her name is k a t h r y n : sometimes a b/vlogger, more often a wanderer and this is how she narrates her journey in conquering the world... one place at a time
I cleaned my Tumblr a few weeks ago and left it for a while because I really don’t know what to post or where to start. I was kind of hoping that an idea will pop out or come out if I give myself some time to refresh.
But, sadly, I still came up with nothing.
I’d like to create a blog where I can post my travel itineraries and stories, and my book reviews and recommendations. But really, I find it hard to come up with ideas. Give more time. Just more time.
FIRST ANNIVERSARY GETAWAY
Isla Puting Buhangin at Pagbilao, Quezon
April 2-3, 2016
For my second blog entry (hurray!) this 2016, I would like to share you our simple getaway last April when Daniel and I celebrated our first anniversary. I still remember when I made a blog series called Dear Daniel. We were two months together then, and now, look where this journey took us.
If you’ve been following me on Instagram (@nelakath), you’ll probably know that we went to the Isla Puting Buhangin or Kwebang Lampas in Pagbilao, Quezon during the start of the summer this year. If you’re interested on how we went there, how much we spent, or what to really expect in this place, you pretty much know what to do...
Before Daniel and I traveled, I usually read blog reviews about the place. What I took for granted is the date of the reviews. That’s why we ended up costing too much than what we expected. So here, I’m presenting a somehow-updated travel guide to Isla Puting Buhangin.
We left Alabang at exactly 2:00 PM on a Saturday of April 2nd, rode a bus going to Guinayangan, Quezon. You can also ride a bus to Tagkawayan. Just tell the conductor to drop you off to Pagbilao Town Proper or Bayan. The ticket costs around P150 each. We were expecting a 4-hour travel but failed. We arrived in Pagbilao at around 8:00 PM because of the terrible traffic along Laguna and Batangas. Because of this, we had to take a trike all the way to the drop-off point which costs P400. Yes, it costs more than our bus ticket from Manila to Pagbilao. If you want a less expensive ride, make sure to arrive at Pagbilao before 5:00 PM to catch up on the jeepney en route to the drop-off.
Finally, before 9:00 PM, we arrived at Kwebang Lampas. We were asked to pay for our whole stay, which I itemized below:
Overnight Entrance Fee - P160/head
Space for pitching a tent - P200
Boat ride (back and forth) - P25/head
Note: If you don’t have a your own tent, you have to rent one. It costs around P400-P500.
Our boat ride was short. Afterwards, we walked for 5 minutes until we reached the beach. When we arrived, the beach was PACKED. (Tip: Don’t go on a holiday or weekends or the start of summer.) It was already past 9:00 PM when we’re done pitching our tent. And we’re too exhausted to do anything. So, we just lied there -- listened to the people’s laughter and stared at the moon, until we both fell asleep.
We woke up around 6:00 AM and this is how the beach looks like. Very peaceful and quiet. This is EXACTLY why we came here.
We laid down a blanket and ate our breakfast with this view. (Yes, breakfast includes a bag of chips :P) We talked a lot and gave each other’s presents.
For a lady who loves DIYs, I thought of giving him something that we could both treasure: a box full of memorabilia and sweet nothings. What he really liked was an accordion set of our photos from 2015 until March this year.
For a man who treasures ladies like gems, he gave me a silver necklace. I’m sorry for the lack of photo.
After the morning musings, we went off for a swimming and exploring the island. Here are some snaps:
At lunch, Daniel cooked our rice using this:
It was my first time to go on a real camping, where there is no electricity, no gas stove, no soft bed, not even wi-fi. So this getaway taught me a lot of things about simple and authentic living. This also gave Daniel and I a chance to get to know each other more. Our experiences together will always be a reminder of life’s little surprises.
Around 4:00 in the afternoon, we were ready to leave the island with our hearts full. We rode a boat again to the drop-off.
This is one of the best trips I ever had. Not just because of the place, but more on, because of the person I am with. So let me write a little something for him:
Dear Daniel,
Thank you for making me alive. Thank you for coming into my senses and putting undeniable happiness in my heart. Thank you for all the kilig and simple moments that this life could bring because I have you. I have no words on how to describe this roller-coaster relationship. All I know is I have you and I will treasure every single moment with you. Let’s make more memories, babe.
Things went full circle since the last time I wrote a blog post. I never thought that after the longest time of blogging, the day would come that I’ll be in full block. It’s been two years, guys. TWO BLOCK YEARS that I gave everything up.
I blame it on growing up and coming of age. I have shifted from being a lonely girl spitting words in the internet to a woman devoted to reality. And yes, work, too. I blame it on work schedules and real-life situations. I blame everything.
But as I’m trying to process my “change of hobby and/or lifestyle”, I guess I ended up blaming it to myself. I blame myself for laziness to grab a laptop and write down. I blame myself for poor time management. I blame myself for ignoring the loud urge to start over again. I blame myself for living a mediocre life for two years. A life of routine. A life where no paradox in it.
That’s why I’m getting back on track, or at least trying to be. (Success, I have written three paragraphs already for this post! Yay!) Blogging has given me so much more and yet, I chose to live to earn money and pay bills. Now, I’m choosing the other way around. I’m choosing to live a paradox life.
