Why hello there, loyal customer; Today I'm here to announce a collab for everyone's favorite holiday which starts on august and lasts 'till the end of October; spooky season!
Accepting collaborators 22nd-30th of September;
This Halloween collab will be an advent that focuses on canon x reader/viewer content; you can join as an author/artist, with a minimum of 300~ words and no upper limit.
-if you're interested, take a seat.
Here is how it'll work;
Everyone who participates in this collab will pick a prompt, and post their work on the day corresponding to the prompts number; it is mainly centered around writing, though artwork can be included !
Here are a few other things you should keep in mind v
To join the collab you have to reblog this post + choose a prompt!
+ You can ask to pick your prompt through replies instead, if you'd like that; as long as you reblog the post afterwards!
Remember to tag me on the post so that I can see it ;
All the entries for the advent will be reblogged on @/jade-s-nymph and added to the masterlist !
One prompt per person; each person can only claim one prompt *
No Dead Dove: Don't Eat content !
All entries have a minimum of 300 words but no upper limit ;
+ Artwork can be entered as long as it is accompanied by writing !
+ Your writing can be formatted however you'd like as long as it meets the minimum word count, just have fun with it !
Tag your works properly ! including but not limited to;
if there are references to how the reader looks or is described, content warnings, phobia-specific warnings (ex. blood, cramped spaces)
Even though event mainly centers around canon x reader content Original Characters are very welcome to join in; whether it be Fanon x reader / Fanon & reader or just to make a cameo!
Take the wheel and see where it leads you. ^^
Prompts that are taken/claimed by someone will be crossed out in text (like this) ; followed by the @ of the author/artist(s) who will post their work(s) on the prompt's day !
First Halloween
Sweetness
Tricked (or is it a treat..?)
Pumpkin(s)
Makeup
Secret invitation
Decor
Love at first fright
Undead(?)
Fangs
Bewitched
(Love) potion
Phantom Thief
Opera
Knight
Sleeping Beauty
Haunted House
Graveyard
Hunting
Full Moon
Siren's Song - @/twistedchatterbox ie.@/Jade-s-nymph
Yokai
Bandages
Angelic
Detective
Dress-up (together)
Possessed
Devilish
Cerberus
Red Hood
"Once upon a time.."
Ps. if you'd like to collab with someone on a prompt, you can! *
ex. Two authors writing a 2-part fic together or writing 2 separate fics that reference each other / An author writing a fic and an artist making an illustration to go along with it.
-Just remember to post the entries on the correct day, yeah?
Everyone who joins can tag their work with the tag #Spooky Chattering 2023 .
-Once again, before i finish this post;
please Reblog this post so that more people can see and join, even if you don't intend to join in yourself- a collab this size needs a lot of people, after all ^^'' ...
Can I req a oneshot for unnämed? I'm dying for fluff and compliments rn so if you can include that in it then I'll be giggling kicking my feet and shit. Uhfhjddgn as for the plot...go wild dear. Thanks for reading this and if you do pick it up then I hope you'll be giggling kicking your feet and shit at it too lmao 😭
Oooo even though it’s not what I would usually write I do understand the appeal~ ^^
𝙿𝚑𝚘𝚝𝚘𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚙𝚑𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚊𝚛𝚝
𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: Fluff
𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬: Unnämed.
𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐞: On.
𝐓𝐲𝐩𝐞: Oneshot.
𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐬: They/Them.
𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Soft kisses while in bed, pictures of someone so beautiful, and just a generally very chill day for the both of you..
Your photographs on the floor
Their heart and yours are captured in a single shot.
More under the cut ^^
Is it the smell of their perfume that woke you up or the way they're hugging you so tightly right now? Today's morning was cold as well, you don't mind that it's comfy and nice under the stack of weighted blanket. Slowly you stopped feeling sleepy and decided to wake up and leave the bed so as to not-
“You’re leaving so early again… stay?” Peaking out the blanket still looking sleepy was your best friend, sometimes you wonder if you had spoiled them too much.
“I can’t~ besides it’s my turn to make breakfast this morning, remember?” Despite saying that you can’t bring yourself to leave the room just yet, not without admiring their cute sleepy form, and apparently this just put you in their perfect timing as they grabbed from the blankets. “Hey!”
Despite still not wanting to wake up yet they still had the strength to pull you from where you stood, as you pouted pulling their cheek they swatted your hand away in a half awake manner. They’re ridiculously adorable for someone so beautifully hot, it makes you a bit jealous of your best friend however you do think that you’re already lucky for having them as a friend.
On the table next to your small shared bed was your camera, as well as the photos you took from yesterday, colors swirling in the cards which looked so beautiful. So as they fell asleep again you quietly took a picture of them and walked away. Truly you’d never think there would be a day you would be this close to your muse if it had been you from years ago… you’re kind of happy that you at least became a close friend of theirs.
Maybe you got lost admiring the photo but you were quickly pulled out of your trance by the beeping alarm clock, groans were heard next to you reaching out trying to shut the clock up, but all they managed to do was knock off some of the photos and blank films. Shaking your head seeing as how silly they were you turned the alarm off for them before leaving the room.
Scrolling through your phone nothing new seems to be showing up, the same old thing going by, nothing really piqued your interest, with the coffee machine being the noise to cut your silence you sighed at the otherwise loneliness of yours.
The way you see the world is like how your father did, a place full of colors that needed to be captured, so that was what you did, you took pictures of the world. Some joked that you were like a thief stealing colors from the world but really it's just a few pretty photos in your eyes, photography was a love you shared with your father.
Taking your coffee mug in your hand, you moved into a different room along with the photo you took this morning. Shuttering the sound of your camera slide out another photo in black, giving it a quick flutter a flower appears in the frame. The colors which are so vibrant on every petal copied onto the smaller frame in your hands, the photos you took.
In your photo album, the colors leaked out into the real world as its own world, the space you created taking the colors of the real world yet somehow something felt missing in those pages. The colors that swayed you could never compare to that feeling in your heart.
“They’re lovely..” the vibrancy of your album dulled in their presence, hair messed up from sleeping, weird but cute pjs, and honestly they’re as beautiful as the devil. “So this is why you left me~? To take pictures so early in the morning?”
click
“Maybe~?” You took their photo as they stood staring at your album, that gentle smile could never be replicated no matter the angle or lighting, perhaps even when you have the best of the best, it's just not the same as the real thing.
Your one and only muse, your best friend whose colors are so unique there’s only one of them in this world, Man how did you get so lucky? You were everything they could ask for from a friend, but you knew you could have been more, you could have done so much more for them.
“Hey! What did I say about taking pictures?” Quickly hiding the photo into your pocket, you tried to pretend you didn’t knew anything and played dumb. “Come on now, don’t play dumb with me sweetie.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about” taking the camera out of your hands while you were distracted, they held it up trying to take a photo of you as well.
“Stand still now~” you photo being taken as you tried to reach for your camera from them, like a melody both of your laughter created a song.
The warm and gleeful smile of theirs was something you never plan on breaking, not even the colors you took can replicate the beauty they possess. You reached for your camera however unsurprisingly they just held it higher and over your head, they were just that adamant about getting your picture just like how you took theirs.
Your blurry colors in the photo as a result of you reaching out for that camera, they were a bit upset they couldn’t take a clear photo of you the way you did to them.
“Here let me show you.” Steady you helped them position the camera and very rarely you smiled into the lens, click. Your photo looked good enough but it was dull, but you knew it wasn’t theirs nor the camera’s fault, you were naturally dull looking after all.
“It’s beautiful, just like you.” You could never understand what type of beauty they saw in you, what was it really?
Unlike the vibrant colors of your flowers, or the soothing colors of your paintings, even the colors of your coffee mugs, you had nothing but the dullness of the world.
“Smile, it makes you look lovely.” Surrounded by your photos on the wall, the colors reflected off them by the sunlight lit up your boring room. In the middle of it you smiled for their eyes and their eyes only.
“There we go..”
At the edge of your world, you stood staring at the dead stars in the sky, a moonless night led by the stars made you feel quite lonely tonight. You hated your life so much at this point it's not even funny to joke about anymore, the dark colors of clouds began to gather plunging the colors in grey, black, and white. The world just grew lonelier with each passing second, it was also getting colder for you too.
