this will bore you

clouds ocean fiction & The Great I Am

[whatellasaid]

2am

There’s a wholenotherlevel of senti 2am brings. Ayoko nang ganito. Gusto ko nang matulog. I’m sure I’ll regret the things I’ve wasted my time on when I wake up later.

[whatellasaid]

Our personal battles everyday weigh us down. Problems push us to the limits and make us want to just sulk, cry and run to Jesus for comfort. Oftentimes, our prayers involve asking God to take us away from circumstances that we can't seem to take anymore. It's as if God was never with us and we wanted to tell Him, 'Okay, I've had enough. It's time to remove this burden away from me.' During these times, if we are not careful, we end up thinking that God is a struggle-giver, strength-measurer tyrant who only watches us from afar, testing us on what we can or can't overcome. How terrible is that thought? I used to think that positive thinking was enough to make the good vibes overpower the bad. After all Philippians 4:8 tells us to think about good stuff (“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.”) I recall claiming victory over every fear and every challenge I faced; and while this was not wrong I realised I am missing out on something far greater. I am forgetting to ask for His presence. I missed the fact that nothing will compare with His presence whether I'm celebrating my greatest victory or having the worst time of my life. What more can I ask for if the presence of the One who created the universe, strengthened Joseph in the pit, enabled Moses to lead the Israelites, split the Red Sea in half, helped David triumph over Goliath, saved Peter on the verge of drowning and ultimately, overcame the cross can be with me? Our assurance that everything in life will be okay has nothing to do with optimistic explanations about outcomes; it has everything to do with the presence of Jesus in the midst of our fear. So from now on, courageously I pray for Your presence, Jesus. Praise You for all the good! Praise You for all the bad because I know that You will be with me and I know that will always be more than enough. “And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” ‭‭II Corinthians‬ ‭12:9-10‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

[spiritualinspiration2]

Your Creator can see things in you that other people cannot see. Sometimes people will try to push you down or make you feel insignificant. Sometimes our own thoughts will try to convince us that we don’t measure up. But God looks beyond the surface, beyond the mistakes you’ve made, beyond what somebody said about you and sees your incredible value. You may think, “ I’ve messed up. I have blown it. I have failed. I’m all washed up.” No, God still sees more in you. God doesn’t just see what you are; He sees what you can become. You may have made some mistakes, but God still sees victory on the inside of you. People may have tried to push you down, but God sees you rising higher.

[whatellasaid]

Embracing Freedom

Oftentimes, because of the tragedies that surround us everyday we forget one amazing fact and that is the freedom of Praise and Worship. I am writing this in the perspective of a Filipina girl, for I know not all are given the same freedom that Filipinos experience. Amidst the chaos that has been surrounding the persecuted church, I wanted to write this as a reminder and thanksgiving for the things I have been blessed enough to experience and share with others. I loved Pastor Bong's logic about freedom; and that there is no such thing as absolute freedom. One way or another we may be freed from something but will always be chained or anchored in another. Today, I went to CCF's Choir Thanksgiving Party and over the wonderful food, friends, stories and ice cream, God impressed upon me the amazing freedom that we have in worshipping Him. Today, I thanked Him for being able to gather in His name without having to worry that someone may catch us and kill us. Today, I thanked Him for being able to sing with loud voices without any hesitation that someone may hear us. Today, I thanked Him for the gift of music and how purposeful it can be used for His glory. I embrace the freedom that our heroes fought for. I embrace the freedom some Filipinos are still fighting for. Ultimately, I embrace the freedom my Jesus died for.

[whatellasaid]

Hindi pa nakakaahon nang tuluyan ang Tacloban. Madalas, iniiwas ko ang pansin ko para hindi maramdaman kung gaano kalungkot at nakapanlulumo ang nangyari sa mga kababayan natin. Hindi ngayon. Gusto kong ipaalala sa sarili kong may mga taong nasasaktan, mga taong nawawalan, may mga taong bigo. Kailangang umalab ulit ang damdamin ko. Paano sila nakatulog? Nahimbing na ba sila ulit? Sana oo. Sana niyakap sila ng Panginoon at pinatahan sa lahat ng bagay na nagpaluha sa kanila. Sana hindi sila napuyat sa kakahintay na mawala ang mga bangungot na tumatakbo pahabol sa kanila. Sana alam nilang hindi man bubuti ang buhay sa mundo nating sira, may naghihintay na langit sa kanila. Kaakibat na yata ng mga ganitong pagkakataon ang mga kaisipang; anong karapatan kong magreklamo sa dalawang oras na trapik? Anong panlaban ng mga ipinaglalaban mo sa mga taong naubusan na ng laban? Nagbago din ang tingin ko sa katatagan at katapangan. May mga bayani palang sinusubukang iligtas ang sarili nila sa kabila ng pagiisa. Wala, eh. Nakatira tayo sa sirang mundo. Mapanakit, mapanlinlang at madaya. Napakadaya. Buti na lang patas ang Diyos. Buti na lang pagkatapos ng mundong 'to, malalim lalim ang malinis na hanging pwede na ulit nating langhapin at sasaya na ulit tayo. Yung sobrang saya.