I’m launching my old-new blog that entitles The Paradox. I changed my username from kathrynreads to soontonewyork. (And I’m still planning to get a domain.) I’m currently setting some travel photos for blog post/s soon, retrieving book reviews from my Goodreads account and trying to look for a more decent theme.
Somehow, the passion is burning again. I just hope it won’t die sooner or later.
When you get tired, you just get tired. You don't give up. You can't give up. It's not because he holds you back nor he doesn't let you go. Whoever he is, he's just another person and he doesn't have the power over you. But the hardest thing to fight is yourself. Your body. Your heart. Your mind. Your soul. When you get tired crying overnight and cuddling your pillows, your body will just sleep and wake up in the morning feeling hopeful that everything's okay again. When you get tired of loving him, your heart will just tell you to go on. Love him more; because love really hurts. When you get tired of thinking too much because of multiple times he disappoint you, your mind will just tell you to think of happy moments and dream of ever after. When you get tired and feel like you can't make it through again and again so you just end it up, your soul will make you feel incomplete, lost and empty. You'll feel that longing. It's like your soul aches and it needs its mate. So you see, when you fall in love too much, it's not him. He's not the reason you hold on too long. He's not the reason you're not giving up. It's because of you. It's because of your own little voice saying "someday, someday, he'll love me the way I love him, someday".
Today was a wreck for both of us. I prefer to think that it was because we were both having a bad day, not because we were fed up with each other. I believe you when you told me that you will never get tired of me. No matter how rude or cruel or weird or dumb or lazy or clumsy or insensitive or jealous or insecure I am -- you will love me and will stick with me. No matter what.
But here’s the thing (and here’s my point -- which I wouldn’t like to argue with you anymore since it will just prolong our pointless conversation): I’m having a hard time to place myself in your life. You confuse me all the time. I can play different roles in your life but you have to understand that having multiple roles at the same time is too confusing. One second, you treat me like your best friend, you tell me a lot of things inside your head and let me wonder beside you. Then, you treat me like your sister like you depend on me all the time. You always ask for my opinion regarding decisions, whether you’ll do this or that. Next, you treat me like your peer. We laugh endlessly over corny jokes. We like bullying and pissing off each other. And we have those gross moments only peers can handle. And then, you treat me like your girlfriend, like someone who you can’t live without, like a princess, like your one and only love. You care and protect me. You make me feel secured and loved. You’re so sweet that neither me nor any sugar can beat. You hug and kiss me unexpectedly. BUT SOMETIMES, you treat me like a stranger, like somebody you never knew -- or just someone you know by name. Or worse, you treat me like an enemy, like a villain in your heroic story. There’s always a time wherein you think that I’m insulting you or I’m making fun of you. You thought that I treat you as an inferior -- that you’re nothing compare to me. Everything I do and say will always end up being filtered. Oftentimes, I’m afraid to be myself and say what’s inside my head, because every role should be played according to your mood. And that’s how you confuse me, my love.
You confuse me on how to be myself and how to act when I’m with you -- but there should be no difference between the two. Because I should always be myself when I’m with you. I want to be myself when I’m with you. I want to do things freely because I knew that you’ll not hate me for it -- because you love me beyond wit, looks and attitude -- you love me deep within my soul. I want that, love. I want to play different roles in your life but let be myself. Allow me to say (and curse, even) things inside my head, even how stupid it is. Allow me to bully you and make jokes around because I feel like doing so (not because you feel like doing so). Allow me to give my honest opinion about things, even if it’s unsolicited because hey I’m your girlfriend. Allow me to be lazy, clumsy and carefree sometimes. Allow me to break rules and go beyond limit. Allow me to make mistakes. I’m not perfect, love. I will never be. I need you to understand this. Because I love imperfections. I value my flaws. I honor myself. And I should never be afraid to show you who I am. Because I know that you’ll still love me. No matter what. You love me. I know.
I’ve never been so thankful with your presence as much as I am today. Thank you for coming today when you learned that I failed the broker’s board exam. I told you I was okay and I already accepted it. But you very well know that I’m not. That I need you at the moment, that I need a hug to comfort me from this disappointment. So thank you for your presence today.
Also, I enjoyed the day with you, my love. Every time I look at these photos (and other photos that are way worse than these), I can’t help but laugh on how we are good at taking extremely wacky photos but not a decent one. You know how pull off a laugh out of me. Then, you keep on telling me that you envied my last relationship because I printed tons of photos before, but not even a single photo of us. You thought that I just ignored those snide comments, but you never know.
Lastly, for today, you surprised me by your eagerness to study Greek Mythology. I’m watching you while you browse internet about Greek gods and goddesses and saw that passion burning in your eyes. I knew that you love reading books about gods and heroes, but you shared something new about you today. Unknowingly, you made me fall in love with you deeper.
So tonight, I’m writing this letter to you while you’re reading The Great Heroes Before the Trojan War. Tomorrow, we’ll talk about Zeus again or what we’re going to do for Saturday. But what you didn’t know is that tomorrow, when you wake up, I’ll have a change of heart. I’ll love you more.