You felt hopeless, you felt betrayed, you felt sad... so what if you got lucky and didn't need to do much to achieve something? It still hurts to even live like you do, living in fear and pain, the photos have all but lost their worth to you, perhaps you could trade all your luck for a normal life? Because if it was possible you would have done so in a heartbeat.
As you sat there on the sands, the sea rose and fall back out like a rhythm, the quiet song of the sea longing for its moon. The unpleasant smell of cigarettes was in the air, and it bothered you a lot but you couldn’t say anything about it. Next to you a stranger about your age appears, cigarette in one hand, staring a far into the never ending view of the sea.
You appreciated the company, even when it probably wasn’t what they meant to do. But it really didn’t matter at that point for you both now did it? You both were at a stage of your life where things have reached rock bottom, or maybe that was just you, delusional you.
“Hey… you’re really quiet you know?” Looking into their eyes, it’s as if all the color in the world had dimmed, it’s just like how you imagined it.
The gentle winds continued blowing, but it was too cold for you, it was too cold just wearing a thin shirt and pants. The stranger tossed you their hoodie with cat ears, it caught you off guard for a second as you turned to them.
“You were shaking like a leaf, kinda stupid of you not wearing a jacket when going out here.” It was warm… it was suddenly so warm.
Unknowingly it had probably been a while since a total stranger had treated you this nice, your tears spilled out of nowhere catching yourself off-guard, the warmth you never knew you missed so much. You couldn’t stop crying like a child, why couldn’t you do so?
The stranger only continued smoking, sitting there staring at you crying, they remembered when they were like that once, having been through a lot and just wanting to break down. You were so vulnerable to a complete stranger that it baffles them a lot, don't you know that they could just take advantage of your situation?
Still, they didn't say anything, just letting you silently cry your heart out to the sea, and for a while, it felt as if you both were in a world of your own.
"Sorry to bother you like this... you probably didn't need to see this, it was a bad idea to come here for me." you couldn't bring yourself to put on the hoodie so you just hugged it instead, the smell of cigarettes still heavy in the air.
"It's no problem... We all have that moment in life when we need to just let loose, you chose to be here alone to do that didn't you? I should be the one apologizing for choosing to sit here." throwing the bud away into the crashing waves you couldn't care less but only continued looking at the moonless skies.
"It must have been the same for you if you're here as well huh?" With a small nod from them, lying down in the sand you both looked up at the starry night sky, there might be no moon, but instead, you witnessed a beautiful starry sky.
"Wait you still kept these photos? It's been a while." Curios to what they were saying you peaked over their shoulder to see the moonless sky in a photo.
"They were pretty so why not?" the photos of the night you both first met, the memory of your breakdown, to be honest, you wondered what happened if you hadn't met them.
"You're lying~ you wouldn't keep these certain photos in a different album for no reason." You snapped your head back as they said those words, the album in their hands was the one you thought you had hid really well. "Glad to see your skills only continued to improve the way you wanted it to."
"How the hell did you even find that one?" quickly snatching the album out of their hands you flipped the pages checking if you had lost any of the photos, thankful nothing seemed to have been lost.
"You're terrible at hiding your stuff." turning back at them from the quick tap you took the photo they took from the album. “The sea has so many deep secrets that’s hard to understand, yet I understand my sea just fine”
You smelt the unpleasant smell of cigarettes once more in your little space, turning at them you only saw them tuning their guitar. It was nostalgic having this smell in the room, even when you learnt how much you hated the smell of it.
“You know, there was something you said on our first meeting that kind of stuck out to me.” Their arms around your waist, head on your shoulder looking at you decorating the album.
“And it was?” You could feel their smile as they bury their face into the crook of your neck.
“Well…”
“I want you to be there when I die.” You turned to them confused by what they were saying, the cigarettes in their hand have long but extinguished.
“Wouldn’t you rather a loved one was next to you rather than a total stranger?” You can’t help but stare at them sighing, their tired eyes looking at the skies above.
“Now why would I want mourning? I’d rather have someone who would be happy for my choices” the smile on their face, a sad smile, a tired one.
“…If you’re dying then at least make sure to compensate me while you’re still alive, until the day you decide to do so.” The shocked look on their face, that strange expression you rarely see from other people… “starting now then.”
The camera you bought along you was some how of use right now, you took a photo of the sea and skies, you wanted to see what they would say, how they would react. They laughed, it was kind of like pure joy type of laughter, but maybe it was just you and not what they meant when laughing like this.
“Alright then, it’s our little promise.” The child-like glimmer in their eye as they help up their pinky finger, playing along you hooked it with your finger as well. “I trust you will keep your end of the promise, my lonely sea”
“ you’re creepy.” However you can’t deny the butterflies in your stomach, especially now that you’ve gotten a better look at those ocean eyes of theirs. “Don’t die on me so soon, my lovely moon..”
“Cheesy”
“Who started it first then?”
I had no idea what I was writing pffft, I’m not really good at writing but thank you for trusting me to write this.
Can I ask authors/artists/editors/all fan-content creators and the like for a second opinion?
I know many of us are feeling burnt out and/or frustrated, so i have been wondering if there could be something in common that we all wanted to ask for or talk about.
i'd appreciate it if everyone said their two cents.
And I know i've been posting a lot about the massive collective burn out in this fanbase recently, but i think it'd be helpful if everyone pitched in to talk more about what they've been thinking of it.
.
Firstly- if you're feeling burnt out (/beginning to feel burnt out) ; what caused it?
Is it the lack of reblogs? (problems caused by ghost audience p.1)
Has anything changed within the fanbase thats made things less fun in general?
is it the lack of engagement? (comments, actual asks, a real audience) (problems caused by ghost audience p.2)
Have you noticed the things you worked a lot on not being well-received?
Was there something you noticed in particular? / Anything else?
.
Secondly, do you know what you'd like to do? / is there anything you had in mind? (other than rest, ofc)
Would you like to attempt a creative strike of sorts?
(it can be arranged and done, with enough people.)
Would you like to try and collab/interact more with others ?
(i noticed that things have been a little more isolated- but that might be just me? i'm not sure, in any case.)
Would you like to form some sort of creative group(s)?
(For collabs, to make new moots, to reblog/support each other etc etc)
.
Thirdly, but not lastly- is there anything else you'd like to talk more about?
It could be about your recent experiences
it could be more ideas of a solution/things you think could help
-or, about anything, really.
.
For me, i had/have a lot of ideas (way too many, all the time. I call myself the chatterbox for a good reason.) ;
Firstly, it was the twst spotlight tag and the orginal post
(I am so glad that those did well. I like to think it helped, at least a little bit.)
Secondly, it was the idea of a creative/author strike
(I have a draft; if people want to do this, then I will try and find a way to pull this off.)
Lastly, i've been thinking of making a blog centered around the twst spotlight itself; the blog would be purely for reblogging content, the ask box would be open for people to recommend blogs or fanfic.
I'd like to know your opinions and input; I'd like to hear what you have to say.
And please rant/vent your heart out too, if you'd like.
it doesn't have to be professional, you're not getting paid for it, after all.
1) I have works that aren’t finished, mainly because of emotional rides, graduation, real life stuff, back to school, and the most recent: “I don’t know how to start a story anymore.”
I would say that the lack of engagement does play a part but it isn’t a main thing for me.
2) I have now moved from agency Vtuber fandom to a more indie so more of my writings are gonna be focused on the said Indie, aka Unnämed, due to the fact I want to build their name.
I don’t mind collaborating with anyone to write a story feel free to drop by, invite me to join you in group writing is hard because my interest span is short, once I find something new to work on I probably won’t come back to finish it.
3) I love writing fanfics, there’s nothing wrong with it however I don’t see myself continuing to do this in the future with my short interest span, especially with the reason being my shadowban on my last Tumblr acc
This is the closest I would get it to looking like me lol
Tagging all the friends: @starboyshoyo, @azulashengrottospiano, @officialdaydreamer00, @minimallyminnie, @l1ttleclouds, @axvwriter, @acornwinter, @leonistic?(do you want to be tagged in these things? If no let me know) @spritofthesea, @paraccosm, @xxoomiii
yey! am finally finishing all your req!!! although this sorta ended up sorta like a collab between the two of us. Thank youuuu @whatevermywpis >< for giving me this idea and helping me write this Xddd
I hope you along with everyone else enjoy it!!!<33
I'm so sorry for not updating for so long school had me on a noose xdd but i'm free now for a whilee :DD
not me recycling my malleyuu drafts that's been rotting for ages lol xdd
Pairing: Silver x gn!cursed!reader
Theme: Romance and Angst
Overview: "shush, now love....I know I know but I can't help it. I love you and I can't give it up even if it costs my life. Aw, please don't cry smile for me just one last time...please?"