[whatellasaid]

As I grow older, I begin to realize that the convictions in me consistently comes into play when I make decisions. I am constantly reminded to take root on things that matter, on things that are worthy and eternal. It's as simple as sharing stuff on facebook that are not entirely bad but is just not glorifying to the Lord. On these occasions, the rebuke of the Holy Spirit is a slap I receive with all my heart. Moreover, it's comforting to know that I share this with fellow Christians during Bible Studies and D-group sessions. It's even more comforting to know that we are on the winning side of this battle. I have known the word consecrated for a long time but God has just recently shed light to the word and taught me how my life should go. Consecrated, set apart for a sacred purpose. On these occasions, I am reminded that the Chistian life is not hard, it is impossible. Everything is a choice. From actions to words. There is no grey area. It's only black or white, yes or no. You can never reason and justify your blacks and nos. At the end of the day nothing else satisfies apart from Him and it is all worth it.

[whatellasaid]

Pride & Integrity. So far this week, God has been teaching me what pride really is. He even taught me how pride can rot integrity with the wrong motives. I would like to think that I am humble, however that statement in itself is pride. There you go. Lord purify my heart and help me to have a humble heart, mind & soul.

[whatellasaid]

Forgiveness

I am not someone who can't admit fault neither am I a person who can't ask for forgiveness. I thought that having that ability will mean that I have conquered all that there is about forgiveness. But nope, just no, not yet. I have never imagined myself having this adamance in forgiving someone. This week, God has been using people and similar stories to open my heart for forgiveness. George, an officemate, yesterday reminded me of Jesus' words while He was on the cross slowly dying, 'Forgive them, for they do not know what they're doing.' I was awakened by His compassion. I remembered that by His Grace we have been saved and forgiven. It's amazing how powerful the cross can be. Yesterday, I came back to Him and saw exactly what I was looking for. I haven't forgiven that person yet but I know it will happen. Completely and sincerely.

[whatellasaid]

more of You

I just finished watching Pitch Perfect 2 (finally!) and I love it! I love it and I want to sing! I feel like I have strayed from singing for a long time except for the occasional videoke stints with family and friends. 

It’s always like this whenever this ‘something’ is triggered by books, songs, and movies. This always happens: me being lonely that I am in the corporate world and not in a theatre competing or something, me making this huge plans on my own take to achieve this (or at least try to) For an instant in between my random dawndreams, I’ve thought of pursuing creativity and music and art considering I now have a decent job and I can just go from there to earn money. (hehe whaaat)

Just a few moments ago I felt like I am missing out. Missing out on my dreams and then eventually feeling like it’s too late.

I am so full of myself. So full of these broken thoughts and empty disappointments and regrets and failing to realize this is exactly where my insanity revolves around.

I don’t want to gain this world and lose my soul. I don’t want to be so overflowing with worldly doses that I forget who I should really be pleasing and who I should be living for.

I came across a song by Colton Dixon that is about being full of ourselves that we lose everything that really matters. I don’t want to build a castle only to find out I am building it on the wrong ground for the wrong purpose. 

More of You, less of me Lord.

[whatellasaid]

Kalayaan, pare.

Naalala ko nung nakaraang taon, dumaan ako sa Kalayaan Ave at dumrama drama kung ‘malaya’ nga ba talagang tunay ang bayan natin. Napaka-cliche.

Ewan ko ba. Basta ngayong taon, hindi ako magpo-pokus sa kung bakit at sa ano pa bang aspeto tayo nakatanikala sa kung anumang kumukulong sa’tin.

Basta ngayong taon, pakiramdam ko malaya ako. Kakagaling ko lang sa opis Bible Study namin. Pakiramdam ko lumakas ako. Iniisip kong kung hindi ganun ang pakiramdam ng malaya, hindi ko alam kung ano pa.

Salamat, Panginoon!

[whatellasaid]

...

They were not speaking. Ever since she found out.

He was sleeping one night and I could hear him have nightmares screaming that he doesn't want to feel the pain anymore.

I believe in second chances, even third or fourth because my God is a God of nth chances. I will never give up on people that easy, just as Jesus never gave up on me. Words were freed, feelings were continuously being held back but this can't be the end of it.

In Science I learned there are different types of color opacity: transparent when you can clearly see light through it, translucent when only some light is able to pass and opaque, when light can't pass through. At this point I feel like there is an opaque wall between today and what will be of tomorrow. I can only do as much as rely on the Lord's guidance to lead the way. I will never want to initiate a wrong move as much as my surrendered know-it-all being is concerned.

