imagining eva stratt standing very still at the mission control center for the launch of the hail mary crew, holding her breath and her entire team together as they all wait for the go calls, the countdown creeping closer to liftoff. her eyes staring intently at the screens, the blast taking the three astronauts up, and up, and out into space.
then a palpable relief washes over the room. success. then cheers, claps, and laughter pour out, people from all over the world in that room hugging and kissing each other, celebrating the fact that the first step in saving the earth is finally behind them. stratt lets out a breath and smiles, sharing in her fellow team members' joy, but she doesn't let that feeling get to her. this is only the beginning, she reminds them. there's still a lot of work to be done.
before too long she excuses herself, the sounds of muffled celebration still audible as she closes the door of her office behind her. she stands there alone for a moment, then runs to the sink in her bathroom right as she begins puking her guts out. the ringing in her ears is deafening, and she shakes, vomiting for a second time.
when she recovers, she wipes her mouth and looks at herself in the mirror. she's sobered up now, her face straight once again, the leader of project hail mary. there's work to be done, she reminds herself.
even as she knows ryland grace has seen the earth for the very last time.
I’ve seen several people talking about how it makes them feel weird that Dog Years, a song that is explicitly about suicidal ideation, is something Halsey performs as a sexy song, and while that’s completely fair, I personally think the performance style fits the song really well, even if it’s uncomfortable? (In fact, I think the discomfort is a purposeful, important element of the whole song)
Discussion of suicidal ideation and sex as a unenthusiastic performance below the cut
The first time I heard Dog Years I called it “evil petplay” when explaining it to my friends because that imagery seems so deliberate. Halsey’s voice is getting all husky and low as they croon about what a good dog they’ve been and how they like a tight leash, and especially given their known love of/interest in kink, that takes your mind to a very specific and imo intentional place. But they turn it on its head — if they’re going to be a dog, then they’re an old, tired, weak, sickly one and they want to be put out of their misery and euthanized like you would any pet in that state, and that is very not sexy. It’s a visceral image that can be quite upsetting and uncomfortable, all the more so when paired with the very sexually charged chorus. It makes that chorus feel like more of a reluctant performance — she doesn’t feel sexy, she’s not in the mood, but it’s what’s expected of her and so she’s going along with it and hey, if she’s a good girl maybe she’ll get lucky and they’ll put her down. “I’m not here, I’m somewhere else” — they’re going through the motions of the performance and playing along with what’s expected of them but their heart is not in it, and they feel nothing towards it.
And I feel like that plays into the entire theme of The Great Impersonator as a whole? The whole idea of the expected performance and what that experience does to a person: going through the motions because you’re an entertainer and your job is to entertain and put on a show, but the whole time you’re in the darkest place you’ve ever been both physically and mentally, so sick that you truly expect you aren’t going to survive it. But you still have to do the show, you still have to make it look good, you still have to be appealing to the crowd, and so you have to play the good girl who loves her tight leash because that’s fun and sexy, and the rest of it is something you keep to yourself because people don’t want to hear about that.
I really like the staging of Dog Years on the FMLT tour for that reason. There is something so visceral about Halsey sitting in sexy leather lingerie while literally chained to the stage singing about how much they want someone to just kill them. Sure, it’s sexy, but she is stuck there performing for you, even as she’s voicing some of the darkest thoughts a person can have about themselves. How does that make you feel? Is it hot? Are you enjoying it? Should you be? That just fits the vibe I get from that song so well.
Of course, I could be fully misreading and Halsey could have had completely different intentions for this song, but that’s just how I’ve seen it?
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