Silver has heard tons about you from their dorm leader Malleus
It all started with Malleus finding out and meeting with a person that actually lives in the cold abandoned Ramshackle dorm.
Then he goes missing and comes back with the brightest grin on his face as he talks about the things he did with his newfound friend.
It was an adorable sight how Malleus was over the moon talking about his human friend to Lilia, Sebek, and himself. And to Malleus love and excitement he decided to introduce them to his new human friend he's been talking about.
And you were exactly how he imagined from the fae prince's stories.
"Hello, I'm [Mc]! It's really nice to meet you all" they cheerily greet them with a polite bow.
Surprisingly he managed to stay awake the whole time and somewhat and someway you two became closer and you were patient enough to not get mad at him whenever he randomly falls asleep, you'd even go so far and let him sleep on your lap.
Which deepens and strengthens the bonds you two share.
You two have been meeting up often, helping in school tasks, events, or simply just dining together of course you two still include Malleus and the other two. And Malleus is pretty happy that his friend's been getting along with his two retainers and Lilia.
Lilia's been giving him weird looks not the bad kind whenever he was to be with you alone or with the others. He believes Lilia and sometimes Malleus's been scheming something as they hang out with you they'd often excuse themselves yet leave him behind with you....not that he minded it though.
You were nice and sweet and a very fun person to hang out with, you were patient and knowledgeable even when you happen to not belong from their world you seemed to fit in naturally.
Time and time again he always felt so different when he's with you. No it's definitely not the bad kind! It's more nice and comfortable probably something more than just friends.
"You like them." Lilia says with a smug grin interrupting his thoughts.
"I do" Silver says unhesitantly.
"No no romantically~" Lilia says in a rather teasing tone.
"I do?" Silver says cocking his head to the side he's not sure if this is a question to himself or to Lilia...but a part of him sorta knew he does like them. No- he loves them. He always did and now that he realizes it he can't stop the red hues spreading across his cheeks which earned a small chuckle from Lilia.
His heart beats aloud. Ever since Lilia mentioned it, ever since he realized his true feelings. His heart kept pounding so hard that he kinda fears you can hear it every time you and he hangs out.
Lilia and Malleus has been pushing him to go confess. And they've been doing everything necessary to console him that they definitely like him back too. They've even helped set up a date so he could confess his feelings to the [girl/boy] he likes.
The only issue is he couldn't somehow muster his courage to confess much to Lilia and Malleus annoyance (they're not mad just a lil stressed they're playing the long game).
Several times passed by and he finally somehow gained courage in doing so after a long sermon from Sebek on how he's stressing out Malleus-sama yada yada yada.
It was past Midnight and they met up by the garden behind Ramshackle dorm. Their usual hangout place.
"Silver hey!! How's your day been?" They gingerly asks him.
Silver smiled at the sight. He could barely see them and he can't help but be a lil mesmerized at the sight of his beloved laying flat on the grass their face leaning to the side covering half of their face as they remain staring at the fireflies dancing on a row of Dasies, the light from the fireflies and moonlight illuminating their figure and he felt as if he fell for them once again. "Oh...same as usual" he chuckles as he sat beside them.
They stayed like that for several minutes, silent although not awkward but rather comforting.
"Soo...I would like to tell you something" they both spoke in unison startling them and made them chuckle.
"You go first" They said.
"No No you first!" Silver says back.
"Ehh?? No you first!"
They sat there in silence for a moment before Silver takes a deep breath and broke the silence
"So..."
"So?"
"I...have something to confess"
"go on" they urged him.
"I like...no love you" he confesses.
"..."
"..."
"It's ok if you don't like me back...I just wanted to get this off my chest" he says as he watches their features get a lil startled.
"No no! Silver....I...love you too." they said covering their face as it gets a tint of red but something in their eyes shows a hint of sadness.
"You don't have to force yourself to like me." he mutters.
"No no!! It's complicated...I do love you...it's just that..." *they take a sharp breath. "I'm cursed..."
Silver took a moment to process their words. "You're...cursed?" he repeats as his eyes widens and his mouth went hanging open.
They nod as they sat up and face him.
"...How heavy is it? Maybe we could find a cure, I'm sure Malleus-sama and fath-err Lilia-sama is willing to help." He says his eyebrows creasing as he looked at them filled with worry. He felt a tightness in his chest as he awaits for them to answer his question...on the back of his mind he could already tell where this is going.
"I don't really recall when or where I got it...but it's definitely not here in NRC or the day I arrived here. But umm...It can't be cured.."
"It...can't?"
They nods. " It can't..."
"B-...but...don't say that! I'm sure we'll find something! There's a plenty of books and spells here i'm sure one of them will be the cure."
"It can't....that to make it simpler I'm sorta allergic to magic..." they said as they looked away placed a handkerchief on their cheek and wipes away some concealer revealing some dark heavy cracks like tattoed on their skin. He could already tell it's covering them from head to toe with how heavy it looks.
Silver stares...he couldn't muster a word...Allergic to magic?...what how?...but-....
"yeah...i'm sorry. It's none of your fault, I promise. I love hanging out with you and everybody else Malleus, Lilia, Sebek, Ace and Deuce and all of them!" They said.
Silver could tell they were trying to keep a brave face for him...and it hurts...he should have said it sooner...he should have done more with them...he should have notice something was wrong and found a cure immediately...but it's all too late. He couldn't utter a word...his face remain stiff and his heart felt as if it's being squeezed the life out of it.
'It hurts' he thought. 'They must be hurting really badly and I couldn't do a thing' he thought once more as he unclenches and clenches his fist his head hanging low and thank seven he is sitting down if not he might have stumbled and fell.
"Don't be down Silver...I really don't blame any of you..Not you, Malleus, our friends who overblotted, or anyone else. It's my choice to remain close with you guys...I love hanging out with you all and most especially I love you." They said as they cup his cheeks, their eyes gets watery and it wavers as it stares at his.
"I don't want you gone..."
"I don't wanna leave either"
"How long....how longer do you think you'll last" he managed to say his chest felt so stuffy and it's so hard to breath but he tries...he tries so hard to keep a straight face to not worry them and hurt them further.
"...not so longer than several more minutes" they hesitantly said as they leaned their head on his chest.
They stayed silent for a while with Silver hugging them in his arms, his head hanging low on their shoulder nuzzled on their neck.
"Will you kiss me?" They said their hand digging on his silvery locks.
"Yes" He answers back with no hesitation as he leans away for a bit and stares at their eyes longingly.
He presses his lips on theirs, he felt them gasp their body stiffen for a moment before relaxing. They kiss and it felt like time stopped and everything around them disappears. Silver watches them as their eyes flutter shut as their body shivers with delight as he deepens the kiss.
It felt as if it was just the two of them their fingers laced together while his other hand wrapped around their waist and theirs on the back of his head pulling him closer desperately as if their life depends on him. If only it was then maybe they would have lived longer.
The kiss lasted for about a minute...before he felt their body go cold and the hand holding onto him goes limp.
He kisses them back awaiting for their response. None.
He kisses them again and squeezes their hand pulling them closer, yet they didn't answer back.
Ah, it looks like he can't keep his poker face on anymore. Tears gently falling as he held their corpses that slowly turns into dust, no more was the person he fell in love with. No more was their laughter, their playful bantering, their voice... it so quiet now.
"It feels so simple... loving you, always..."
"It feels so painful... I hate it so much."
Love is such a lovely thing...so mysterious, so sudden...but sadly not all love ends with a happy ending...it can really really hurt sometimes....
𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: No matter what know that you're loved, so don't cry on sad days darling 🫶.
𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐎O𝐂 𝐔𝐧𝐧ä𝐦𝐞𝐝, suicidal thoughts, suicide, lots of depression mentioned.
