Everyone treats me like I'm invisible,like I'm nothing. For the longest time its made me feel so worthless and I don't know how to handle it without relapsing. Like I just don't have any faith in myself anymore, I wan't to be happy and confident so bad but it feels like everytime I try I'm getting pushed down
I am so sorry to hear that you are hurting. You are not worthless, you are so far from it. I know that it feels overwhelming right now and there is a fear that this feeling is forever. I promise you that it is not. Its easy to say that it will pass, but I know in this moment it feels like that’s not true. I have been where you are, sometimes I still am. I want you to know that the desire to feel confident and to love ourselves lives within each one of us. You are so far from alone. I have spent every day trying to love myself purely and completely, and while I can’t say that I have fully accomplished this, I don’t think anyone really fully has. It’s easy to relapse and feel like a failure when you are focusing on an image of the future that is so hard to achieve in this day and age of comparison and technology. I don’t have all the answers, but I’ve found what helps me the most is focusing on the small things that I can do for myself each day. It also involves placing focus on what I have accomplished, rather than what I have not. I spent a long time looking for external validation to make me feel like I am enough. As hard as it is, the only thing that can make you feel fully loved is YOU. Below is a list of some of the things that I do daily, or try to( I’m definitely not perfect at this), maybe if you try to incorporate a couple of them into your daily routine it will help. I’m not an expert, and I don’t have all the answers, but I truly do love you and I will do whatever I can to let you know that you are worthy. I know that when I am struggling I stop doing the things that make me feel good, and I allow myself to slip into a deeper depression. I know that giving you a list is a short solution to a bigger problem, but I think the most helpful part of this list and these items is that when you do even one a day, or one a week, you are proving to yourself that you are capable of making a change. Please let me know if any of these items help you, and reach out to me if you need to talk. I believe in you. 1. Practice meditation. I know for some this can be extremely difficult, especially when your thoughts are what you are trying to escape from. The beautiful thing about meditation is that you can practice it for even a minute a day and it will make a difference. It’s an easy enough task to accomplish and still benefits your mental health. You can practice by sitting in silence and letting your thoughts come and go, or if you’re like me and your running thoughts drive you crazy, you can try a guided meditation. I like apps like headspace, which offers free meditation, because it helps to guide you through the process with 10 minute sessions that teach you how to handle your thoughts and accept your mindset. I also like looking up short sessions on youtube, I’ve found this is really great for short sessions that are specific to what you need (like falling asleep or anxiety).2. Reach out to someone to talk about what you are feeling. I’ll admit that this is the step that I put in my planner and generally forget or am too scared to do, nevertheless, it is an important part of healing and feeling less alone. If you don’t have anyone in your day to day life that you feel you can do this with I’ve found that tumblr is an extremely helpful platform. This is where I made a lot of friends when I was going through a tough time in life. Also, if you ever feel helpless and need someone to talk ASAP I suggest calling the national suicide prevention helpline. You can google the number for your specific area or country. This line is not only for when you are feeling suicidal, if you feel helpless and scared there is a kind person on the other side of the line with no judgement who is always available to talk. I’ve called this line more times than I can count, and it has always helped me out of a dark place, whether it’s a 5 minute conversation or 45 minutes. These resources are extremely helpful. They also have a text line if speaking on the phone makes your anxiety worse. 3. Affirmations are amazing. Whether it’s journaling in the morning, writing a note in your phone, saying then in the mirror, or just repeating them in your head. I’ve found that waking up in the morning and saying them to myself before getting out of bed is the easiest and most helpful for me. Typically, I wake up and repeat “I am grateful to be alive. Waking up today is a blessing. I am thankful for another opportunity to be my best self. I accept who I am today.” 4. Accept where you are. It’s easy to beat yourself up for not loving yourself as you are, it’s a daily battle. One of the most helpful things for me is trying to accept my place and my feelings in each moment. For me it generally looks like feeling anxiety and saying to myself “I’m feeling anxious right now because of x,y,z, and that’s okay. Feeling anxiety is a normal part of the human existence and I know that this feeling will not last forever.” These feelings will always ebb and flow, and that is nothing to be ashamed of. 5. Do something that makes you feel good, something that has nothing to do with anyone but you. Whether it’s listening to your favorite band, taking a 10 minute walk on your break at work, writing down your feelings, dancing in your room, or whatever amazing thing makes you feel alive. Allow yourself the time to feel free, even if only for a little. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that life is more than what we are feeling in one particular moment.