Everything is easier said than done. I feel like all the learning and divine intervention has led to this. This practical test, this application. I know that my God is sovereign. In 1 Cor 10:31 it says that He will only give us as much as we can handle.

There are peaceful nights, when I am completely certain that everything is a puzzle piece in His big perfect plan. I thank God for these nights, when I can sleep in the comfort of His promises that eventually this will be a wonderful part of my testimony when I see Him.

As human as I can be, there are raging nights I almost cannot handle. Nights when I outdo myself in the little game I like to call 'ugly crying to the Lord'. Tonight's one of those nights.

My feelings may change and my view may get a little distorted at times but my comfort is in this, that my God is love. James 1:2-4 says, 'Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.'

[whatellasaid]

The past week marked my first week with Global Private Banking! It still feels surreal! I have been wanting and waiting and praying for this for the past year and ugh, just thank you Lord!

It is so amazing how much peace I have with this new post. Yung parang I can pacepalm my doubts, fears and anxieties because I prayed for this! I feel like I can thrive and really do this, this time! My gulay, I really felt like God rescued with the perfect timing ever!

Now, I look at all these people getting promoted and going abroad for training et cetera, et cetera, ahhh I am so excited!!

Sobrang kabigha bighani lang ng mga pangyayari. Haay, Lord I am ready. Let’s get it on.

Eheehee

[whatellasaid]

[ cloud overview ] [ get your own cloud ] This is a Tumblr Cloud I generated from my blog posts between Dec 2013 and Dec 2014 containing my top 15 used words. Top 1 blogs I reblogged the most:

[whatellasaid]

Yours is the victory!!

Friday, 27 Mar 2015 started with a hazy blur of sadness, pressure and idk just utter exhaustion. I was just in this continual state of a sad fatigue that makes me want to just do an  “I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!” spiel and just walk away. I was so tired of all the pressure and all the targets. I have never felt like I was being burden to a team in the longest time.

A few hours went by with the usual work load until I received an e-mail from the AVP who interviewed me for a dream post. He would like to catch up and long story short a few hours later I was sitting in front of the two managers and they told me I got it.

I. Got. It.

I will try my best to put into words how overwhelmed I was at the moment. So overwhelmed that the remaining hours of my lunch break was spent smiling like an idiot and telling a stressed casual acquaintance that I got my dream post. So overwhelming, so so overwhelming Lord.

Let me just Jeremiah 29:11 this moment. Just because.

Yours is the victory, God!

[whatellasaid]

that constant conclusion

I feel like even if the Lord is revealing Himself more and more to me each day, I still tend to be that cynical human being that nags about life.

This week, I received my bonus, got interviewed for a dream post and was referred to an even bigger post but in between these still managed to cry out to the Lord with exhaustion. I was slapped with the realization that whatever strengths I may think I have, I will always need Him. I will always go back to Him. My Prince, the Great I am.

I am also learning to not only pray without ceasing but also be grateful without ceasing. I thanked Him for the days I don’t have to wait for a ride home because the moment I hit the bus stop, a bus arrive but then again I thanked Him for the days I have to wait because then, I’d have time to contemplate about how He has been good to me for the day. I thanked Him for my unexpected bonus. I thanked Him for making me realize that there is more to life than luxury and comfort whenever I pass by the kids of Q-mart and just yesterday when I get to visit lolos and lolas of GRACES Home for the Elderly. I think about all the things, all the moments, all the random circumstances that make me grateful and how these surpass all the negativity in my system.

My feelings may change and I may have doubts and fears that may make me want to succumb to a sad sad life but every single day, I hold on to His promises. I hold on to that constant conclusion that He is good.

[whatellasaid]

Why not the best?

Yesterday, I was faced with that question. Why can't I, a helpless human being give my best to the glorious and sovereign God who is worth it all? I was ashamed. Listening to Pastor Edmund Chan asking that question, I felt the Holy Spirit convicting me in my half measure worship to the Lord. My soul has been busied distracted and turned away from what really matters. This week, my desire is to practice wholehearted humility in worship. I also pray that I start taking massive actions to learn and abide more in Jesus. So I am starting with surrendering and admitting the fact that I cannot do it, what with my cynical and pessimistic self who always think of the worst that could happen, I surrender everything to my King, who is in control. I am also looking forward to discipling 2 people this year. I am still praying for the perfect timing, the perfect setting and the perfect people whom I know God will lead me to.

[whatellasaid]

OVERFLOW

Hwooh!

I just got home from CCF's 2015 Leadership Conference today and I need to begin this blog post with that expression because I am just too overwhelmed. Oh, the things I have learned from this 2-day conference. It was such a privilege to listen to Spirit-filled men.

God is good. He is truthfully, incredible, awesomely good.

I don't know where to start. I don't know where to begin to express all the learning for this weekend.

So this week I will devote my quiet time to really process everything. And hopefully, if my time permits it, share it in this blog.