You smell the freezing air of your still bedroom, there's a strange feeling about today. You felt pretty tired for someone normal so "happy", drained to say the least. But it's not like you haven't face this type of tiredness before, every time you wake up and wash your face in the sink, every time you stared out of your window and hear people laughing, every time you question your parents arguements.
Was it because of you? Did you do something wrong? Why does it feel like your being attacked like this? When in reality there's nothing wrong, nothing's wrong, it's just you lying on the bedroom floor with no recollection of the night before.
You stood up and made your bed, it wasn't hard since you barely slept on it. You checked the clock on your desk, it was only 5:30 in the early morning, it felt like an eternity had passed with you and you alone in your little world.
Your parents weren't around, you moved away from them due to complications but the reason was because you felt like a big burden, somehow every time you talk to them a scowl is present, every time you went on about your day they're ignorant to you, how bothersome of you.
'What about your siblings? Surely they love you, right?' If only you could have such thoughts, maybe you wouldn't have to feel so lonely and broken everyday. You're hated by your own immediate family, what makes you think other people care for you? What do others see in you? What do those friends think of you? Ẃ̸̙̻̗͙̥̠̠h̵̰̠͉̰͉͔̲̊͋́͂̑͘à̴͍͚̈́̀͑̽̐͘ṫ̵̠̯̮̊̏̏̊ ̴̲̹̞͌̋d̴̢̧̞̹̼̜̈́̍ö̸̮́̈́͋̕ ̶͓̽̽̉̉̿̍̔̑̆͝y̵̳̫̲̜̦̑̄̄̒̓͗̽͜͜o̵̳͇̓̈́̿̓̀̌͐͌u̵̧̨̜̠̫͍͓͉͐̓̀̈́͆̍̈́̾͠ ̶̧̛͔̮̻̙̟̩̜̈́ͅt̵̛̛̺̲̘̪̾̅͋̓͐̽͒ḫ̷͙̣̗͙̼̉͋̉̀̏̈́͂͘̚i̵̥̼͍̙̇n̶̖̯̜̖͚̩̪͙̈̈́̿ķ̵͖̙̲̫̘̘͋ ̴̨͈̪̳̦͉̗͕̈́̏o̷̩̒̕f̵̛̥̳̺͓̀̓̀̔ ̷̠̩̕ÿ̸̡͎̘̗͉̰̫͉̼́̔̆̽o̷̥̮̩̳̠̿̓̑͐̕u̴̯͕̱̱̹͊̓̎̽̓̏̃͐̆͝r̵̤̓̈́s̸̨͍͚̘̥̭̳̣̾̀͐̽̉̓͜ẻ̷̢̮̞̾̚ḻ̵̨͇̭͈̹͎̙̇́f̴̤̣͍̈́̽̋̂̇̾̕͝͠?̶̢̛̠̳̭͚͇̉́̇̌͑̌̈̚͝
You don't know, you don't know, you don't wanna think about it anymore, anymore of this thinking and you'll start crying again. There's really no reason for you to feel happy lately, why should you be happy? When you're just a waste of space. The world wouldn't know of your disappearance so why bother venting to people?
You sat on your bed pathetically thinking of your little existence that you failed to notice the sun had already rose. Soft sunlight peaked through your blinds, seems like another day has come.
You prepared yourself for another day of school, another day of you learning things that will end up laying to waste, why learn if you're never going to use it in your life. There's such a strange controversy within you, one part of you feels like staying at home and laying to waste but another part of you feels like then you're gonna waste the money your parents send each month for you to study.
The walk to school was... busy to say the least, you lived near the school anyways so it made sense that you walked their from your little rented apartment, however it seemed like you're alone again. People continuously walked as you had nothing better to do than to stare at the passing people, life felt a little too boring for now.
You made it on time, it looks like someone died due to an accident, people looked so sorrowful, it seems like people only care about you when you die. The air matched your expression so there was no doubt you matched the crowd, minus the screaming and crying from the parents when they went and retrieve the student's belongings.
You wonder, if you knew of that student dying beforehand, would you have replaced them and took the blow instead? Maybe you could have saved them if you were there, maybe it should have been you who should have died that day.
It's useless thinking about that though, what use is of thinking of someone else's death and then saying that it should have been you instead? What's done can't be reversed, everyone would die eventually it's just a matter of time.
What's wrong with it though? What's wrong with wanting someone to live happily even if it meant you've never met them before. You rather live in a life filled with joy along with hardship, rather than a lonely one with comfort, you can't do anything right, can you?
'Where are you right now?' How tiring was it to reach out to people and make their days better, but putting a smile on their face somehow makes you feel valued and loved as someone at least, nobody needs to know how you're feeling, it should be all about them sometimes.
'Are you okay?' Sometimes you wished someone took the time to ask you these types of questions, but no one will, because if you act like you have a problem they'll call you an attention seeker, but if you don't show it they'll never know and would excuse saying that you seemed like there's nothing wrong.
'Please talk to me' when was the last time someone said that to you? Days? Months? Years? Nobody will ever reach out to you, so you'll have to be the one reaching out to them, if they're having a bad day you'll talk to them and cherish them. Because it's the only way you'll feel like someone cares about you.
'It hurts but you'll be alright, I'll be here to heal your wounds each time' you miss the people who were once like this to you, people who loved you and cared for you. But now everyone's too busy with life, you're also busy just getting yourself out of bed and trying not to cry.
'I'm here' you hate your existence, you're a waste of something space, talentless, no one would notice you're gone. Yet somehow you always hoped there was someone who was there to comfort you and give you the love and confirmation you needed.
Your days ended with the midnight skies once more littered with stars, it's pretty, unlike you and people actually love it more than you. On nights like these you feel a bit comforted, like someone is there for you, someone who's there to tell you it's okay to feel like a piece of trash sometimes but to know that you aren't one.
On the balcony your view of the city was breath taking, somehow you hear someone's laughter of joy from miles away, you hear a mother singing to her child and calling them her everything, you hear someone talking to their siblings and having fun, and with each one of those voices you felt even more pathetic, maybe once upon a time you would have been loved exactly like that, but not now.
You took your shoes of and sat down near the railing, it's so beautiful up there you almost feel guilty for witnessing such a beautiful scene, it wasn't particularly cold either. You laughed at the thought of someone crying over your death, who would do so? Your parents? Maybe but at the same time they'll be embarrassed at the fact they have such a fragile child. Your siblings could be a good choice, but knowing them you know they'll never care even if it was your last meeting. Your friends would cry, the ones you consider your family might, but you know they'll move on quickly due to how fast paste life is.
"Hey, what do you think you're doing?" You turned around as someone stood there, a bit further away from you.
You smiled thinking that at least there was someone who noticed your presence, so you jumped.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"You're god damn crazy if you think I'm gonna let you die in front of me." You felt someone holding onto your hand and the collar of your shirt. "Too crazy!"
"..." your eyes met with the stranger's deep blue ones, you can't seem to understand what they are thinking about.
"Jeez, you're either really clumsy or just outright crazy trying to die in front of someone." Somehow they managed to pull you to safety, however you don't think you're really that terrified of death anyways.
"..." you sat on the ground staring a far, you're probably gonna get scolded for trying to commit suicide.
"Aren't you gonna say anything?" What should you say? 'Sorry I tried to jump it'll happen again?' You don't know, what should you say?
You sat there like a helpless and broken child, are you expecting that they comfort you? What a delusional person you are, you stood up and picked up your shoes trying to leave, however that stranger isn't letting you go just yet.
"Don't you think it's kinda rude leaving your savior?" You felt their eyes peering down at you, how uncomfortable.
"Please stop talking... I really don't wanna hear others right now." You don't like it, you really don't like it, please stop making you feel bad for yourself. "Why did you save me? It's rude to save people who don't wanna be saved you know?"
"... learn to cherish life... I guess you must have been through lots of things to resort to this?" You're not sure, maybe you really are just a dramatic child? "Whatever it is I still think that death isn't really the right answer."
"If it wasn't the answer then why do so many people do it? Why do so many look for it if they knew that?"
"That's the difference between most people and you, you're clearly too immature."
"Maybe you should go and save someone else then"
"I won't, because I have to help you first."
Yesterday's memory stuck to your head, and somehow here you are sitting next to an 'angel' on your bed. Somehow you were saved by them, they weren't supposed to be able to touch you however.
