The wonderings of a 20 something....

Lets greive the loss of our happy made up worlds 

[wherehavealltheunicornsgone]

Please disregard

When you know that you have been moved from one place to another, attempting to leave everything behind. When you see part of the old world and it feels so right without a hint of wrong that your heart aches. While knowing that you are currently being Lot’s wife looking back at what could have been. For all the new and good that has happened why will my heart not move on. I expected to miss it and even planed on some growing pains. What I did not expect was the first sighting, conversation and all the feelings that come with those. With how natural and sweet it was even while knowing it could never be. I just need my heart to move on. 

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

8 Myths about Happiness

1. I don’t deserve to be happy.

2. It’s selfish to want to be happy, or to prioritise your own happiness.

3. Others will find me irritating, and won’t want to be around me.

4. If I’m happy something bad will happen.

5. People will think I am superficial or not very smart. They won’t take me seriously.

6. I’d be happy if only I could have ….

7. Other people, or external circumstances, determine my level of happiness.

8. Misery’s more comfortable than happiness.

[wherehavealltheunicornsgone]

How I am feeling.

[wherehavealltheunicornsgone]

My heart is broken. I take solace in the fact that no parents, preachers, or children follow me here. I have been home for a week because of a death in the family. I don’t remember leaving home being this hard not since my Freshman year. It is taking all I have to stay on the secure side of the terminal, I want to graduate. Though my want to be here is much stronger right now. 

[weight-a-second]

why is berger so annoying….

[wherehavealltheunicornsgone]

He is like a grown up baby.  

Post it!

[ninamartel]

Did I ever really love Big or was I addicted to the pain, the exquisite pain, of wanting someone so unattainable?

SATC (via ninamartel)

[summernightbeer]

[wesaluteyoupeople]

Let’s Dance

[wherehavealltheunicornsgone]

I even have heels to prove it

[wherehavealltheunicornsgone]

The Ponderings of an SATC Addict

So for the last six months, I have been obsessed with Sex and the City. I have watched all 6 seasons 6 times since discovery, thank you Amazon Prime.With this has come many questions about life and love. 

The one that is on my mind today it Mr. Big, in the T.V. show Carrie ends up with him. Though in the book/ the actual author (real life Carrie) Candace Bushnell does not end up with her Mr. Big and ends up marrying her “Aleksandr Pertrovsky”, though he was actually a Ballet performer and not in the book. 

While Mr. Big is a real person for Carrie he is an illusion. Is it better to be with an illusion or a real person, Mabey it’s better to just be and take the world for who and what it is. Not to create the fantasy that when it starts to fall apart you can fall apart with it trying to hold the pieces together of something that never really existed. 

[wherehavealltheunicornsgone]

Life

Sitting in a class and a professor is on a tangent about a four-wheeler accident and how he does not know how he made it out. 

I am sitting her thinking I have no idea how I made it thru the past 6 months, one night a Coke-a-cola, a perfectly timed friend, and Jesus saved my life. Literally. 

Why/how did I make it this far? I hope to find out in the future.

[wherehavealltheunicornsgone]

If you see this say a little prayer or send good thoughts, to all who are struggling with self-harm or suicidal ideation. 

[wherehavealltheunicornsgone]

Questions

I  have to figure out how to tell my parents exactly what has happened over the last 6 months. I have no idea what I am going to do..

[wherehavealltheunicornsgone]

Good news

I got an A on a test that I took a couple weeks back. I also go my new debit card today!

[wherehavealltheunicornsgone]

Rough nights

Tonight my roommate told me that she wants a new adventure and is going to live with her math major friends (I am not hurt just a little surprised and upset that I’m such a hard person to live with), I have a friend staying with me tonight and my room is a mess from where I have been packing and getting ready to go on a cross-cultural trip. I have had to get a new phone (YAY and boo all the same time). I really cannot afford to have a bad night please pray that I will make it thru tonight without being stupid. 

[wherehavealltheunicornsgone]

Cross-Cultural

Well I, officially, am medically cleared to go on my school trip to Argentina. It has been a very stressful situation trying to get everything figured out and for me to truly be as stable as they needed for me to be. Dealing with mental health is not a joke and not something to be messed with, which is still something I'm learning each day.

[wherehavealltheunicornsgone]

Looking how you WANT to feel

Today I have to give a presentation for my cross-cultural trip that is in a month. Because of where I am at with fighting my mental disease, I only have an 85% chance of going. This is completely nerve racking for many reasons both financially and with credits. Anyway. I am a little bit dressed up for my classes tonight, but inside  I am in sweats, unshowered, and hiding in my room. I hope the outside world is not seeing the hidden part today. I hope I am coming across as a healthy, normal as I can be human being.... Pray, please.

[wherehavealltheunicornsgone]

Bad thing

Today marks one week since I engaged in a bad behavior. I started doing this last semester and stopped for a while but New Years started again. In the three-ish weeks that this was happening the behavior happened almost everyday if not more than once a day. I have survived a week with low caffeine and no bad behavior! Right now I feel like I can beat this illness!