not today @whinned - Tumblr Blog

honestly i want to show like a picture of myself but i?? cant??

i think ppl r gonna get angry or distrust me bc they havent seen my face or even my real name like what,,,,do i do

#theyre ognna yell at me #n when i do they might call me cute but i dont ever believe htme like???

plesase pay ateetntion to me pelase talk to me i cant handle tihis

#jsut sitting here thinking is making it worse

whhy,,,,,,,,,,,,i,snt anyon e payign attention to me ddi d ido something wrong

#ifeel horrible #like i cant focuts #and a small headache or something i dont nkow #fuckdddkddkdkdkkdkdkfkfkf #repetition /

fuKc my sister keeps wacthing these scary videos and telling me about them and i mmeditely start shaking and feel horrible nand now i want t ocry

#and i fisau anything abt being scared of the mshe laughs #haha #sisters /#.txt

ican eg t crushes easily but having one this long sand my feelings havent rlly dissapeared is rare lmao

#isuually lose feelings in a few days or smth??a week??#pda /#also like???irlly want a qpp/??#ive on yl had one before but its nice and i like them #aaaaaaaaaa #repetition /

AAAAAAAAA

#im so gay #for magnus #look atthiose eyes #fUCK #imiss him #alsoLook!!!at me #irl people /#irl scopo /#gif

iliterally want ot cry everytime i watch an episode of shadowhnunters bc im on there like alec is literaly me in ebvery aspect and laso my love magnus

#aaaaaa magnus #his warlock pwers and his makeup tho

me: lets make a side blog for my mental health and venting soi can feel safer and vent more on there!

me: immediately gets a random person i don’t know following me

me: wants to burst into tears

#his happens eeverytime #holy fuck tho i typed that perfectly #nice

iiiiim sorrrry i cant reply fast or reply with almost nothing i dont understand or wknow what to type and i froget to reply its a sepcial kind of thing whe n i can keep replyin g withing 5 minutes or less everutiem with someone in a convo

#taht means mim interested and ilike u a ltot and i wanna keep talking #itry and sometimes succeed #sorry i ont feel like fixing my seplling errors im eveeyrhting #repetition /

icry whenevr someone is especially ncie to me and i accept it and feel like they genuienly are being kind bc i feel nice and i dont understadn why thyed do that

and i cry over videos of baby animasl bc theyre oso cute i literally cried over some ducks and pigs alst night

#the last last time someone was nice and i felt like they really where being genuiene w be came qpps and in a week they abanadones me like #whatdid i do wtrong???#itried my hardest t o seeminteresting #ieven did the fucking playin g video games with thme #even tho im not a fan of playing them b c i cant sit thorough them #imjsut scared everyoje will forget about me

i feel like constantly crying and just

#FuCK

i feell like just no oen will understand what this feels like?

what almost constantly dissociating or just dissociating in general feels like

it feels different everytime

sometimes i feel fake, sometimes a dream, sometimes like im in a coma, sometimes it just happens and sometimes i do it to myself

anything can make me dissociate

sometimes its liek a vague feelings of ‘i cant be too sure it isnt real’ but its not bad

and sometimes its ‘i know it isn’t real’ and youfeel dead and not therre

you feel numb

like physically numb andill keep falling and hitting shit bc i dont feel like im there i feel nothing

when aanyhting and everthing can trigger it and my heart and stomach drop when it does bc i know whats coming next

im not sure if its bc of this or what but my memoires are so bad i can forget somethng important in a second but othe r shit ill relmember no matter what

i might remembe trthings but im not sure if they actually happened or were they made up or a dream? and i cant ask bc theyre embarrasing and i dont trust anyone jsut fuck im sorry

#haaha was issexually assaulted by mcy cousin or was it fake??#did my mom cheat on my father at some hotela nd i was there???#did the person she cheatedo nhim with hit me???#hhahaa i dont know #when i do try to figure it out they usally dont remember #did i remember it all wrong???????????????????????????#sexual assault in tags /#abuse in tags /

isometimes feel gros calling myself a boy bc i used to get yelled at for calling myself one

they said that i was gross, a b*tch, etc.

that i culdn’t be a boy bc wht about sex what do i do whith my female parts n dicks and how does that work how do u identify as boy but have fmeale parts thats not possible

i was told to block them and never talk to them again just because i wanted to sometimes fucking call myself abo like?????????????????????????????????????

i thought they were a friend and they did this shit??but i forgave them and cried myself to sleep

they forced my to get animal crossing and monster hunter even though i had no money and no way to get them and called meshit and made me feel bad bc i couldnt

i was forced to talk to their friends in groups even though i was extremelty uncomfortable and they would get angry at me when i left

iwas yeled at for not showing my face to them

iwas yelled at for not being able to jhold aconversation properly

i was haha forced to learn how to fucking talk

they thought i ws just shy and they made me learn how to properly have a conversation or theyd leave me

so i didhaha

itried myhardest so i woudjlnt get dumped bc i always get left behind no matter what