'If you can see the dead or things that aren't meant to be seen despite being alive, that means you're closer to death than you think.' Someone you knew once told you this when you were younger, and so you brushed it off thinking of it as another ploy to scare you. Turns out it was true after all, or was it?
"How do I know if you're not some creepy stalker who follows me around? Because I really don't believe in god you know." The stranger only shrug their shoulder, they somehow managed to convince you to bring them back to your home.
"If you don't believe in what I am that's alright, but believe me when I say that I'm here for you." You don't want to believe them, such a person feels like a con artist, yet somehow you believed them anyway.
You didn't have school for the day so you decided to make a small plan of staying at home, like an introvert. The stranger however looked like they had other plans for you.
"Are you gonna just sit at home all day?" You look up from your phone to see their judgmental face, isn't that a familiar face.
"I don't really have any hobbies or friends, what are you expecting?" For some reason just after you said that they grinned looking like they just came up with a plan. "No-"
"What?"
"No I am not making friends-" but before you could say anything they pulled you out of the comfort of your bed, it was time you woke up either ways.
"We don't have to make friends, but maybe try to help you find a good hobby." That's what they all say.
For some reason you found yourself and the stranger at an familiar beach after taking a train, the weather was quite gloomy with few people actually being there. The sky was gonna rain soon, winds started rising as people packed their stuff, leaving you to stare at the endless sea and dark clouds.
"So what do you think of this place?" Rain poured heavily, however you were fine, because the stranger was holding an umbrella and sheltering you.
"...Good I think." It's been a little too long since you last saw the ocean in it's beautiful glory.
"Come on, let's go pick up some sea shells, it'll be fun." For some reason you can't help but listen to their voice.
Perhaps it was because you didn't pay attention to what they said, because the next thing you knew was that you were drenched in the rain stunned, adding salt to the injury it started to rain even harder than before. You panicked after settling the fact you were drenched in the rain and it was now super cold, but the stranger didn't seem to mind the cold rain at all, white hair wet under the cloudy skies, golden eyes shimmering as they searched for the sea shells.
'This was stupid' and it was in your perspective, after all who would just go out in the rain like this for some sea shells? Yet somehow you did it anyways, you dragged your feet across the sand to feel if there were any sea shells beneath the cold and wet sand.
You both slowly treated it as a competition, whoever found the most sea shells win sort of thing, you were surprisingly into it and started fighting for the winning spot. You both went all and beyond, throwing sand at each other, pushing each other into the sea..., you didn't really think you'd be that energetic in awhile.
"Isn't this better than sulking inside a room all day?" You lie on the cold sand, water all over you, you don't really feel better but it did help you run around more.
"No" you don't wanna admit the fun sometimes, why is that?
"One day, I know you'll admit it one day." The rain parted slowly, somehow you felt jealous of people like the stranger.
Under blue sky you found yourself enjoying a sandwich with the black hair stranger, it was noon by then. You still hated going outside, it was really unbearable to do so if you don't really have much of a choice.
"Stop looking so tense~ I heard beaches were a thing you liked right?" You don't know where they got that information.
"It was... a really long time ago, you're a really creepy stalker." They looked offended and gasp like how a mother who's kid just said they like their dad more.
"I am not a creepy-" "plus how long are you even gonna stay with me." You think it'll be fun to tease them till they leave.
.
.
.
"I'll be here for you til you don't see me anymore." You brushed it off as them saying stupid things again.
You lack the energy to get up in the morning, but your new roommate had plenty of it to yank you out of bed each morning. Yup, they moved in with you, you later learnt that they didn't really have a name and was called Unnämed by many people, most of them just call them U-San though.
How they convinced you it was a good idea to let them move in with you? You don't know, that part of your memory seems to have stopped existing. It wasn't all that bad living with a complete stranger, they just lighten up the place by a bit.
What happened to the shells from the beach? You kept them, they make nice gifts if you ever happen to have guest over.
"Don't you have school today?" U-San asked making you an egg sandwich.
"Yeah, but I'm not too worried, it's still early if you look at the clock." They woke you up an hour earlier than your school time so you aren't too worried.
"Guess that's my fault then" you didn't mind the fact you woke up earlier than usual, it just means you can see the city from the balcony before going to school.
You brought the dirty dishes to the sink before leaving to go on the cold rooftop, it's really cold and pretty in the early morning. There's only the sound of cars from afar, your heart beating and the rising sun.
"Hey isn't this where we first met?" You stumbled for a bit before turning back to see them, you swore you could have fallen of the railing if that happened again.
"Mhm... it's pretty nice up here." You felt a hug from behind you, normally you would have shouted for them to get off, but for some reason you couldn't bring yourself to do so.
"...If you want we could spend time here until you go to school" sinking into their warmth you don't seem to feel cold anymore.
"You're just trying to prevent me from jumping" you're blabbering nonsense again.
"Is it bad to want to protect someone?" You shook your head but..
"It's cruel to save someone who doesn't want to be saved."
A few minutes later you found yourself walking to school with a small bento box you never knew you had, it's okay you were tired of buying convenient store food anyways. For some reason, you didn't feel so sad today...
Life seemingly moved on with other people, the weather was bright and it was like no tragedy ever happened... people were so quick to heal from trauma and pain huh? Your day also passed on the same with the quick paced life.
You didn't have many friends, it's not like you were intending to make friends with anyone either ways, people are annoying.
'Stop gossiping..' already you can hear them from miles away, how do they have the energy to be like that? Being happy isn't the only answer to those smiles...
"𝙷𝚘𝚠 𝚛 𝚞𝚞𝚞𝚞?" You received a message from an unknown number... except you knew who this was immediately.
"𝚂𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚍𝚒𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚖𝚢 𝚗𝚞𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛?" You wanted to play things off as you being fine.
"𝙽𝚘𝚝 𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚝, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎𝚏𝚞𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚍𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚔𝚊𝚢 𝚊𝚝 𝚜𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚘𝚕 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚗𝚘𝚠." You scoffed before knowing it, you were grinning like an idiot, you're happy for receiving a text message?
"🫶" maybe you don't hate going to school so much anymore.
"No snacks til after lunch!!" You were caught reaching for the snack drawer while U-San was distracted with a problem you caused. "Hey get back here!!"
"You'll never catch me alive!" You started running with the snacks in your hands.
It had been a while since you first met them, your mood really improved in a couple of months huh? Ah you don't understand how all these mental things work either way, maybe just go with the flow of life?
You hated the fact you're smiling so much these days that your face hurts, you don't like the fact people point out how cheerful you look lately, you hated it. But it's alright, at least now you don't hate yourself as much anymore.
That stranger... no your friend, the person who suddenly waltz into your life and made everything seemed a little brighter, was someone you wanted to protect so badly. You liked it when they would make you lunch to bring to school, you liked it when they would try to get you to do random things with them, you liked them.
"Give them back" you turned away looking in the opposite direction, you hid the stack of sweets in your closet.
"I have no idea what you're talk about" you let your guard down though, they tackled you to the ground before tickling you to make you tell them where the snacks were.
"Give it up before it gets worse~" panting in between breath you only smirked before attacking them in their weak spot.
Yeah somehow you ended being closer than ever, how confusing, it's too confusing, what's going on here? One moment you two don't even know each other now you're both acting like you've known each other for ages.
"(Y/n), you're not sad anymore, right?" How should you answer this one?
"Why'd you ask?" Your head on their shoulder while you both played games, you gotten so close haven't you?
"It's nothing... I'm just really glad you looked so much brighter and happier." But not without them for some reason, you liked staying like this for a while longer.
If they asked you would you trade your current life for a happier life? You'd asking them for the catch, because there's no way such an offer would exist if it doesn't have a condition. They knew that, they knew that if they left you'd return beck to your old self, the you who can't smile like now.
The angel who wanted to protect their human, the angel who wasn't supposed to even be there in the first place, they came for you and they'll leave for you.
"I'm sorry.."moonlight peaked through the blinds into your bedroom, you looked so peaceful right now.. "I'm sorry for doing this."
So while you were asleep they held you for the last time in their arms, you won't even remember a single thing, not a single indication that someone once came into your life before.
While it breaks their heart to leave you, they have to go, they could only stay here for such a short time after all. Nothing last forever others said, all things must come to an end, but they know you'll live like anyone else, you're strong and happy now and they want you to be so even after they're gone.
