortably and freely as I do because of her strict upraising
she always tells me now how much she regrets it. “no one taught me how to be a parent,” she’ll often say. “it will always be one of my biggest regrets in life, that I denied you so much growing up.”
I told her today that I recently started drawing again and even made some money opening commissions. She was so excited and said maybe I could make a living doing it if it made me happy. I found myself parroting her old words back to her - that I’m not good enough, it’s not stable, it’s unrealistic, it’ll never make me as much money as my job does now. She told me, “well, you never know”
she told me how in the past she saw so much talent and potential in me that she thought she had to make sure I lived up to it, but as she’s also grown and matured, she realized all that matters is just being happy. on the other hand, I think I’ve become more like her old self - happiness is one thing, but it’s a hell of a lot easier to be happy with a stable income than it is to be a struggling artist. it’s funny how we’ve basically swapped places over the last 30 years.
no matter what though, I’m just reminded of how much my mother has supported me throughout my life - in whatever form and way she thought was best - and how much she means to me.
and here I am trying to stop crying before a work meeting in 2 minutes ahahaha.
ellievsbear
amandla
gamechangershow
andulkaphoto
stormborns
romaincrisis
areudirty
origamiaround
izzy806
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s