After ages, the passion for blogging came again. It’s like a fire that died down and went burning again after some while. So I did what I have to do -- I revamped my blog and I realized how I missed doing it! I changed my theme and tweaked a bit of it. (Credits on my blog.)
I’ve already posted some in the past few days but I’m planning to post my Sagada travel tonight or tomorrow . And also if you’re wondering who Daniel is, I think you have to go check my blog now.
What I really want to do in life is forget the world. Forget the society and norms I live in.
I want to be free. I want to go wild and be reckless. I want to be able to sleep late at night and wake up wasted but full. I want to spend money on adventures and experience and not regret even a single cent. I want someone to give me warm hugs and unexpected kisses. I want to travel alone and then, with people I love the most. I want to live outside anybody’s expectations and their box-shaped life standards. I want to be creative and passionate. I want to go wild and forget the world. I want to tell the society, "Go back off! I’m done with you."
This is my very first official letter for you (and my first blog entry about you as well). I have decided to use your real name since I will no longer use code names or pet names or your first letter. I will continue to use your true name because it really looks beautiful on my blog. It sounds beautiful, too.
I’m going to bet 90% of my books that you won’t read this letter/entry anytime soon. Since you’re anti-technology or anti-computer. You sound like a 60′s or 70′s kid when you rant about how absurd it is to cling on virtual world while the physical one is still around. So yeah, probably you won’t read this but I’m writing it to you anyway.
Well, the first things I would like to tell you are these: Thank you for coming into my life during my worst days. In the last two months that we’ve been together, I am in my happiest. You’re like a sun that just came into my dark world and gave me the sunshine I never thought I’ve needed. I thought I was okay with what I had before, but then you came and helped me face the truth that I’m not that okay anymore, that I had to let go of some things to make myself happy. Thank you for that moment when you made me realize that I deserved better.
Now, every time I’m with you, I can’t stop myself to stare and think how blessed I am because I have you. Not someone like you, but you specifically. I know that the life I chose with you will not be so easy (because people throw rocks at things that shine, you know) but being with you will make this all worth-while. Someday, we’ll see.
Dear Future Soulmate,
I’m clingy, but I’ll never admit it. I’ll check my phone every 5 minutes to see if you’ve replied to something I’ve drafted numerous times in my head. I’ll get anxious when you don’t answer me back for a long time, and I’ll think to myself maybe you’ve had enough of me. Yet when your message finally comes, it doesn’t matter what you’ve said because the simple act of replying assures me that you’re still mine. At least, for the time being it will.
I’ll get jealous a lot, but please don’t misconstrue it as me tying you down. I won’t get jealous because I want you all to myself, no. I want you to be able spend time with family, friends, and everyone else in between. I’ll get jealous because maybe, just maybe you’ll find something special in someone else, as you did with me. I’ll be weary that maybe you’ll look at someone just as how you look at me, or your heart will begin to wander somewhere else.
I’m insecure, and it’s of no fault of your own. When I say something a little negative about myself, it’s not a cry for attention nor is it me wanting you to disagree with me. It’s me just being me. Before you, I’ll probably never imagine in a million years that you’d be mine. So by virtue of the fact that we’re together makes me even more insecure. But let me make something clear, I won’t be bagging on myself all the time. I know what talents I possess, what I excel in, the aspects in my physique that work in my favor, and so on. I’m just more vocal on the things which fall in the opposite categories.
I’ll possess many faults, and I’m not looking for you to fix them. I think when I finally meet you, I’ll be more accepting of these faults than I am now. All I’m asking is that you accept them with me.
I know this letter seems to be focusing on the negative things about me, and it’s quite a bit to take in… so let me make a change of pace.
I’ll always love you. When we’re finally acquainted, and we finally begin to personify the definition of love for one another, I’ll never need another definition. I’ve told myself countless times that I would never cheat on someone because I know what that feels like. I’ll love you more than I love myself and I know that isn’t too great but that’s just how I am. I’m going to fall in love with the way your smile dances across your face every time you see me, I’ll fall in love with the way you lose yourself in the things you love, I’ll fall in love with the way your voice fluctuates depending on how you’re feeling, I’ll fall in love with the way you say my name, and I’ll most definitely fall in love with so much more.
I’ll study everything about you, I’ll remember the slightest details about you and your life. I’ll know what you look like when you’re upset without you having to say a word, I’ll know how you like your coffee in the morning, I’ll know how long it takes you to get ready before we go out, I’ll know most of the trivial things about you and the rest I’ll learn along the way. I pray you’ll be able to do the same as well.
If you’re still reading, and you haven’t run away… I’ll probably be sitting across from you looking insanely nervous and insecure. I’d be sitting with my legs folded under me on the chair anxiously waiting for your reaction. On top of that I’ll probably be ready to burst into tears of happiness or tears of sadness.
So to end this letter, which my actual soulmate will read once the time comes… I’d like to say thank you. Thank you for giving me a reason to live again, thank you for proving to me that love really is meant for me, and thank you for being my reason to be alive.