'I love you' was their biggest lie no matter how true it was, it was still a lie from them to you.
'I'll always be there for you' can they even face you anymore with how much they've tricked you?
"I'm sorry"
The past few months have been... a blur to you. You don't seem to remember what happened but something felt a little off, you just can't seem to put your finger on it though?
You felt more energized than you were before, and for some reason you liked going out more, maybe it's to have fun? No maybe it wasn't that, because for some reason you're feeling a little too lonely for comfort.
Getting out of your bed you notice something different about you, it's that you don't feel as pathetic as before. Maybe whatever happened within those months was probably a really good thing, which somehow made you smile a bit hoping for something.
Your small little home with just you and your books, your imperfect life doesn't seem that bad to live in anymore, like as if it was fixed. You got ready and left for another new school year, nothing really changed much as it was in your memory.
And for a while you lived quiet peacefully, there was nothing bad happening for a long while but things got bored really quick. So you started to look for something to do, an old hobby in which you picked up.
Things got dark real fast.
Somehow when you picked up that hobby again you got worried, what would people think of you? What would happen if someone found out you did this? Is it okay to let people know? Or do they already know?
Nonetheless you continued to do what you loved, it was like that at first wasn't it? You always thought your passion would be repaid if you kept on going and did what you loved, that eventually you'd be fine showing what you love to the world.
However things got worse, the more you showed the world the more they demanded, the more you tried to do the more you drain yourself. Slowly but surely you're drowning in hate again when you tried to stop, you liked to please people a little too much, didn't you?
Wasn't that why you hated yourself in the first place? The reason why you looked for advice and comfort from those you call close and yet very few answered that call. It hurts to realize that most people won't even hear your words, doesn't it? Your values are measured by how well you did it, by how well you perfected and how you positioned yourself.
You grew to hate the loneliness that surrounded you, yet you're scared of talking to people, it's ironic isn't it? You had to learn to get used to this loneliness or talk to people.
"Ah I'm sorry" was always what they say when you tried picking up a conversation, there goes your confidence in wanting to make friends, it was easier talking to people online.
"You make it easy for people to ignore you" there no point in looking like a clown if people don't like you, you'll just get hate for it.
"You gotta stand up for yourself sometimes" and others say that with such a straight face, can't those people live in your shoes for once and see how much you hate your life? At this point you're grateful for having so many people remind you that you're a mistake sometimes.
So then you close your eyes and let the world swallow you a whole, a good night's sleep suddenly became such a rare thing for you.
In a distant world from the one you knew, somehow things felt a lot calmer than you expected... it's such a beautiful dream for a sinner all of a sudden. You liked it here where there's no one else but you, maybe this is heaven for someone like you who wants to spend their days reflecting on what they did wrong.
It wasn't some white or black void, a small flower field which isolated you from the annoying world you came from, you want to stay here forever.
"You're not supposed to be here" you thought you were alone... apparently you weren't as someone you couldn't see clearly spoke up.
You kept your distant from them, the stranger carrying an umbrella, do you happen to know them somehow? White coat with a small key on their necklace, they don't look like someone who belongs here either..
However there's so much one can do in a dream, before you could even open your mouth and say something you woke up once more and greeted the morning skies... what a strange encounter.
What was that strange encounter? Guess you'll never know, dreams are something that's too expensive to even think of, you're never meeting that person anyways so might as well forget what happens.
Life should have continued on even without you, and it would for everyone else, so tired for some reason you closed those eyes once more. It's the weekends and you don't have any plans anyways, might as well get some rest.
"You're so strange... we're you always this weak in life?" You're in a dream again... this doesn't feel so bad, if it weren't for the fact you're being bridal carried by the stranger from before. "You couldn't even speak before fainting huh?"
"Somehow this makes me wanna protect you, as if you were my everything" how sappy... you'd rather read romance novels than be here.
Dreams are weird... people are weird... you don't like the fact you're meeting people in your dreams. Especially the type that loves you for no apparent reason, they're definitely a figment of your imagination.
Have you gone crazy for being isolated from the world? You don't wanna admit it, please don't make you admit the fact you've grown to become sad and lonelier than ever.
You hate the fact you can't even talk to others without looking like you're gonna be crying for another long time, there's almost no one else but you in this lonely place you called home.
"Did you know you cry in your sleep?" Ah you feel asleep again... you could feel them drying the tear stains off your face.
"You don't talk much, but that's alright. There's so much you do even without needing to say a thing." You don't get it though, what have you done so far in your dreams?
Slowly you found yourself falling in love Å̵̟̭̹̫̌̊́̾̆̌̈́g̷͚͖̅͒̈͋̿̆̐͝å̴̧̼̫͍͕͎̩̪̽̂͠͠͝͝ī̵̧̖̻̺͚͔̱̋͋̇͊̐̓̉͘n̸̢̛̼͎̳̗̠̰̪̊͂̆̒̉̿͐͗͘?̵̨͕͉̲̯̹̮̬̘̣́̅́͌͌̊́̌͐?̸̛̯̺̥͕͂͌́̔̃̚͝ͅ?̸̮̫̂̍̊̉̽̏̑̀̈́ this is bad... really bad... it's not bad if you fall in love with real people, but really a dream?
But why do you wanna stop waking up? If it's so bad then why do you just wanna stay with them in that dream and never wake up? Even a dream is better than living in a world filled with pain, your tempted to stay there..
So of course you became the idiot and tried to extend your time in those dreams... you tried taking more pills, you tried to fall back asleep every time you wake up, you reminded yourself each time certain things could bring you back to reality...
"I love you~" stop saying that, stop saying words that don't mean a thing...
"I don't wanna see you cry." Stop making it harder for yourself to want to wake up sometimes.
"I'll be here for you." Stop hoping for a tomorrow that will never happen.
You often mindlessly look out the window after most of these dreams, what do they represent? They can't just keep showing up like this... but at the same time that's what you're afraid of, what if that world someday disappears? The one that some how made you smile for a while before crying again?
Your addicted to this painful feeling, this feeling in which you swore you've never felt before, it's as if you were in love before. But it was only you before... who else could have come before? You don't remember having anyone close to you.
You don't remember when you collected those seashells which laid and had dust gradually built up, you don't remember being so many snacks before, you don't remember playing video games with anyone. So how come whenever you look at those thing you get a weird sense of nostalgia?
"I love you" words which came so surprisingly out of your mouth, and they heard it too.
"I love you too" yet somehow they looked so sad when you said it, today's dream was a little different than usual...
"Thanks for being here with me.." and just as your eyes closed once more... you saw their smile...
Ah... so that was the last time you saw that stranger... you could say that part of you was relieved that it had ended, but the other part of you... the other part of you knew that this pain was too much too bare either ways.
If you continued to stay quiet would the dreams have continued? If you didn't do anything but just stayed there could you have stayed forever? Even the most prettiest of things given you are broken of your own doing, how are you still alive until now? It just doesn't fit right with you.
So you'll admit it.. You're weak, you're a crybaby, you're lonely, you're a mistake, you're a painful reminder to people, many wished for your death, you acknowledge it all. You don't wanna live in your own lie anymore... but at this painful truth could you accept it?
Could you accept living a life that is a constant reminder of your failure as a person, you're failure as a child, and your failure to a friend? It was a real blessing to have lived so long huh?
Steadily from your bed, you began walking towards the rooftop... fond memories replayed in your head, you remember when you were once loved for your skills. You remember how for a time you could enjoy talking to people normally, you remember someone who probably didn't even existed.
The city covered in snow light up the night sky as always, such was the view you had every time you visited this rooftop, you almost want to continue living... such a hopeful scene for a hopeless person.
"Don't do something stupid.." you turned your head around to see a black haired stranger, it feels nostalgic to see them for some reason.
"Don't do something you might regret...? I know how it goes.." you sat down near the railing, might as well be here for a little longer... maybe you'll have some fond memories before going?
"If you knew how it would go... then why are you here?" Catching the falling snow, your hands tremble.
"Because I like it... I like to make some fond memories you know?" Your eyes wonder from the city view to their face, a cold look.
"You can talk to people if you're not feeling alright." If only you could have the confidence to come out like that... maybe this wouldn't be how you want to end things. "You don't wanna do this... do you?"
.
.
.
