Dazai: Oh, here's my award for the most rules broken!
Chuuya: That's not an award, it's an angry letter from our boss.
Dazai, hanging it on their wall: Well, it has the word 'most' in it, so I'm calling it an award!
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Claire Keane
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Misplaced Lens Cap
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Discoholic 🪩
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Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
wallacepolsom
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@whateveranimex
Dazai: Oh, here's my award for the most rules broken!
Chuuya: That's not an award, it's an angry letter from our boss.
Dazai, hanging it on their wall: Well, it has the word 'most' in it, so I'm calling it an award!
Dazai: How tall are you?
Chuuya: Extremely. Thanks for asking.
Chuuya: I'm worried about you...
Dazai, dunking oreos in whiskey: Why?
Dazai: Chuuya has only knocked me out three times this week. Our friendship is really developing.
Dazai with puppy eyes: I baked you a cookie... But I eated it...
Chuuya: Don't you ever get tired of being fucking annoying?
Chuuya: Do you think I'm ugly?
Dazai: It's not about looks, Chuuya. What's valuable is on the inside...
Chuuya: Osamu...
Dazai: For example, someone's heart.
Chuuya: Aw... Stop it-
Dazai: It could be purchased for more than a million dollars, you know.
Chuuya: Seriously, stop.
Chuuya: Wait a minute, how did this happen? We're smarter than this!
Dazai: Apparently, we're not.
Dazai: I'd take you out...
Chuuya: Really?
Dazai: Maybe, I don't know, I be lying sometimes.
Dazai: I'm like Heinz Doofenshmirtz because I, too, like being petty, singing off-key and over-sharing my deepest traumas for no discernible reason.
Chuuya: Not to mention that you think of yourself as evil but are, at best, a minor inconvenience.
Chuuya: Hey bro, what you doing tonight?
Dazai: Nothin', how about you?
Chuuya: Having a party tonight, you down?
Dazai: Hell yeah bro, I'm down. What time?
Chuuya: 11pm, bro. There's gonna be a lotta fighting and a lotta fucking.
Dazai: Can't wait bro! You know who's gonna be there?
Chuuya: No one, bro. Just me and you.
Dazai:...Huh?
Dazai: I feel awful about killing you.
Chuuya:
Dazai: Even though technically you never even died, so I don't know what you're bitching about.
Dazai: When am I gonna be able to have my 100k slow burn enemies to lovers relationship...?
Kunikida: Stop reading fanfiction and get back to work.
Chuuya: I owe you one.
Dazai: That's ok. You can just date me and we'll call it even.
Chuuya: *dangles hand off bed*
Dazai, under the bed: *grabs hand*
Chuuya: This is nice
Chuuya: Wait, why the fuck are you under my bed-
Chuuya: Did you buy eggs like I asked?
Dazai: Even better!
Chuuya: What the fuck did you-
Dazai: *holding up a chicken* Her name is Fluffy.
Dazai: If you have knees, you are valid.
Chuuya: Homophobes have knees though?
Dazai: Not for long.
Dazai: Bonjour, Chuuya. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?
Chuuya: No, I don't want to sleep with you.
Dazai: Is that what that means? Oh, man, I had a really gross tennis instructor.