Just a personal message to everyone who's suffering right now. :)))))
I may just be another person on the internet, one that promises to be there, but when I promise to be there, I stick to that promise.
I am always here for every one of you on here who feel like they’re alone, and that no one understands them or that no one cares.
I’ve felt this way since I was eleven and I’m now eighteen, so I’ve dealt with the darkness and sadness and the feeling of not being good enough for seven years. I understand how you feel when you lock your bedroom door at night, put on music and sink to the floor so no one can hear your sobs of pain. I get that. I haven’t truly been able to open up to anyone in my life, but I know you guys have the strength if you believe in yourselves. Being strong isn’t about putting down a blade and never touching it again or never taking too many tablets, it’s about realising there is an issue and you don’t want to feel like that, it’s about wanting the help to stop because you cannot be enough help on your own. It’s okay to not be okay.
It’s all easier said than done, but you need to be strong, not for anyone else around you, but for yourself. One day when you’re older, you’ll look back on your childhood/teen stage, and you will smile and say “I made it” and that is something you can be proud of, something you will then be able to pass onto other generations that you know are suffering, nothing helps more than personal recovery stories. Sometimes, someone just needs that encouragement that things do get better, maybe not today, maybe not even next year, but one day something or someone will come along that will give you reason to believe in your own achievements and beliefs.
To the people who fought without support, and are not here today, I really am sorry that support was not there for you when you needed it the most. I know for sure, that I would have been there and I know sometimes that some people are too far gone to listen to someone telling them they’re worth it, but I really wish that there had been something to help show them the light they needed to guide them from the darkness.
To the people who’re only just starting to suffer, do not violence towards yourself as a way to cope. It always seems the easier option. You think, oh, I won’t do it too much, I’ll only use this when I feel really really down, but before you know it, it’s taken over your life and you will resort to doing it everyday, sometimes even without reason or pain. There ARE easier ways to go about everything, you just need to look for them, open your eyes to all of the help out there for you. Just think, before you put that rope around your neck, or those tablets in your mouth, or that blade to your vein or your feet on the edge of a building, go to someone who understands you and how you feel. Ask them how they deal with things, and use their support to guide you into a lighter place, because in reality, yes you’re stopping your pain, but you’re starting a new kind of pain beyond what you felt for someone else.
I used to be selfish and think that no one cared about me, that no one would care if I went, so I tried and I did succeed, I died twice in hospital and luckily they saved me but it left me in a coma for four days on life support, which really fucked my body up. I can’t do anything I used to do like running because I messed my heart up a lot, and I’m not saying I don’t have bad days now a year later. I do, every now and then I will release my pain in bad ways, but I’ve learnt to curve that urge and go out or have a bath or shower when feeling like that. It’s taken a long time, but I promise you will get there.
I know two girls who’ve both tried ending their lives by jumping off buildings. They both survived but they both suffer very bad mental health issues now where they want to die a lot. One of them has even developed anorexia to the point she’s been in and out of hospital almost everyday. You do not want to get to that point, so stop it while you have the chance before it goes too far and you can’t stop it.
Always remember that there are people here willing to talk to you, even if it is over the internet, they’re here and they want you to open up to them, it’s hard yes but trust me, it’s the best possible way!
All of you stay strong for everyone who loves and cares about you, and I believe in each and every single one of you!
I love you all. :-))) x
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