"I do... that's why I wanted to stop hoping for a tomorrow that might not exist." Feeling a sudden embrace from behind your back... you could feel something inside you burst.
"What's wrong with hoping for a tomorrow?" What's wrong with it? You don't know... but it doesn't feel right for you to do so.
"...How do you fix a world that's falling apart?" You felt them hugging you tighter, suddenly it becomes harder to breath... are you crying right now?
"You'll be alright... even if things aren't going so well right now..." stop it... stop saying these stuff, it's making you want to cry harder.
"Please just leave me alone!!"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Darling why are you spacing out again?" You snapped out of your daydream and notice your food burning, you got distracted again...
"Sh-" "No swearing!" Three months later from the incident you got yourself a lover, shocking you know.
You're still really afraid, you're afraid of not seeing them again someday, however you don't think they will disappear... ah what are you thinking about? You sound like a big creep right now for just thinking about this.
Now how did you score such a wonderful person? You have no idea, like it's the same as your mystery of being alive. It was fast to say the least how you two got together, well neither of you initiated the thing but one day you both woke and just decided you two wanted to date.
"So clumsy... I guess I can't really do much." Bowing your head down in embarrassment, your burnt dinner was thrown away. "I know I'm not some master chef but maybe you shouldn't cook any more."
"It's not like it happens all the time, I was just distracted." You saw them raising a brow before shrugging it off.
"One more time and the kitchen is off limits to you." You sighed in relief before realizing you could get away with cooking duty, should you?
For some reason though you don't feel as sad and pathetic as before, yeah sure life still sucks but it doesn't put you in despair. You'd be lying if you said they didn't help you in your lowest moments...
"I gotta go, I'll see you later~" and just liked that they slowly disappear again, you're still sad every now and then whenever they're gone but... you're trying to learn how to cope with somethings.
You visited the rooftop again later that day, a lot happened to you lately... but you don't really mind it anymore. Every now and then though you somehow can't help but wonder what it feels like to just jump already... but then again...
"You don't understand it do you?" It was really sudden... you thought you had upset them to the point they were gonna leave, but they didn't.
"How about we put it like this?" They took your hands in their and got closer to your face. "Rather than all the money in the world... or even a happy ending, I want you."
Slowly stepping away from the edge of the building, you smiled at such a precious memory and left a flower.
Hai everyone Norie here, thanks for reading this immature vent story of mine. It means a lot to me if you enjoyed reading this.
If it wasn't obvious then I'll say it, U-San came to me at my darkest of moments and I'm quite thankful they did before I did something stupid, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate you who's reading this as well.
Dirty plates on the sink, messy bedroom, this was definitely your apartment alright. It was definitely different from how you remembered it… what happened last night? Suddenly a phone rang on the counter, you hesitated after seeing the number but something tells you to pick up the phone.
“Hello..?” It was… quiet on the other side. “Look it’s early in the morning and I don’t think a scam call would save me the headache”
“Who said anything about a scam call, wait, don’t tell me you didn’t save my number?” Realization hits you like a train as you recognized who’s voice it was. “It make me kinda sad..”
“…It’s 5:30 in the morning…” an awkward silence prologue. “So what the special occasion?”
“Nothing much, I was just wondering if you’re free for the day.” Looking back at your schedule… you didn’t have much to do.
“Nah I’m pretty free, why’d you ask?” Opening your window, the sun was rising slowly in the horizon, still cold but, you liked this view from your window.
“Well, was thinking on asking you to go out with me?”
.
.
.
“What?!” You just froze then right there on the window, you can’t feel your face from the shock someone in next door shouted a ‘it’s 5:45’.
“You don’t have to it’s just that there was a discount for couples at this place and I didn’t really know how to ask and-“ you didn’t completely follow but a date was still a date. “You know?”
“Sure I’ll go, but don’t get cold feet and leaving me alone.” You kind of stuttered but all you received was their light hearted giggling, it’s only 5 in the morning… why are you already catching butterflies?
“I won’t… I’ll pick you up at six thirty?” You had at most… 40 minutes to prepare, good enough.
“See you then.” You breathed in relief but then your face quickly flushes once more as you hugged your knees to your chest, you’re going on a date.
So you quickly jumped to your feet, and looked through your closet like a madman for the ‘decent outfit’ you almost never use unless it was a special occasion, but what you didn’t notice was the time passing by like water. And then the door knocked…
Spooked out, you looked at the clock and saw the time, it was 6:35… you were nowhere prepared… and so began your ‘panick like bocchi from bocchi the rock’ era. You didn’t even have time to clean the place up due to how busy you were frantically running towards the door before another knocked was heard.
“Good morning- a-are you okay (Y/n)?” Here lies you on the ground, ready for another battle to the death with your lungs.
“S-sorry just outta breath… pheeeeew..” you definitely felt the urge to crawl back into your closet again.
“You didn’t prepare for anything?” You feel like the kid who forgot to make the rice when your mom asked you to do it, shame, guilt…
“I didn’t know what to wear..” so you stood up and welcomed Unnämed inside, you definitely need to pull your life together…
You scratched your head in embarrassment as Unnämed looked around your messy apartment, surprisingly they didn’t look like your disappointed mom (sorry mom.). Instead they dead to your kitchen and looked through your fridge, ‘no need for the make yourself at home’ then.
“What are you doing..?” You looked curiously at them rummaging through your fridge.
“Making breakfast, there’s no rush for now so I thought I’d help out.” U-san said looking guilty. “And I didn’t have breakfast too…”
“Ah, of course but you don’t have to do anything I’ll-“ “No, I can handle a cooking, you look like you have others things to clean too right?” So you begrudgingly left the kitchen, praying that it wouldn’t burn down-
After awhile you finished cleaning up your small apartment as the smell of pancakes caught your attention, looks like they found the pancake mix. You walked into your small kitchen and found two plates of pancakes and a sink still full of plates plusing a dirty bowl of pancake mix and pan.
“Just in time! I made some pancakes, you didn’t have syrup or honey so I took your vanilla ice cream.” You sat down and stared at the stack of pancake on your table, it looked… really good.
“..No way..” you were a little stunned, not by the pancakes but by the look of U-San in a ‘kiss the cook’ apron. (Don’t mind if I do-)
“Is it… that bad?” You quickly snapped out of your trance and frequently shook your head, U-San looked happy again. “I’m glad… maybe we can go help you get ready next?”
“Eh?”
Pancakes were a little burnt but still good, you kinda liked it a lot but what came as a challenge next was your attempt to to keep U-San away from your bedroom, why? Well do you have to let them get to your mess of a closet there? Of course not so that’s why you’ve been stuck in an awkward position where every time U-San tries to open your bedroom door you drag them away.
“Come on! Just a quick look through your closet?” Unnämed said with puppy eyes, but you can’t allow it.
“No.”
“Please?”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No”
“Yes”
“No”
“No..”
“Yes, WAIT-“ you’ve been fooled by the oldest trick in the book.
You begrudgingly opened your bedroom door and ignoring the fact you had Chinese leftovers on your study table and a board filled with plans, U-San immediately started opening the drawers, this was a bad idea.
“So many… pjs…” you weren’t the type to go out too often so you were big on comfy.
“Ehe… sorry?” U-san seemed to be in deep thought before they grab some clothes, except for a shirt-
“Let’s go to my place, I think I have something that might just help you~” so are you two still going to that arcade or not-
7 am… you reached their place after a small walk. It was a pretty decent place too, Ah but then again they’re probably living better than you are with their friend group and popularity, who were you in someone else’s eyes.
It was oddly peaceful their place, not exactly clean but still it had a calming vibe to it. Quickly being pushed to the couch you sat there awkwardly as U-San rummaged through their closet for a shirt or something, but wait a minute why do you need to borrow their shirt-
“Here! You can try it out in my bathroom, it’s just right over there~” U-San handed you your clothes and pointed at a room a little further down their bedroom.
“Are you sure I don’t think I can just accept this-“ “(Y/n), it’s fine, besides it’s been a while since we hung out so why not?” You shook your head and took the clothes either way.
Stuck in the cramp bedroom you twist and turned around hanging your clothes, they picked out a pretty decent outfit to say the least. You smiled fondly at the printed borzoi doodle on the shirt.
“I knew I had some taste in fashion~” you shook your head but still gave them a silent agreement.
“I admit it alright? Now when’s our little date starting.” Wasting no time U-San grabbed your hand and took their keys, you left your clothes in the bathroom-
“Starting…now~!” You can’t help but stare at those gleeful blue eyes.
You wonder how you became so lucky to have known them in the first place, because truly you feel like they deserve better than someone like you. You’re even going on a date with them, if you shut down that call earlier… you might have really regret it.
You both walked towards a crossing before they stopped and looked back at you, they looked a bit hesitant.
“(Y/n)-san, I need to ask you something.” You paused for a moment wondering if you did anything wrong before trembling asked them if anything was wrong. “Ah no it’s just that I wanted to hold your hand.”
“Huh-“ you just stood there like a statue as all five of your senses went into fight or flight mode.
“You get lost too easily, the place is pretty big as well so I don’t wanna loose track of you while we’re there.” They spared no time and grabbed your hand, you both quickly rushed through the crowd as their excited laughs were heard.
What was that smell? Oh wait it was the smell of your burning face and the butterflies threatening to eat their way out from your stomach.
You weren’t sure why they asked you instead of everyone else but now you’re pretty sure you know why, the said place they were taking you out on a date was the newly opened arcade, it was only a few blocks away from your place. The other reason was because it was somewhere deep in the alleyway, not a good place to start a business but really rent is too expensive.
“…This is crazy.” What you didn’t mention though was the fact that this alleyway was a mini China town, so yeah it super crowded.
“I forgot how crowded these places get…” this still was busier than the usual, looks like the opening got to people’s ears and tripled.
“Let’s go?” Still you look back, they nodded as you smiled.
Navigating through the alleyway was no problem for you except for when you’re being squished through the crowd like pancakes, maybe you should have eaten a dumpling for breakfast instead… Eventually you stepped on something, it was a cat, and don’t worry as soon as you felt something wrong you let go, so the cat was okay, but not you fell.
“Careful now.” You braced yourself for the impact yet instead you felt someone’s hand behind your head, as you opened your eyes you realized… you were facing U-san’s chest, yep you’ve been unintentionally kabedonned. “ I didn’t think things would get this messy.”
“So… I’m pretty sure we’re close to the arcade so it’s… fine.” Unnämed slowly moved along with the crowd still holding your hand. “Just a little more.”
Unnämed felt happy, maybe a bit better due to them pulling you out of your comfort zone and you seemed to be enjoying it. Normally they couldn’t even talked to you that much due to your more… reserved nature, but it was such an improvement for them to see you like this.
You were very timid, at least that’s what they think, it could be different for others though… Unnämed liked it whenever you smiled but it was always so hard to grab a hold of it, should they have captured your moments on camera? Their emotions are in a mess, do they like you? Do they see you as a friend? Do they think of you as a sibling? Do you look like them?
“We’re here.” They have a habit, it was something they picked up from your words. “Phew… I hate crowds.”
“Yeah, let’s go have some fun.” You once told them that whenever you get caught up in a problem, you’d close your eyes and stop thinking about it. “Betting that I’m gonna win more prizes than you~”
“Is that a challenge~?” God must have really hated them, because they don’t even know what they could do to help you feel better with all the stress and problems bothering you. “ Well then let’s turn this into our little bet, then, whoever wins more tickets has to do what the other says then.”
“A bit cliche but, I’m willing to take my chances.” In the end, it’ll work out, they’re sure of it…
So you ended up getting separated… it’s alright you’re in a challenge! No time to waste you started to use the more ‘cheating method’, it was a dinosaur game that makes you throws balls at targets to earn points, the higher the score, the more tickets! Sometimes it’s good to cheat with what you have.
Another game you tried was more of a classic type, whack a mole, you might have accidentally hit the machine too hard but you got your tickets! Feeling like a gambler you tried out the lucky spin, you actually won 500 tickets from it, nice.
You also managed to get a stuffed fireball with a cute face on it, very warm. You haven’t seen Unnämed anywhere, seems like they’re on the upper floors… but then again you two did split out… there’s an hour left before you two meet again for the bet.
Let’s count your finances first, so far you got 652 tickets, 2 fireball plushies, and 1 free lollipop from a kid. Not bad but you still had some coins left for another game, however coincidentally you also met U-San there as well.
“ ah, how many tickets did you get?” You saw them holding a few plushies in their arms as well, you wonder what it would be like to be the plushies-
“Somewhere around 650-ish, how about you?” They nodded, seems like you and them either have a close amount or just behind each other a bit.
“Cool, want a plushie? I accidentally got too much.” Aren’t most of the machines rigged though?? “Here.”
“Oh uh thanks?” You’re still questioning the amount their holding right now after taking three from them.
Apparently you lost… you were short on five tickets, however they don’t know that yet since there’s still an hour left. You have to win another game before losing, you were a competitive person to say the least.
“I wonder how much I’d get from this game…” your eyes caught onto a punching game, how hard you punch it will determine the amount of ticket you get. “Let’s see..”
“Looks like you found an interesting game.” U-San peered over your shoulder, looks like you’ve found yourself in a pickle. “Looks fun!”
“…I’m almost out of coins so this would be my final game.” You had like four coins left, curse the rigged claw machine.
“Oh I also have four coins left too, how about this being our last game before we settle the bet?” Well let’s hope you’re strong enough.
You weren’t, you had a good punch but nope you were still weaker than U-San, you scored 145 psi… but U-San scored 180 psi. Gawd damn it, you didn’t know being weak was a mistake!
“I lost…” you felt your soul leaving your body, Unnämed pat your head with a sympathetic smile as they lead you to the gift exchanging booth.
“There there, don’t worry I’m not gonna make you do something uncomfortable.” That’s what they all say at first! “Okay you might be a bit uncomfortable but you might also be happy?”
Unnämed didn’t know how to console you, it looked like you wanted to win. You were kinda cute pouting so it was kind of a win for them either way. They had around 657 tickets, not including the amount they won from the punching game.
“I don’t know what to exchange… what do you think?” Snapping out of your sulking episode you looked around the counter, nothing caught your eyes yet.
“I’m not sure..” you caught sight of a cute dog plush, it looked like Mephistos. “How about that one?”
“Looks like, Mephistos.” Not like you wanted the plushie but it looked the most decent out of them all.
You both exchanged your tickets and got a few toys, surprisingly U-San gave you the Mephistos plushie, but then again who needs a knock off when you got the real thing.
For the rest of the day you both walked around all of the arcade, looks like you’re trying your best to make them forget the bet you made in a spur of moment. Unnämed knew that but they decided to play along, they’ll just remind you after you both had fun for now.
The stars flicker under the night sky… it was a new moon that night, it was dark but you didn’t feel so afraid nor lonely. U-San held your hand as you both walked home holding bags of today’s memories, too many stuff to keep but you decided to keep it either way.
“You know… you still haven’t heard of what I want you to do..” you froze in your steps looking nervously at Unnämed.
“Right… so what do you want me to do for you..” you nervously squeeze a fireball plushies with a tag that says ‘squish’.
“Well…”
They haven’t really thought about it either… what do they want them to do? They aren’t so sure but maybe they’ll just test the waters first…
“Go out with me.” The awkward air starts to rise, U-San looks to the ground their face a bit flushed not daring to face them. “It’s a bit sudden but that’s what I want you to do.”
“I’m not sure what you’re implying by that.” They could hear the hesitation in your voice, should they go further? Would this ruin what you both have?
“I…” their voice gets stuck in their throat.
Everything they do… sudden they find it embarrassing, the times where they would spend checking up on you, the times where they would hug you and give you head pats, the times they enjoy seeing your true personality shine through… they suddenly realized maybe they really do like you, but the question still stands… do you like them?
“(Y/n), I really have to ask you this..” they’re afraid, what happens if you only see them as friends? “And please be honest with me.”
“Do you like me? And more than a friend would.. I need to know.” You don’t know what to do or at least how to answer… did they know the answer before hand?
.
.
.
.
“I do, I’ve always liked you from the moment we meet.” You closed your eyes preparing to be rejected like how you always saw it, who would like someone like you?
“Thank you..” instead you felt them hugging you… you let go of your held breath and pat their back, you felt a single tear running down your face. “I like you a lot, so I hope this means you’ll hear my request?”
